The True Story of Phoebe Buffay
by Jennifer10
Summary: Starts in 1983, after the death of Phoebe's mom and follows her as she struggles with her life on the streets and how she manages to survive and live with Monica. Story spans 21 years, so all Friends make appearances...so R/R. Seriously...I promise you this story does not suck so I'd really love a review. Seriously. That would be awesome. FINALLY COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**January 1st, 1983**

Fourteen year old Phoebe Buffay was standing in the middle of a crowd of people, wearing a torn brown coat, knitted hat, mismatched red gloves and carrying a guitar. While she was surrounded by people, she had never felt more alone. 1982 had been the worst year of her young life. Actually, that wasn't completely true. Her life had been okay, sure it was dysfunctional. Her father had left when she was born, her stepdad was in prison and it was just her, her sister Ursula and her mother. She had never really gotten along with Ursula, the two were so different, but they were still a family. But then came that horrific Christmas a week earlier. She had been outside, hanging out with her friend, Leslie on Leslie's porch. They were working on music together. It was their passion, they wrote folk music about random things going on in their lives and sang and played guitar. They were both self taught. It was getting cold and Leslie's mom came out onto the porch to tell them that it was dinner time and that soon ended their jam session. Leslie's mom invited her to stay but Phoebe felt that she needed to go home. She, Ursula and her mom had a Christmas dinner tradition. The three blonde women would sit together, watch movies and eat. They would sing songs and talk about resolutions for the new year. It was Phoebe's favorite time of the year.

But that year, when she approached her house, the scene was different. There was yellow police tape blocking the house. Ursula was standing by an ambulance, talking to a police officer and that's when Phoebe saw her. Her mother being carried out on a stretcher, dead. She felt nauseous. She noticed Ursula point at her and the police officer approached her and began to speak to her. There were words coming out of his mouth. Words that felt jumbled. Her mother had committed suicide and her life at that moment would never be the same. The next few days went by in a fog. She and Ursula exchanged a few words. She spent much of her time locked in her room, alone. There were some discussions as to where Phoebe and Ursula would live because after all the two girls were still minors. But Phoebe didn't want to live with anyone. There had been talk of foster parents and orphanages but she did not want that so the day after her mother's funeral, she packed what she could and left. Ursula didn't stop her and now as the clock was ticking down to 1983, Phoebe still had no clue where Ursula was or if anyone was looking for her. She had not eaten in two days and had been wandering the streets of New York, freezing in her large brown coat. It was one of the coldest winters in New York history and Phoebe could feel the frost in every part of her bones.

She tried to focus on the happiness around her but it just made her sad. These people had homes, families to go back to and she was hungry. She had left without saying a word to anyone. She turned and began walking through the crowds of people. She was invisible to the people around her. No one seemed to pay much attention to the girl who looked like she belonged to no one. She found an empty table in front of a restaurant and sat down. She pulled out a pad of paper from her pocket and began to write. That was her salvation. She wrote what she saw, what she felt. It made her feel whole again or at least as whole as one who had lost everything could feel.

At the table next to her, she noticed a boy with longish black hair. He was grinning and had his arm draped around a girl sitting next to him. There were lots of girls surrounding him. He was wearing tight jeans, white shirt and a black leather coat. Phoebe smiled at him. He seemed to be about her age.

:"So how you doin'?" The boy asked one of the girls sitting next to him. Phoebe smiled as she watched him.

"You are so cute, Joey," the girl said.

"I know. It's a gift. By the way, I was thinking you and me, we ring in 1983 in a very special way. If you know what I mean..."

Phoebe rolled her eyes and let out a snort. She could not believe this boy was saying these words. How could any girl believe him. He seemed more like a pimp, a weird underaged pimp.

"Oh, I know what you mean. That would be totally rad," the girl said.

"Wait, what about me?" Another girl asked. "I did all your homework last semester. You promised me a reward."

"Are you still gonna do my homework?" The boy asked.

"Of course...but I do get my reward, right?" The girl asked.

"Oh, of course," the boy grinned as both girls moved towards him and sat on his lap.

"Oh my G-d," Phoebe said, a little too loudly which made both girls and the boy turn towards her.

"What?" Girl number one asked.

"Oh, gross...you're dirty. You like need to bathe," Girl number two said..

Phoebe smiled as she took a deep breath.

"Well, invite me to your home and I'll take a bath," Phoebe grinned.

"Huh? That makes no sense," Girl number one said.

"What school do you go to, Dirty Girl?" The boy asked.

Phoebe smiled again. While she thought the two girls hanging onto this boy were ridiculous, she could see the pull. He was cute. He seemed friendly, too.

"Um...I um...I'm...I'm homeschooled," Phoebe offered.

"Oh, that's awesome. I wanna be home schooled. I bet that would be cool. I could teach some lessons," the boy said.

"Yeah," Phoebe said as a waitress walked towards the boy's table with plates of food and began to place them on the table. She looked longingly at the food. She was starving. Her stomach growled. She was thankful for the noise surrounding her so that no one could hear the growling.

"You look weird," Girl number two said.

Phoebe rolled her eyes again. "Just hungry."

"You want some food?" The boy asked.

"I thought Joey didn't share food," Girl number one said.

"I know, but um...take some," Joey said.

Phoebe was taken aback by the hint of concern in his eyes. It had been so long since anyone had shown some concern towards her that it felt strange. It was as if this boy was seeing right through her. It was as if he knew, but how did he know? There was no way this boy could know. Phoebe could tell by the fact that he was surround by girls hanging onto him that this was not a boy who knew true loneliness or that knew true pain. She got up and walked towards his table. The two girls glaring at her, while still holding on to Joey as if letting go would cause him to somehow disappear. Phoebe picked up the plate of mozzarella sticks and looked at him.

"Thank you," Phoebe said.

"So weird," girl number one said.

Phoebe didn't respond, just took the plate and spilled the contents into the bag she was carrying. She turned and began to walk off. She was halfway down the street when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Joey, standing before her.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "Where do you live?"

"Um...over there," Phoebe said.

"Okay...it's just...how old are you?" Joey asked.

"Fourteen," Phoebe said.

"Me too. But...you wanna join my friends and I?"

"I'm fine. Happy New Year," Phoebe said feeling really uncomfortable under this boy's gaze. She could hear the countdown behind her and knew she had to leave. He kept staring at her, but not with the look he was giving his female fans but with a look of deep concern. She knew she looked ridiculous, dirty and sad. What would she say to this boy? He wouldn't get it. Phoebe imagined that he lived in a large home with a large family. He would be returning to his warm home filled with happy noises while she looked for some place to rest her head and remain warm. He would have no clue. He couldn't have any clue. "I have to go," she managed to sputter out and with that, she disappeared through the crowds, running and suddenly people began cheering, singing, kissing each other, ringing in 1983. She kept running, the invisible fourteen year old with no one. She kept running until she found an alley behind the library and sat. She pulled the now cold mozzarella sticks out of her bag and began to eat. As she ate, she could feel the tears begin to fall fast. When she was little, she had dreamt of big things for her life but now there she was, ringing in the new year, cold and alone with no where and no one to turn to. When she was done eating, she took off her jacket and covered herself with it. She leaned her head back against the brick wall and closed her eyes, trying her best to ignore the cold and wondering what she would do to make it through tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**February 16th 1983**

The blonde stretched across the back of the very uncomfortable backseat of the burnt out Buick in an old junkyard that she now considered home. She turned to her side and opened her guitar case pulling out a notebook and pen. She flipped it open. It was now February 16th. Valentine's Day had been two days ago and she had spent it crowded around a burning barrel in Harlem with about five or six other people and through looking at her book, it dawned on her that today was her fifteenth birthday. She wondered where Ursula was and how she was celebrating.

"Pheebs, you're up," Marjorie said, walking towards the Buick.

"Yeah," Phoebe sat up and looked at her friend, Marjorie. Marjorie was fifteen as well. In the last month and a half, Phoebe had befriended a group of runaway teens like her. They all had stories, all had lives that seemed wrought with tears and drama and Phoebe could relate. "Today is my fifteenth birthday."

"Happy birthday. Oh, we have to do something," Marjorie said as she pushed a strand of frizzy brown hair out of her face and gave Phoebe a smile. "Hey, Lowell," Marjorie yelled to a heavyset man who was considered one of the elders of the junkyard. He walked over to Phoebe and Marjorie and placed his arm around Marjorie.

"What?" Lowell asked.

"It's Phoebe's birthday. We have to celebrate."

"What am I celebrating? I'm homeless. My mother is dead. My step father is in prison. No one knows where I am. I don't even know where my sister is. 1983 blows," Phoebe said.

"You're alive. You survived six weeks on the street. A lot of people can't say that," Marjorie said.

"Great. G-d...I wish I had more in my life. I wish...I don't know."

"We're gonna have a party. We need to get cake and food and-" Lowell said.

"How? How will we afford that?" Phoebe asked.

"You know how and I keep telling you that you need to start doing that," Lowell said.

"I'm not mugging people, Lowell. Just 'cause I don't get to have crap, doesn't mean I have to take other people's," Phoebe said.

"I think you should. Pheebs, you've been through so much. These past six weeks have been rough on you and I think today...you deserve a celebration."

Phoebe let out a sigh as Lowell and Marjorie starting coming up with plans and soon she was being dragged out of the junkyard and the three friends began walking. Phoebe carried her guitar case close to her, occasionally making her friends stop so she could sing some of her music in front of stores. She loved doing that and she was making some cash doing that. In the last six weeks, she had managed to make close to a hundred dollars just singing in subways. She used that money for food and for subway fare which became an escape for her, just riding the subway back and forth. Today, the trio took the subway towards Long Island because Lowell was talking about the rich people there. Phoebe didn't pay attention, just stared out the window at the darkness that surrounded the fast moving subway. She stared at her reflection, her blonde hair was long, stringy and dirty. Her eyes looked tired. She didn't want to go to Long Island, she just wanted to curl up and sleep. When she had turned fourteen, her mother had made both Phoebe and Ursula separate cakes. Their friends sang to them. She had even had her first kiss. That boy, Harry who lived down the street. He told her that she needed to have a birthday kiss. It was sweet and quick and she wondered where Harry was now? Did he think about her? Did anyone wonder why she was no longer at school? Phoebe shook her head, looking away from the window and around the subway. She could still so eagerly recall his face, that boy she had seen at New Years. He was handsome and friendly and that smile he gave, that warm, wonderful smile. She could not stop thinking about it. She felt a little bit sad that he was not on that subway, although she had no clue where he lived. Did he even live in New York?

"Is that him?" Marjorie asked, poking Phoebe in the shoulder.

Phoebe smiled as she looked towards where Marjorie was pointing. There was a boy with a leather jacket and wavy black hair. Phoebe had told her friend all about her New Years boy one night a few weeks earlier when she had first arrived at the junkyard and now whenever Marjorie saw a boy with black hair, she'd ask Phoebe if that was the boy.

"No. New Years boy was short...and not black," Phoebe said.

"Oh. Why didn't you ask him where he lived?"

"Because...it was New Years Eve and I had other things on my mind and it's not like I will ever see that guy again. He's probably forgotten all about me."

"I'm going to bet that New Years Boy is your future husband."

"No he's not. A boy like that would never be interested in me. I don't even have an address."

"I bet you a thousand dollars-"

"Seriously?" Phoebe asked.

"Ten bucks."

"That's better."

"Ten bucks says you will meet this guy again...and you'll marry him."

"Alright. Ten bucks," Phoebe grinned, shaking her friend's hand. Finding Marjorie and Lowell were the best things that had happened to her in the past six weeks. Soon after that New Years, Phoebe had spent the first week of 1983 wandering around the streets, eating food out of garbage cans and playing music. One day, she had stumbled upon that junkyard and had seen a group of people her age and they took her in. She would be forever grateful for that as it made living on the streets a little less lonely for as strange as that sounded.

About an hour or so later, the trio found themselves wandering around the streets of Long Island. Phoebe felt dirty walking around these clean streets, walking past houses with manicured lawns and fancy cars parked in the driveway.

"I wanna go back to the junkyard. We don't belong here," Phoebe said.

"Come on, it's your birthday. Let's go to the comic shop," Lowell said.

"I don't wanna go to a comic shop," Phoebe said.

"Easy prey, Pheebs. Come on," Lowell said.

Phoebe let out a loud sigh as she followed Lowell and Marjorie. She didn't want to be doing this. This was not how she had ever imagined spending her fifteenth birthday, although a lot seemed to be happening that she never imagined.

They soon found themselves by Astros Comic Shop. It was a big red stucco building with random cartoon characters painted all over it. Sitting in the front was a tall, skinny boy with curly black hair, looking at what appeared to be a comic book, but Phoebe couldn't tell which one. The boy was wearing a black t-shirt, a jean jacket and had a backpack slung over his shoulder.

"Is that New Years Boy?" Marjorie asked.

"Oh, G-d no...New Years Boy was far hotter...and that guy seems tall," Phoebe said.

"And loaded," Lowell said.

"How do you know?" Phoebe asked.

"It's Long Island," Lowell said.

"He looks like he's our age...or just Marjorie and I's age," Phoebe said.

"Mommy and Daddy probably gave him a lot of cash and if not, we can sell something from that back pack. We could get a birthday cake and food," Lowell said. "We could even buy you presents."

Phoebe furrowed her eyebrows together and took a deep breath. She had no desire to hurt that boy, but she wanted food. She wanted cake. She wanted presents, a new outfit perhaps. Her brown coat was not doing a lot in terms of protecting her weather wise. She looked at Lowell and nodded. She wanted a birthday. This comic book boy standing in front of her probably had lots of birthdays. He probably lived just like that New Years boy, in a home filled with love. He would get over it and as she kept telling herself, it wasn't like she was going to see him ever again. She stepped forward towards the comic book boy and stopped. She took off her knit cap and pulled her hair back, stuffing it under her cap. She noticed a pipe on the sidewalk and picked it up. Her heart began beating rapidly as she stepped towards the boy. She kept glancing back at Lowell and Marjorie as they motioned for her to continue walking. Soon she was standing in front of him. The boy was tall, skinny and giving her a strange look.

"Give me your backpack," Phoebe muttered. She could barely get the words out.

"What?" The boy asked.

"Give me your backpack," Phoebe said, gripping tightly onto the pipe. She hoped the boy wouldn't see how bad she was actually shaking.

"No," The boy said.

Phoebe reached up towards him and grabbed him by the ear and pulled him towards her. She lifted the pipe and stared into his eyes. The fear that she had been feeling had suddenly been transferred. He looked petrified.

"Do what I say. Give me your backpack, punk and no one gets hurt," Phoebe said.

Suddenly, the boy took off his backpack and threw it to the ground. Phoebe let go of him as he raced down the street. The fear returned as she kept shaking. She did not know how she had gathered the strength to do that but it scared her how easily it came.

"Geology rocks?" Lowell asked.

Phoebe turned and saw Lowell and Marjorie standing there, examining the black backpack. It had badges all over it, all showing pictures of dinosaurs and rocks.

"Oh, he's a geek. You know how to pick 'em Pheebs," Marjorie said.

"I mugged him. I mugged that poor kid...I-I can't-I...I mugged-" Phoebe said as tears sprung into her eyes. It took all her strength to not running to go find that boy so should apologize.

"He'll get over it. Now we can have your birthday," Marjorie said.

"And then some. Look," Lowell said, handing Phoebe a white envelope. On it, in very neat female handwriting, there was a note:

_ Ross-_

_ Can you pick up two dozen Linzor tortes on your way back from Astros? Also, Mom wants you to pick up the cakes for Nana's birthday, Thanks, Monica"_

So the boy was Ross? Who was Monica? Looking at the handwriting, it didn't seem like it was written by a grown up. Maybe it was his sister, who liked something called a Linzor torte. She wasn't sure what that was but when she opened the envelope, her mouth dropped. There was about two hundred bucks in that envelope. What kind of cakes and tortes cost that much?

"Two hundred dollars?" Phoebe asked.

"Five hundred...the kid has three hundred bucks in his wallet," Lowell said.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

Lowell handed Phoebe a black wallet with a picture of a dinosaur on it. She let out a snort. That Ross kid was definitely geeky. She opened it and sure enough, there was three hundred bucks in the wallet. She pulled out a check book and began looking it. The boy had written down every transaction he had ever gotten. There were birthday gifts, allowances, something called a Bar Mitzvah in which he got money from. It was so detailed.

"We can totally have a party now," Marjorie said. "We should go shopping."

"Yeah...I could use a birthday outfit," Phoebe smiled. "Where is a mall around around here? Oh, how about that store?"

It was amazing how fast the guilt from what she had done seemed to melt with this new found cash in her pocket. She grabbed the rest of the backpack from Lowell and shoved into her guitar case. She'd look at everything later, but this money could really help.

"Although, before we go, we should buy some of those Linzor tortes," Phoebe said. If she did that, perhaps that would rectify what she had done. Some of that money was supposed to go for that anyway.

Phoebe, Marjorie and Lowell walked into a small boutique and looked around. They noticed at the counter, a young girl with long brown hair and a rather large nose sitting and talking on the phone to someone.

"Hold on," the girl said. She covered the receiver with her hand and looked at the trio with disgust. "Uh, may I help you?"

"Just browsing," Phoebe said.

"Okay, but um...the second hand shop is down the street. You might be looking for that," the girl said.

"I think we're fine," Phoebe said.

"I can rob her," Lowell whispered.

"No, no...leave her alone," Phoebe said as she and Marjorie began browsing. Soon, Phoebe found a very pretty purple dress with pink flowers. It was long and flowy and only sixty bucks. Okay, it was expensive but it was her birthday. She deserved something nice, even though it technically wasn't with her money. She brought the dress up to the counter where the girl was still rambling.

"Oh my G-d. Did she really say that to him? Oh my G-d...that Sharon is such a loser. So rude. Yeah, yeah...I know. Like she was totally hitting on him...we are so going to Mindy's party tonight. Cause Chip is gonna be there...he is so gonna ask me out and-"

"Excuse me," Phoebe asked.

The girl let out an annoyed sigh and looked at Phoebe. She just rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"What's your name?"

"Rachel."

"Well, Rachel...thank you so much for all your help-"

"Oh, of course. That's why I'm here," Rachel grinned, giving Phoebe a hugely fake smile which made her stomach turn. Phoebe rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I would like to buy this."

"'Kay...so pretty."

"Thanks."

Rachel rang her up as she turned back to the phone and began talking about some party she was going to. She put the dress in a bag and handed it to Phoebe. "Thank you for coming...have a terrific day."

"Yeah...have fun at Mindy's," Phoebe grinned to which Rachel just giggled and turned back to the phone. As Phoebe was walking towards the door, she heard Rachel remark to whomever was on the phone that now she would have to tell her boss that the store needed to be fumigated because three homeless people had walked in.

"You sure you don't want me to rob her. I bet that one would be easy to take," Lowell grinned.

"No, no...I don't want...you know what,...that girl doesn't get it and honestly, I hope she never does."

"Girls like that piss me off. Twenty bucks says she ends up knocked up and alone."

"I am not betting you more money," Phoebe said.

"And you aren't homeless...you have money," Marjorie said.

"We are homeless. She's right. We stole this from some comic book geek-"

"Oh my G-d, he got mugged," Rachel screamed. "At Astros Comics? Oh my G-d. I have to call Monica. That's horrible."

The trio exchanged looks and turned back to see the pretty brunette cover her mouth, looking absolutely stunned.

"Let's get the hell out of here," Phoebe said, walking out of the store with Lowell and Marjorie close behind. They walked down the street, trying not to pay attention to the stares they were getting from random people. Phoebe could tell they were staring, looking her and her friends up and down, wondering where these dirty looking people were walking too. She wondered how the girl in shop had heard that gossip so quickly, they had only been in that store for an hour. Maybe that was fast enough, but regardless she needed to get out of Long Island. She, Lowell and Marjorie finally reached the subway, they'd get cake back in the city.

During the ride back to the city, Phoebe reached into her guitar case and pulled out the Comic Book boy's backpack. She opened it and started to look in it. She pulled out a sweatshirt that said LINCOLN HIGH on it. She could use that. She reached in and pulled out a key ring with two keys on it. One was what looked to be a car key and the other was probably a house key. There was a dinosaur figurine hanging from the chain.

"His house keys...and his car and-"

"Pheebs, don't worry about it. He'll get new keys," Marjorie said as she hugged Phoebe.

Phoebe nodded as she reached in and pulled out what looked like a comic book. On the top in crayon was written, SCIENCE BOY. Phoebe could feel her heart break a little looking through it. It was good, very good. She smiled as she began reading.

"Oh my G-d," Phoebe said.

"What?" Marjorie asked.

"Look, he wrote a comic book. It's good."

"You could probably get a lot of money for that."

"I'm not gonna sell it. But...G-d, I traumatized that kid. I am a bad person."

"Phoebe, look at me. This is your life now. That Comic Book kid, what do you think he would have done with that money? Bought more comics? You're buying food and clothing. Comic Book kid, that bitchy girl from the store...even your New Years boy, they're gonna be fine. They know they'll be okay. They have homes and families...you have survived to see fifteen. Starting tomorrow, you need to figure out how you'll make it to sixteen. "

"I want my mom," Phoebe began crying. Marjorie hugged her tightly as Phoebe shook in her arms. Phoebe Buffay had never had crazy birthday parties. She had never been from a family of wealth. Once when she had wanted a bike, her neighbor gave her a box and Phoebe rode around on the box. Another time, when Phoebe and Ursula were little, their step father gave his blood to get gifts for both of them. Her birthday memories were probably far more severe than those kids in Long Island, but they were still her memories and hers alone. Now they were gone. No step father, no mother, no sister. She had no clue where anyone was or if anyone was even looking for her.

Once they ended up back in New York, they went to a bakery and bought a large cake. Lowell used some of the money from the Comic Book kid to buy alcohol. They also bought lots of snacks. The trio arrived back at the junkyard and were greeted by a group of teens just like them. Phoebe put her stuff back in the Buick and changed into the dress. She could tell it looked good on her. She walked towards the group. Lowell had lit a bunch of junk on fire and they were all gathered in a circle. Someone handed Phoebe a stick. Phoebe smiled as she put a marshmallow on the end of the stick and poked it into the fire. It was a good idea to buy the stuff to make the S'mores. In her head, she silently thanks the Comic Book kid and hoped he was okay. Phoebe watched the fire burn, watched as smoke carried up into the dark sky. She wasn't alone, that much was true. She would make it. She would survive. She would do what her mother seemed unable to do, survive. Marjorie was right, she had no other choice.


	3. Chapter 3

**JANUARY 1st, 1984**

Phoebe stood in front of the split level home. Another family was living there now, they had Christmas lights up and toys in the front yard. The house looked so much more kept than when she had called it home. The beige wood panels were now white, the front lawn had been completely redone and there were flowers lining the brick walkway. The chain link fence on the side of the house that opened to the backyard had now been replaced by a wooden gate. She even imagined there was a pool probably in the backyard. She stood staring at the house, feeling the burden of the world. It was cold out and she was wearing her brown coat and that Lincoln High sweatshirt that she had stolen from that Comic Book boy. So much has changed in that year, gone were the feelings of guilt when it came to taking what wasn't hers. Lowell was right, if she wanted to survive on the streets, she had to fight, she had to steal. That's how she had survived the past year. Christmas had been spent in the junkyard with Marjorie, Lowell and her friends. The one year anniversary of her mom's death came and went. Mourning took a backseat to the mere act of surviving. She had spent her days in the library, reading books and newspapers. That had become her way of being schooled. She would wake up, go find a gas station or somewhere that she could bathe and then go to the library and read. She wanted to learn, not wanting to stay stuck forever at an eighth education. Her favorite book though was a comic book, every single day she would read SCIENCE BOY. She look up the words, write her own editions to the comic book and hope that the Comic Book boy was writing more comics. Then when the library closed, she would go back to the junkyard. She would eat from trashcans or steal what she could or play her music. This became her salvation. One about a cat that smelled was quickly becoming her favorite. But if there was no money, no place to get food, she and her friends would go to the local homeless shelter just to get a warm meal.

This had become her life. She wondered about Ursula, if anyone was even looking for her. She had wanted to see her old home so after New Years Eve where she had spent in Times Square with Marjorie hoping she would see that New Years boy, she had spent New Years Day hitch hiking up to her old home. It was freezing out, the cold chilling her bones, but she didn't care. She just kept staring at the home.

"Phoebe or Ursula?"

Phoebe jumped about ten feet in the air when she turned and saw a tiny blonde standing before her looking at her, curiously. Phoebe knew immediately who it was. It was her old friend.

"Leslie? It's Phoebe."

"Oh my G-d. I knew it. What happened?" Leslie asked, immediately throwing her arms around Phoebe, hugging her tightly. Phoebe hugged back.

"Well...I've-"

"I was looking out my window and I saw you and...oh gosh, Phoebe. You wanna come inside? We have tons of food...and have you eaten? What about...come inside," Leslie said.

Leslie placed her arm around Phoebe and led her off. Phoebe didn't argue. She and Leslie had been friends since they were little. Their mothers had worked on a barge together and the two girl immediately connected. Then when they were a little older, their mothers had found homes on the same street. Their bond was strong and Phoebe did feel bad about completely abandoning Leslie like that. So many times over the past year, she had wanted to try and find her old friend but she never did, thinking she should leave everything behind. But now there she was, back to her old home.

Once in Leslie's home, her old friend made her feel welcome. She told Phoebe to go take a shower and that she would make a meal for Phoebe and Phoebe was happy to follow what was asked of her. She had not taken a real shower in over a year. When she walked in Leslie's bathroom and shut the door, she looked at herself in the mirror. She was dirty, her hair seemed to be forming dread locks and her eyes looked tired. She turned on the shower and stripped off her clothes, still staring at herself. She hated what she saw and turned to step into the shower, letting the hot water run over her. She scrubbed her skin until it was pink. She washed her hair until she finally felt clean. The water going in the drain was a brownish color which grossed her out, how much dirt was on her? The proof was now finally going down the drain.

Leslie had lent Phoebe a pair of jeans a sweater while she put all of the old dirty clothes Phoebe had in the washing machine. Phoebe sat with her friend at the kitchen table, eating. It's amazing how much one can put away when they haven't eaten in so long. Phoebe was starving and she wanted to eat until she was full, she hadn't felt full in so long.

"Where have you been?" Leslie asked.

Phoebe was now eating a large slice of cake and her mouth was full of food. She wasn't sure how to respond. Could she possibly tell Leslie everything?

"I've been around."

"Around where? I was worried about you?"

"I've been living on the streets."

"What? Are you kidding?"

"Did I look like I was joking?"

"No...Phoebe...what...why...what-"

"Do you know what happened to Ursula?" Phoebe asked.

Leslie took a deep breath, feeling so sad for her friend and wanting to talk more but Phoebe was in no mood to talk, at least not yet.

"She went into foster care...and last I heard, she was taken in by this Swedish couple but you vanished and-"

"Ursula knows I ran away."

"She never said anything. She said she didn't know what happened to you."

"Of course," Phoebe said, letting out a snort. She hated her sister so much. The memory of the day she had walked out of that house was still fresh in her mind. Ursula had seen, had watched her pack up and said nothing as she walked out the door. She didn't even say goodbye.

"But why didn't...you could've stayed with me. What have been doing? How have you..."

"I've been surviving. I was at Time Squares for New Years. I have some friends. I've been making do. I-I've been writing a lot of music, singing songs. I wrote a new one called Pepper People which is really good. I sing in the subway all the time."

"Stay with me now."

"I don't know."

"Please, Pheebs. Have you gone to school?"

"No...but I'm going to the library a lot. I've learned French and...science. History. I'm self taught."

"Stay with me. Please. I don't want you going back out there. My mom and step dad will understand. I swear."

"I don't know."

"Where are you gonna go?"

She had a point. Phoebe had no where else to go. She looked around Leslie's house. She used to love it here. She often considered this her second home and maybe it would be okay. She could use a family and a hot meal, a place to call home.

"Alright, I'll stay."

"Great. I'll tell my mom. She'll be thrilled."

Phoebe smiled as Leslie hugged her and hours later, Leslie's mother was just as happy when she saw Phoebe sitting on her couch. There were tears and Phoebe ate more than she had in a year. It was thrilling. She would be sleeping on an air mattress in Leslie's room. They would be roommates. For the first time in over a year, she felt home. She watched television and Leslie's mom told her about everything that had just happened in 1983. Apparently, there was a woman named Sally Ride that went into space. Vanessa Williams became the first African American to Miss America. There was a hurricane in Texas that killed a lot of people. Michael Jackson premiered a video on MTV and Nancy Regan was on Different Strokes. Phoebe was amazed by everything she had been missing. Star Wars was a top grossing film and Terms of Endearment won an Academy Award. Leslie introduced to the music of Michael Jackson and Madonna. As the hours went on, Phoebe began to feel more and more at home.

"Okay, so let me hear what you were writing," Leslie said.

Phoebe smiled as she grabbed her guitar case and pulled out her guitar. She opened it and pulled it out, along with one of her many notebooks which she was now keeping in the backpack that she had taken from Comic Book boy. She opened the book and looked.

"I wrote one about my mom's suicide."

"Let me hear it."

"Okay," Phoebe cleared her throat, "I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitching. How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen-"

"Oh, Pheebs...you are so good."

"Thank you. But then I have another part...my mother's ashes, even her eyelashes, resting in a little yellow jar and sometimes when it's breezy and I'm feeling sneezy-"

"You're amazing."

"Thank you, I know. It's therapeutic. Thank you, Leslie."

"Of course. I missed you so much and I...you need to have a home."

"Yeah...I just...I didn't wanna go to foster care, you know. I didn't wanna rely on probably and hopefully someone will take me in. But I just...I don't know, I wanted come up here. See the house. I miss her."

"We all do."

Phoebe took a deep breath and was going to say more when she heard yelling. She looked over at Leslie's face. Leslie suddenly went pale. Phoebe knew that voice, she remembered it. Leslie's step father was a yeller, he was also a stumbler, a drinker.

"Uh-oh," Leslie said.

Phoebe placed her guitar along with her clothes and everything else back in the guitar case. She closed it and stood up. Leslie's step father soon appeared in the doorway, clearly drunk as he stumbled in. Phoebe's heart began beating faster as she remembered the reason she had been so reluctant in the first place to stay with Leslie. The step father walked towards Phoebe. Leslie tried to intervene, walking towards her step dad and trying to stop him but she was shoved out of the way. Phoebe could feel his breath on her neck. It felt warm and smelled of alcohol. He raised a hand and placed it on her breast . She shut her eyes and the memory appeared in her, one she had blocked out. It was why she had never wanted to stay at Leslie's. She had been seven when he had first snuck into Leslie's room. She was lying on the airbed when he had pressed his body against hers. He was doing it again, pressing closely. But this time was a little different, she had been living on the street for a year. She had gathered some street smarts. She closed her eyes and quickly kneed him in the groin. She proceeded to kick him in the stomach and as he lay, groaning on the ground, Phoebe grabbed her guitar case and after quickly glancing to make sure she had everything, she ran outside with Leslie following.

"Phoebe," Leslie yelled, grabbing her arm.

"No. No, Leslie. I refuse to stay with you."

"Come on, he's drunk."

"No. He's done that to me before. When we were seven. He made me touch it and no...it's not safe in that house."

"And it's safer on the street."

"Yes...and you know, it's not even safe for you to be there."

"He's never touched me."

"Fine...but I am not living here."

"You're being ridiculous. Where else are you gonna go?" Leslie asked.

"Anywhere. Leslie, I have been through hell this past year...but...no, I'm not living here. I will figure out a way to make it. I don't care if I have to eat fucking garbage for the rest of my life. I rather do that then be in that house...I'm not a victim, Leslie. I'm gonna make it. I swear to G-d, I'm gonna make it."

"I'm offering a home."

"No, that's not a home. I used to have a home. I don't now, but I will make one for myself. It may take me ten, twelve years...but I will get one that doesn't include that," Phoebe said as she turned and walked off, with Leslie calling her name. She wasn't listening. Sure, there was that small voice in her head that told her she was being ridiculous, stupid. That she was leaving a home with food and a bed to go back to a junkyard and the back of a Buick. But her gut was telling her she had to run. She had to get away. It just wasn't safe.

She walked for hours before feeling tired. It was snowing and she ended up sleeping in a box underneath some copies of the New York Post. She slept behind an alley, crouched up against a wall to try and get away from cold. It was a restless sleep and she felt alone in the darkness. She put on the Lincoln High sweatshirt and sat in the dark, staring up at the night sky, silently praying, She had to believe was better for her. She just wasn't so sure what.


	4. Chapter 4

**February 16th 1984**

An anniversary birthday. Phoebe Buffay was turning sixteen years old. Her fifteenth birthday had been spent mugging a kid in front of a comic book store and then buying a new dress with the money she had taken from him. Now, this was her Sweet Sixteen and once again, she was waking up in the back of that burnt out Buick She had not been back to her old home since that run in with Leslie and she refused to go back. She would be fine being on her own. She had made it this far and now she was officially sixteen.

"Happy birthday, Pheebs. You made it to sixteen," Marjorie said as she walked towards Phoebe, smiling. "I stole this from the market for breakfast." She held out a box with doughnuts.

"Oh, fantastic," Phoebe said. She sat up and Marjorie got into the car. The two opened up the box and began to eat the doughnuts. They tasted so good, Phoebe had not eaten in a few days. They were yellow, cakey doughnuts with chocolate frosting. "These are so good."

"What do you wanna do today?"

"Learn to drive."

"We can make that happen."

"No, we can't."

"Don't you still have Comic Book Boy's keys?"

"We don't know where he lived."

"I'm still sad we didn't see your New Years Boy. What do you think he ended up doing for New Years?"

"Well, the last time I saw him...he had girls all over him. He was like a teenaged pimp. He was hot though."

"Alright, there's a party tonight," Lowell said walking towards the Buick.

"What party?" Phoebe asked.

"You know that tire yard on twenty third and Benningham?" Lowell asked.

"Yeah?" Phoebe asked.

"Party...we can celebrate your Sweet Sixteen," Lowell said.

"You still have that purple dress?" Marjorie asked.

"Yeah...but you know, last month because everyone is always willing to give during the holidays, I made two hundred bucks singing in the subway. I kind of wanna go back and see if that girl is still working there," Phoebe said.

"Maybe...we should go."

"Although," Phoebe said, grabbing her notebook from her open guitar case and flipping it open. "It's Monday. So she might not be. She'll probably be in school."

"I miss school sometimes."

"Me too. Well, here's my plan instead. I am going to go to the library and then I'll meet you at the tire yard," Phoebe said.

"Great. Apparently, this will be a great party," Lowell said.

Phoebe smiled, looking forward to her birthday. Last year, she had been sad. It wasn't how she expected to spend her fifteenth birthday but as Marjorie had said back then, Phoebe needed to concentrate on making it to sixteen. She did, she made it to sixteen and that was worth celebrating.

Wearing her Lincoln High sweatshirt over the purple dress she had gotten last year, she walked towards the New York City Public Library. This library had become like a home to her. Every single day spent looking through books and newspapers. First thing she did though before going to read anything was go to the bathroom where she splashed water all over her body and washed her hair in the sink. She cleaned herself up the best she could before going to look up articles on the 1984 Olympics. They would be ending in a few days. She wanted so desperately to keep herself informed on everything. She began reading books on languages and began to teach herself French and Italian She looked up books on history, reading up on American History and even history in other countries. She scoured the encyclopedias, spending most of her days reading. Then when she was done, she would sometimes go to the movie theater to watch movies. She would use the money she had saved through singing and then spend most of the day in the theater, often wandering from one theater to the next seeing two or three movies on one ticket.

After spending much of the morning at the library, she walked towards the movie theater, figuring she would treat herself. They were never too strict on checking tickets or ID which made it easy for Phoebe to get into R rated movies or to see more than one movie after just paying for one ticket. She got in line and looked at the list of movies, wondering which one she would see.

"Dude, there it is. Hot Dog, the movie. It's gonna be awesome."

Phoebe turned to see a boy, about her age standing behind her with a group of other boys. The boy looked kind of cute as well, tall, brown hair cut in a shaggy bowl cut and blue eyes.

"We have our fake IDs," one of the boy's friends remarked.

"Yes, yes," the boy pulled out his wallet, grabbed his ID and handed it to his friend. The friend let out a snort and shook his head.

"You're an idiot," the friend said.

"I know...but how?" the boy asked.

"Who the hell is gonna buy you as Boy George Michael Culture Club," the friend asked.

"It's a family name," the boy said.

Phoebe let out a snort. The conversation behind her was making her laugh. She looked at the boy and his friends.

"I wouldn't worry about it actually...this theater isn't too strict with ID," Phoebe said, turning around and smiling.

"Cool...so are you gonna provide the soundtrack to the movie?" The boy asked, pointing to Phoebe's guitar case.

"Oh, no...I'm not...I just...I came from a guitar lesson," Phoebe lied.

"Awesome. So, you go to Lincoln High? Where's that?" The boy asked.

Phoebe looked down at the sweatshirt she was wearing. The sweatshirt always brought back a memory of that fifteenth birthday in Long Island.

"Long Island."

"Awww, I'm Chandler by the way. These are my buddies, Matty, Tyler and Dave."

"I'm Phoebe."

"Hi, Phoebe. So, what are you doing around here?" Chandler asked.

"Seeing a movie. It's my birthday. My mom let me take the day off from school to hang out in the city," Phoebe said. Lying was seemingly becoming second nature to her, it was another survival skill she had to pick up.

"Happy Birthday."

"Thanks...well, what are you doing here?" Phoebe asked.

"We have gout," Chandler said.

"We do not have gout," Chandler's friend, Matty said.

"I want us to sound gout. That just sounds awesome and so much better than I had a cold. You know how common those are," Chandler said.

"You're funny," Phoebe laughed.

"Thanks," Chandler said.

"Thank G-d. It's the only reason we're friends with him," Matty said.

Chandler gave his friend a look and shook his head before launching into an explanation about how he and his buddies went to an all boys boarding school and decided to take a day off to come into the city to try and see this movie. Phoebe wasn't listening all that closely though, she was paying attention to the boy with the interesting name. He kept looking at her, smiling and laughing. The gaze he gave her made her feel warm and nice. It reminded her of the gaze that New Years boy gave her, so friendly. Phoebe wished she could take that warmth and bottle it up to use during those nights when she was cold.

Soon it was her turn to get her ticket but as she stepped up to the counter, Chandler appeared next to her.

"Let me...it's your birthday."

Phoebe cocked her head to the side and smiled at him. Her heart beat faster as she looked at him, his eyes so kind. Had anyone offered to pay for her for anything?

"I-" Phoebe said.

"She's not gonna hook up with you," Matty said.

Chandler took a deep breath. "I need new friends."

"Okay, thank you," Phoebe said.

"You wanna see the Hot Dog Movie with us?" Chandler asked.

"Okay."

Chandler turned to the counter and looked at the person. Suddenly, he cleared his throat.

"Two for Hot Dog: The Movie...do you wanna see my ID? The name is Boy George. Michael. Culture Club. Family name," Chandler said, making his voice as deep as he could. Phoebe laughed again. This boy was the funniest boy she had ever met. The lady behind the counter just glared at him, rolled her eyes and rang him up and handed him his tickets. Chandler handed one to her and then looked back at his friends.

"You're sad," Matty said.

"Yeah, I'm still going to see a wiener...or as my dad calls that...well any day."

"Thank you, Chandler," Phoebe said.

"No problem."

Phoebe's heart melted a little as he walked towards glass doors. This was turning out to be a wonderful Sweet Sixteen. She liked being under this boy's gaze, liked how wonderfully nice she was being even though she was sure she looked like crap.

Once in the theater, Chandler sat next to her. He had bought her candy which she liked and she thoroughly enjoyed herself sitting there with these random high school boys who she learned were all fifteen, a year younger than her. They were cracking jokes, laughing and having fun. For the first time, Phoebe actually felt young. She felt like a kid and she loved that feeling. Sure there were a few brief moments where she did question why some random kid was being nice to her but maybe she looked better than she thought. The movie was ridiculously bad but sitting there with this particular group of boys made her happier than she had been in so long. For those two hours she managed to actually forget. She managed to forget that at the end of the movie, these boys would return to their boarding school where they would be amongst friends and have a warm meal and beds to sleep in and she would be walking to a tire yard to celebrate her birthday. She would have no warm bed although she was thinking Lowell and Marjorie were working on getting food and alcohol.

When the movie let out though, that memory came flooding back. One of Chandler's friends, Dave was sixteen. He had driven to the movie and as they walked towards Dave's car, Chandler grabbed Phoebe's arm as his friends walked ahead of them.

"So, that was a good movie," Chandler said.

"Yeah, it was. Funny...it was bad. But funny."

"Yeah...look, I don't do this...like at all. But something about...you seem...well..."

Phoebe smiled at him. She both wanted and also at the same time did not want him to ask the next question. She didn't know what she'd say to him.

"Say it," Phoebe said.

"Can I call you sometime?"

He cringed slightly, looking embarrassed that he had even asked that question. Phoebe bit her bottom lip. What could she possibly say? What number could she give? It wouldn't matter anyway, she had no number.

"Um...well, Chandler...I had a great time but I just...well...I have a-"

"Oh, it's fine. Forget it. I-I understand," Chandler said, immediately.

"You do?"

"Yeah...please. Yeah...I should go. I...my friends are...I gotta go, it was nice meeting you," Chandler said before turning and running off, catching up to his friends who were now about twenty feet away. Phoebe watched as he got into the car and his friend pulled away from the curb. She watched as Chandler was sitting stone faced in the back seat as his friends were talking. Phoebe closed her eyes as she could feel her heart breaking. She didn't want to hurt him. It was so sweet of him. She had had such a great birthday so far. She had had a date. She took a deep breath and turned to walk, still thinking of that boy, so sweet and kind hearted. Telepathically, she tried to send him good thoughts as she made her way to the tire yard where her party would be held. He would not understand. He deserved a girl who actually had a phone number to give him and home where he could pick her up for dates.

She reached the tire yard just as the sun was starting to set. As she walked in, Marjorie ran up to her and hugged her and handed her a cup with a brown liquid in it. Phoebe took a sip and immediately cringed. It was strong.

"What is this?"

"Jack Daniels. Where were you Pheebs?"

"I went to the library and then the movies. I met a boy."

"New Years Boy?"

"No. His name was Chandler."

"Chandler?"

"Yeah...I met him in line and it was weird, he just started talking to me and we saw Hot Dog: The Movie which was awful but he was so funny. He was so great. He bought me Junior Mints. He was there with his friends. He's from I think Scarsdale or something...somewhere really reach and he goes to boarding school and...he was ditching and then...he asked for my number and I couldn't give it to him. He thought I was blowing him off. But I couldn't tell him the reason I couldn't give him my number...but he's cute. I'm sure he has girls just falling all over him."

"Come on...hey, look Pheebs. You survived to be sixteen. Now, you gotta concentrate to making it to seventeen."

"Yeah...G-d, but it would have been nice to kiss him. I've only had one boy kiss me like ever...I miss it. I bet he would have been a good kisser. If I'm not gonna drive a car on my sixteenth birthday, maybe I can get a kiss."

"We can arrange it."

"It's just...sometimes I miss that. The...I was in that movie theater and laughing so hard and not at the movie but at Chandler and his friends and I'll probably never see that boy again. He'll probably forget all about it...but G-d, I hope he knows somewhere how much what he did meant to me. That I did look at it as something special. He just started to talk to me. It was so random and yet so wonderful."

Marjorie smiled at Phoebe as she placed her arm around her and led her off. The first few hours of her party went well. Phoebe drank and people ate but soon the alcohol led to people getting drunk and attitudes changing. There was man, John. Someone had told her he had just escaped from prison and liked Phoebe. He kept staring at Phoebe, talking to her, touching her. He did not have the same kindness in his eyes as Chandler had. He did not have the warmth that she wished she could bottle up. John kept getting drunker and drunker and soon started doing drugs as well. Being high and wasted was never a good combination, and his behavior grew more and more erratic and Phoebe tried to escape him, every time he approached her. But it was when she rejected a kiss from him that his behavior went from erratic and strange to terrifyingly angry. He pulled out a knife and exclaimed to her that he was going to kill her. Phoebe began to run away from John but soon he caught her, shoved her violently to the ground and with the blade of his knife inches from her, he smooshed his face into hers, thrusting his tongue into her mouth. Phoebe closed her eyes and tried to recall the face of Chandler or the New Years Boy but all she could see was the monster who was now lying on her, moving his hand up her thigh. She tried to struggle, but he kept telling her he would kill her and stuff. So she lay there as he began to unbuckle his pants and lay back down on top of her. She kept her eyes shut when she suddenly heard a loud blast and John's body went limp, the knife falling to the ground a quarter of an inch from her head. Lowell and another guy ran over to her and grabbed the guy off her. He was dead from a gun shot wound.

Phoebe sat up and watched as John was carried off, thrown into a barrel. She hugged her knees to her chest and began to cry. The party continued around her as she sat. She thought of Chandler, wondering if he had made it back to his boarding school. She tried desperately to recall the loveliness of that moment, that movie but all she could feel was alone and cold and the realization that she would now have to figure out a way to survive to seventeen.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N I don't normally do this but I'm actually starting to get frustrated and a little upset by the lack of reviews. I am seriously contemplating not continuing this story although, I really am excited about it. I know Phoebe is not the most popular character of the six but this might be a good story if you give it a shot. Yes, the Friends will make appearances. Ross and Rachel will be a couple, as will Monica and Chandler. No one is being broken up. That's not the point of this story. I had had an idea to look at another character and tell what she might have been like growing up, considering her childhood was probably less than ideal. I wanted to write something a little different than the typical Monica/Chandler or Ross/Rachel story...or even Rachel/Chandler story. Please review this story, you might actually like it if you give it a chance. I'm sorry...I'm starting to get a little annoyed. :) **_

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><p><strong>February 16, 1985<strong>

The cement floor felt hard underneath her Her head was pounding, her body ached as she woke up in the dark, staring at the metal bars in front of her. She was alone and cold wearing a bright orange jumpsuit. She reached down to her side and could feel the outline of a bandage and remembered. She had been stabbed...not just by anyone, she had been stabbed by a cop. The memories of the evening began flooding back, making her sick to her stomach. There had been booze and drugs, of course and she had stabbed a cop. That she knew. She had actually stabbed a cop. In the year since her sixteenth birthday, Phoebe had felt herself become harder. She had changed, realizing how important her need was to survive. After almost dying on her sixteenth birthday, she had begun carrying a knife with her everywhere. Sure, her friend had shot John that night before he stabbed her, but it was that moment that pushed her from young girl to taking on a whole new persona of Street Phoebe. Street Phoebe did drugs, stole, smoked, had sex for money, stole a car, although those two went hand in hand. No one was looking out for her, she knew that much and it was up to her to have to survive. She felt lost and with knowledge that no one was really trying to find her, she decided to get lost some more.

Days after her sixteenth birthday, she had wanted to learn to drive. She was sixteen and sixteen year olds drive. They go places and so would she. She had a plan. She would steal a car and then with Marjorie and Lowell in tow, drive off, somewhere. Maybe they'd drive to California. It would be so much easier to homeless in California, she reasoned. The weather would be warmer. So she had spent the day reading books on driving and hot wiring then went in search of the perfect car. It had been cherry red, a convertible. She could see herself loving a car like that, so she jumped in, got it to start and proceeded to drive it into a pole. She had suffered bruises from the crash but nothing compared to what happened after. The owner of the car was a big man, wearing big glasses and a big coat. He ran outside as soon as he had heard the crash and Phoebe couldn't get away fast enough. The man grabbed her, put her over his knee and proceeded to spank her. Even now, lying in the darkened cell, the memory of being spanked by some stranger made her cringe. He hit hard and with every cry from Phoebe came a hard smack. There had been people watching, egging him on. Then once that was done, he began punching her. Phoebe tried to reach for the knife she had in her shoe, but she couldn't. She began crying and bleeding, begging him to let her go. He responded by spitting in her mouth and when he was done, he told her she would pay him back.

Phoebe spent the next six months working for this man, having sex with men that this big guy who was only referred to as Big Guy told her to have sex with. It was one stranger after the other and for no money because every dime she made, she had to give to Big Guy. She had managed to finally escape around August. She grabbed her guitar case filled with her items and ran away when Big Guy had fallen asleep after drinking too much. She ran, cold and sore towards the junkyard where Marjorie and Lowell hugged her and cried. She was bruised, bleeding, angry and sore and too much in the middle of her spiral to care about getting out of it. She began to self medicate, selling drugs, buying them, not caring if she would live to see seventeen.

She was tired of trying and accepting that this would be the rest of her life. She got a knife that she used as protection. Old Phoebe was dead and Street Phoebe was now in full bloom. She didn't care too much if she lived or died. She thought of that New Years Boy and Chandler, the boy from the movies and she decided she hated them. They should have fought harder. They should have taken her home. Perhaps they didn't care too much. Perhaps they were just stupid boys who wouldn't have cared too much about her. They were probably like that bitch at that store where she had gotten the purple dress which now had blood stains and rips in it. Awww, that bitch. Phoebe remembered her so vividly with her long brown hair and big nose, yapping about something stupid. In the weeks after her escape from Big Guy, Phoebe became obsessed with that girl She wasn't sure what it was. She hadn't been to that store in years, she hadn't been to Long Island, but something about her just crept into her mind and she wanted to make her hurt. Obviously, she couldn't make Big Guy hurt and that girl would be easy to take. She desperately wanted to go back. The store was called, Olivia's. That's where the girl worked. All the tags in the clothes had a picture of a green olive on it with OLIVIA written in cursive. She went to Long Island everyday to check to see if that girl was working and one weekend in September she was. So she walked in, dirty and the girl barely looked up, still on the phone and Phoebe went to work, stuffing dresses, tops and pants into guitar case. There were no cameras around and the girl with brown hair that had been so mean two years earlier paid no attention, she kept crying on the phone to someone named Monica, crying about how Chip hadn't asked her to the Fall Formal yet. Phoebe hated this girl with a passion. Sure, it wasn't this girl's fault that she had spent the last six months being held captive by a pimp, but this girl had such small worries. Her concerns were pointless. Phoebe wanted her to hurt as much as she did. Phoebe didn't get to go to Fall Formals or worry about boys. Phoebe went back to the junkyard with her loot, Marjorie and Lowell were impressed and Phoebe felt vindicated, for what she wasn't entirely sure.

Winter of 1984 went by in a blur. Phoebe did wonder if that girl was even working anymore, but never went back to check. She spent Halloween, Christmas, New Years in haze of drugs, alcohol and sex. She rarely played her music anymore, didn't go to the library, just stopped, figuring it would not matter anymore what she did. 1984 turned into 1985, she had not seen that New Years Boy during New Years but figured, he was probably out doing other things or other people. She was lost.

Soon, it was her birthday. February 16th and Phoebe wanted go all out. She did not care anymore about making it to eighteen. She did not care about the rest of her life. She simply no longer cared. She had been on the street for three years and her life never seemed to get better. Too many cold nights, too many close calls and she would never be normal. She was slowly but surely giving up completely.

They had gone out, Lowell had stolen booze and they began drinking. Marjorie had bought some hard drugs, she wasn't sure what. Phoebe was both drunk and wildly high. There were more drugs, more booze and she never did see that cop coming towards them. He had said some stuff, she remembered and then there was the knife. Someone stabbed someone. Her side hurt. She looked down and even in the dark, she could see the bandage. She had been stabbed. She moved towards her boot. Her knife was gone and it dawned on her that she had also stabbed someone, not just anyone. She had stabbed a cop. Tears began falling fast as she moved towards the bed pressed up against the corner and stared at the bars. She was in jail. Her life as she knew it was over. She had been arrested three times in the last year, but she had always been released. This was different. She knew she was probably facing some more serious charges.

"You're under arrest," The cop had told her the night before as he slammed Phoebe up against a brick wall. She tried to struggle as he slapped the cold handcuffs on her wrists. He leaned in close and breathed on her neck as she tried desperately to wriggle free. He tossed her into the back of the car and drove off, the blaring lights and sirens making her feel sick. Now there she was in a darkened jail cell, her head pounding, hair matted against her head. She needed to get out, but where would she go? She wanted to call someone, but who would help her? As she lay there in the dark, the sickness sunk in again as she proceeded to throw up in the metal toilet by her bed. She the lay on the cold cot and cried herself to sleep. Perhaps this was the end. She had made it to seventeen but now she might not make it to eighteen.

The guards showed up in her cell a week later. She was told she had a visitor, her court appointed lawyer. Phoebe's heart beat wildly as she followed the the guards towards the visiting room where a pale, red headed woman with crystal blue eyes and a thin smile sat waiting for her.

"Hello, I'm Amber. I'm your court appointed attorney."

Phoebe simply nodded as she sat down. Amber was a skinny, rail thin woman who Phoebe towered over.

"Hi."

"Well...first, because you're minor, I need to ask. Do you have any family we can call?"

"No."

"Phoebe."

"Mom is dead, step dad is prison and I have no clue where my dad is. I have a twin but I have no clue where she is. I've been on the streets since I've been fourteen."

"Phoebe, this isn't good. You stabbed a cop."

"He stabbed me first."

"Even still. You can be put away for a long time for this."

"Fine."

"You've had three other arrests in the past year."

"Okay...well, I'll go to prison. It's fine. At least, I'll finally have a bed and a warm meal."

The lawyer looked at her, her eyes filled with concern. It scared Phoebe a little. It reminded her of the look that New Years boy gave her so long ago.

"Phoebe...tell me...have you ever had a home?"

"Yeah. I did...whatever...look, I'll do the time."

"It could end up being a really long time. You stabbed a police officer. They're not going to go easy on you for that. I can try to work out a deal. Maybe get you...were you ever foster care?"

"No...I ran away before that and no one will take a fourteen year old with a dead mom. People who adopt want babies, not teenagers."

"But we could have done something. I'm gonna see what we can do. I want you to have a chance."

Phoebe shrugged and looked away. Soon, the meeting was over and Phoebe was led back to her cell. She sat on the bed, staring at the bars again. She was quiet, didn't really speak to the other prisoners. Her Street Phoebe persona still intact. No one came to visit her, no one bothered. She was done.

It wasn't until the middle of March when Phoebe had heard the news back from her lawyer regarding her sentence. She had officially been in jail a month and the word was that she would now spend five more months in jail, followed by six months in a Youth Detention Center. She would be let out around her eighteenth birthday. She had gotten lucky, she was told. The cop wanted her to be put away for years, but the judge took pity on her, felt she deserved to have some chance in the world. Sure she needed to be punished for what she had done, but she was still young and she could turn things around.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Once again guys, please review this story! I hate having to beg for reviews but this is getting a little ridiculous! Seriously...the couples will end up together, they will be intact. This is just another insight to a character._**

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><p><strong>February 16, 1986<strong>

Phoebe stood outside the Youth Detention Center, breathing in the air. She was free. She had spent a year being locked up and now she was eighteen, officially and legally an adult. She was also a high school graduate. While in the detention center, she had made a decision to take the GED. She did want to move forward and having a diploma would definitely help matters. So she studied and all that reading she had done in the library had helped. She studied and crammed as much information as she could. The center paid the eighty dollar fee for take the exam and she went in and did it and passed. That was an amazing day for her. She kept staring at that diploma, it was hers and it was the first thing in a long time that she could declare as officially hers. She wasn't sure what she would do now, but she was officially ready for a fresh start. Being locked up was awful, she hated not having the freedom to do as she chose. Jail and the center both made her think of her step dad. She had never visited her step dad in prison and felt like she should She had not seen him in eight years.

She did feel a little strange going to jail after she had just left but she wanted to see him, wanted to talk to him. He was family, her only family. When she arrived, she was instructed to the visitors area. She sat and waited for him to appear. He had been arrested for buying drugs off a cop. It had been something he and her mother had done a lot to get money, buy and sell drugs. But then he got caught and sent to prison. It had been his fifth offense so he was give thirty years to life. When he finally came out, Phoebe was taken aback by his appearance. He looked thin, worn. Having just gone through a year of being locked up, she could understand it.

"Hi, Jeff." Phoebe said as the two picked up their phones and stared at each other through the glass. She never called him, "Dad". Her mom had always had a string of guys coming in and out and she by calling them by their names, she would try not to get too attached. Although, Jeff came the closest. She was attached to him. For a brief while, he had actually been fantastic to her. He had treated her and Ursula like his daughters.

"Phoebe or Ursula?"

"Phoebe."

"Oh...Phoebe. Is Lily with you?"

"Mom is dead, Jeff. She passed away right before Christmas in '83."

"Oh my G-d...that's why I hadn't heard from you. Where are you and Ursula living?"

"I don't know where Ursula is and I've been living on the street for the past few years. I'm eighteen today."

"Phoebe."

"Actually, I just got out of jail...like an hour ago. Actually, I spent six months in jail and six months in a detention center."

"And then you came here? To visit."

"I guess."

"What happened?"

"I uh...stabbed a cop."

"What?"

"Yeah...sixteen was a bad year. Got hooked on drugs, got kidnapped and held hostage by a pimp...stabbed a cop and then seventeen wasn't much better. I locked up for all of it."

"Phoebe, that's not like you."

"How do you know? You haven't been around."

"'Cause...you're Pheebs. The little girl who used to sing songs to the birds in our yard."

"Yeah, well."

"Are you still a vegetarian?"

"Of course...I don't eat things with a face."

"Sweet, Pheebs. Don't...I'm sorry."

Phoebe smiled weakly at the man staring at her behind the plexiglass. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to be doing there. She just knew she needed to hear someone familiar.

"Phoebe, please do not mess up your life. I know you were screwed out of a normal childhood or life but you're eighteen today, right?"

"Yeah, you remembered?"

"You're legally an adult. Don't mess it up. Look, you're a beautiful person. You really are. I don't want you ending up here. You can break the cycle."

And with that, Phoebe just began sobbing. She had tried so hard to keep it all in. In jail, she had never cried as she was afraid that would show weakness. She didn't cry too much in the detention center, not really ready to let anyone in. But there she was, breaking down completely. Her voice coming out in sobs.

"What did I do?" Phoebe asked. "What did I do to earn this kind of life? Did I kill someone in a past life? What did I do? I have no one. No one visited me last year. No one...I deserve to have a life. I mean, people my age are graduating high school or starting college. When I was sixteen, all I wanted to do was learn how to drive. That's not a strange thing to want at sixteen. I ended stealing and crashing a pimps car...and he then retaliated by beating me up and spitting in my mouth. I didn't get a Sweet Sixteen like I'm sure other girls did. Although, I did see a movie with a boy."

"Really?"

"Yeah...he was in line and seemed to like me but when he asked for my phone number, I couldn't give him one so he thought I was blowing him off and honestly, I don't blame him for thinking that. It's just...what did I do that was so bad?"

"Nothing. Nothing. You are a wonderful person, you really are. I wish I could hug you."

"When I leave...I don't have anywhere to go. I have no home. The best thing about being in jail and being in that center was I got to have meals and a bed. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of my life."

"You can do a lot. It's not over. You're only eighteen. I believe you'll make it."

"I got my GED while I was in the detention center."

"Congratulations."

Phoebe let out a long sigh as she stared at her step dad. She was tired, very tired. She wanted a nap. She had barely slept in the year she had been away, but now, that's all she wanted to do. She wasn't sure what she was doing or why she was there but being there, being away for a year. She just felt tired. Not as angry, but definitely tired.

"Thanks. Maybe I should go. When do you think you'll get out?"

"Not for sometime. You still gotta keep going. You were my favorite, you know."

"No I wasn't...Ursula was."

"No...you were sweeter, kinder. Remember Tweet?"

Phoebe smiled and nodded slowly. She had been five and playing with Leslie outside when she had seen the baby bird, lying injured on the ground. She had cried when she had seen it, it's wing broken and letting out anguished little squeaks. Phoebe picked up the bird, carried it in her shirt and brought it home. She put it in a shoebox, fed it milk with an eyedropper and made it a little splint out of twigs. She had named the bird, Tweet and nursed it back to health. Ursula thought she was stupid, but she didn't care. When the bird was fully healed and nursed back to health, Phoebe let him go. It was in her nature to take care of animals. She had become a vegetarian when she was nine and learned how meat was made. She remembered the anger she felt at learning that these helpless animals were being slaughtered for food. She so desperately wanted to take care of them all, to take care of those who could not take care of themselves.

"I want to someone to take care of me that way," Phoebe said. "I want someone to love me and care for me. I haven't had that in so long. I want someone to treat me like I'm part of their family."

"You still have family. We're just messed up."

"No. I don't have family. Families care and support each other. They don't abandon each other. I do love the times that you tried. Same with mom...but...mom was too lost in her own demons and you were selling drugs."

Phoebe felt herself getting choked up again, the tears starting to fall. She wasn't sure what she had wanted to accomplish visiting him but she now she wanted to leave. So she said goodbye, got up and left and once again, she found herself standing outside, holding her guitar case close to her filled with her guitar and everything she had stolen. She began walking until she found a bench where she sat down and opened the guitar case. There were lots of clothes in there, all from that store. She thought of the brunette who she had been so angry at although she did feel a bit jealous as well. She wondered where that girl was, if she did end up going to that dance with Chip. She pulled out the backpack she had stolen from that Comic Book boy and flipped through the pages of Science Boy. She loved that comic, read it every single day. There was the ticket stub from the movie Chandler had paid for. She wished she had something from New Years boy, but she could still see his face in her head. She reached into the backpack again and pulled out the envelope from the girl named, Monica asking Ross to pick up Linzor Tortes. Phoebe wondered if she ever got her tortes. She put everything back and pulled out her guitar. She began to play notes, she was never sure what notes. She just continued to play. It was nice out, a nice New York day as Phoebe just kept playing until her fingers got tired. She put her guitar back and reached for that old Lincoln High sweatshirt and pulled on before closing the case and walking off. She kept walking, gripping the case as tightly as she could. She hoped Marjorie and Lowell would still be at that junkyard.

It took her about six hours of walking until she finally reached the junkyard. She had not been there in a year and it looked different. For one thing, she could not find the Buick. She looked around confused.

"Phoebe, oh thank G-d."

Phoebe spun around and saw Marjorie racing towards her, arms outstretched. Her arms wrapped around Phoebe as the Marjorie began crying. Phoebe smiled.

"Hi."

"Where were you? What happened? We thought you were dead and-"

"I was in jail and then they put me in a detention center."

"Oh, G-d. But the cop stabbed you first. We were there."

"Doesn't matter. Where's that Buick?"

"Oh, we don't have that anymore. Come on," Marjorie put her arm around Phoebe and walked her over to a strange looking car.

"What is this?"

"A Gremlin and this is Cindy," Marjorie said, pointing to a man dressed in a suit and bow tie. He looked overdressed to be in a junkyard. With one hand, he shook hers and with the other, he held it up and tapped his fingers together.

"Hello, I'm Cindy. This is Handy." Cindy said.

"Cindy? I'm Phoebe. Cindy is an interesting name for a guy."

"Oh, Handy agrees but I was named after my mother."

"Handy?" Phoebe asked.

"My hand," Cindy said.

"Really, Marjorie," Phoebe groaned.

"Come on," Marjorie said, grabbing Phoebe's hand and pulling her off to the side where the two girls sat on the ground by a chain link fence. Phoebe sat, stretching out her legs and staring up into the sun, squinting a little. She loved being outside. She loved the freedom that came with being outside. It had been a year since she had experienced the freedom.

"So, what happened?"

"You were there," Phoebe said. "I was arrested, spent six months in jail and then they transferred me to a Youth Detention Center and six months later...oh, I got my GED."

"You did?"

"Yeah. While I was in there, I got it," Phoebe said as she opened her guitar case and pulled out the backpack. She opened it and pulled out the GED and showed it to Marjorie. On it, it said her name, Phoebe Buffay.

"Wow. I still don't even have that."

"What are we gonna do, Marjorie. I don't wanna go back to jail. I'm eighteen now, I'm an adult. I'm sick of having to survive. I wanna be someone. I wanna be someone that people miss if I'm not there or people want to be around."

"I missed you."

"You never visited. Lowell never visited. It was a year-"

"We didn't know where they took you.

"I want a job...and a home...and friends. Real friends that I can hang out with everyday."

"Like me...and Lowell."

"I want a life. I deserve that, don't I?"

"We all do, Pheebs."

Phoebe nodded and feel silent, thinking about her life in the past two years. She had spent all of sixteen being drugged and drunk. She'd been attacked by a pimp and forced to work for him. She become addicted to drugs and drank too much. She had spiraled and didn't care anymore, then seventeen was spent locked up. She found herself starting to care. She wanted more, so much more.

After spending the night in the Gremlin, listening to Cindy talk to his hand, Phoebe woke up to walk to the library. She hadn't been there in two years. She wanted to know all that she had missed. After reading old newspapers, she began looking up all the books she used to read and some new ones. She found herself getting lost in spiritual books. She began reading about her sign, an Aquarius. She's a water sign. She definitely fit that sign, unique, a humanitarian, independent. Although, some might argue she was forced to be independent. She loved reading all of this. She began reading about reincarnation, which she found fascinating. She began to wonder if she had had past lives and what she had done in them. Had those past lives led her to this moment? This space? It calmed her to read about this. She began devouring books on religion and the world. She would go to the library every morning when it opened and leave when it closed. She would continue to make what money she could by singing.

Her days went far more smoothly now that she was out. She decided to no longer touch the drugs or smoke, although she was quite happy still boozing with Marjorie, Lowell and Cindy. She still wanted more though. She wanted a job and she finally got her first one. She had decided to start taking boxing and self defense classes at the YMCA, after what had happened with John and the pimp, she felt that maybe she needed to learn. She had heard there was a job opening for someone to clean and wash towels. Phoebe volunteered and was hired for afternoon shifts and work for minimum wage. She was absolutely thrilled. Her bosses at the YMCA were sympathetic to her plight and understood she had no home. So they were understanding. Phoebe felt like that job was a step. She was moving forward to maybe one day having her own life.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thank you to Mygh91, person who has no name, BluEyes, Nno1ann and Minichedder for the reviews! Awesome! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside! And after reading this chapter, if you're wondering about my treatment of Rachel-I do not hate her, I think she is awesome. Now other people, review! **_

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><p><strong>February 16, 1987<strong>

It was an unseasonably warm evening as Phoebe, Cindy, Lowell and Marjorie walked towards the big brick building which seemed to be located in a very unsavory part of New York. It was Marjorie's idea. For Phoebe's nineteenth birthday, she thought they should find a local soup kitchen and have a birthday meal. Phoebe was fine with that as her last three birthdays had been far too stressful. The soup kitchen had no sign and was a fairly non-descriptive looking building. Once inside, there were card tables and fold out chairs set up everywhere and a line that went around the room. The food was served buffet style with people spooning heaps of food onto paper plates.

"Handy and I are so hungry," Cindy said, looking at his hand.

"Hmmm, I'm just hungry," Phoebe smiled as she stepped forward.

"I can't believe you're nineteen," Marjorie said.

"I know...and I work for three dollars an hour scrubbing toilets at the YMCA," Phoebe smirked.

"You're practically rolling in it," Marjorie said.

Phoebe laughed as she stepped forward in line. In the past year, Phoebe had spent much of her time going between the library and the YMCA where she would work about three to five hours a day working. She got paid in cash because she had no bank account and while she could afford some food and clothing, she really saved or kept trying to save. As she kept reading books, she had made a decision that she wanted a college degree. She also wanted an apartment and tried to save as much as she could although it was definitely difficult. She was still living in the Gremlin in the junkyard with Cindy, Lowell and Marjorie and the four of them were trying to save together so they could get a place, somewhere.

Today though, they were celebrating by eating in a soup kitchen. They would then leave, buy some booze and head back to the junkyard where they would all drink until they passed out. It was Phoebe's favorite thing to do. She was building up a very high tolerance to alcohol which she didn't mind. She liked the escape that came with drinking. She didn't have to give much thought to her situation when she drank and it was much easier to sleep on the cold ground after you've completely lost your inhibitions.

"I wonder what they're serving?" Marjorie asked.

"I don't know...but I don't-oh my G-d," Phoebe said, her eyes widened as they got closer to the serving line. Phoebe noticed a particular brunette standing next to an overweight girl with long black hair. The brunette looked bored to tears, picking at her fingertips through her latex gloves. Phoebe stopped and stared down at the long red dress she was wearing with flowers printed all over it and began to get nervous.

"What?" Marjorie asked.

"Does that girl look familiar to you?" Phoebe asked, pointing at the brunette.

"No," Marjorie said.

"Remember when I mugged that kid and we went to that store and-and remember when I stole all of those clothes from that store and that bitch of salesgirl was there and she didn't even pay attention and-"

"Oh my G-d. Are you joking?" Marjorie asked.

"No. Oh, no, no, no...nooooo," Phoebe said.

"Maybe she won't recognize the dress. I mean...it was three years ago? She might not remember that the store had it, I mean. Stores have lots of clothes," Marjorie said.

"Hold on," Phoebe said, as she set her guitar case down and opened it. She pulled out her Lincoln High sweatshirt and put it on. She closed the case and picked it back up, grinning at Marjorie.

"She's not gonna know. You were able to steal what was like eight hundred dollars worth of clothing from her store, right under her nose without her having a clue. Something tells me she won't be very aware...she's probably really, really stupid."

"But still...what if she remembers."

"Alright, fine," Marjorie said.

Phoebe smiled as she and Marjorie moved up in line. Lowell and Cindy behind them. As Phoebe moved closer, she tried not to make eye contact with the brunette and just keep her head down.

"Oh my G-d, Lincoln High?"

Phoebe's head jerked up and the heavy girl with long, curly black hair was grinning at them. She was wearing a tight red sweater and looked very happy.

"Uhhhh..." Phoebe said.

"Rachel, she went to Lincoln High," the girl said.

"Yeah, cool," The brunette said, letting out a sigh.

"When did you graduate?" the heavy girl asked.

"I-uh...I didn't...this is my um...dad's," Phoebe said, reaching for Lowell's arm. Lowell placed his arm around Phoebe and grinned.

"That's my girl," Lowell said.

"Oh...well, okay...well, what would you like?" the girl asked.

"Uh, does any of this food have meat in it?" Phoebe asked.

"Um...beggars can't be choosers," the brunette girl groaned

"Rachel. Forget my friend. These dishes right here do not have meat. I made them myself. macaroni and cheese, potatoes au gratin and potatoes with peas and onions...and these are the meat things...sausage and smoked salmon and oh, filet mignon,"

"Mon, why did you make that?" The brunette asked.

"'Cause Rachel just 'cause you're homeless doesn't mean you can't eat fancy," the heavy brunette said.

Phoebe smiled, while she hated the heavy girl's friend, there was something about the heavy brunette she found so sweet. She did wonder how the two could be friends but the line was long and there wasn't enough time. The heavy girl gave her a big serving of macaroni and cheese and potatoes with peas and onions, looking at the potatoes with peas and onions made Phoebe feel a little teary. Back when she and Ursula were little, that was how her mom made potatoes.

"I wanna punch that skinny brunette girl in the head," Marjorie said as the four found a table to sit at.

"I know. What a horrible girl. Her friend is nice though. Something about her...I want to be her friend. I bed she'd take care of you if you were her friend," Phoebe smiled. "I think she made all that food. That's amazing."

"It's good. This filet mignon is awesome," Lowell said.

"Handy and I like that she made good food. I mean, I've been to a lot of soup kitchens before and the food is just awful...but just 'cause we have no place to go, doesn't mean we can't be fancy," Cindy said.

"By the way, Pheebs...nice save with the Lincoln High sweatshirt. Smooth," Marjorie said which made Phoebe start to laugh, Phoebe's laugh was starting to become a bit of a trademark as she got older. It was loud, slightly nasal and caused everyone else to start laughing as well.

"I know, I know. What are the chances are that? Awww, man," Phoebe laughed, harder, placing her hand on Marjorie's shoulder and shaking her head, "oh no."

"And why am I your dad?" Lowell asked.

"'Cause you're old, man," Phoebe said.

"I know, but I'd rather be an uncle," Lowell said.

Phoebe could not stop laughing, tears running down her face as she grabbed her stomach. It had been a long time since she has laughed that hard. The last time had been with that boy Chandler when they had seen the Hot Dog movie all those years ago. It felt good, free, wonderful to just laugh. She was laughing at everything, the absurdity of sitting there and it slowly dawned on her that she was actually happy for as little as she had, she was actually happy.

When all the food had been served, the people serving the food walked around from table to table to mingle. Phoebe knew as soon as that happened which table the heavy girl and her bitchy friend would go to. Heavy girl practically skipped towards their table and plopped herself down, the bitchy girl sat next to her, still picking at her nails.

"Hi, I'm Monica and this is Rachel. We're juniors at Lincoln High. You went to Lincoln High?"

"Uh, yeah..." Lowell said. "A long time...back in...well, I don't wanna age me."

"Oh, ewww...what is wrong with you? Why are you talking to your hand?" Rachel asked glaring at Cindy who was indeed talking to his hand. Phoebe let out a snort.

"You're a gem," Phoebe said.

"Fine. Mon, we have to go," Rachel said, slumping down in her seat.

"You made all this food? It's really good," Phoebe said.

"Yeah. I volunteer here a lot and I thought it would be a nice change of pace to make fancier food and...yeah, so I cooked stuff," Monica grinned.

"Thank you...you seem very sweet," Phoebe said.

"Thanks," Monica grinned.

"Uh, G-d...we have to go. We have to be back in Long Island in an hour. If we don't show up to Serena Waldorf's party tonight, she is so going to hook up with Chip. That will ruin me," Rachel said.

"Never mind her. She's just upset because Chip like to sleep with other girls when Rachel's not there."

"Monica," Rachel said.

"What?" Monica asked.

Rachel rolled her eyes and let out a loud, annoyed sigh. Monica continued to smile at them, continuing to ask questions while Rachel just looked annoyed. Phoebe didn't quite know how to answer all of Monica's questions as they kept coming so she, Marjorie, Lowell and Cindy simply began making up answers. She even gave herself a fake name, "Regina Filange". She didn't want to tell these strangers the truth, well only one stranger because Rachel was not paying attention at all to the conversation. But Phoebe didn't want Monica to know because to know the truth was too painful. Sitting in front of her were two girls that were clearly loved and this was just a stop on the way to the rest of their night. This wasn't a friendship. This exchange would go no further than the soup kitchen so there was no reason for the truth and making up stuff became a lot more fun. Soon, Rachel and Monica did leave and the four were left alone again, laughing and talking about the two girls, thinking the heavy one was kind and wishing bad things for the brunette, although Phoebe did take a secret joy in knowing she was sitting across from the girl whose clothes she had stolen and the girl had no clue.

The day after Phoebe's birthday, she woke up in the junkyard, still happy from her nineteenth birthday. After the dinner at the soup kitchen, they had gone to a liquor store where Lowell had stocked up and bought them tons to drink. They headed back to the junkyard and drank and laughed until they passed out. The next morning, Phoebe woke up per the usual, took one of the water bottles they had bought and washed herself a little. She put on a long blue dress, took her guitar case and went off in search of the library before going to the YMCA for her night shift. Before reaching the library though, she stopped at a tiny little shack that had a neon hand in the window and underneath said the word, "PSYCHIC". From her job at the YMCA, she had saved up enough money to go see one. She had wanted to go see a psychic ever since she had begun reading about them in the books in the library. Could there be someone that could tell her the future? Was there someone who could help explain her past. She walked up to the door and knocked. A tiny woman soon answered. She was dressed in long, velvet robes.

"I'm Phoebe Buffay. I was...I was wondering if I could have a reading. I'm-I don't have a lot of money. I'm actually...homeless. But I got a job at the Y, but it's only like three bucks an hour and...well I-I just-"

"Come in," the woman said, motioning for Phoebe to follow her. Phoebe nodded and followed the woman to a back room which felt so cozy. Phoebe sat on one of the bean bag chairs and the woman sat across from her. "First, don't worry about the money. How old are you?"

"Nineteen. I just turned nineteen yesterday."

"Oh, you're a little young to be homeless."

"Well, yeah...I'm a little young for a lot of things I've been through."

"Mmm, I'm Mary."

"Hi, Mary."

"Wow...I feel a lot of pain coming from you. Death, a lot of death and abandonment. Were you abandoned?"

"Kinda. My mom killed herself when I was fourteen and I ended up on the street."

"Wow...I do see warmth in your future."

"Warmth?"

"Do you drink coffee?"

"No...I hate coffee. I tried it once but..."

"I smell a lot of coffee. Excessive amount of coffee."

"Sounds gross," Phoebe said.

"And...I see these figures in my head...I just get warm feeling from them. Weird objects. A chandelier with clown noses where the lights should be, a meatball sub on top of two pizza boxes, a green wedding dress, a harmonica in a baking dish...and a dinosaur figure. When I see these things, I feel complete and warm. I feel a sense of just happiness...like a homey feeling. Do these items mean anything to you?"

"No," Phoebe said, smiling feeling happy that she wasn't paying for any of this. "I don't have a home so I don't have a chandelier. I'm a vegetarian so no meatball subs and...yeah, no none of that makes any sense."

"It's odd. I feel...love. When those figures disappear, I feel coldness. I feel sadness...are you looking for something?"

"Lots of things."

Mary kept talking for an hour, telling Phoebe about the things she was seeing and feeling. Phoebe wondered if she should believe it or not. It was fascinating to her that this woman kept saying she felt happy things about her future. It gave her hope, wondering if perhaps she could end up getting everything she had wanted. When she left, she felt hopeful, Mary's descriptions of bizarre objects aside, she almost felt like she could do something.

That hopeful feeling filled her as she went to work at the Y that evening after studying Italian and French in the library. That hopefulness carried with here as she began cleaning the mens bathrooms that night. She was so busy, so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't even notice a man walk in wearing black tights and a red shirt.

"Oh, sorry."

Phoebe stood up quickly, smiling at the short, blonde man standing before her. He was kind of cute looking. She had seen him before, he often used the ice skating rink to practice. Phoebe had been in the middle of cleaning under the sinks when he walked in.

"That's okay. I...I'm almost done," Phoebe said.

"Oh...wow," the guy said, staring at her. She blushed a little, wondering if she looked bad. She quickly glanced at herself in the mirror. She didn't look bad.

"What?"

"Nothing...just...you're the prettiest bathroom cleaner I've ever seen."

"Oh...yeah, well. I'm Phoebe."

"Duncan."

"Nice to meet you. I would shake your hand...it's just-"

"I understand. So are you from around here?"

"Yeah...I'm from...around. You?" Phoebe asked.

"Canada. I'm in the Canadian Capades...but we're doing shows in New York."

"Oh...awesome. So if you're in the capades...does that mean you're..." Phoebe said.

"Gay," Duncan said.

"Oh...that's a shame."

"It is?"

"No, no...not...never mind. I'm gonna go. I have more bathrooms to clean," Phoebe said, grabbing her bucket and walking towards the door.

"Hey, Pheebs...you know, I have a show next Saturday night at seven and the New York Ice Rink. If you want, I can get you in for free?" Duncan asked.

"I'd like that. I'll see you then," Phoebe smiled.

"Good, it'll be under Phoebe."

Phoebe nodded as she stepped out of the bathroom and leaned back against the wall. She couldn't believe he was gay as he did seem to be checking her out a bit. Although, he did seem nice. He gazed at her with that same warm glance that that Chandler had stared at her with so long ago. As she went about her job, the psychics words kept coming back to her and for the first time in a very long time, she felt hopeful.


	8. Chapter 8

**August-December 31st 1987**

Every single year that she had been living on the street, she had been hoping that somehow she would see him again. It had started with that New Years Eve back in 1983.. She was just fourteen when she saw him and had been living on the street for only a few weeks at that point. He was fourteen too. He had looked so handsome with his dark hair and slightly crooked smile. He looked so confident, so sweet, so cute, She had no clue where he was from but every single year, she'd go back in hopes of seeing him again. He had been wearing very tight jeans, a white shirt and a leather jacket. It was cold as it always is in New York during December but he didn't seem cold at all. He was probably done with school by now, she had figured and wondered if those girls who had been hanging on him at the time had helped him graduate. She wondered if this boy be in college now? Although, that did seem doubtful, sure she had only met him that one time but he did not strike her as the intellectual type. She had given up hope though trying to ever find him again which is why when she did finally see him again, she could not believe her luck.

It had been around April of '87 when she had seen him again. There was a vacant lot midway between the junkyard and the library. They were starting to build on that lot and that was when she saw him. He was dressed in tight jeans and a tight white shirt which she found oddly amusing that he was wearing the same uniform he had worn when he was fourteen. She didn't know anything about fashion, her clothes were probably very outdated considering most of them were stolen from that girl's store about three, four years earlier and anything she bought with her money from the Y was from Goodwill. But all that aside, she was pretty sure Mens Fashion had changed from 1983 to 1987, she wasn't sure to what but she was sure it had. The first time she saw him, he was eating lunch which was a hot dog and a Coke. He had been sitting with some other buddies of his, laughing. Every single day, she would walk past that site, watching him work. Sometimes she'd bring Marjorie, Lowell, Cindy or even her new friend, Duncan. But most of the time, she'd go to the site and just watch him with his hammer and nails, wondering if he would ever notice her standing there and it wasn't until late August when he finally did. It was horribly humid and she was wearing a tight white tank top and a flowy skirt that she had gotten from Goodwill. She was wearing her long blonde hair which was now down to below her waist in a high ponytail and with some of the money she had saved up, she had actually been able to go to the drug store and buy some basics for herself. She had gotten her first razor and shaved her legs and arms, she also bought a little bit of make up and a tiny mirror and practiced putting it on. She wanted to start feeling girly, just because she was homeless, she figured she didn't need to look it. In one of her books, she had read that you should always dress for success. She could look like she had a home, a life, a well paying job. There was no rule against that and when she walked by the construction site that August day, she felt good, clean and pretty. He did finally notice her. It was around lunch again and she was walking past the site when the guy she had been hoping would notice her let out a whistle.

"Hey, hey baby...how you doin'?" The boy asked, grinning at her.

"Hello," Phoebe said as she stopped and looked at him. She wasn't quite sure if she should be offended by the tone of his voice, but there was something so sweet about it to her. She couldn't help but blush and giggle a little.

He stood up and walked towards her. He was her height and she tried to remember if he had been that short when she had seen him last. He was fourteen, so perhaps shorter. That smile made her melt a little as he was soon standing in front of her.

"So...do you work around here?" He asked.

"Um...well..." Phoebe began, she did not want to tell this guy that she was cleaning bathrooms at the Y in order to save up for a home.

"You're a musician?" The boy asked, pointing at her guitar case.

"Yes, yeah I am."

"What do you play?"

"Folk songs...that I write."

"Whoa...you write."

"Just about stuff. You work in construction?"

"Ugh, yeah. Hate it though. I'm an actor. This is just to pay the bills."

"Oh...wow. Have you been in anything I may have seen?" Phoebe asked although silently kicking herself for that question. She hadn't seen a movie since the Hot Dog movie with Chandler and that was three years ago and she hadn't watched a television show since 1984. He could say anything.

"Well...I've only been out here a couple years. I've been doing some stuff. I did a short...and I recently did two commercials. One for Coke and another for Heinz ketchup...did you see them?"

"Um...yeah. Great work," Phoebe grinned. "That's why I was walking by...I recognized you from those commercials."

"Cool," the boy said.

Phoebe made a mental note that she would have to find those damn commercials somewhere. Did they show commercials at the library? Or maybe she could go find a store that sold televisions and see if they could play the commercial? She shook her head, not wanting to get too lost in her thoughts.

"So...I'm Joey, what's your name?"

"Phoebe."

He held out his hand and she reached for it, shaking it. The touch of his hand sending what felt like an electric bolt being sent through her.

"You know, you look familiar to me. Have we met?" Joey asked.

"No. No...we haven't," Phoebe said. She decided to not bring up New Years. It was so long ago and he clearly didn't remember and she didn't really want to remind him, fearing it would bring the conversation towards a topic she didn't want to go into...at all.

"Oh, weird. So, Phoebe I gotta get back to work. Those nails won't hammer themselves. Kinda wish they did though...so how 'bout I give you a call and we could you know...talk more about your music?"

Phoebe bit her lip. She saw Chandler's face in her head, that moment where he had asked for her number and she couldn't give him one. He had looked so sad. She didn't want to make that mistake again but she wasn't sure what the correct thing for her to do was.

"Um...you know what, Joey...let me get your number. I'll call you," Phoebe said, saying the first thing that popped into her head.

"Oh...one of those forward thinking chicks. I like that."

"Tribbiani, what the hell are you doing?"

Joey turned and looked towards an older guy, wearing a hard hat and yelling at him. Phoebe reached down towards her guitar case, making sure not to open it too much. She didn't want Joey seeing just how much was stuffed in her case. She grabbed her notebook and a pen, ripped off a piece of paper and handed it to him. On it, Joey wrote his name and number and handed back to her. He flashed her another smile before running back to work. Phoebe held the number close to her and let out a sigh. What was she doing? She wasn't sure that would make it any better. What would she do with his number? It wasn't like she could call him.

She turned and walked towards the library but then took a detour and went straight to the YMCA. She knew Duncan was practicing his ice skating and the two had built up a nice friendship in the last six months. He knew her situation and had offered to help but she had turned him down. He didn't have a lot of money either and stayed mostly in cheap hotel rooms when he was in town which wasn't too often. She walked towards the rink and towards the bleachers. She sat watching him as he skated around the rink, doing fancy twirling and leg lifts. He noticed her watching and skated towards the side of the rink and smiled at her, leaning on the wall that separated the ice from the bleachers. She walked over to him.

"So I'm an idiot."

"Why?" Duncan asked.

"Well, you know that boy that I've been stalking?"

"Awww, dreamy New Years boy."

"Yeah...well, today...I actually talked to him and by the way. he said he was in a Heinz ketchup commercial and a Coke commercial. Have you seen those?" Phoebe asked.

"Are you serious?"

"Duncan, homeless people don't own televisions...they have no place to put them."

"I know, I know...I just...I've seen those commercials."

"And?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh my G-d. The ketchup one, he's running and the Coke one, he's sweaty...oh, yeah, he's dreamy."

"He's definitely hot but oh my G-d...why did I think stalking him was a good idea? He asked me for my number. Just as that Chandler boy did and..."

"You know, you can get a small apartment."

"I don't make enough, Duncan. I make enough now so I can at least eat regularly and buy stuff from Goodwill and stuff. But if I got a place, I'd need to make more to get bills paid and I wanna save up to go to college."

"Where?"

"I don't know. But that's not the point. I couldn't give him my number, so I asked for his. What the hell? How am I going to call him?"

"You can use the phone at the Y? Won't they let you use the phone here?"

"That's not the point. This was stupid, Why did I think this was a good idea? Why didn't anyone say I was being stupid. I'm a stupid, stupid person...it's just ugh...you know, I mean, I know I have a lot more important things to worry about right now but...I've never had an actual real kiss or a real date. I mean, I guess that movie with Chandler could have been considered a date...but he didn't pick me up or anything. I was just in line and he asked me to see the movie he was going to see with his friends. I've never had...I never even had sex. Non-consensual sex, sure...sadly, I've had plenty of that...but sex...like you actually love the person sex, no.. I want to go out for dinner and...I wanna...I'm nineteen years old and...I wanna be objectified. When Joey whistled at me and shouted, 'hey baby, how you doin'?' I'm not gonna lie...it felt nice. I mean, I'm hot and blonde."

"You are," Duncan said, smiling at her. The way he smiled at her, made her blush. She loved how comfortable she felt around Duncan. She could vent about anything and she felt he was listening to her.

"Are you sure you're gay?" Phoebe asked after a few moments of silence. "''Cause the way you're looking at me is the way Joey and Chandler did and that was definitely not gay."

"Let me take you on a date. I am gay, but I can be straight. I am very good at experiementing with being straight-"

"Not sure it works that way."

"It can...look, why don't I pick you up tonight and-"

"From where? The junkyard?"

"Yeah. I'll pick you up. I have some money. We can...how do you feel about hamburgers?"

"I'm a vegetarian...so it sucks for the cows."

"Salads?"

"Where?"

"I'll figure it out...hey, wait...there's a place on Bedford that makes really good sandwiches and stuff. It's in the village. I've been there a couple times when I've been in New York."

"Okay."

"I will pick you up and take you on a date," Duncan said.

"Good."

"Good."

Phoebe smiled as she continued to watch Duncan skate. She looked down at the piece of paper that Joey had scrawled his name and number on. It made her a little sad. She really couldn't call him. She figured it wouldn't matter to him anyway, he was hot and apparently was in two commercials where he looked even hotter. So he probably had a lot of different girls hanging all over him. She chalked up her stalking of him as an error. This wasn't anything that could be pursued, ever.

Duncan showed up at the junkyard a few hours after Phoebe had left. She had put on her red dress with the white flowers and put her hair in a high ponytail to help with the heat. Duncan brought her a bouquet of flowers. She laughed when she saw him.

"Flowers?" Duncan asked.

"Where am I going to put them?" Phoebe asked.

"I'll take them," Marjorie said, walking up behind her. "We bought water."

"Okay," Phoebe said, handing the flowers to Marjorie. She looked at Duncan.

"So you ready?" Duncan asked.

"Are we really doing this?"

"You said you've never been on a date. I am going to take you."

"Alright..."

"So is this your place?" Duncan asked, looking around the junkyard. Phoebe let out a laugh as she looked back.

"G-d, you have the best laugh, Phoebe. Did anyone ever tell you that?"

"Thanks but...yeah, this is my place. Sorry, it's a bit of a mess. Lot of junk."

"It's airy."

"It's August," Phoebe said.

"True. Come on, Pheebs."

Duncan grabbed her hand as the two walked off. Phoebe was actually excited about this whole prospect of a date. After she had left the rink, she had gone back to the junkyard and looked through all the outfits she had gotten and practiced putting on a little make up. She had bought a lot of water to wash her hair and bathe. She wanted to look good. Sure, it was a little unconventional, but she felt she deserved something nice, fun and normal and here was this guy who was willing to take her out.

They reached the tall, six story apartment building on Bedford and walked towards the sandwich shop located on the ground floor of the building. As they sat, Phoebe looked around and began to wonder when the last time she had been in a restaurant of any kind was. Even when she was little, she hadn't really gone to any restaurants. It was strange to her, but it was a cozy, nice shop.

"Nice place, Duncan."

"Anytime I come here, I have to get a sandwich."

"Do you have the money for this though?"

"Phoebe, on dates you don't ask about the money. Besides these sandwiches are like five bucks each. So...relax."

"Okay. Alright."

"Are you gonna call that guy?" Duncan asked.

"Are you supposed to ask questions like that on a date?"

"Probably not...but I wanna know anyway."

"Alright...no, I won't."

"No? Why not?" Duncan asked.

"Well...okay, let's say I called him from the Y and he asks for my number? I gonna give him the number of the YMCA? And then what if...what if he wants to go on a date...where's he gonna pick me up? I mean, you and I have now been friends for six months and you know all of this...how would this guy even...and he is hot. Really, really hot...but this is a guy who could probably get any girl he wants and you said the two commercials he's in...he's even hotter looking. A homeless chick would be a step down."

"I don't consider you a step down."

"Thank you. But okay...when I told you about my situation...weren't you a little freaked out?"

Phoebe watched Duncan closely, trying to gauge his reaction. She had come clean to him about her living situation about a few weeks after they had met. Duncan let out a sigh and looked at her.

"Yeah, it did freak me out a little...but I mean, I don't really have a home. I'm on tour like eleven months out of the year. I just like you though and you do work and you have a GED and you've...you're gonna be amazing, Pheebs."

"Thank you. I wanna go to college."

"You do? Where?"

"I don't know. I don't even know what I'd want to study. I want to make something of myself. Be more than what I am. I'd love to have an apartment, maybe a roommate or not. You wanna hear something funny...the other night I had a dream that I was living with the girl who gave me food at a soup kitchen on my birthday."

"Weird."

"Yeah and the apartment was colorful. I just want a job that I love. Not that cleaning toilets isn't a dream job.. I want friends...I know I have friends but I don't know what I'm looking for. I want someone to take care of me...I want to be married one day. I want to be more than a statistic."

"You will be."

"Thanks for always letting me vent to you."

Phoebe smiled as a waiter walked over to them to take their orders. Phoebe glanced at the menu and ordered grilled cheese and french fries. Duncan ordered a pastrami melt and fries as well. It was a great first date for the girl who had never had a date. It was amazing how much they had to talk about. Phoebe felt so comfortable with him, she could just tell him anything.

The best part of the night though came towards the end, Duncan kissed her. She was really starting to doubt whether or not he was gay but did not feel she should question that. The kiss was extraordinary. She had never really known what a good kiss could feel like, the electricity and heat that came between them. The moment their lips touched. He held her face in his hands and she grabbed hold of his arms. It took her away to somewhere else and that night, she lay awake playing that kiss in her head and fell asleep smiling.

Soon the hot summer turned into fall and while she did see Joey, still doing construction, she no longer talked to him. He had tried to stop her the first few times she walked past the site where he was working, but she ignored him. It would just be too complicated. He would never get the way she lived. It would be much too scary, although she did love the attention he gave her as she walked by. It made her feel attractive and wanted. But she felt nothing could come of it and soon the construction was completed and Joey was gone. Probably off the build something else.

Then came New Years Eve and she, Marjorie, Cindy, Lowell and Duncan were all hanging out in Times Square. Ever since the first time Phoebe had seen Joey, it had become a tradition that she and Marjorie would go and try to find him but this time they were not looking for him. Duncan seemed quite nervous though which bothered Phoebe.

"What's going on?" Phoebe asked as she and Duncan were sitting together. It was cold and the two were huddled together.

"Nothing."

"Duncan."

"Well, I'm going on tour."

"Okay," Phoebe said. She wasn't sure why he was nervous about this. In the ten months she had known him, he had been in New York for a combined total of a month.

"I want you to come with me."

"What?"

"I talked to my boss and he said you could have a job working...maybe washing the uniforms or something but you can come with us."

"What?" Phoebe asked, thinking he was crazy.

"We're leaving for Prague in two weeks."

"Prague? I don't have a passport or ID of any kind...I don't even think I know my social security number. I certainly don't have the card."

"We'll get it for you and my boss said he'd paid for all your stuff...I told him about your situation."

"You're crazy."

"You can go to Prague. We're going there for a month or so and then we'll come back to the States and...we're gonna go to Milwaukee, Vegas and...well, we end in Vegas but..."

Phoebe looked at him and cocked her head to the side. This was bizarre. She couldn't leave New York, this was her home.

"I can't leave-"

"Leave what?"

Phoebe opened her mouth and closed it. She looked over at Marjorie, Lowell and Cindy sitting together and at Duncan. She loved Marjorie, Lowell and Cindy. They had been her family, kept her from losing her mind completely but she so desperately wanted to move forward, wanted to move on. Was staying with them holding her back from moving forward? Were they holding her back?

"Duncan."

"It's only for a year. Think of 1988 as your chance to start fresh and we'll be back in New York next December. But you'll get hotel rooms to stay in...free meals and you'll make money."

"You're serious?"

"Yes, come on, I listened to you back in August when you told me how much of a future you wanted. That future is not going to be found in junkyard and...and the next time a hot actor guy and I will show you those commercials one day and you will cry at how hot he is...the next time a hot actor asks for your number, you will be able say yes and give him one. You gotta stop talking and just start moving...earning three dollars an hour cleaning bathrooms at the Y, you're never gonna reach your goals."

Duncan was looking at her, his eyes wild. It made her nervous. Although, it could be fun, an adventure. She had never been out of New York and was she really leaving anything? She had no roots here. Maybe if she went on the road with Duncan for a year, she could make enough to go to college when she arrived back in New York.

"I'll do it."

"You will?"

"Yeah...I'll go with you. I'll do it."

Phoebe grinned as she and Duncan shared a kiss and hugged. This could be exciting, an amazing chance to see the world or at least the country. He was right, living in a junkyard was not going to bring her any closer to finding anything and perhaps 1988 would prove to be her best year yet. Sure, she would miss Marjorie, Lowell and Cindy but she knew eventually she would have to leave them and perhaps now it was time. Soon, she would be entering her twenties and she wanted her twenties to be everything that her teen years had failed to be.


	9. Chapter 9

**January 18, 1988**

Phoebe could not believe how lucky she was. She was in Prague. It had been such a whirlwind two weeks leading up to this trip. Duncan had told his boss all about her situation and he generously paid for everything she would need for the trip. She was given a US Passport, which she had never had before. She was even given an ID card. She had also obtained a copy of her social security card. It was all so amazing to her. She was especially drawn to that social security card, memorizing those nine numbers. There was something so heart warming to her about those numbers. It was proof she existed, she wasn't some nameless face wandering around the streets of New York. She was actually someone, she had a number, an ID. She was Phoebe Buffay, born February 16, 1969 in New York, New York.

She did cry when she said goodbye to Lowell, Marjorie and Cindy, but she knew she would see them again in a year. She would be returning on December 30th, 1988 and they decided that on New Years, they would reunite in the junkyard and with those goodbyes, Phoebe was ready to conquer Prague.

She didn't have much in the way of luggage. She packed the clothes she accumulated over the years, the stuff she had stolen and some stuff she had bought. She figured she'd probably have to buy more and she was okay with that. It was all so exciting for her. She had never even been on a plane before, never been out of New York and there she was now on a ten hour flight to Prague. She was going to be turning twenty in Prague. That sounded amazing. She would kick off the beginning of her twenties in a different country. It was definitely a long flight, but she was too excited to sleep or do anything. She spent the whole time writing in her journals and reading books on Prague. She had compiled a list of all the places she wanted to see in her two month stay in Prague.

They arrived in Prague in the early morning hours of January 18th. Phoebe would be getting her own hotel room. She had never had her own room. When she was growing up, she shared a room with Ursula. Then when she was on the street, there was no room at all. When she was in jail, she shared a room with thirty different women. Now, she had a space that was all her's. She hung up every dress and top she had, smiling as she ran her fingers over all the fabric. She took out her toiletries and placed them on the counter. She stared at the shower which was huge. It was late and some might think it would be strange to take a shower at three in the morning, but not for Phoebe. The last time she had a real shower was back in Leslie's house. She turned on the faucet and took off all her clothes, tossing them on to the floor. She stepped into the shower, letting hot water turn her skin pink. As she washed her hair, she began to think about haircuts. She was nineteen and her hair had not been cut or trimmed since she was twelve. It was now past butt length, which she hated. She would have to look up places in Prague to get her hair cut.

After her shower, she wrapped herself in a big, white fluffy robe that hung on a hook in the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, her hair, got fully ready to go to sleep, although she wasn't that tired. She walked out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom, plopping herself on the bed and reaching for the remote to turn on the TV. It didn't matter what she was watching. She just needed to watch anything and it was during an airing of dog show when a commercial began with a familiar face. There he was, Joey. He was placing a bottle of ketchup on its side and running down flights of stairs to get a hot dog where the ketchup dripped on to the hot dog. Duncan was right, he was hot. She looked over at her journal and opened it, she still had Joey's number. She contemplated calling him now but decided against it, not knowing how much that would cost or what time it was in New York. Instead, she got under the covers, pulling all the sheets towards her and burying her face in the pillow where she soon did fall asleep with the television still on.

She woke the next morning to knocking at her door. She didn't want to get up, it was the most amazing sleep she had had in five years. But she could hear Duncan calling for her to open up. She slowly got up, tightened the robe around her and turned off the television. She walked over to the door and opened it, still grinning.

"You made me get out of bed." Phoebe said, giving him a fake pout.

"I'm sorry...but I wanna go for breakfast." Duncan said.

"Alright...I have to get dressed. I have to take another shower...and I have to get my haircut and I slept in the most comfortable bed and I-I watched TV. I watched a dog show and...I saw the commercial with Joey and the ketchup and oh my G-d. I can't believe I gave up that chance and-and-oh my G-d, Duncan, you must think I'm insane."

"I don't actually. Hey, this is fun. I've never been here."

"I can't believe this. I slept in a bed last night. A bed. I haven't slept in a bed since I was fourteen," Phoebe squealed.

"Get dressed. I wanna explore."

"Okay...okay...I really wanna get my haircut."

"Alright."

"Come in and watch television and I'm gonna get dressed. I probably should wash my clothes. I haven't washed any of these clothes since I got them," Phoebe said as she walked over to her closet and pulled out a dress, she sniffed it and winced a little, "wooo...yeah, I stink."

"There's a laundry in the hotel."

"Oh, wow. Okay...well, I'm gonna wear the least stinkiest thing I own and then...get ready and then we'll wash all my clothes and stuff. I'm so happy right now," Phoebe said, giving a little twirl as she grabbed a red tank top and purple flowy skirt and went into the bathroom to get ready. She just felt so excited by everything. She felt like she was being reborn in a way.. Everything looked so different.

After getting ready, Phoebe and Duncan left the hotel and ended up at cafe called Cafe Louvre. Phoebe was a little taken aback by the menu as she kept looking at Duncan and then back at her menu.

"You alright, Pheebs?"

"Yeah it's just sausage, ham, bratwurst... it's going to be tough to be a vegetarian in Prague."

"Oh, yeah...but you can drink. The legal drinking age is like seventeen."

"Uh, I've been drinking heavily since I was fourteen. Lowell's like thirty something."

"Do you think that's creepy?"

"What?"

"He's a thirty year old homeless guy hanging out with two nineteen year old girls. He's a nice guy...it just...it is a little creepy."

"I met him when I was fourteen...but I guess it could be creepy but I don't see it like that. He doesn't do anything creepy. He just buys us booze. He's lost, you know. He's a father figure...kinda. Hmmmm, oh, I'm gonna get pancakes with berries and for a drink...well, you know don't laugh but I saw a psychic-"

"You saw a psychic?"

"Yeah, I was reading up on them. It's interesting...you know to be aware of stuff like that. She said that she could see me being around coffee or something. Maybe I should develop a taste for it...how about a grand cappuccino and if that doesn't work...Irish coffee."

"Sounds good to me."

"I still can't believe I'm here. I'm...I had my first plane ride...I mean, I don't know if I'll ever get this kind of opportunity again. If I'll get to go on a plane or see another country, this might be it...I just...I wanna absorb it all. Thank you for making me come. G-d, thank you."

"No, thank you...it's much more fun with you."

Phoebe smiled as she let out another squeal. She was sure she was probably acting a little silly but she didn't really care. She felt more alive and more ready to take on the world than she ever had.

After breakfast which she loved...she even liked the coffee... Phoebe and Duncan hit the town. They visited the Prague Castle and went shopping in New Town. Duncan had brought a camera and they took tons of pictures and in her head, Phoebe began to write songs about this adventure.

She also bought clothes and did indeed get her hair cut, getting it cut several inches so now it just came down to the middle of her back and not past butt. The evening was spent eating dinner and dessert and drinking with her and Duncan walking hand in down the streets of Prague, exchanging kisses and acting like two giddy kids. Phoebe instantly recalled that same feeling she had felt in the movie theater with Chandler, laughing at Chandler's jokes and acting young and silly. She had that same feeling once again with Duncan.

"You are so not gay," Phoebe said after one of their many shared kisses.

"I am. I swear," Duncan said, "I'm an ice dancer...by choice. My friends are all gay,."

"I know and that's cool, but I don't think you are."

"I am...or maybe I'm bi...or maybe I just like kissing you."

"Maybe...so Duncan let me ask you, if you could be anything you want...anything in the world, what you be?"

Duncan smiled as he grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. She felt herself melting while he held her closer.

"I don't know...I'd like to be successful in my ice dancing...successful. That's what I want to be. What about you?"

"Happy. Just happy. I want friends that are more like family, I want some family...I want love and a job and...music...and a home. I want to travel. I don't want Prague to be the only place I ever go. I just want to be happy. That's all. The only thing. The rest is just...stuff. I going to be twenty next month and I've been through things that people my age would have no clue about. I want to beat the odds."

"I think you are, Phoebe."

"I hope so."

"You know, I'm always gonna love you."

"I love you, too."

Phoebe and Duncan kissed again, this time it grew even deeper. She could feel her breath being taken from her as he wrapped his arms around her. She had never felt so safe as she had in that moment. His touch made her feel whole. It was the perfect first night, the perfect way to be in Prague.

That night, Phoebe could not stop smiling as she got ready for bed in the pink pajamas she had bought from New Town. She jumped into her bed and turned on the television, finding an American television station. She stopped on what seemed like a sitcom about a family with two sons named, Ben and Mike and a daughter named, Carol. The sitcom was followed by a drama about L.A. lawyers. She felt like she was catching up on everything she had missed from being out on the streets.

After that night, Phoebe's job began. She was in charge of the costumes. She would make sure they were clean and ready for the performers on the ice show. It was a definite step up from her three dollar an hour job cleaning bathrooms. She was now making ten dollars an hour and felt quite rich. She'd wake up, have breakfast and then spend a few hours at the ice rink. Then she would explore on her own and then go back help with the ice shows. Her evenings were spent drinking and hanging out with Duncan and the other ice dancers. It was a fantastic time for her.

It was few weeks in that she also discovered a passion, something she was actually good at. During a rehearsal, Phoebe and Duncan were sitting watching other ice dancers when she noticed Duncan kept rubbing his shoulders. He complained about being sore so she offered him a massage which he accepted. She had always liked giving massages and people seemed to enjoy hers and for the first time she began to wonder if perhaps this could be a job. Could there be a career where she could massage people for a living? She made a mental note that she would have to look it up.

This trip was definitely turning out to be one that would no doubt change the direction of the life of Phoebe Buffay. The first few weeks had proved to be wonderful and she could just imagine what the other months would bring.


	10. Chapter 10

**February 16th, 1988**

It took a month in Prague but as soon as things seemed to be going as well as they could, they ended up falling down to the bottom, crashing faster and faster until she had hit the bottom. It had all been some weird misunderstanding. and that had let to her being held captive, tortured for twenty four hours. She had been beaten, her eyes now swollen, her lip split her hair matted against her head. It had been a horrible, horrible misunderstanding, a misunderstanding that began about a week or so after she had arrived in Prague.

Phoebe often found herself on her own in Prague. Duncan was often practicing his ice dancing, usually after Phoebe's work was done so she would often go out on her own. She'd go to different clubs around Prague, dancing. She had even attended her first foam party which she found wild. She would dance with the pounding music pulsating through her, surrounded by fluorescent lights and foam. She would come home, drenched, drunk and happy. She didn't think much of making out with other guys under the dark lights of a nightclub. She and Duncan had not labeled their relationship. He told her he was gay so they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend although she accepted it, although she wasn't sure why she did, but she felt she had no choice.

She loved listening to all the music. Most of the clubs she went to played American eighties music although she had no clue what bands or music were currently popular. She also loved that she never had to buy herself a drink. She was tall, about five foot eight, with long blonde hair and looked very cute. Guy flocked to her and she had never felt so alive, so beautiful.

She had met Jakub at Klub Lavka. during her second week there. He had olive skin, dark brown eyes and a broad smile. He would not leave Phoebe's side the entire evening, constantly touching her waist and kissing her. She had told Duncan about Jakub and he didn't seem to have any reaction to it. Part of her had wanted him to feel jealous but Duncan had made it clear that he could not be her boyfriend although she doubted he was gay. She had doubted it for awhile, although he kept trying to convince her otherwise.

Jakub lived in a town about an hour away and Phoebe would take cabs to see him. She loved the way he cared for her. The touching, the warmth, all the emotions she had so desperately wanted and this man would give it to her. He was twenty five, and very smooth, constantly calling her beautiful and for the first time she had felt it. She had felt extraordinary under his gaze. Because she didn't really have a set work schedule, just a few hours every single day to make sure all the costumes for the show were ready, the rest of the time was spent on playing which she thoroughly enjoyed. She loved staying up late, the later the better and yet she always seemed to wake up and make it to work on time.

After she met Jakub, she met Tomas, another man she had met at a club called, Roxy. He had been tall, wore dark glasses even inside was bald. He made her laugh and although unlike Jakub, he wasn't always very nice with her and seemed rather rough at times. But she ignored it. She was dating two guys and this was all just fun. Sure she wanted Duncan, but he had made his stand very clear. So she decided to embrace this new world and not be held back by something that could never happen. She loved the world she was living but soon that all came to a crushing halt.

It began on February 15, the day before her twentieth. She had been gone most of the day on on the fourteenth, making it back in time for a Valentine's Day skating show. They had a couple days off and her goal was to spend it with Tomas and Jakub. When these plans were run by Duncan, he was upset. She was getting ready for a night out in her hotel room, Duncan was watching her, sitting on the bed.

"Why can't we hang out? We have a few days off and-"

"Because I wanna go out...and have fun and...Duncan..." Phoebe stopped.

G-d, she wanted him to be hers, wanted to be his girlfriend but he always stopped that, stopped when they would get to intimate. She wanted more, but it was apparent he wasn't able or willing to do that.

"What?"

"Can I be your girlfriend?"

"Pheebs..I'm gay. You can't change that."

"But...I don't think you are," Phoebe said.

She wasn't sure why she believed this so strongly, why she kept arguing it. But there was something about him she felt he was holding back. Something he was hiding and it made her angry that he would not come out, so to speak.

"I am. I was born that way."

"I know...but I think you're straight...I wanna to go out. I wanna to see Tomas and Jakub. Although, Jakub lives so far. He's sweet and Tomas scares me a little. But it'll be fun."

"Come on...you know those relationships won't last. We're headed back to the states in a month."

"I know and I'm gonna have fun. You can come with me."

"No, I wanna stay here. We can go for dinner and-"

"You don't ever want to do anything fun," Phoebe said.

"I work."

"So do I."

"It's different."

"You don't think what I do is hard?"

"I'm not saying that," Duncan said.

"Duncan...I want you...I want to be with you but you're not...I don't know. I mean, at the beginning this was great. But if you are gay, then...why do you keep kissing me and..."

"Because I love you...a lot."

"I'm gonna go out tonight and I'll see you tomorrow...unless you want to come."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Phoebe nodded as she let out a snort, slightly angry that he was letting her be by herself in Prague while he stayed behind. But she decided not to argue. They had had the same argument already, several times. She grabbed her stuff and left.

It had seemed so perfect at first. So wonderfully perfect. She and Duncan, strolling hand in hand, sharing kisses but it never went farther and he kept pulling away from her. He kept telling her he couldn't give her what she wanted although she doubted the truth in that.

First, she had gone out to see Jakub. He had taken to her to some club. He had taken her to dinner, bought her drinks. Although, the later the evening went, the more she started getting uncomfortable with him. Perhaps it was her mood, but she found his jokes increasingly unfunny and she really hated how far he was and how he never came to visit her. She decided on a whim that she had had enough of Jakub and quickly took a train back to meet Tomas for a late night party.

Things had been going well until she saw Tomas dancing with someone else. So she took that as her cue that she could dance with other guys and that's what she did. She danced and partied and soon she was sufficiently wasted. Tomas had seen her, grabbed her and was upset. She decided she had had enough of his roughness and broke up with him as well. She had tried to leave but Tomas had other ideas.

He had taken her back to his apartment, tied her to the bed and had sex with her, hit her. Phoebe had never seen rage like this. He had snapped and she was terrified. She stayed in his apartment, tied up, until late in the evening on February 16th.. Her twentieth birthday was spent in tears, struggling desperately wanting to break free from this man who wanted to keep her captive. He forced himself on her, yelling stuff in a language she did not understand.

When it seemed like she couldn't take anymore of the torture, Tomas ended up passing out besides her. She took that as her cue. She maneuvered her hands that had been tied with rope to the bed. She pulled at the ties until they came lose. She was afraid Tomas would wake so she tried to be as quiet as she could. Once her hands were free, she sat up and saw the knife Tomas had been using to scare her lying beside him. She reached for it and cut off the ties around her ankles.

She looked over at Tomas who was snoring heavily and a sense of anger took over her. How dare this man, this monster destroy her chances again. She was angry, angry at Duncan for letting her be alone in Prague, angry at herself for getting herself in this situation and angry at Tomas. She wanted to start her twenties in a happy setting. She wanted to kick off the next decade and have it be filled with possibilities. She no longer wanted to be afraid. She stared at the knife in her hand and saw Tomas starting to grumble. With a flash of her wrist, she plunged the knife into Tomas' heart, feeling the tears falling down her face. Her breath was shortened as Tomas let out a groan. She deserved better as she got up, got dressed and ran out of the apartment.

Now, there she was, all beaten up and walking towards the hotel. When she got to her room, she saw him. Duncan saw her as she got closer, standing up to greet her.

"Where the hell have you been?" Duncan asked.

"Move," Phoebe said as she slid her key into the door and opened it.

"What happened? Where were you?"

Phoebe walked in, she was breathing heavily, still angry at what had happened. In her mind, none of this would have happened if Duncan had been with her. If he had chosen to stay with her and be with her.

"Why weren't you with me? Why didn't you spend...Duncan, I want to be with you. I want to kiss you and hold you and be with you...but you don't want me. So I went out...and I had fun but...I guess one of the guys wanted more and...G-d, I hate you," Phoebe said as she lunged towards him, shoving him onto the bed.

"Phoebe."

"I am such an idiot. I fall for stupid people and all I want is something more, something better, Why don't I get that? Fuck you."

"I should've gone with you."

"You should've. Tomas...he held me captive, tied me to his bed...raped me...a lot. You know, I've never actually had sex that came from love. I lost my virginity because I was raped. I've had sex a lot. Never because I loved someone. I wonder what that's like. Tomas beat me up as he was raping me."

"I am so sorry. Look, you do deserve better. You deserve more than me...you...you know, we can press charges."

"I stabbed him with his knife."

"You did what?"

"Stabbed him. It was self defense."

"Oh, Phoebe."

Phoebe sniffled and walked into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She stared at herself, looking like someone had run her over several times. She grabbed a towel, turned on the faucet and ran the towel under it. She began washing the dried blood off her face when Duncan appeared behind her. He place his hands on her shoulders and gently kissed her neck.

"I love you, Pheebs."

She turned to him, stared at him with a look so intense it seemed to make the room melt around them.

"Then be with me."

Duncan gently moved his hand behind her head and guided it down towards him. They kissed, hard when suddenly Duncan pulled back.

"Wait...I don't wanna hurt you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"What about Tomas? Should we-"

"No...no one's gonna trace it back to me."

Duncan nodded and went in again to kiss her. He grabbed her hand and led her to the bed where she sat down. She was in pain, it had been a rough, horrific twenty four hours. Her lip hurt, her wrists and ankles ached, her insides felt like someone had lit a match inside her but she did not care. She did not care about the pain she was in. She wanted Duncan more than she cared about the pain. She unbuttoned his shirt as he gently took off her tank top, gently cupping his hands around her breasts. She lay down on the bed and let Duncan kiss her body, letting herself be taken away.


	11. Chapter 11

**December 28th, 1988-January 14, 1989**

She stood there, staring at him, grinning from ear to ear. She looked up at the bright white sign that in red letters said "The Little White Chapel" and then back at him. They were really going to do this. Phoebe and Duncan were about to get married. It had been a back and forth discussion, but they came up with the plan and decided that they would go through with it.

"We're gonna do this, right?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah. You and me...we'll get married. I get to stay in the country and when you get actually married, we'll divorce."

"Okay...but you're gonna stay in the country anyway."

"We're doing this," Duncan said.

Phoebe nodded as they stood in front of the Las Vegas chapel, ready to tie the knot. The ten months following her disastrous twentieth birthday had been a crazy whirlwind of activity that all let to this moment, this amazing wonderful moment. She wasn't sure she would ever get married. She wasn't even sure what would happen when she arrived back in New York, but this was the stability she needed.

After stabbing, Tomas, Phoebe still kept going out but this time Duncan would go with her. She had been worried for that somehow they would trace the stabbing back to her but they never did. It seemed Tomas was an unsavory type of character with many, many enemies. The police determined it was an accidental death because his alcohol level was so high when they found him. Phoebe wasn't quite sure how it could have been determined to be an accident, but she wasn't about to argue. It seemed like enough people around town disliked Tomas, so no one really bothered digging that deeply which Phoebe would forever be grateful for and the rest of the month in Prague was fairly uneventful.

She was sad to say goodbye but thrilled to get back to the States. She loved touring the country, absorbing the culture. She saw a man with a beard of bees in a town just outside Chicago in Illinois, she witnessed a chicken playing tic-tac-toe in a town in Texas and she and Duncan finally had sex in Milwaukee which she found to be the strangest place she had ever been.

That night had been glorious though. They had had a night off and went dancing at a club that wasn't too strict on carding because while in Prague she could drink legally, in the States, Phoebe was still considered underaged at twenty. Duncan was twenty one and happily supplied the alcohol for both himself and Phoebe. The two drank and before they knew it, they were back in Phoebe's hotel room, pulling each others clothes off, kissing, touching each other. It had felt so wonderful being with him, finally absorbing herself in him. The way he had held her, she felt safe, warm even. Her first time being with someone she truly loved.

She had fallen so deep and so hard for the ice dancing Duncan that she wasn't sure how she would function without him and thus began their plan. Duncan wanted to work with a US based tour, so he quit the Canadian Ice Capades. He wanted a Green Card Marriage and Phoebe wanted security. She would accept that it was temporary, that it would not last forever but she liked the idea of being married. She liked having that security blanket that she could have for as long as she needed and even after Duncan found out from a friend that he had gotten a job touring with the US Capades, they still decided to go through with the marriage.

That was how they ended up standing in front of the chapel, ready to take that plunge. Phoebe was nervous and dressed in a lavender dress she had gotten from a vintage store.

"Let's do this, Pheebs."

Phoebe nodded as she and Duncan ran inside the chapel towards the heavy double doors when they were stopped by an older woman sitting at a desk scolding them and telling them not to run inside the chapel. Phoebe let out an annoyed sigh but Duncan took charge, placing their names down and taking her hand down towards the couch where they waited.

"Wow...this is insane. How is this even going to work?" Phoebe asked.

"Look, I want to stay in this country-"

"Which you will because you now have a job in the US Capades and you start touring like two weeks after the new year."

"I know...why don't you come with me?" Duncan asked.

"Because I want to be a massage therapist. I wanna go to college and get my license. I have to look into that. School would start in September of next year, so I can't go with you for that long. I need to look into it."

Phoebe has made that decision during her time away. She had a gift for massage, that's what Duncan and the other ice skaters kept saying. She could relieve pain and help ease stress. She liked that, liked feeling like she was helping. There was so much that was stressful in life. She more than anyone could attest for that. She liked the feeling of helping people, of making them feel better. It always lifted her up.

"But where will you live? I don't have a place in New York," Duncan said.

"I'll figure it out. I've made it this far and I'll end up on my feet and I'll do it. I swear. I'm gonna be okay and when I have an apartment, you will be the first to know."

"How will you let me know?"

"I'll have my ways."

"G-d, I'm gonna miss you."

"You'll be my husband...until further notice," Phoebe said.

Duncan leaned in and kissed her. They sat holding hands and waited until it was their turn. The two stood up and walked towards the doors and inside where the ceremonies were taking place. The wedding march began to play as they walked down the aisle and a guy dressed in a long black gown with a string of pearls and long brown hair stared at them, smiling. Phoebe and Duncan could not stop grinning as the guy in drag stood before them.

"Hello. My name is Helena Handbasket. I am a newly ordained minister, plus I also will be headlining my very first show called, Viva Las Gaygas. Will you two lovlies attend?"

"I'm...I'm not twenty one yet," Phoebe smiled. "Am I allowed to go? I'll be twenty one next year, next February, actually. Only two months."

"She's young," Duncan said.

"I'll see what I can do. My first show is at midnight tonight at Cesears Palace."

Phoebe and Duncan could not stop smiling as Helena continued with the ceremony for them to be husband and wife. It was perfect, a perfect wonderful arrangement. She would still be able to go out, date around and Duncan got to continue to be a citizen. They would be each others safety net for as long as they needed it. This bond that would keep them connected would also keep them from falling apart completely.

That night, Helena had gotten both Phoebe and Duncan into see his show. The young, newly married couple watched in amazement as Helena sang "It's Raining Men" with half naked guys in wearing rain jackets and yellow hats dancing behind her. Phoebe was happier than she had been in a long time, happier than she had been ever.

"Wow...this is best wedding ever. We get married by a drag queen and then he-slash-she invites us to see their show. It's amazing," Phoebe said.

"I know. This is our wedding reception."

"Yeah...although, I am look forward to the wedding night...G-d, Dunc...I can't believe this is ending. Thank you...for everything."

"You're welcome...and I'm sorry, I wasn't completely there for you in Prague. I feel like I'm abandoning you again."

"You're not. I'm going to be fine, Duncan. I have survived so much. It's going to happen for me. I know it is."

"How are you always so positive?"

"Because I have to be...because I can't let myself think about everything I've gone through or how much left I have to do. I have to think this is going to work out. I've made it this far. I've had three neath death experiences...I've been in jail...and this is all before I turned twenty. My twenties are gonna be better. You mark my words."

Duncan smiled as he leaned to kiss her. She kissed back and let out a laugh as she covered her mouth. Soon, the chords to another song began. Phoebe looked down at the program and up Helena who began to sing Madonna's, "Like a Virgin".

"Like a Virgin?"

"You know this?" Duncan asked.

"I heard it once a really long time ago. Oh, feel your heart beat next to mine-"

"Wow...Pheebs, can I be honest now as your Green Card Husband, your singing not really-"

"Like a vi-ir-irrrr-gin. Touched for the very first time," Phoebe stared at Duncan and continued singing which melted into her now signature laugh, loud and slightly nasal "Oh nooo...what are we gonna do?"

Duncan laughed as well as Phoebe danced in her seat to the tunes of Helena Handbasket. It was proving to be quite the amazing, wonderful wedding and it soon got better.

After the show, they retreated to Phoebe's room where the kissing continued. They ripped at each others clothes, pushing each other onto the bed, holding onto each other as if letting go meant the other would disappear. They had become good at this, ever since that moment in Milwaukee. They had been drunk then when Duncan had slid into her that first time, when she had for the first time actually experienced what it felt like to be truly loved. The fire lit from within her returned that night in Vegas.

She loved this man, loved him with every fiber of her being. The way he was so gentle with her, caressed her, with every touch, he seemed to know exactly what to do to elicit a required response, gently stroking between her thighs, kissing her stomach and moving up her body. She was amazed at how naturally her role came to her as she massaged the area right above his private area, running her fingers inside the rim of his boxers. She gently tugged at his ear lobe with her teeth, a move he seemed to love. Their bodies just fit like puzzle pieces, no words needed. He grabbed a condom and Phoebe took it from him, gently opening it and rolling it onto him. He moaned slightly as he kissed her again and slid into her. She gently wrapped her legs around his waist as he moved back and forth. That feeling, she had never known it to be that perfect. Before Duncan, she had never known sex to be enjoyable. It had been a job, something she had been forced to do in order to survive but with him, it was different.

Technically, she had lost her virginity when she had been sixteen when that pimp raped her in the back of his car after she had stole it and crashed it. But the night in Milwaukee, the night in Vegas, even that night when he had comforted her after her horrific twentieth birthday, she would forever say that she lost her virginity to Duncan. He was the one that made her feel whole again, he fixed her, made her better.

They returned to New York on December 30th. As soon as Duncan and Phoebe got off the plane, they took a cab to a location near the junkyard where she knew Lowell, Cindy and Marjorie would be waiting for her as they had promised a year earlier and sure enough, there they were, waiting. The friends reunited, hugging, crying and Phoebe told them all about her adventures, at least some of them. She did not tell them how she killed a guy in Prague, nor did she tell them how she and Duncan had married in Vegas. Those would forever be her stories, hers and Duncan's.

A lot had changed in the year that she had been away, now Marjorie, Lowell and Cindy no longer lived in the junkyard. It had become too dangerous. Now, they lived right outside Port Authority with an albino man who washed windows and was simply referred to as Blackie. Phoebe enjoyed these digs a little more. This time, they could sleep inside on benches when it got too cold. She decided she would also get a job there. There were restaurants there and she could wait tables. Duncan stayed by her side while she got applications from every restaurant and store at Port Authority and watched as she filled them all out. She would end up getting enough money to go to school as a masseuse.

Duncan and Phoebe stayed together as much as they could, knowing their time together was short. Her first night back, when she slept outside Port Authority, Duncan slept with her. She thought it was so sweet. For New Years Eve, they once again went to Times Square to watch the Ball drop and soon it was officially 1989.

It had been a crazy six years. The eighties had been wild, her teens had been unreal but now there she was, a twenty year old celebrating the last year of the eighties. She had survived and would now keep moving forth. As she lay in Duncan's arms, he handed her a box. She opened it and grinned. It was a big sterling silver ring that had flowers engraved on it. She placed it on her finger and looked at it.

"This is beautiful."

"Just so you know...where ever you go, I'm with you."

"I know. I love you, Duncan."

"I love you too, Phoebe."

Phoebe smiled as they kissed and continued to watch the ball drop. He wrapped his arms around her, tighter.

A couple weeks later, Phoebe went with him in a cab to JFK. He would be flying to Colorado to begin practice for the Capades. He would be there for a few months, but he would call The Closet which which was a novelty item store at Port Authority where Phoebe had found work. As soon as he got settled, he would call and give her his information.

Saying goodbye was horribly tough, the tears kept falling when she kissed him goodbye. He had made her believe again. He had made her whole. She would never be the same, she knew that much. Her heart broke as he disappeared into the airport. He said he would be back, but she didn't want him to go. She wanted so badly to run after him, to join him but there would not be anything for her if she went. She knew she wasn't supposed to go with him. That wasn't her destiny. She wasn't quite sure what her destiny was, but she knew it just wasn't that.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Still hoping for more reviews! But thank you to those who have...the end of this chapter is dedicated to the memory of Whitney Houston. Not wanting to reveal my age, but I will say, her music inspired me and her passing is just so incredibly sad. When I was young, actually made up dances to the songs I mention in this chapter-there are no videos of this. So there. You can try to find them, but you won't. **_

_**Oh and BluEyes-I don't think I repeated or left out any words in this one!**_

* * *

><p><strong>February 16th, 1989<strong>

Phoebe had been working at the Port Authority for a month, working the cash register at The Closet selling random crap to tourists. She still slept outside Port Authority, but every morning she could go wash up in the bathroom. She was desperate to save up enough to go to the New York Institute of Massage. It was a three year program and with books, it would probably run her about fifty five grand. She knew she needed to look into some sort of financial aid. It was more money than she could even think of and then there was the New York State Exam which she would have to take which would set her back another hundred and fifty bucks. It was crazy to her and she wanted to start in September with at least with one semesters worth of tuition paid off. She was definitely working hard and she loved living at Port Authority, it was surprisingly fun. She and Duncan talked every single night. He gave her the number of the hotel he was staying at and she would call him collect from one of the many pay phones and he'd tell her how lonely he was and she'd talk about customers that came into the store.

She did miss Duncan, missed him a lot but she knew she made the right decision. Her twenties had to go well. She had no choice. Sure, they had not begun all that well but with some calculation, she figured she would thirty years old on February 16th, 1998. When she turned thirty, she wanted to have a home to call her own. She wanted a career and she wanted a husband or at least have Duncan back with her and be her real husband after all she did not think he was actually gay. In the time she had known Duncan, she had yet to see him with a man.

But now, today, she was twenty one and she wanted to make this birthday incredibly memorable. She wanted it to be legendary. She wanted wild freedom and to be crazy and over the top.

"So, your first legal drink," Marjorie said as she and Phoebe sat at the bar of one of the many restaurants in Port Authority. She had the day off, actually had the next four days off. Her birthday was falling on a Thursday this year and her boss decided to give her a birthday gift, four paid days off to celebrate. Phoebe smiled as she took a sip of her whiskey and coke.

"So anti climatic, though. I mean...I've been a pretty heavy drinker for the last seven years."

"I know...but...what are we gonna do?" Marjorie asked.

"I don't know. Where are you supposed to go when you're twenty one?"

"Oh my G-d...Pheebs, Marjorie...do you know who that is?" Sue Ellen asked, walking over to them.

Sue Ellen was one of the bartenders. It was another reason why Phoebe actually liked living in Port Authority, she was making friends left and right, one was Sue Ellen, a very pretty blonde much like Phoebe, but far more voluptuous. Sue Ellen was now staring at them with wide eyed excitement as she pointed at a table of five guys.

"No, who?" Phoebe asked.

"Jethro Tull," Sue Allen said.

"Who's Jethro Tull?" Phoebe asked.

"A band. Come on, Pheebs," Sue Ellen said.

"I've been out of the loop, Sue Ellen. Don't get mad," Phoebe grinned.

"Oh G-d. They're looking...they're coming over," Sue Ellen said, practically shaking.

"You have to calm down, Sue Ellen. You're the bartender. They probably want drinks or something crazy like that," Phoebe grinned.

As they approached the bar, one of the band members kept staring at Phoebe, smiling which made her blush. They were nice guys, friendly, British and cute and as they talked, Sue Ellen let it slip accidentally or on purpose, Phoebe wasn't quite sure, that Phoebe was celebrating her twenty first birthday and it was then decided that Phoebe Buffay would have her twenty first birthday hanging out with Jethro Tull in Las Vegas.

The four day party began that night when Phoebe, Marjorie and Sue Ellen boarded Jethro Tull's private jet that would take them across the country to Las Vegas, Nevada. She felt like a little girl. She had told Duncan about going to Vegas with Jethro Tull but he had a show in Chicago. He told her to have fun and even laughed when she told him she would probably have to cheat on him. As she rested her head against the plushy, leathery seat, she stared out the window. It was amazing how things were going for her.

When she had begun her journey as that homeless fourteen year old, wandering the streets, running into Joey and being so happy when he let her have his plate of mozzarella sticks, she never would have imagined her path. It was incredible and she was quite certain this was going to be the best birthday she had had since well forever. She wanted it to be glorious. The kind of birthday with a story so wonderful that when she did have that dream thirtieth birthday, it would be the story she'd indulge her friends with while sipping cocktails in her fabulous home on the arm of her husband.

"Do you play?" The man whom she had learned was the guitarist of Jethro Tull asked as he plopped down next to her.

Phoebe smiled as she looked at her guitar case. G-d, that battered old brown leather guitar case. Thanks to Prague, she was able to afford some luggage, but she still loved that guitar case and the guitar it carried. It had been the one thing that had remained so consistent throughout her life.

"Yeah...a little. I'm self taught."

"Wow...so what do you play?" The guitarist asked.

"Lots of things...I like folksy stuff. I write a lot of my own songs," Phoebe said.

"Maybe we can play together?"

"I'd like that," Phoebe said.

Phoebe grinned, the smile becoming so broad that her jaw almost began to hurt. The guitarist placed his arm around her and stared at her with a look so intense that she almost broke beneath his gaze. Yeah, she would definitely be cheating on her marriage that weekend.

The hotel room was not a room, it wasn't a room at all. It was a gigantic suite overlooking most of Las Vegas. She could not believe her luck. As soon as they arrived, Phoebe, Sue Ellen and Marjorie noticed a giant hot tub smack dab in the middle of the suite so they did what any trio of young girls would do when invited to stay the weekend with rock stars in their suite. They got into bikinis, cracked opened several bottles of champagne, poured glasses and hopped in. Phoebe let out a loud moan as the bubbles from the water jets ran around her. The members of the band joined them as well.

"I can't believe we're here," Phoebe said, squealing to Marjorie as she took a sip of her champagne.

"I know, I know," Marjorie said.

"I am homeless. I have no family...I have a criminal record-"

"Wait, wait..." one of the band members, the one she knew as the drummer began, looking at Phoebe, "you have a record?"

Phoebe let out a sigh, not sure how much she should reveal but then again while she wasn't up to date on the latest in pop culture or music, but she wasn't completely in the dark. I mean, they were rock stars after all. Rock stars were not known for living quiet lives. They might find her story weird. After all, no one ever expected such stories to come out of the tall blonde with the rather innocent looking face.

"When I was seventeen...I got arrested for stabbing a cop," Phoebe said, smiling as she took a sip of her champagne. All eyes were suddenly on her, stunned. "But...he totally stabbed me first."

"How do you even know for sure? I mean, we were bombed out of our minds," Marjorie said.

"Because I just know...he stabbed me so...I stabbed him and spent six months in jail and another six in a youth detention center," Phoebe said.

"Oh...looks like we got a bad girl on our hands," the singer of the band cooed.

Phoebe opened her mouth and closed it, slowly biting her bottom lip. This could be a lot of fun.

"Hmmm, well...I wouldn't...well depends...how bad do you want me to be?" Phoebe asked, grinning.

One of the band members pulled Phoebe towards him and gently smacked her bottom while pulling her into a kiss. She happily kissed back. Sure, she had thought about Duncan but it was a marriage of convinence, a secret one and he knew what was going on and she assumed he would be engaged in some of the same activities, although she did hope he wasn't.

That night, that crazy night was only the beginning to what Phoebe knew she would look back on as one of the greatest birthdays she had ever had. She tried to remember her last great birthday, the last time she got to actually celebrate and be wild and free and she couldn't recall it. There had been a few birthdays in her childhood that had been good at best, never memorable. This was memorable. The four days in Vegas spent with Jethro Tull in their suite were filled with booze, sex and drugs, although she didn't partake in the drugs, the drinking and sex thrilled her.

The feeling of being so free, that's what excited her the most. She had been free for so long. Her life defined by independence and those four days in Las Vegas where she barely slept, drank, danced in clubs, were everything she had ever hoped for.

On her last night there, she even made a new friend, Helena Handbasket herself. She had taken Marjorie, Sue Ellen and the guys from Jethro Tull to see the show. That night, Helena was doing Whitney Houston covers, he was dressed in a long black dress and wearing a long brown wig.

"This is amazing...I bet Whitney Houston would love this," the lead singer of Jethro Tull said as Helena burst into "How Will I Know?".

"How Will I know? They play this at work over the speakers all the time. How will I know if he really loves me-" Phoebe sang.

"Nice voice," one of the Jethro Tull band members said.

"Really?" Sue Ellen asked.

"How will I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heartbeat. I fall in love whenever we meet. I'm asking you 'cause you know about these things. How will I know if he's thinking of me-" Phoebe sang and was soon joined by her friends and the band members as they sang loudly along to Helena.

Hearing the voices in the audience and a very familiar sounding laugh, Helena recognized Phoebe instantly and invited her and the rest of the group onto the stage to sing along with him. "How Will I Know" turned into "I Wanna Dance with Somebody". Phoebe and her friends became the dancers, Phoebe swinging her hair back and forth, singing at the top of her lungs, holding onto Helena and just having the time of her life.

After the show, Helena invited the group to hang out with him after the show and they took Helena up on the offer, heading out to the clubs and soon ending up at a twenty four hour diner, drinking coffee which Phoebe was definitely developing a taste for and eating pie.

"So, darling...tell me...what is going on? Where is the husband?" Helena asked.

"Wait, husband? You're married?" One of the Jethro Tull band members asked.

"To whom?" Marjorie asked.

"To this...to Duncan. It's a green card marriage and he's gay...so it's just...it's a nice little safety net for both of us," Phoebe said.

"You've cheated a lot this weekend," The bassist grinned.

"I know, but it's fine," Phoebe said.

"I cannot believe you and Duncan got married. Why didn't you tell me?" Marjorie asked.

"It's a secret...Helena was our minister," Phoebe said.

"I prefer queen," Helena said.

" I mean, I'll probably eventually divorce him when I meet someone who isn't gay," Phoebe said, although in her heart, she cringed a little at the word divorce. There was a secret hope that would not be the case.

"Awww, divorce...I know that well," Helena said.

"You were married?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Yes, I was. Her name is Nora...she writes erotic novels," Helena said.

"You were married to a woman?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Of course. We even had a son...a beautiful little boy. Although, he's not quite little anymore. He's nineteen. He'll be twenty in April," Helena said.

"Oh, what a lucky guy to have you as his father," Phoebe said.

"He wouldn't agree...I think he's still hoping he'll be put up for adoption," Helena grinned.

"Can you adopt me?" Phoebe asked.

"Me too," Marjorie said.

"Me three," Sue Ellen chimed in.

The girls laughed as the party continued and kept continuing as Phoebe wrapped up her four days in Vegas. She arrived back at Port Authority early Monday morning, bidding farewell to the boys in Jethro Tull, giving each of them a long kiss goodbye. She would never see them again and that was fine. She never wanted to see them again. She would write the band name in her notebooks, didn't matter the names, it was just the band and that glorious time in Vegas.

Later that Monday, as she worked, she heard "How Will I Know" over the speakers. She grinned to herself, forever holding on to that memory, that moment. She would forever love Jethro Tull...and Whitney Houston.


	13. Chapter 13

******Please, please review! Even if you've never reviewed before and I have a reason...I want to know if you have a clue as to who Phoebe's mystery donor is. If you have an idea, that will change how I write the rest of the story. So, pretty please review. I'll buy you a cookie!  
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**Also, as we approach the nineties, I will be skipping years...so the next chapter will take place in 1992.  
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* * *

><p><strong>August 1, 1989-December 14 1989<strong>

It was late August when she got the letter. It was mailed to The Closet, using the address of her work place as the address for the New York Institute of Massage to send her materials. She had made enough and saved enough to afford a semester of school and decided to go there. She would have to figure out the rest as she went but for that one semester, she was able to go to school. She had made it. She had filled out the required applications, she had interviewed with the correct people, they all knew her situation and regardless of that, she had gotten in. She had gotten into college. Holding that letter, she began to shake. She began crying. Her boss, a lovely woman named, Betty, generously let her have a break to celebrate so she quickly ran to to the restaurant where Sue Ellen worked. She saw Marjorie and Sue Ellen drinking together when she slammed her acceptance letter on the bar.

"I got in," Phoebe said.

"What?" Sue Ellen asked.

"I'm going to college. I mean, granted...it's not a typical college but I can...it's so I can get a career. I mean, I have no clue how I'll pay for more than one semester. Probably a lot of financial aid. But I'm getting a degree."

"I am so happy for you," Marjorie said as she hugged Phoebe.

"Drinks," Sue Ellen said as she grabbed three shot glasses and filled them with tequila. The three girls lifted their glasses, clicked them together and downed the shots.

"Awesome," Phoebe said.

"Okay now that you're going to college...now will you please live in my apartment?" Sue Ellen asked.

"You live in a studio," Marjorie said.

"It's a home," Sue Ellen said.

"No, no...'cause then I'd owe you money for rent and utilities. I need to save up. It's a lot of money. G-d, I wish my mom were here...I'd love to tell her. Maybe I should tell my step dad. I wanna tell someone," Phoebe said.

"Have you visited him?" Marjorie asked.

"Not since I was eighteen," Phoebe said. "This is really happening and when I get a home, you ladies will be invited. When I get an apartment, I'll invite you," Phoebe said.

"Maybe the three of us could be roommates...living in an apartment together?" Marjorie asked.

"Hmmm, I don't think I'd want to be roommates with someone I'm close too...that just seems like it won't end well," Phoebe said.

"What kind of roommate would you want?" Marjorie asked.

"Someone laid back. I could not handle someone who is anal and needs everything to be in a certain spot. People who are obsessively neat," Phoebe said.

"I hate people like that," Sue Ellen said.

"I can't believe this is happening. I need a pen...and a notebook. Oh, wow." Phoebe said.

Thrilled could not even begin to capture her state of mind. As she got herself ready for her first day of school, she tried to remember the last time she had been in a classroom. It had been right before Christmas in 1982, several weeks before before her mom passed away. She was fourteen and in ninth grade. That first half of ninth grade seemed so long ago. She remembered studying for an Algebra final with Leslie, rereading her notes on Animal Farm and Midsummer Night's Dream for English. She remembered studying Biology and French and American History. She had taken her finals although it now dawned on her that she never found out how she had done on them. She remembered Harry, that boy that lived down the street. He had been in her English class. It had been that final, that had been the last time she was in a classroom. Ursula was sitting behind her, Leslie sitting to her left and Harry took the seat to her right.

He had been wearing a red sweater, his hair shaggy brown and he had big brown eyes. He smiled at her as he took that seat. She smiled back.

"Hi, Phoebe," Harry had said.

Phoebe loved that. People who knew she was twin always asked if they were Phoebe or Ursula before they began talking to her, but Harry could always tell the difference between the two. It didn't matter where they were, even if Ursula and Phoebe were standing side by side, Harry knew who was who.

"Hi, Harry," Phoebe had responded.

"Are you ready for the final?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. I loved Animal Farm. It was good...although, I have to admit, even though I'm a vegetarian, I would eat those pigs," Phoebe said.

"They're not nice. What are you doing for break?"

"Um, hanging out with my mom and sister..and I mean, I don't usually do anything for New Years," Phoebe said.

"Well, you wanna do something? Maybe go to the movies or something?" Harry asked.

"Yeah...I'd love to."

"Good."

That conversation made her sad to think about now. She remembered that Harry had taken her to a movie and at the end had said goodbye and he would see her next year. She wondered if Harry had thought of her. If he had walked into school and wondered what happened to her. She wondered what the teachers had told her classmates. Probably nothing. Harry would probably be in college now, not really thinking about that random girl he had taken to the movies once in ninth grade.

Her first day of class in massage school, Phoebe was absolutely freaked. Sue Ellen, Marjorie and Betty helped her get ready for this all important first day. It was still August and incredibly humid so she wore a long blue dress with with white polka dots, wore her hair in braids and wore several long necklaces. She wore two sterling silver rings on each finger, something she had recently started to do. She had always loved rings, but lately she had started her own little trend, wearing two or three on each finger. The final touch were her school supplies. She had gotten her books and Sue Ellen had bought her a tie dyed backpack. Betty had gotten her a stack of Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper notebooks which Phoebe loved. They had pictures of unicorns and baby animals gracing the covers. Marjorie had gotten her glittery pencils and paper. Even her old friends, Lowell and Cindy neither of whom lived in Port Authority anymore came by to wish her off on her first day. Phoebe felt like a kid going off to school for the first time with her friends waving her off.

She walked into her Anatomy and Physiology course, the first one she had taken in years. She was a little nervous about this one because it required that she know biology. She had only had one semester of biology. She was gone for the second semester, therefore missing all the big stuff like dissection which truthfully she was thrilled about. She still felt nauseous when she thought about that day towards the beginning of ninth grade when she was told she'd have to dissect a frog and a fetal pig. She immediately told her teacher she would not be doing anything of a sort. But she had thankfully missed all that because she had dropped out of school before she had to do that.

Phoebe took a deep breath as she walked into the classroom and took a seat. She noticed that she looked different than everyone. First she was the only one in a dress. Everyone seemed to be wearing big puffy sweaters and jeans with lots of holes in them. She also felt weird when she pulled out her Trapper Keeper with the baby tiger on it and a silver glittery pencil.

"Is that Lisa Frank?" A girl asked, sitting next to her.

"Yeah," Phoebe said.

"My little cousin loves those. She's ten," the girl said.

Phoebe bit her lip. Not quite sure what she should say. This wasn't the streets. This was a classroom and she had forgotten those rules. She looked around the room and noticed everyone had boring looking notebooks with boring looking pens. She was the only one who had a notebook that was apparently favored by the elementary set. She silent kicked herself at first.

"I like it," Phoebe said. "They're cute."

The girl was about to say something else when the professor walked and Phoebe jumped a little and stared ahead, ready to absorb everything. The professor's name was, Allie Mariano, a petite woman. with brown hair who walked in with a stack of papers. She handed out what Phoebe soon learned were the syllabuses for the semester. She looked through it, stunned at the amount she would have to do even for just one class and she was taking three. There was this was this class, Business Management and Health and Hygiene. It would be a lot of work.

Allie seemed nice enough though, but soon enough Phoebe realized there was another reason she would stand out and not just for her child like notebooks and glittery pencils. Allie had decided that each student should say their name and something about themselves. Everyone had pretty bland backgrounds, pretty normal backgrounds. Some where just coming out of high school, some were changing careers, some were college graduates. Everyone had something that seemed normal. Phoebe was dreading her turn. When it came, all eyes were on her.

"Um...I'm Phoebe Buffay. I'm from New York...uh and...I'm twenty one. I didn't go to college and I dropped out of high school in ninth grade because my mom killed herself and um...well, I have lived around for the last seven years. I have my GED and I'm working as a cashier at a novelty store and also as musician to raise money for me to come here."

The room was silent after her little intro. She had expected that. She knew these people would never get it. Her life was so different than the rest of them. The opportunities that came to her were never just handed to her.

"Alright, moving on..." Allie said and soon other students began talking. Phoebe felt her heart sink a little. She was too different, too weird. Her life was just a little too off.

That evening after her first day of school, she sat with Betty, Marjorie and Sue Ellen at one of the restaurants in Port Authority eating, drinking and listening as Phoebe talked about her first day.

"First...Lisa Frank is for ten year olds," Phoebe said.

"They're cute. You like baby animals," Betty said.

"I do...but...and everyone there is like...oh I went to college or I'm changing careers or...and it's gonna be so much work."

"I have an Apple Computer in my office. You can use it to write any papers you want," Betty said.

"Can you teach me how to use it?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes," Betty said.

"Thanks. I don't even know if I'm smart enough for this. I mean, all this reading and...I studied for my GED but...I don't know. Am I stupid for doing this?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, hon...no," Betty said.

"Look, you deserve this. You more than anyone. You deserve a break," Marjorie said.

"So do you," Phoebe said.

"I know...but I'm gonna be a musician. Even the drummer for Jethro Tull said I have talent," Marjorie said.

"I can't believe you girls went to play with Jethro Tull in Vegas," Betty said.

"I still can't believe I did the band," Phoebe grinned.

"Hmmm, my employee of the year," Betty said.

"Thanks boss...no, you know...no, I can do this and I am gonna do this with Lisa Frank notebooks and glittery pencils. I never got notebooks with baby animals and unicorns on them so you know what...I'm gonna have 'em. I have worked way too hard to get to where I am and screw you people that are gonna look down on me for having cute notebooks. I'm going to do this. I mean, I have no clue how I will pay for next semester. Hopefully, I get some sort of financial aid...not even sure I'll survive this semester. Bur I will do this...or die trying," Phoebe said.

The four woman picked up their respective drinks and clinked them together. Phoebe was determined and she had support. She would keep going and she did for the remainder of the first semester, she studied, took notes, wrote papers and shocked herself at how well she was doing. As the first semester was nearing to a close with a few short weeks left, she was pretty certain that she would end with all B's and the next step was just wondering how she would pay for the next semester.

It was the beginning of December when she saw him again. She was sitting on the subway as it went from the city to Brooklyn and back. There was something kind of soothing about sitting on the subway and studying. She saw him when he got on although he looked older now, his brown hair slicked back and he was wearing a tight t-shirt and jeans. She recognized the face instantly. He was sitting by himself and she slowly got up and moved to the empty seat next to him. He looked over at her, flashed a smile and looked ahead again. He didn't remember her? Although it had been years since he had seen her, he probably had had a lot of girlfriends since then. But she remembered him.

"Um...are you Chandler?" She asked.

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Phoebe smiled at him. She knew she was right, she'd recognize those crystal blue eyes anywhere.

"Yes...and you are?"

"You don't remember me? Wow...I'm Phoebe. Do you remember when you were fifteen and you went to see Hot Dog the Movie and-"

The flash of recognition appeared on his face as his mouth dropped open. He nodded and gave her a smile.

"Oh, Phoebe. Yeah...I remember now. Sorry...I...but yeah, I remember...one of the first girls to ever reject me," Chandler grinned.

Phoebe let out a snort. She did feel guilty, she still felt guilty about what had happened but she couldn't have said anything to him. What could she have done?

"I didn't reject you," Phoebe said.

"No, no...it's fine. Believe me, I've been rejected many times since then. Last week, I told my now ex that I loved her and she said, 'oh crap.'"

"Awww, Chandler. I don't want to be in that group because I didn't reject you."

"It's fine."

"No...okay, you're not going to believe me...but I didn't give you my number because I didn't have one."

"What?" Chandler asked, giving her a look.

"I'm homeless."

"Come on."

"I'm not lying...okay, here's my story..." Phoebe wasn't sure if she should be telling this complete stranger on the subway everything, but she felt she needed to and he was surprisingly easy to talk to...and he wasn't a complete stranger. She just hated thinking that he considered her one of those girls that completely rejected him. So she told him everything or most everything. She didn't tell him anything about Duncan or Prague or even her birthday in Vegas with the members of Jethro Tull. She explained the basics and he hung on every word.

"You're not lying?"

"No. No...Chandler, I would have given you my number. I swear. I really don't want to be in that group of girls that rejected you. I had so much fun with you. That movie was...awful...but you were awesome."

"Thanks. It was awful."

"Horrific...but G-d, you made me laugh and I thought you were cute and I'm sorry if I made you look bad in front of your friends."

"You kidding? I was able to approach some random tall, hot blonde girl and get her to go see what could possibly be one of the worst movies of all time with me. For a few hours there, I was the stud."

"Good...you still hang out with those friends?" Phoebe asked.

"Sometimes. I'm at NYU now. I'm a junior and my high school friends are kind of scattered."

"Oh...so where are you going?" Phoebe asked.

"Nowhere. I just needed sometime to think. I don't know. I just...I need to find out what my major is and I have not a clue. I want to do something with my life. I want to help someone or help myself or...I want to do something that's going to make me feel...good. It's just stressful but I mean, guess no where as stressful as the stuff you've been through...I don't know what I'm talking about... but...you're in school?" Chandler asked, pointing at her book.

"Yeah. I managed to save up enough money for a semester of school at the New York Institute of Massage. I have no clue how I'll pay for the next two and a half years, plus the State Exam and books, but it's why I've never bothered saving up to even get a studio apartment or a roommate...I want to be a massage therapist and I want my degree and I can't afford a degree and a home. Sounds so weird. I've just been doing this all alone..."

"Oh."

The way Chandler looked at her made her feel a little uncomfortable. He kept looking at her like he could look right through her, like he knew something. She ignored it, wondering if she should ask some questions about him.

"So...you go to NYU?"

"Yeah...I had some help financially, but I know what you mean about having a dysfunctional family. My mom writes erotic novels and my dad is a gay cross dresser who started his own gay burlesque show in Vegas."

"Really?" Phoebe asked and she could see Helena Handbasket's face in her head. Was this the son Helena was referring to? Phoebe wondered if she could tell him that she knew his dad and that his dad really seemed to love him.

"Yeah...but I...it's...it is what it is. So New York Institute of Massage...what classes do you have to take?" Chandler asked.

That put an end to her question as to whether or not she should ask him about Helena Handbasket. Instead the conversation turned back to her and her classes. They talked for about an hour more before the subway began approaching the station closest to NYU. Chandler got up, reached into his pocket and grabbed a sheet of paper.

"Can I borrow a pen?" Chandler asked. Phoebe handed him a glittery pink pencil. He looked at it. "It's my father's favorite color. Alright..."

Chandler wrote two numbers on a piece of paper and handed it to her. She looked at it and then back up at him.

"Your numbers?" Phoebe asked.

"Pager and dorm...call me when you get a phone. I'm thinking I might need to schedule a massage."

"Smooth," Phoebe said.

"Really? I thought was kind of dorky of me."

"Please don't ruin it," Phoebe grinned.

Chandler laughed as the train came to a stop. He said goodbye as he raced off the train. She smiled as she looked down at the number. She truly liked this guy, found him funny and charming. She would keep that number, keep it with all the other things she had kept over the years and would call him when she got a phone.

It was after her final in her Anatomy class when she got the letter from her professor. Her first thought was that they decided that they could no longer accept her but the words she was reading were hard to process. It seemed that unbeknownst to her, some unknown donor had stopped by her school and paid off her entire tuition for three years, left money for books and the State Exam. Basically, this donor had paid for everything and she would not need to spend one more cent towards her education. After reading the letter, she went to the financial aid office to hopefully get answers.

"What is this?" Phoebe asked, holding up the letter.

The financial aid officer, a woman named, Talia took it and read it. Talia smiled as she read it and handed it back to Phoebe.

"Oh, yes-"

"Is this some sort of joke?" Phoebe asked.

"No, no, no joke."

"Some anonymous donor came in and paid for my entire education? Who does that?"

"I can't...he-"

"It's a he? What did he look like?" Phoebe asked.

"I can't tell you...he wanted to remain anonymous."

"Who?"

"I can't tell you. He was very, very adamant about remaining anonymous. But...everything is paid for."

"I don't even have to worry about books?" Phoebe asked.

"No, actually...he bought your books," Talia said as she reached under her desk and pulled cardboard box out from under her desk and with a loud groan, lifted it and set it on top of hers. "We can hold them here and you can get the books you need at the start of next semester. We'll see you next year. Have a fantastic holiday, Phoebe. This is good news..."

Phoebe could not speak, her head was spinning as she kept reading the words printed on that sheet of paper.

_"Dear Ms. Buffay,_

_ We are pleased to let you know that as of December 15, 1989 your books, tuition and fee for State Exam as well as any additional fees for the remainder of your time here at The New York Institute of Massage have been fully funded and paid for by a donor who wishes to remain anonymous..."_

Who? Phoebe tried to wrap her head around who this donor might be? It was a male, so that got rid of Marjorie, Sue Ellen or her boss, Betty although there would be no way those three could afford to pay that much money. The same went for Lowell, Cindy or Blackie, the albino window washer at Port Authority. They were homeless, struggling as well and Lowell still liked to mug people but he never mugged for that amount. Could it have been the band members from Jethro Tull? But she hadn't talked to them since her twenty first birthday back in February and they had no clue what school she was going to. Maybe it was Duncan, but when she spoke to him on the phone that night, he had no clue what she was talking about.

"Tell me the truth, Duncan...you didn't pay...you're not my mystery donor?"

"No...no...I don't have fifty grand."

"Someone paid for my education...who...oh my G-d...I have...who-"

"Maybe it's someone you told?"

"Who did I tell...I didn't-"

Phoebe fell silent as she looked at her guitar case. She opened it and reached for that slip of paper. The one where Chandler had written his numbers. Could it be? She shook her head. Chandler was a college kid. There was no way but then again, maybe...

"Duncan, can I call you back?"

"Sure."

Phoebe hung up and reached for some loose change in her guitar case. She dialed the number he had given him for his dorm. She waited for the ring but the voice mail picked up instead.

_ "Hey. ...you've reached Chandler and Ross. We're on Winter Break. So leave a message and we'll call you back in the nineties-"_

_ "Chandler...do the song," _

_ "I'm not doing song, Ross."_

_ "Do the song."_

_ "It's stupid and I'm not doing it."_

_ "It's not stupid. Come on-"_

_ "I'm not-"_

And with that the beep came. Phoebe let out a snort and then quietly hung up. It couldn't be him. There was no way. She crumbled up the piece of paper and tossed it back into her guitar case.. She closed it and walked towards the restaurant Sue Ellen worked out, meeting her friends for drinks. This holiday season would be amazing at that and perhaps with the nineties just around the corner, perhaps this was a sign that her luck was about to change. In her head, she send a telepathic message to whomever that mystery donor was . She would not let him down. She couldn't.


	14. Chapter 14

**June 6, 1992**

The now twenty four year old Phoebe stood in her old friends apartment, glaring at Leslie. Her fists balled up, her jaw clenched in anger. It had taken some detective work on Phoebe's part that had brought Leslie and Phoebe back together two years earlier. Phoebe had gone back to Leslie's old house and asked her mom where Leslie was and tracked her down to a coffee shop she was working at near the New York Institute of Massage. The two reunited, picking up where they had left off. There had been tears, Leslie apologizing to Phoebe on behalf of her step dad, telling her that Leslie's step dad had run out on her and her mom. Phoebe was never angry at Leslie and they picked up where they left off, catching up on each others lives. Phoebe was still living at Port Authority, working at The Closet and going to massage school. Leslie has gone to Boston University, majored in advertising and was trying to get a job in advertising.

That had been two years earlier and in addition to catching up, they decided to resume their roles as writing partners. When they weren't working and when Phoebe wasn't busy with school, they would perform in coffee shops and sing songs they'd written. There were songs about shoes that were sticky and men made out of paper mache. They had been an amazing two years for Phoebe. She loved playing with Leslie. She considered it the most fun she had had in a long time.

Phoebe would often crash at Leslie's or Sue Ellen's studio apartments at times but for the most part she was on her own, saving up to graduate and finally get a place and after much debate, she had decided that place would be with Leslie. Phoebe wanted nothing more than to live with her best friend. She had dreams of getting a loft where they could play music and act like sisters. That had been the thought, but standing there on that Saturday afternoon, those thoughts were suddenly disappearing.

"I don't understand why you're so upset?" Leslie asked.

"Because you sold out. You went and you took our songs to an advertising agency," Phoebe said.

Phoebe had stopped at Leslie's studio apartment that day, not expecting the news that Leslie dropped on her. Leslie had taken their songs to an agency and they apparently wanted to sign both of them.

"They loved it...I mean, they want to sign us. We can write jingles for them and we can make so much money. Oh G-d...think about it."

"No. First, I don't want to be in advertising. I wanna be a masseuse. I took the State Exam a week ago to become a masseuse. Some mysterious donor paid for my entire education, the exam and my books for all three years. That's over fifty grand. I think I owe him to follow through on that."

"It can be a back plan. Don't you wanna finally make money?"

"No. I don't care. If I cared about money...then I would have tried to do something about it. But I've survived ten years with no home, no phone number...hell, I haven't even been to a dentist or a doctor since I was thirteen. I'm lucky I'm still alive."

"You know, Pheebs. You are unbelievable. People give you an out and you won't take it. I offer for to live in my house-"

"With your step dad who felt me up."

"It was still a home and I know your friend Sue Ellen and myself...have offered up our homes-"

"In a studio apartment."

"It's still a home," Leslie said, her voice becoming louder. "Maybe you like being homeless."

"I don't like being homeless. I'm going to be fine."

"And we sign the deal for the advertising company, we can actually get a two bedroom apartment. We could afford it. They're gonna pay us a lot of money."

Phoebe glared at her friend. When she and Leslie had reconnected to years ago, she had always felt like maybe something was different. She and Leslie just seemed so different now although she didn't want to see it. She was desperate to not see it. She didn't want to grow apart from her best friend but they had taken different paths in their lives. They were different people.

Leslie couldn't possibly understand how against this whole advertising jingle thing Phoebe was and Phoebe was against it. Her songs were from her heart. They were private and personal. They were her's. If they were used for commercials, they would be ruined. There were televisions at Port Authority, she had watched commercials. The jingles were cute but she never wanted to part of it.

"Maybe we shouldn't be roommates," Phoebe found herself saying.

"What?"

It stunned Phoebe to hear the words coming out of her mouth but as she stood there, she slowly came to realize something she had tried to ignore for the past two years. Maybe she and Leslie weren't friends anymore and hadn't been friends for awhile. Maybe she had been trying to recapture something that was long gone and that broke her a little.

"If we're fighting already, then maybe we shouldn't be roommates. Leslie, I don't want to write jingles. I don't want to make a ton of money. That's not my goal."

"Then what is your goal? And don't say it's a home because it's obviously not that. We could have a home. You don't have to live on the streets."

"I want happiness."

"If we take the job at the advertising firm, we will have happiness in a lovely two bedroom apartment."

"No, no...I want to feel...home. I want warmth and...did you ever look for me?"

"What?"

"I left your house nine years ago and I was the one that tracked you down. I missed you. Did you miss me?"

"Of course I missed you but I wouldn't have known how to track you down. I mean, it's not like you left me an address."

"I think I need to go."

"What are you gonna do after you graduate next week? Where are you going to live?"

"I'll figure it out."

Phoebe turned on her heel and walked out of the apartment. As soon as she made it outside, she leaned against the wall of the apartment building with tears in her eyes. She would be graduating in a week and what she thought she had wanted seemed to be suddenly torn from grasp.

She had tracked Leslie down in the summer of 1990. She had finished her first year at The New York Institute of Massage and spent the summer working and catching up with her old friend. She had spent many nights going between Sue Ann and Leslie's apartments and just enjoying her summer. She dated a lot, absorbing herself in that wondrous freedom, she'd come to love in her life.

When school started again, she was taking more difficult courses, still working and on the weekends, singing with Leslie. That second year was phenomenal. She had friends, boyfriends and Duncan had even come into town for what was her twenty third birthday in February of 1991. That had been a great birthday, the spent the weekend in his hotel room, never leaving and ordering room service.

Before she knew it, her final year of school had arrived and she could almost feel that degree in her hands. She and Leslie were playing together as much as they could and Betty had given her a raise. Phoebe was the one who went against her belief that good friends should not room together and instead made the suggestion because she had felt Leslie was the exception. Leslie had been a better sister to her than even her own sister whom she hadn't seen or heard from in ten years. She so badly wanted to be friends with Leslie. She was convinced Leslie was her ticket to that warmth, that feeling of family.

Now, as she leaned against the wall of Leslie's apartment, Phoebe remembered the weird images that psychic had once described to her: the chandelier with clown noses, the green wedding dress, the harmonica in a baking dish, the dinosaur figurine and the meatball sub on top of two pizza boxes. Did Leslie represent any of those images? Phoebe shook her head, it didn't matter. This was her best friend and she had lost her best friend and that killed and she had nowhere else to go.

Phoebe turned and began to walk slowly back towards Port Authority, crying softly as she walked. On her way, she stopped at a newsstand and bought herself a newspaper. She looked at apartment listings as she walked, trying not to think about Leslie. As she walked, not paying attention to anyone else, she stopped suddenly.

_Roommate wanted: SWF 22yrs old looking for a female roommate. Two bdrm apt in the Village. Must be non smoker, neat and friendly. No pets. Please contact for appt._

Phoebe looked at the address. It was on Bedford Street. She knew where that was. She could walk there. She remembered Bedford. She and Duncan had had their first date at that sandwich place on Bedford.

She began walking, as she walked, her heart began beating fast. The pain of losing her best friend seemed to lessen with every step she took. Leslie could go to hell, for all she cared. Well that wasn't true, but she would be okay, she just knew it. She had to see that apartment.

When she reached Bedford, her heart dropped when she noticed the sandwich shop was now a bar. She looked up at the building, it looked so beautiful that Phoebe began to wonder if she could even afford it but that thought was shoved out of her mind. She needed this apartment. Something about that ad, something about that building, She needed to be there. She looked at the phone number listed and walked into the bar. She would make an appointment, right now.

"Can I use your phone?" Phoebe asked the bartender.

"Only if you buy a drink."

"Uh, a shot of Whiskey, a dirty martini and a Jack and Coke," Phoebe said.

The bartender raised an eyebrow, handed her the phone and went to go make her drinks. Phoebe squinted a little at the paper and dialed, praying the girl who had the apartment was home and when she answered, Phoebe breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Hi...I'm Phoebe Buffay. Can I see your apartment? Like in ten minutes?" Phoebe asked.

After being told that was fine, Phoebe downed and paid for her drinks before walking back outside towards the the front of the building. She looked at the names until she found GELLER on the keypad and pressed the button. She was immediately buzzed in and began walking the flights of stairs. It was six flights of stairs. Monica Geller was in apartment 20. As she walked, the pain she had been feeling earlier seemed to melt. She couldn't shake this strange feeling like she was supposed to be there.

She took a deep breath and knocked on green door of apartment 20 and suddenly, a petite woman with long dark brown hair opened the door. She was grinning broadly.

"Hi, I'm Monica."

"I'm Phoebe."

"Come on in," Monica said.

There was something about this girl that seemed familiar but she couldn't quite place it. She felt like she had met this girl before. She walked into the apartment, it was purple and huge. There was a big couch in the center of the room and sitting on the couch were two young men, staring at her. One, she didn't recognize, but the other she most certainly did and he was grinning at her. Phoebe knew he recognized her.

"Oh, Phoebe. This is my brother Ross and this is Ross' friend, Chandler."

"I'm your friend too," Chandler said.

"It really depends on the day," Monica said.

"You're so kind," Chandler said.

"So Phoebe, where are you from?" Ross asked.

"New York...upstate," Phoebe said.

"Let me show you the apartment-" Monica said.

"It's really big though," Phoebe said.

"Rent control...and illegal subletting," Monica said.

"Monica," Ross admonished.

"What? Alright...this is a kitchen. I'm a chef. I cook a lot so don't worry about food. Oh and Ross and Chandler are here way too much. I hope you don't mind."

"No."

"Great...now this is the living room, the balcony...out there.. My room is over there by the window and this would be your room," Monica said walking towards an empty pink bedroom.

"Wow," Phoebe said.

"So Phoebe, where are you living now?" Ross asked.

Phoebe turned and looked at Chandler who was still smiling at her. She didn't know what to say to that. What could she possibly answer? She was pretty sure Chandler recognized her and if she lied, would he call her out?

"Um...I live by the Port Authority bus terminal," Phoebe offered.

"Oh, yeah...there are some really nice apartments down there," Chandler said, almost immediately.

"Yeah, there are," Phoebe smiled at him, breathing a sigh of relief. Chandler was still grinning at her, giving her this knowing look like he could see right through her. Ross though was clueless.

"Do you have references? Oh, also...what do you do for a living?" Ross asked.

"Ross, please. You said you were going to let me interview perspective roommates on my own," Monica said. "Trust me, I'm not going to choose a murderer as a roommate."

"Although, I bet they'd have some great carving knives," Chandler mused.

"Chandler," Monica said.

"You're a chef," Chandler said.

"Actually, I'm graduating next week from The New York Institute of Massage. I'm going to be a masseuse," Phoebe said, looking over at Chandler, trying to gauge a reaction at that news. He smiled and simply nodded.

"So you're unemployed? How did you manage to pay rent in the apartments near Port Authority? A studio is like two grand a month and-" Ross said.

"Ross...go downstairs and get a drink, please or go home to your wife," Monica said.

"Come on, man. I trust Monica," Chandler said getting up and patting Ross on the shoulder. Ross let out an annoyed sigh and got up. He followed Ross towards the door. Phoebe and Monica watched as they walked out, closing the door behind them. Phoebe silently said thanked Chandler and then ran over all his comments and looks in her head, wondering if he gave any hint that he might just be her donor.

"Are you homeless?"

Phoebe jumped a little at the sound of Monica's voice behind her. She looked at Monica and shook her head.

"What?"

"The apartments near Port Authority are really, really expensive. Something seems off...are you homeless?"

"No, no...I live right by Port Authority."

"By or in?" Monica asked.

Phoebe let out a sigh. Monica knew. At that moment, Phoebe began to contemplate walking out but something in her kept her rooted to that spot. She needed this apartment. She wasn't sure what the reason was, but she knew she needed it more than anything. Phoebe walked over to the couch and sat, Monica sat next to her, looking concerned.

"I'm homeless. I've been homeless since I was fourteen. My mom killed herself and I ended up on the streets. I've been surviving and I..."

"How are you in school?" Monica asked.

"I saved up enough for a semester and I um...I..got financial aid for the rest," Phoebe said, not sure how to explain the whole mysterious donor thing to Monica...as she wasn't quite sure how to explain it herself..

"Oh."

"Monica...I know I am not an ideal roommate...but -"

"Oh my G-d." Monica said, suddenly, bringing her hand up to her mouth.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"You're the girl."

"What girl?"

"When I was seventeen, I volunteered at a soup kitchen and there was a girl...tall, blonde...wearing a Lincoln High sweatshirt. I remember her because she seemed strange but so happy even though she was homeless and...and...but her name...I don't remember it but-"

Phoebe's mouth dropped too. How could this girl possibly remember her? It couldn't be...could it?

"Did you have a bitchy friend?" Phoebe asked, grinning. She did remember the soup kitchen. She remembered the heavy girl and her bitchy friend. But she was even more amazed that this girl remembered her after only one meeting five years ago. Had she really made that much of an impact on her?

"Yes, I did. Rachel. I'm not friends with her anymore. But I remember you were so optimistic and I thought it was so wonderful and so inspirational that here you were with nothing and yet you were happy and you had that laugh and...it made me just look at things differently," Monica said.

"Wow...wait...weren't you...well, I think I remember you but weren't you-"

"Heavier. I've lost a lot of weight."

"You look good."

"Thanks. Be my roommate, Phoebe."

"What? I have no references...or a job."

"I don't care. You'll get a job. Right, you are graduating in a week?"

"Yes."

"I want you to be my roommate. You inspired me, Phoebe. I mean, I don't remember people I've met in the last week...but I met you one time five years ago and yet...be my roommate. We'll get you a bed...'cause I'm sure you don't have one. Maybe some furniture."

Phoebe smiled as Monica grinned at her. This was too weird. About an hour earlier, she was fighting with Leslie, she was ending a friendship she had thought would last forever and now here she was meeting someone completely new but there was a strange feeling being in Monica's apartment. Something she had never felt before, she felt home.

A week later, Phoebe sat on stage wearing a cap and gown. It was her graduation day. Sue Ellen, Marjorie, Blackie the albino window washer, Betty, Duncan, Lowell and Cindy sat together in one of the rows. She grinned at them and waved, the tears could not stop falling. She had found out she had officially passed her exam and was now licensed. She had done it. Leslie had not shown up and while that did hurt, seeing her friends that had been through the fire with her waiting for her made her happier than she had ever been.

Scanning the crowds, she noticed three familiar faces, sitting there towards the back. There sat Chandler, Monica and Ross. She wondered how they knew about her graduation or where it was? She looked at Chandler and wondered if he were her donor the he must be feeling pretty great right now. She hoped that he didn't regret his decision. Phoebe just kept crying as she sat there. This moment seemed so unreal and in that moment, she made a mental note that she would never forgive Leslie. By not showing up to her graduation, Leslie had betrayed her and cut a wound that could never and would never be repaired.

She had everything she needed at that moment, her past comforting her and sitting in the back was her future. She had never expected this moment in her life. She had wanted it so badly and now there it was, within her grasp. She knew in that moment, she would never be homeless again. She now had direction. Phoebe Buffay was going home.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summer 1992**

When Phoebe's graduation ceremony ended, she didn't know who to run to first. She wasn't sure Monica, Chandler and Ross would understand her old friends and same with her old friends. But she barely knew Monica, Chandler or Ross so her old friends won the battle of who to run to first. Lowell, Cindy, Marjorie, Sue Ellen, Duncan, Betty and Blackie, the albino window washer all surrounded her as soon as she left the stage, hugging her as Phoebe stared down at the thick blue leather folder containing her degree. She had made arrangements to have her official license mailed to the New York Institute of Massage and she would pick that up in a couple weeks, but now she had a degree. She was licensed.

"That's my name," Phoebe said, pointing to the degree.

"I am so proud of you," Duncan said as he kissed her.

"Tonight, you are sleeping at my place. I'm getting you drunk," Sue Ellen said.

"Sue Ellen, I'm drunk a lot," Phoebe said.

"No, you function too well drunk. I want you to be trashed," Sue Ellen said.

"Well, okay," Phoebe said, laughing.

While looking at Sue Ellen, Phoebe noticed the trio standing off to the side. They kept staring at Phoebe and then turning towards each other and talking. They seemed unsure if they should approach her or not.

"So let's go, celebrate," Marjorie said.

"Wait a second...I'll be right back," Phoebe said.

"Where are you going?" Duncan asked.

"I'll tell you when I get back. Just wait right here and then we're going to all have a fantastic evening," Phoebe said.

Phoebe held on to the degree as tightly as she could and walked through the crowds until she reached Monica, Chandler and Ross standing together. All three were dressed so nicely. She had not expected them to come, but the fact that they were there, standing before her was just something so incredible she could hardly put the feelings into words.

"What are you guys doing here?" Phoebe asked.

"You said you were graduating and I wanted to see my roommate graduate," Monica said.

"Thank you, Monica," Phoebe said.

"Congratulations," Monica said as she and Phoebe hugged.

"And...Ross," Phoebe began, looking at him and flashing a grin,"are you here to see if I was telling the truth and not some crazy, psycho killer?"

"Hey, now...I believed you," Ross said.

"No, you didn't," Chandler said.

Ross let out a snort and shook his head. He leaned over to give Phoebe a hug, "I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just-"

"It's alright," Phoebe said as they also shared a hug. After meeting Ross the previous week, she began to envy Monica. Ursula was never that protective. Ursula was not protective period.

"It's a pretty awesome thing that you graduated. You beat the odds. Congrats...although, I bet those student loans are gonna be killers to pay back," Ross said.

"She doesn't want to think about that now," Monica said.

Phoebe glanced over at Chandler and then back at Ross, "I think...I'll be okay."

"Yeah, I think you will be," Chandler said as Phoebe leaned into hug him.

As Phoebe hugged him tightly, she leaned into his ear and whispered, "thank you" to which he whispered back, "you're welcome." She was about to cry again as she felt her heart swell up a little bit. She stared at Chandler and he just nodded slightly. She was about to say something when she felt Monica grab her arm.

"Oh, Phoebe...I wanted to ask you, where are you sleeping tonight?" Monica asked.

"My friend Sue Ellen's apartment. We're going to celebrate by drinking a lot-"

"The only way to go," Chandler mused.

"You guys can come," Phoebe said.

"No, no...you celebrate. We're gonna run some errands, but when do you think can come by the apartment?" Monica asked.

"I can come by tomorrow. When do you want me moving in?" Phoebe asked.

"Come by tomorrow evening...and you can move in then. Okay, boys...come on, we have to run some errands," Monica said.

"But...but I wanna celebrate," Chandler said, whining slightly.

"You didn't graduate," Monica said.

"I graduated. I graduated college," Chandler said.

"Like a year ago," Monica said.

"The party never stopped," Chandler grinned.

"Let's go jackasses," Monica said before hugging Phoebe again, "I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Great, thanks for coming," Phoebe said.

Monica turned and began to walk off with Chandler and Ross following behind her. Phoebe could not stop smiling as she watched them walk off. She had really officially known Monica, Chandler and Ross for a week but she felt like she had known them forever.

She walked back to her group, still grinning wildly as her friends stared at her. Duncan placed his arm around her as she looked at them.

"So are you going to tell us?" Betty asked.

"I have a home," Phoebe said.

"What?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Those three people that I was talking to? Last week after Leslie and I got into that big fight, I saw an ad in the paper and I found Monica...the girl I was talking to. Monica has this amazing apartment that she's illegally living in. I guess it's her grandmother's and I'm going to be her roommate."

"That's amazing," Betty said, hugging her.

"And Duncan, the apartment is on Bedford. In the building where the sandwich place was. Except now it's bar," Phoebe said.

"Awww, I like that place," Duncan said.

"It's a good bar and...Marjorie, Lowell and Cindy, we've met Monica," Phoebe said.

"We have?" Marjorie asked.

"Yes, remember when we went to the soup kitchen and there was that girl who made all that fancy food and...she had the really bitchy friend? That was Monica...who I was just talking to," Phoebe said.

"No, that girl from the soup kitchen was really, really...big," Marjorie said.

"She lost like two hundred pounds or something," Phoebe said.

"Whoa...good for her," Marjorie said.

"I'm gonna move into my home tomorrow night. I have a home. I will have a phone number. Oh my G-d," Phoebe said, starting to cry again.

"Don't forget us," Lowell said.

"Oh, I won't...believe me. Thank you guys...I...if I didn't have you guys...all of you, I think..no, I know...I would be here. When my mom died and I ran away, I thought that was it, but then you guys taught me to survive. You kept me from losing my mind. I mean, I should be so much more fucked up than I am... thank you for saving me and for keeping me from being fucked up."

The group moved in closer and surrounded Phoebe, hugging her as she began breaking down. Everything she had gone through in the last decade, every tear, every near death experience, she had spent time in prison, everything she stole, she had even killed a guy in Prague. She been through so much heartache, so much pain. All she had known was chaos and death and destruction. All she had known was that she needed to survive...and all those feelings, all those moments seemed to be coming down on her at once. She was twenty four and had been through more than any other twenty four year old on this planet, she was sure of it.

"Let's go. We're gonna get something to drink," Duncan said as he held her tightly.

Phoebe nodded as the group began walking off through the crowds. Phoebe looked at Duncan, tears still streaming down her face as he leaned in and kissed her.

"I am so proud of you, baby," Duncan said.

"I love you," Phoebe said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I love you too."

"Promise you'll never divorce me?" Phoebe asked.

"I promise. I am your husband until you find a hot straight guy," Duncan said.

"I found you," Phoebe said.

Duncan smiled as they continued walking. For the first time, she felt normal. She was on her way and she felt very proud of herself, proud she had gotten this far. Proud she had an address and phone number. Proud she had not allowed herself to become captive to her situation. Any single situation that Phoebe had endured could have been enough to send anyone over the edge, but she had survived. She wasn't sure how, but she had. She had made it.

The next evening, Phoebe arrived at apartment 20 again, this time carrying her guitar case filled with all of her belongings. She had had a wild, booze filled twenty four hours which was perfect and after bidding farewell to her old friends and taking down Sue Ellen, Duncan, Betty and Marjorie's numbers, she headed to the apartment on Bedford Street.

She would miss her old friends, but she knew they'd be okay. Marjorie even had a home nowm having recently moved into a loft with four other musicians she knew. Phoebe did worry about Blackie, the albino window washer, Cindy and Lowell. She knew she might never see again as they were still living on the street, but she promised she would still visit all those goodbyes, she arrived at the apartment, ready to start the next phase of her life. She had only knocked once when Monica opened the door.

"Phoebe, hey...come on in," Monica said, ushering her in. Phoebe walked in and saw Ross sitting with a woman with white blonde hair, another guy she didn't know and Chandler. "Everyone, this is my new roommate Phoebe. Phoebe, you already met Chandler and Ross. That's Carol, my sister in law and...this is my boyfriend, Kip."

"Hi," Phoebe said.

"Come here, I wanna show you your room," Monica said, grabbing Phoebe's arm and pulling her off towards her new room. Phoebe stopped in the doorway and stared at Monica in awe. The once empty room was now fully furnished. There was a big king sized bed with flowery sheets, a dresser and a closet filled with hangers.

"You furnished my room?" Phoebe asked.

"We all pitched in," Monica said. "I figured...if you're going to be my roommate, you need a bed and...I don't know what kind of shampoo and conditioner you use or toothpaste...or toothbrush, but I bought you toiletries. They're under the sink."

"I don't even know what to say," Phoebe said.

"Welcome home," Monica said.

"Thank you," Phoebe said.

"Oh, I'm going to check on dinner. I hope you don't mind. I know you're a vegetarian so I made some veggie lasagna but I also made some meat lasagna because the rest of us aren't," Monica said.

"That's fine," Phoebe said.

Monica walked off as Phoebe walked into her new room. She placed her guitar case in her closet and fell down onto the bed. It was amazingly comfortable. As she lay there, a warmth came over her. She comfortable, fantastically, wildly comfortable.

After laying there for a few seconds, absorbing everything, she walked back out and surveyed the room. Ross and Carol were engaged in a conversation about something and Kip was in the kitchen with Monica. Chandler was staring off into space, sipping his beer when Phoebe plopped down next to him.

"I need to give you my phone number," Phoebe grinned.

"You do...and I need to give you my numbers. Well, the dorm number is old and I don't have the pager anymore. Actually, I'm moving in next door. I'm gonna be Kip's roommate."

"Oh," Phoebe said as she looked over at Chandler and noticed he wasn't actually staring off into space. He was staring at Monica, watching her closely as Kip placed his arm around Monica and gave her a kiss on top of her head. "You like her."

"What?" Chandler asked. "Who?"

Phoebe nodded off towards Monica. He gave her a look and shook his head.

"You do."

"No, I don't."

"Okay."

"I don't."

"I know."

Chandler shifted a little uncomfortably as he drank from his beer. Phoebe smiled at him and gently patted him on the back.

Soon, dinner was served and the group of six sat down for what Monica had dubbed as "Phoebe's Welcome Home Dinner" and it was an amazing dinner. Phoebe had never had food that tasted that good. She was happy that no one else at that table was a vegetarian because she was pretty sure she did not want to share her veggie lasagna.

Her new friends also seemed nice. Phoebe learned that Chandler and Ross were college roommates and Ross and Carol met in college. Kip was a friend of Chandler and Ross' in college as well and now was dating Monica. Monica seemed absolutely enthralled by him. It made Phoebe miss Duncan. He had offered to come with her for her first night, but Phoebe wanted to take it on herself and she was kind of glad she had done that. She felt bad for Chandler as he seemed to be the fifth wheel in the group. This made Phoebe feel a little less uncomfortable because now she had someone to talk to. She spent much of dinner listening to the conversations going on around her and would laugh when Chandler would crack his occasional jokes.

After dinner, Kip suggested that they go downstairs to the bar. Ross and Carol declined saying they would be going back home to their apartment. Kip and Chandler teased Ross a little, asking if he was going to be doing his karate or karatay as they said. Ross just groaned and said, "four months. It'll happen tonight." Phoebe made a mental note to ask Chandler what the joking was about later.

At the bar, after getting drinks, Monica and Kip went off to play pool while Chandler and Phoebe found a table together. They shared a few shots and about an hour or so later, both were now a little drunk and very happy with each others company. Monica and Kip were off doing their own thing, not paying much attention.

"So tell me...what is four months? Ross said it's been four months."

"Oh, Ross and his wife are going through a dry spell," Chandler said as he downed another beer.

"Wow..."

"I've been going through a dry spell for years."

"Are you always this down on yourself."

"Yep."

"You shouldn't be," Phoebe said.

"Ehhh," Chandler said.

As she sat near him, her heart began to beat faster. She wanted to ask him. She wanted to know. They were alone, well as alone as they could be. Monica and Kip had seemingly disappeared towards a back room where Chandler told her there were more pool tables and she wasn't sure about going to look for them. So now she was safe, she could ask him now.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Phoebe asked.

"Hmmm."

"You were my secret donor. You were the one who went to the office and paid my tuition and paid everything. It was you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Chandler."

"What? I don't have fifty grand."

"I didn't tell you how much it was. It was you."

"I think you have me confused-"

"No, I don't. It really was you."

Chandler let out a sigh as he looked at her before looking at his beer bottle.

"Alright...do not tell Monica or Ross or Kip or Carol."

"I don't know any of them well enough to have a conversation like that."

"I'm a trust fund kid. When I saw you on the subway and you told me all that, I went to my accountants office and did some moving of money, went to your school and paid them."

Phoebe could feel her heart bursting for the guy sitting in front of her. Maybe it was the alcohol clouding her inhibitions and his but she she gently reached her hand up to his cheek and moved his face towards hers. She leaned in and kissed him. It was a nice kiss, a sweet kiss. It didn't quite contain the heat and passion Phoebe felt when she kissed Duncan, but there was a niceness there. When they pulled apart, he smiled at her.

"Awww, a kiss from one of the first girls to ever reject me," Chandler said.

Phoebe looked at him and playfully smacked him.

"I didn't reject you...but Chandler, why did...you barely know me. How did you know that I wouldn't drop out or...I mean, you...how did you...why did you do that for me?"

"I wanted to. I felt like an idiot sitting there complaining about my crap. I knew you'd be worth the investment."

"Thank you and I will pay you back every cent-"

"No...no, that's why I wanted it to remain anonymous. I don't want you thinking you owe me a thing and now if we become friends, which I think we may...I don't want that hanging over us. It's just something I wanted to do. But please do not tell anyone."

"I won't."

"Ross, Carol, Monica and Kip do not know I'm a trust fund kid. They think my parents are wealthy, but don't really help me out. They think my mother is an erotic novelist which she is and my father is gay cross dresser who has his own burlesque show...which he does," Chandler said.

"What's your dad's name?" Phoebe asked.

"Charles."

"Does he have a stage name?"

"Why do you ask?"

"When I turned twenty one, I had some musician friends who took me to Vegas-"

"You didn't tell me that on the subway."

"Yeah...anyway, we saw a show with someone named, Helena Handbasket. After the show, Helena came with us to have a late night snack. While we were eating, Helena mentioned that he had been married to a woman named, Nora-"

"That's my mom's name."

"And had a son that he loved very much...even though Helena said that the son probably was hoping he'd be given up for adoption."

"That sounds about right. He said he loved me?"

"Yeah, very much."

"Thanks for telling me that," Chandler said.

"Anytime...and your secret is safe with me too. Just know how grateful I am and how I so appreciate you for what you did for me. It was...I will never...even if we are friends for the rest of our lives, I will never be able to repay you. You...and you'll end up with Monica."

"What...what are you...we just kissed and I don't have a crush on Monica."

"Yeah...but I have a feeling you'll end up with Monica."

"Doubt it."

Phoebe smiled as she took another sip of her drink. Chandler placed his arm around Phoebe and leaned into give her a quick kiss on her shoulder. Phoebe smiled at him as they sat quietly, drinking. She would keep Chandler's secret safe but in her head, she made a promise to herself to do everything she could to always protect him.

That first night in her apartment, falling asleep in her own bed, Phoebe felt at peace. She was indeed home. She would not be going anywhere. At least not any time soon. She liked Monica and Kip, Ross and Carol seemed nice and she adored Chandler. Her life in the past twenty four years had been anything but predictable so she was ready to do the first normal thing she had ever done in her life, go to sleep and wake up in her own home.


	16. Chapter 16

_Just a note about this chapter because I do not want angry notes about Chandler and Phoebe in this chapter. This takes place in 1992, so six, seven years before Mondler.. Mondler is still going to happen! I always kind of figured that probably at the very beginning in like '92, '93 before Rachel and Joey entered the group, Chandler and Phoebe may have had a kind of incestuous brother/sister relationship. They were two attractive people in their early twenties and the only two in that group who were unattached at that point. Ross was married and Monica and Kip were dating. This changed, obviously...but when you're the two single people in a group with two other seriously committed couples, you're gonna go out and have some fun on your own without the couples. Basically, this chapter goes into the Phoebe and Chandler friendship which will come up a lot in the later half of this story._

_Also, tried desperately to find a place for Amanda...the woman that Phoebe and Monica try to cut out but I just couldn't figure out where to fit her. So...I cut her out. Even though I think Jennifer Coolidge is awesome. Bend and snap!_

* * *

><p><strong>June 1992-November, 1992<strong>

It seemed that as soon as Phoebe and Monica had been living together, Chandler and Phoebe became a pair. They considered each other their partner in crime. They were often left on their own and it became even more apparent when Chandler moved in across the hall in apartment 19. Monica and Kip were still going strong as a couple and when Monica would sleep in Kip's room, Chandler would crash on Phoebe and Monica's couch. Phoebe and Chandler would stay up and watch movies and infomercials. Phoebe had missed so much in the world of television so Chandler would often bring over stacks of VHS tapes and introduce Phoebe to shows and movies she had never seen. Chandler seemed to make it his mission to catch Phoebe up on all she had missed during her ten years on the street and she was happy to go along with it. So usually, those nights the two watch old shows and movies until they fell asleep in front of the television.

Ross too also had his own worries. He was consumed with trying to work on his marriage to Carol. He would complain to Chandler about how Carol seemed to be pulling away from him so he began trying everything he could to make his marriage work. He began hanging out with them less and less so he could concentrate fully on Carol. Phoebe began to feel bad for Ross when he would talk about all he did for Carol. Her opinion of him began to change. She had found him a little annoying when she first met him but now she was rooting for him. She didn't know Carol very well, but she seemed nice and as a child of divorce herself, she loved that Ross was working so hard at his own marriage. When Phoebe would think of her own life, she did wonder if things would have gone differently had her own parents worked so hard to make things work.

So with Kip and Monica often together and Ross and Carol working out their issues, Phoebe and Chandler we often left to their own devices. They found common ground in their own shared sucky childhoods. Hours were spent playing hide and go seek, playing tag and throwing water balloons at each other in the park. Chandler would take Phoebe with him to work happy hours where they would both challenge each other who could drink more, it was a game Chandler often lost. Phoebe took him out for dinner when she got her first full time job at Healing Hands Spa as a masseuse although there was a bit of an argument when Chandler tried to pay the bill and Phoebe tried to stop him. She ended up winning that argument too by kicking him in the shin.

Phoebe and Chandler would often do everything they could to get away from the apartments because as June turned to July, Phoebe began to see a side to Monica that did get under her skin. Phoebe had never had to clean before. With the exception of her job cleaning bathrooms at the Y, she never really cleaned. She considered herself a neat person although everything she ever had was in a guitar case. She never really thought about her general sloppiness. Monica was obsessive. She cleaned things constantly and it drove Phoebe nuts. While she found Monica sweet and mothering, it became too much for her to handle at times so when she got annoyed with Monica, she would turn to Chandler. She never really talked to Kip but she did know that Chandler was beginning to dislike Kip as well.

The two would often share secrets, complaining about work and the others in the group. They were also young, Phoebe was twenty four, Chandler was twenty three and they wanted to act young. So they did. They didn't want to hang out with Ross and Carol who were married and Ross never wanted to have fun. Monica and Kip were always together and they often acted like an old married couple. Chandler and Phoebe thought it was ridiculous that the other four found it more fun to stay home. They weren't even a quarter of a century yet, they had time to stay home when they were old.

The Fourth of July weekend was a four day weekend as the fourth fell on a Thursday. Chandler had suggested going to Long Island and renting a hotel room on the beach. He had offered it to the group, but Phoebe was the only one who took him up on the offer. Kip had taken Monica to his parents house in the Hamptons and Ross decided to take Carol to Vermont to try and spice of their marriage. So Phoebe and Chandler had a little vacation of their own. They spent their days at the beach and Phoebe had dared Chandler to try a jet ski. She had never tried it and desperately wanted to. He was happy just lying down on the sand. But she talked him into it and they rode side by side laughing hysterically and that night, they celebrated their jet skiing adventures with a dinner at a restaurant right by the beach where they ate, drank and gossiped about.

"So do you think Ross and Carol are having sex?" Phoebe asked as she sipped her Jack and Coke.

"Oh G-d no," Chandler said.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"Twenty bucks says she's a lesbian," Phoebe said.

"I'm not betting on them," Chandler said.

"I've been living with Monica for a month and...and Monica thinks Carol is a lesbian."

"She does?" Chandler asked.

"Oh yeah...last week, she was like I think my sister in law is a lesbian."

"Wow...I wish Kip were a lesbian," Chandler mused as he drank his beer. Phoebe laughed.

"Thank you for bringing me up here, Chandler."

"No problem...so have you ever been to Long Island?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...I have."

"Really? When?" Chandler asked, a little shocked as he always was when he found out that the homeless girl whose education he had funded actually had some traveling under her belt.

"Ummmm...I don't know if I can tell you."

"Oh, now you have to tell me," Chandler said.

"Alright...okay, you cannot call the cops," Phoebe said.

"Really...it's that kind of story."

"Okay, when I was fifteen, I mugged a kid outside a comic book store."

"You did?"

"Uh-huh...and then I took the money I stole from him which was like five hundred bucks-"

"Five hundred bucks?" Chandler asked.

"Uh-huh...I took the money and bought myself a dress from this store that I think Monica's friend, Rachel worked at?"

"I know her. Oh, that girl is a bitch."

"Really?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...ask Monica for the story because that girl just dumped Monica as her friend when Monica was in culinary school and Rachel was at whatever college she went to. That girl is a huge bitch."

"Wow...well, I got my revenge because when I was sixteen, I went back to that store and stole like a shit load of clothes," Phoebe grinned.

"You are very bad girl." Chandler smiled back, taking a swig of his beer.

"You have no idea," Phoebe grinned.

"Wait, you sure it was the store Rachel worked at?"

"I think so because Rachel was Monica's bitchy friend at the soup kitchen and I will recognize Rachel now whenever I see her...with her big ass nose."

"She got a nose job," Chandler said.

"Seriously?"

"The last time I saw her," Chandler said.

"Hmmm...I hate that bitch."

"Me too," Chandler said, "I mean, I know Monica is a tough person to handle sometimes, but...you don't treat people like that. She's got a good heart."

"Oh, I believe that. So Chandler, what's the worst thing you've ever done?"

"I've never mugged anyone."

"Okay...have you've ever done anything that's remotely bad boyish?"

"I don't know. I'd love to do something to Kip. Maybe I can call a pizza place in the Hamptons and send a billion pizzas to their house."

"Wow...that's lame," Phoebe said.

Chandler laughed and shook his head. "Well, lamer than you moving all of Monica's spoons and hiding them."

"That was brilliant."

"You know, I'm glad you're here Phoebe. I was getting a little tired of being the fifth wheel."

"I'm glad I'm here too...now let's drink and see what trouble we can get you into,"Phoebe grinned as she and Chandler continued drinking.

After dinner, the drinking continued as they walked along the beach and as the fireworks began exploding in the sky, the two shared some drunken kisses between them. It wasn't love they were falling in. They needed each other. Both of them understood each other, got each other. They knew how to comfort each other, how to keep the other from hitting the ground completely.

As the summer turned to fall, the bond between the two became even closer. When Chandler invited Phoebe to a Halloween party thrown by his old high school friend, Tyler, Phoebe jumped at the chance. This time they didn't even bother inviting the other couples. The two even decided to pick out matching costumes. Chandler dressed as a pirate and Phoebe as a wench. At the party, they sat together once more, not leaving each others side, eating candy and of course more drinking.

"You've never done a jello shot?" Chandler asked as he grabbed two shots from a tray behind him and handed one to Phoebe.

"No."

"You're missing out. Alright, just suck it down," Chandler said.

"Suck it?" Phoebe asked.

"Suck it."

Phoebe inhaled her jello shot which tasted far more like vodka then jello.

"How is it?" Chandler asked.

"Awesome. Although...I'm not a light a drinker."

"I know, although you have a high tolerance."

"I know...sometimes I think I might be a functioning alcoholic."

"Ooo...well, you wanna drink more?"

"Sure..." Phoebe said.

Chandler poured some Jack into Phoebe's red plastic cup and proceeded to pour some into his as well. He lifted up his cup and Phoebe followed suit.

"Alright to us...to you...have survived four months of full time work. You have not killed Monica-"

"Chandler, she yelled at me yesterday because I had not put the glasses back in numerical order."

"Well, I can top that. Kip...stole my boxers," Chandler said.

"How do you know?"

"'Cause a couple days ago, he was walking through our apartment wearing a shirt and my Spiderman boxers."

"You have Spiderman boxers?" Phoebe asked.

"Don't mock me, bitch," Chandler said, taking a drink. Phoebe laughed at him as she grabbed a Hershey Kiss from a bowl of candy and tossed it at his head

"Oh, man...what are we gonna do? I mean, I love Monica. I do. She's so sweet and mothering...and kind and generous. She's got this amazing, giving spirit...and I would be still living in Port Authority if not for Monica but...I am torn between the love I have for her and my desire to stab her in the neck while screaming, 'is it clean enough now, bitch,'" Phoebe said.

"Kip...Kip is stupid," Chandler said.

"I thought you liked Kip at one point. Why did you ever move in with him?"

"I did like him. He's one of my best friends. Him and Ross. They were my best friends...but Ross got married and Kip-"

"Are you jealous?"

"I'm not jealous. I have you," Chandler said.

"Awwww," Phoebe said.

"I will never leave you, Pheebs."

"Good. I'll never leave you either. I love you, Chandler."

"Love you too...kiss me."

Phoebe leaned in and kissed him. Phoebe tried to remember the last time she had had a friendship like the one she had with Chandler. A friendship that just felt so strong and free. She did keep in touch with Sue Ellen, Marjorie and Betty but she hadn't really hung out with them in a long time. She talked to Duncan on the phone as often as she could, but he was rarely if ever in New York. She felt such a connection with Chandler.

"Hey, Bing," Tyler said, stumbling towards them. "Beer pong set up in the back."

Tyler, Chandler's high school buddy, came walking towards him, grinning while drinking something from a red plastic cup.

"Awesome. Oh, Tyler...don't you know who this is? 'Member when we saw the Hot Dog movie. The blonde girl," Chandler said, pointing at Phoebe.

"The girl who blew you off," Tyler said.

"I didn't blow you off," Phoebe said.

"Oh, don't worry...I've known this man for a long time. He gets rejected a lot," Tyler said.

"I did not reject him. I-"

"It's okay, Pheebs," Chandler said, standing up and grabbing her hand. He pulled her up and placed his arm around her, "it's time for beer pong"

"I don't want to be in the group of girls that rejected you," Phoebe whined as they walked outside towards a pool table.

"Will you have sex with me?" Chandler asked.

"No...jackass," Phoebe said.

"See, now you're in the group," Chandler said.

"Fuck you," Phoebe said.

Chandler laughed as they stumbled towards one side of the table. Tyler walked to the other side. Chandler picked up a ping pong ball and pulled Phoebe towards him.

"Come here, I'm gonna teach you how. Throw this ball into one of those cups," Chandler said as he handed Phoebe the ball. Phoebe stood next to him, his hand on hers as together they threw the ball and it landed in one of the cups on the other side which meant Tyler had to drink. Phoebe and Chandler cheered and kissed as they continued playing. Phoebe played a little, but she loved cheering Chandler on.

The two friends needed each other, they loved each other and Phoebe truly believed what he said when he promised he'd never leave her. He would always be there and she would always do her best to repay the favor.

This held true no more so when it came time for Thanksgiving. Phoebe had no place to go. She had contemplated staying with Marjorie in her loft but wasn't sure. Monica had invited her to spend Thanksgiving but she opted out of it. Monica was continuing to drive her nuts with her obsessive neatness. When Chandler had heard that Phoebe would not be going to the Geller's for Thanksgiving, he decided to opt out as well refusing to be the fifth wheel yet again and he hated the holiday to begin with. So while Kip and Monica, Carol and Ross headed to the Geller's for Thanksgiving, Chandler and Phoebe celebrated on their own. They watched movies, drank through several bottles of wine, ate spaghetti and junk food and made a mess. A complete mess.

"We are so going to have clean this up," Chandler said, slurring a little as he rested on Monica's couch, feet up on the table. There were dirty dishes all over the counter, They were happy being complete slobs.

"I can't believe I dropped a plate of spaghetti on the couch," Phoebe said, pointing to the large stain on the white couch.

"You did it on purpose."

"I'll turn it over. So why do you hate this holiday?"

"It was the day my parents told me they were going to divorce."

"Aww, that sucks. Your dad seems awesome though. I love him."

"He's not your dad," Chandler said.

"Fine...we can trade. You can have my dad...you just have to go find him first," Phoebe grinned.

"Awww, touche. I've had had a lot bad Thanksgivings... Monica cut off my toe once."

"Really?" Phoebe asked.

"Yep."

"Why?"

"I don't know. She was acting weird."

"Did you put a towel in the guest pile and not the fancy guest pile?" Phoebe asked.

"No...I didn't touch the towels."

"I may have to move out, Chandler. I need to live in a land where people can spill."

"No, you can't leave. You're the only one keeping me sane. What about you? Have you ever had good Thanksgivings?"

Phoebe thought about that for a moment and she couldn't remember the last time she had even celebrated Thanksgiving. In those ten years she had spent on the streets, that day had just come and gone.

"None. Wow...no...this is the first one I've celebrated in ten years."

"How have you gotten through all this?" Chandler asked.

"You," Phoebe said. "I never thought I'd have a friend like you.

"The last ten years though...how did you get through that?"

"I had too," Phoebe shrugged.

The two fell silent as they continued eating and watching movies.

"You're gonna have turn that cushion over," Chandler said, pointing to the stain.

"Definitely...so...I've been thinking, it's Thanksgiving and remember during Halloween when I said I was going to force you to do something a little naughty."

"What?"

"That fountain in Central Park we were walking by the other day...I think I wanna swim."

"I am not going swimming in...it's November."

"Come on, preppy boy. Let's go," Phoebe said. "And I'm wearing one of Monica's bathing suits. And you better put on one of Kip's boxers."

It was freezing outside, but Phoebe wanted to play and she knew Chandler would play with her. In the five months she had been living with Monica, she had been trying to change herself, trying to live normally. There was a part of her that was different though, that was always different. She wanted that freedom again and she had her partner in crime to do it with her.

They were freezing as they both slowly stepped into the fountain which was surprisingly warm. Chandler could not believe he was actually do this while Phoebe wondered why she had never done it before, they splashed around, played and got completely soaked in the cold New York November. They shared kisses while dancing in the water and soon tired and sat side by side on the edge of the fountain. Phoebe hadn't felt that close to anyone in a long time, she loved the friendship she had formed with the guy with whom she considered the reason she ended up in this spot.

"I've never met anyone like you, Phoebe. I mean...you live so...freely. It's..."

"What are you doing for New Years?" Phoebe asked, not really listening to him.

"New Years? That's a month away."

"Play with me. For the past ten years, I have spent New Years with my friends in Time Square. It started right after my mom died. We have fun. I'd invite the couples, but I don't want to. I want you there. It'll be amazing. You and me...and this time, we have money. We go out all night...watch the sunrise."

"That sounds awesome. G-d, I haven't partied all night in a long time. Ross, Kip and I in college...with this other buddy of ours. We would go out and just get smashed. Something happened..."

"Ross got married and Kip got into a relationship," Phoebe said.

"Exactly. I was awesome at beer pong."

"I remember from Halloween, you were amazing," Phoebe smiled, remembering that party. Chandler had taught her all sorts of drinking games.

"I was a champ. I took down Ross, I took down Kip...I am a legend in beer pong."

"You know, thanks for teaching me all those. I mean, I just like to drink but now, knowing there can be games involved-"

"I just realized, I forgot to teach you quarters. I'm gonna have to teach you that when we get home."

"I can't wait."

"But...I just...I don't know, I'm not ready to grow up yet and it seems like Kip and Ross are so far ahead and I just wanna have fun."

"Me too. Chandler, I've spent the last ten years being an adult. I finally have a home and friends...and a job...I wanna have some childish fun like jumping in a fountain."

"I wanna play with you on New Years. I wanna see the world you came from," Chandler said.

"Good. Now let's go back to the apartment. I'm freezing."

Chandler grinned and got up. The two walked sopping wet back to apartment 20. While Phoebe didn't have a whole lot to compare it to. This had been the best Thanksgiving she had had in a long time. Before Monica and Kip came back home though, Phoebe and Chandler did clean up Monica's apartment, keeping it a complete secret about how messy they had made it.


	17. Chapter 17

**December 31st, 1992**

Phoebe could not have been more excited about her night out. This was going to be a New Years she wanted to just enjoy. This was her first New Years where she would have a home to go back to. She had even gone out and bought an outfit for the occasion. It was a dark red velvet dress with red lace cap sleeves and black strappy Mary Janes. She was going to have a good time. She had talked with Marjorie, Betty and Sue Ellen and they would be joining them at Times Square. She knew Cindy, Lowell and Blackie the Albino Window Washer would also come. She wished Duncan had been in town, but he was Canada. She was most thrilled about showing Chandler how she lived. She loved that Chandler wanted to see it all.

She was in the bathroom curled her blonde hair and was practicing putting on make up, something she was slowly starting to get the hang of when she heard the front door to the apartment open and slam shut. Phoebe peered out of the bathroom and saw Monica make a beeline straight to her bedroom, not even looking at Phoebe. Monica slammed her door shut which made Phoebe jump a little bit. Something seemed wrong. Phoebe walked out of the bathroom and towards Monica's door where she knocked.

"Mon?"

"Leave me alone," Monica yelled.

"Monica."

"Did you clean up the bathroom?"

Phoebe let out a snort and did her best from saying something that would probably result in a fight. She put her hand on the doorknob and turned it. When she opened Monica's door, Monica was curled up in the fetal position on her bed, her back to Phoebe but Phoebe could tell she was crying. Phoebe walked over to Monica's bed and sat down, gently rubbing her back.

"Mon, you wanna talk?" Phoebe asked.

"Monica," Chandler called from the living room as the front door opened and shut.

"We're in here," Phoebe yelled back as Chandler appeared in the doorway of Monica's room. Monica turned over and sat up, staring at both of them. Chandler sat next to Phoebe as Monica sniffled, wiping the tears away from her face.

"Kip dumped me," Monica said.

"What? When?" Phoebe asked.

"Today," Monica said.

"On New Years? That's...horrible," Phoebe said.

"I mean, we'd been having problems...but still. He dumped me."

"Oh, Monica. I'm sorry," Phoebe said as she hugged Monica tightly.

"The guy is an ass. You don't dump someone on New Years," Chandler said.

"I thought he was your best friend," Monica said.

"Then he hurt you," Chandler said.

"Thank you, Chandler," Monica smiled.

"Come play with us tonight," Phoebe said.

"Oh, no...you two have your thing and don't wanna intrude on your couples night thing-"

"Couples night?" Phoebe asked.

"Wait...you two aren't dating?" Monica asked.

"No...oh, no. We're friends," Phoebe said.

"Fuck buddies," Chandler grinned.

Phoebe turned to give him a look, "what is wrong with you?"

"We really don't have that kind of time," Chandler said which made Phoebe laugh.

"Play with us," Phoebe said.

"No...I don't-"

"Come on, Mon...I want to go and spend New Years with the two hottest girls in New York and I obviously can't get them, so I want you two," Chandler smirked which made both Monica and Phoebe laugh. It was something Phoebe loved the most about with Chandler. He could cheer anyone up just by making them laugh.

"Nice, Chandler...but I'm just gonna stay home," Monica said.

"Monica, how are old are you?" Phoebe asked.

"Twenty two."

"You're twenty two. Believe you me, by the time I was twenty two I was...well, we can talk about that some other time. But you're twenty two. I'm twenty four. Chandler's twenty three. We don't have to act all grown up just yet and twenty two is way too young to be in a serious relationship. We're gonna go out and we're gonna get drunk and we're gonna watch watch the sunrise."

"Although, Monica isn't really a partier," Chandler said.

"I can be a partier," Monica said, showing the hurt in her eyes although it had nothing to do with Chandler's comment.

"When I was in college, I took Monica here to a frat party. Ross was out with Carol and Carol just hates frat parties-"

That last comment caused Phoebe and Monica to exchange a look and start laughing.

"We are so right...we're right, right?" Phoebe asked.

"Totally," Monica said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"I think Carol's a lesbian," Monica said.

"She's not," Chandler said.

"Yeah, she is. She didn't want to be around a bunch of drunken frat boys because she doesn't like boys," Monica said.

"That...she's not...okay, let me finish my story...that frat party, I took Monica and at about ten thirty, I look over and see Mon, lying out on the couch...completely sober by the way, but taking a nap."

"Monica, for shame," Phoebe said.

"I had a huge presentation that day. I had to make a five course meal for a class. I was tired. By the way, you two really suck at making me feel better," Monica said.

"You know, I have lived here for six months and I have yet to see a wild and crazy Monica. I have yet to hang out with you and see you be a little crazy. We've hung out at the bar, but I wanna see you just have fun. If you get tired at ten thirty, we'll get you coffee."

"Well...it would be nice to hang out with you two. I mean, you two always seem to be having so much fun. I'm jealous. I mean, Pheebs...you're stealing Chandler from me," Monica smiled.

"I could never do that. Play with us," Phoebe said.

"Yeah, I miss playing with you and we will get you coffee if you get tired. You're staying up all night. We're gonna see how Phoebe lived..."

"Okay...okay. Yeah, you're right. I'm only twenty two. I don't need to settle down yet. I mean, it's not like my future husband in this room right now. Let me go get dressed," Monica said.

Phoebe and Chandler both hugged Monica before getting up and walking out of the room. Phoebe shut Monica's door behind her as she walked back towards the bathroom. Chandler began walking towards the front door before looking over at Phoebe.

"I'll be back here in an hour?" Chandler asked.

"Perfect...and I'm sorry. I hope you weren't thinking it was just going to be you and me tonight."

"Are you kidding? I'm gonna be ringing 1993 with my two favorite girls. Sounds like a pretty awesome night to me," Chandler said.

"And...she's newly single," Phoebe said, pointing to the door. "Maybe I'll end up being the third wheel tonight?"

"Doubt it," Chandler said, shaking his head as he walked out of the apartment. Phoebe let out a sigh and walked into the bathroom to get ready.

While Phoebe was finishing up, Monica appeared next to her wearing a tight black slip dress and red heels. She opened the drawer and took out some make up brushes and began applying her make up.

"You look good," Phoebe said.

"Thanks...Kip hates this dress. So I wanna wear it. I mean, I am only twenty two and four years ago, I lost about two hundred pounds. I deserve to wear a dress like this."

"Oh, you totally do."

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Monica asked.

"Sure."

"What's going on with you and Chandler?" Monica asked.

"We're friends."

"Anything else?" Monica asked.

"No...he's just a very good friend. He likes you a lot though."

"Yeah, he's one of my favorite people," Monica said.

Phoebe rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed sigh. She knew how Chandler felt about Monica and she never thought he was being subtle about it, but apparently he had been because Monica had no clue.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Nothing just...would you ever...would you ever date him?" Phoebe asked.

"Chandler? No...he's nice. He's cute but...no. I..."

"I don't know, I think you two would make a cute couple."

"Phoebe, I just got dumped. I'm not in the mood to go hook up with anyone and even if I were...it's not gonna be Chandler. I just don't see him in that way."

"Alright...but if you ever do get married, I will sing at your wedding and the song will be called, 'I told you so'", Phoebe said.

Monica let out a laugh as she continued applying make up. Phoebe smiled as well as she put the finishing touches on her outfit. She liked moments like this where it was calm and quiet. While she loved living with Monica, she was so grateful that Monica took her in because she knew she had been far from the ideal roommate applicant.

An hour later, Chandler walked into the apartment and the trio were ready to go. Phoebe was excited about this night. Now, she was going to show both Chandler and Monica how she lived. She was going to show them her world. She was going to see her old friends and introduce them to her two new favorite people.

"Let's go," Chandler said.

"So...wait, did you talk to Kip?" Monica asked.

"I did. I called him an ass," Chandler said, smiling.

"You did?" Monica asked.

"Yep. Hey...no one hurts you on my watch," Chandler said.

"Thank you," Monica said as she gave Chandler a hug.

"G-d, you two are ridiculous," Phoebe groaned.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"She thinks you and I should hook up. That's completely absurd, right?" Monica asked.

Chandler gave Phoebe a look as he put one arm around her and another around Monica, leading them both to the door.

"Totally...you know, I only wanna be with you Pheebs," Chandler grinned.

"Bite me," Phoebe said, to which Chandler shrugged and playfully tried to bite her shoulder as they walked outside where the playing immediately came to a halt though when Kip opened the door to apartment 19.

"Kip," Monica said.

"Hey, Kipster...jealous?" Chandler asked, his arms still firmly placed around both Phoebe and Monica.

"Don't be an asshole," Kip said.

"Hey, I'm not the one who dumps their girlfriend on New Years," Chandler said.

"Yeah, that would actually require you to have a girlfriend. When was the last time you had one of those?" Kip asked.

"Hey, wait-" Phoebe started.

"No, Pheebs...it's fine. I would say something, but...I'm spending the night with two very hot women who will both be kissing me at midnight. Who will you be with?" Chandler asked. Phoebe and Monica both smiled and planted a kiss on Chandler's cheeks as the trio walked off, leaving Kip behind.

Both Monica and Chandler wanted to see the junkyard where Phoebe had spent so much time so after the trio had a lovely dinner of pizza and wine, Phoebe took them down to the junkyard. She was scared taking them at first. She wasn't sure they'd get it. Chandler and Monica, to her knowledge, had both led fairly sheltered lives. She wondered if they would think she was lying. She also wondered how she would react to seeing it again. When they reached it, she stopped, her heart dropped as tears filled her eyes. The Gremlin was still there and there was also another burnt out Buick there. This had been her home. She could feel Chandler place a hand on her shoulder as Monica linked her arm in Phoebe's and placed her head on Phoebe's shoulder.

"You really lived here?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe nodded as she walked towards the Buick that looked very similar to the one she had once called her home. She sat in it as Chandler and Monica both took seats next to her.

"Wow..." Chandler said.

"See, there's no phone here Chandler. I couldn't have called you," Phoebe grinned, wiping away her tears. Chandler let out a laugh while Monica just looked a little confused.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Chandler," Phoebe said, motioning for him to tell the story. She figured he should be the one to tell it.

"Alright...I've never told you this, Mon...but when I was fifteen, my buddies and I drove from Scarsdale to the city to see Hot Dog: The Movie at this theater that never checked ID. In line on the day that I saw the movie was a very attractive blonde girl named, Phoebe. I paid for her ticket, we saw the movie...I asked for her number and-"

"And I had no phone number to give him," Phoebe finished, motioning out to the rest of the yard.

"Oh my G-d...that's amazing," Monica said.

"It was an awful movie, but he was a lot of fun...the rest of night sucked though."

"Why? You missed me?" Chandler asked, grinning.

"I actually did but...when I got back here after the movie, it was my Sweet Sixteen and a couple of my friends had a party and...it's very hard to have an invite list when you live in a junkyard and one of the guests was an escaped convict who tried to kill me until a friend shot him. The knife missed me by about a quarter of inch," Phoebe said.

Monica and Chandler both stared at her, stunned. Neither one quite knowing what to say. Phoebe smiled at them. They looked concerned, worried and both a little scared. She had been so nervous about taking them here, but judging by their reactions, she knew they weren't judging her. Instead, they were worried.

"Phoebe," Monica said.

"I survived," Phoebe said.

"How? How did you survive this?" Monica asked.

"I had to. Now do you see why I don't care if the towels are in the right place or all the dishes are clean?" Phoebe asked.

"I see...although, heads up...I probably won't stop caring about that. Sorry," Monica said.

"That's okay. I know," Phoebe said.

"Chandler's been trying to get me to not care about a little messiness for the past four years. Nothing works," Monica said.

"Is that why you cut off his toe?" Phoebe asked.

"No," Monica said.

"Why did you cut off my toe?" Chandler said.

"I-I...you...you were wearing wicker shoes. I hate wicker shoes," Monica tried.

"You're never gonna tell me the real reason?" Chandler asked.

"Never. It was Rachel's fault," Monica said.

"Always. Pheebs...tell her what you did to Rachel," Chandler said.

"No...nooooo. That's...no," Phoebe said.

"What did you do?" Monica asked.

"Do you still talk to this girl?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, G-d no. I hate that girl. She's horrible...she really hurt me," Monica said.

"What if she comes back into our lives and-" Phoebe said.

"No. I guarantee you, I will never speak to her again," Monica said.

"Alright, but if by some chance you do...you can not tell her this. Neither one of you. When I was sixteen, I went to Long Island and stole like a shit load of clothes from the store that she worked at," Phoebe said.

"Olivia's? That was her aunts store. I so wanted to shop there but they stopped at a size six. Rachel used to say, 'oh Monica...too bad you can't buy anything here.'"

"Well, I still have some of the clothes...you could wear them," Phoebe said.

"Thank you," Monica said. "Wow...G-d, Pheebs, you had a run in with Chandler. You had a run in with me at a soup kitchen...I volunteered there with Rachel-"

"Rachel volunteered?" Chandler asked.

"No, not really...I dragged her there but no...but I met Phoebe. I thought she was so cool and...you met us before you met us. That's...wow...was that guy you were with really your dad?" Monica asked.

"Lowell? No and the Lincoln High sweatshirt? I stole it from some kid. I actually wore it because I saw Rachel and recognized her and thought she might recognize that I was wearing clothes that I had stolen from her," Phoebe said.

"Wow...actually, I remember that...her aunts store getting robbed while Rachel was working there. Rachel got in so much trouble."

"What happened?" Phoebe asked.

"Her parents had to write a check to cover for the missing merchandise," Monica said.

"Is it wrong that that doesn't make me upset?" Phoebe asked.

"No...if this had been like five years ago, I would be running to tell her and I'd be upset...but now, no. She hurt me too much. G-d, she was like that one friend I had that I thought would never screw me over...and she did," Monica said, looking sad all over again. Phoebe smiled and placed her arm around her, hugging. She immediately thought of Leslie and how much Leslie had hurt her. It made her hate this Rachel girl even more.

"Alright, ladies...enough," Chandler said, jumping up. "It is New Years Eve...we're going to have a good time. Mon, we're gonna get you trashed and Pheebs...well, I gave up trying to get you drunk months ago."

Phoebe and Monica both stood up and walked over to him as the three began to walk out of the junkyard.

"I can't get drunk," Phoebe smiled.

"I know," Chandler said.

"You can't get drunk?" Monica asked.

"I've never seen tolerance like this in my life and I grew up around alcoholics," Chandler said.

Monica let that thought sink in and soon a smile spread across her face.

"Maybe you haven't been drinking the right stuff?" Monica asked.

"I drink a lot," Phoebe said.

"I know where we're going next. Come on," Monica said as she grabbed Phoebe and Chandler's hands and pulled them out of the junkyard. Phoebe and Chandler exchanged nervous looks.

"Where's she taking us?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know...Mon, if you take us to clean crap, I swear to G-d, I will kill you."

"Come on," Monica said.

Phoebe and Chandler followed Monica out of the junkyard. As they walked away though, Phoebe glanced back at her former home once more. It was crazy to her how her life was turning out. But the memories of that place, the darker times where she would curl up under a coat and try to fall asleep. Chandler and Monica were both so shocked that she had survived, but she had to survive. She had moved forward. She had wanted so much more and there she was, getting it.

About fifteen, twenty minutes later, Chandler and Phoebe were sitting in a dimly lit club. The floor was packed with people dancing around to the loud dance music pulsating through the club. It reminded Phoebe of her nights in Prague. She had contemplated telling Chandler about Prague but felt perhaps that might be a story better left for another time.

"Here you go," Monica said, holding three drinks in her hands. Chandler stood up to help her, grabbing two of the drinks and giving one to Phoebe.

"What did you bring us?" Chandler asked.

"Slow Death," Monica said.

"Is that a suggestion?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe looked at the drink and then Monica. She took a deep breath and picked up the glass. She took a sip before she started to cough. Phoebe had had a lot of drinks in her life, but never any quite as strong as this.

"Crap, Monica. What the hell is this?" Phoebe asked.

Monica grinned as she looked at Chandler who was staring at Phoebe and then back at Monica.

"Go ahead, Bing. Try it."

Chandler picked up his glass, drank and immediately started to hack. He looked over at Monica who was slowly sipping her drink.

"It really was a suggestion. What is in this?" Chandler asked.

"Everclear, Jagermeister, Rum, Southern Comfort and Schnapps," Monica said. "Probably should have told you two that it was a sipping kind of drink."

"How did you know about this?" Chandler asked.

"I know things...I came here on my twenty first birthday and the bartender made me a drink...this. That was a fun birthday," Monica said.

"Why wasn't I invited?" Chandler asked.

"Because I didn't want you there," Monica said giving him an innocent smile as she took a sip of her drink. Chandler's mouth dropped open as Phoebe began laughing.

"I am hurt. I am actually hurt," Chandler said.

"You didn't invite me to your twenty first birthday," Monica said.

"You weren't twenty one yet," Chandler said.

"I heard about that party. Ross told me you ended up half naked at the top of the Statue of Liberty screaming, 'Welcome to New York bitches,'" Monica said.

"Yeah, that was a good night," Chandler mused as he took a sip of his drink.

"Which half of you was naked?" Phoebe asked.

"That's private...I'm keeping that between me, Ross and the boatload of tourists I flashed," Chandler grinned, "I wanted to show them my Statue of Liberty."

"Oh no," Phoebe said, "wait, so Mon...onto your twenty first birthday...if it was here and you drank this, what did you do?"

"Yeah...you didn't even invite Ross, did you?" Chandler asked.

"Nope," Monica said.

"What did you do?" Chandler asked.

"Okay, but you can't tell Ross or anyone," Monica said.

"No, whatever we do or say tonight stays between the three of us...forever," Phoebe said.

Phoebe lifted up her glass and the other two followed suit. The three clicked their glasses together and drank, slowly.

"Alright, I only invited friends from culinary school because I didn't want anything I did to get back to my parents or anyone...which is why I did not invite Ross or you," Monica began, motioning to Chandler, "well, we came here and I got very, very drunk and danced on top of that bar...and..the dance became topless."

"Oh my G-d. You stripped," Phoebe said.

"Only my top...I took it off and just danced," Monica said, her face turning bright red.

"Monica Geller...you drink up," Chandler said.

"I'm so sorry I called you an uptight psycho the other day. I want you to be drunk forever," Phoebe said, hugging Monica who was laughing as well. The alcohol continued to flow as the three continued to enjoy themselves, even Phoebe who never got drunk did manage to get a little drunk off the Slow Death drink. They stayed mainly in their corner of the club, dancing together, Phoebe and Monica often grinding up against Chandler, kissing him and touching him, which made it very hard for him to concentrate.

They left the club around eleven thirty, all three holding each other up as they made their way to Times Square to watch the ball drop. Phoebe could not wait to see her old friends, to have them all meet finally and when she saw them waiting for her in front of the restaurant they had all decided to meet in front of, Phoebe could barely contain her joy. Sue Ellen, Marjorie, Betty, Lowell, Cindy and Blackie, the Albino Window Washer were all there.

"You made it," Sue Ellen said.

"We went dancing," Phoebe said.

"Are you actually drunk?" Marjorie asked.

"Yep...I actually got drunk," Phoebe said.

"Wow...I didn't think that was possible," Marjorie said.

"Me neither," Phoebe said.

"I gotta make out with both of 'em," Chandler slurred as he leaned against Monica who could barely stand up herself.

"Nice," Lowell said.

Phoebe laughed as she looked up. The ball began to drop and 1993 was just seconds away. The nineties were turning out to be incredible as Chandler pulled her into him, using both Phoebe and Monica to help with his balance. When the ball finally dropped, both Phoebe and Monica kissed Chandler, which of course made Chandler even happier.

The party finally ended with Monica, Chandler and Phoebe sitting together on the roof of their apartment building watching the sun coming up as they sat together drinking coffee and staring off. This had been Phoebe's favorite New Years Eve by far.

"I lied," Monica said, her voice barely above a whisper. Chandler and Phoebe looked at her. "I lied about dancing topless at that club on my twenty first birthday. I did go to that club and I did drink...but I didn't go that crazy. I just...I felt left out. It's why Kip and I had been fighting. I felt like I was losing friends and Phoebe, you seem so cool and Kip kept saying that we had each other but I wanted my friends and when I heard you two were going to have fun on New Years, I wanted to join you. Kip didn't and I said I was gonna go anyway and we fought and then broke up."

"Mon," Chandler said as he put his arm around her and gave her a kiss. "You can't lose me."

"I'm sorry, Monica...I don't want you thinking I'm stealing Chandler," Phoebe said.

"No, you don't have to apologize...I made that topless dancing story up because you two seem to have so much fun together and I know you guys think I'm uptight and controlling and stuff and I just wanted to...fit in, I guess," Monica said.

"You know, last night, you did loosen up. You had fun. I didn't think you were uptight. My friends loved you," Phoebe said.

"They did?" Monica said.

"Yeah and I think you're awesome. You took me in. You gave me a home. You didn't have to do that," Phoebe said.

"Where would you have gone if I hadn't?" Monica asked.

"I would have figured it out," Phoebe said.

"I had to take you in, Phoebe. I couldn't have said no. I'm a mothering person...and you seem like might have needed that," Monica said.

"Thank you," Phoebe said.

"Hmmm, this was a good night," Chandler said as placed an arm around Phoebe and an arm around Monica. The two girls gently fell onto him as they all fell silent. It was cold out but Phoebe felt warm. She had never really experienced the love she had for both Chandler and Monica before. Sure, there was Duncan but this was different. She owed them everything. She had achieved her goals of getting a degree and home because of them and she wasn't quite sure how she would ever be able to thank them enough.


	18. Chapter 18

**February 16th, 1993**

Phoebe stirred a little in her bed. Because of her time on the street, she was a very light sleeper. She could wake up just at the slightest bit of noise. So when she heard noises just outside her room, she was instantly awake. But she knew better than to open her eyes because unlike her time on the street, she was quite certain she wasn't in any sort of danger. She knew exactly who was on the other side of that door and when she heard her bedroom door open and heard their voices, it was then that she opened her eyes and sat up.

"Happy birthday," Monica cooed as she walked into Phoebe's room carrying a tray with chocolate chip pancakes and a large mug filled with coffee. Chandler appeared next to her, smiling as well.

"Happy quarter of century," Chandler said.

"I am twenty five years old. Twenty five. Oh my G-d and thank you...you made me breakfast."

"I did," Monica said as she placed the tray on the bed.

"And that's not all," Chandler said.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Tell her," Chandler said.

"I left the dishes in the sink. I haven't washed them yet," Monica said.

"Monica...are you okay?" Phoebe asked.

"I know...I know...I'm shocked myself," Monica said.

"Wow...I can't believe I'm twenty five. I can't believe I made it this far. I mean...G-d...how did I make it this far?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler and Monica both sat down on the bed, staring at Phoebe and she stared right back at them. It was so odd how all that had happened.

"When I turned fifteen, I mugged a kid. Sixteen...I almost got killed by some crazy person. Seventeen, I got arrested. Eighteen was okay, I got out of jail, well the detention center...nineteen, I spent it in a soup kitchen...twenty one was pretty awesome. I went to Vegas...but even still, I never had a place. I mean, even before I ended up homeless...my family couldn't afford to do big birthday parties. I'm supposed to be a statistic, you know. I'm not."

"You're amazing, Pheebs," Monica said.

"You really are. You made our lives more fun," Chandler said.

"I completely agree. I mean, I was really uptight before," Monica said.

Phoebe bit her lip, cocking her head to the side as she looked at Monica and then Chandler. Chandler started laughing, getting the meaning behind Phoebe's look immediately.

"No, no, Pheebs...she was far worse before you came. I mean, I can put my feet on the couch now...with shoes. Amazing," Chandler said.

"Awww, well...that's good," Phoebe said.

"So...what do you wanna do today?" Monica asked.

"I wanna visit my step dad. in prison. I wanna show him what I've done. I wanna see if he knows where my sister is."

"You have a sister?" Monica asked.

"A twin. I don't know what happened to her. The day I ran away, she saw me pack my clothes and leave but she never said anything. I'm assuming she went into foster care," Phoebe said.

"Why didn't you go into foster care? Why did you run away and live on the streets instead?" Chandler asked.

"I was fourteen. Most people when they adopt want newborns and there's no saying that I would've been adopted. I didn't want to take a chance on hoping someone would take me in. I've been left so many times even before I ended up on the street. People walking out or giving up on me...I wanted to take control of my own destiny. I was tired of people walking out."

"Well, we won't walk out on you," Monica said.

"You're stuck with us," Chandler said.

"Perfect," Phoebe said as she dug into her breakfast which was incredibly good. That didn't shock her. It was one of her favorite things about her roommate, her cooking skills. When Phoebe had moved in, Monica had really gone out of her way to make sure she made Phoebe something that was vegetarian every night, which Phoebe appreciated. Phoebe often found it so strange, her feelings about Monica. She thought the world of Monica, but at the same time, the obsessiveness was often close to driving her over the edge.

"Okay, tonight, we're gonna have a dinner and-" Monica said.

"She's not gonna like it," Chandler said.

"Yes, she will," Monica said.

"Where?" Phoebe asked.

"It's this French restaurant I found called, Le Poupon and-"

"Oh, Mon." Phoebe said, grinning.

"It's a fancy place," Monica said.

"We're not fancy though," Phoebe said.

"Where do you wanna go?" Monica asked.

"You're gonna be twenty three next month. Think young," Phoebe said.

Monica looked at Phoebe and Chandler, raising an eyebrow as she thought about other things they could do. For Monica, thinking young was tough. She loved fancy and pomp and circumstance. She loved foods with complicated names. But she tried and as she thought, she stumbled on something her roommate might actually enjoy.

"Have you ever seen a musical?" Monica asked.

"No...how would I see a musical?" Phoebe asked.

"What would you think about going to see a musical about people dressed up like cats that also sing and dance?" Monica asked.

"I would love that...does that exist?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, it exists...Chandler do you think Phoebe would like Cats?" Monica asked.

"Yes. Yes, she would. She would love it...that is such a Phoebe kind of musical," Chandler said.

"Wait, I've seen that big black sign that says Cats on it...with the eyes...that's...oh, I must see that," Phoebe said, grinning. In her head she could imagine people dressed in cat costumes and it seemed amazing.

"Alright, we will do that. When are you going to visit your step dad?" Monica asked.

"Well, I'd like to do it this morning. I want one or both of you to come with me," Phoebe said.

"I'll come with you, Pheebs," Chandler said.

"Great...I will make some calls. We will also not go to a French restaurant. There is though a fantastic rooftop bar and restaurant right in Times Square which we can go to afterwards and we can drink, eat and have an amazing view of the city...and it's pretty, not French restaurant fancy. But good..."

"Sounds good to me. Pheebs?" Chandler asked.

"Much better," Phoebe said.

Monica got up and walked over to Phoebe, giving her a hug before walking out of Phoebe's room. Chandler lay down on Phoebe's bed, smiling.

"You two are getting along better," Chandler said.

"Yeah...but...we're so different Chandler. I want to be her friend, I owe her so much...I owe both of you-"

"You don't owe me anything."

"I know you say that but...I will pay you back somehow."

"Nope. You will never pay me back and besides, you wouldn't even know who to pay back even if you made the money," Chandler said.

"I'd make the check out to Chandler Bing," Phoebe said as it was obvious.

"Which I would appreciate...but it's a trust fund, you wouldn't write a check to me. My own personal account is a whole other thing. The trust fund isn't linked to my personal bank account."

"You're gonna have to explain this all to me one day."

"I will. Hey, do you even have a bank account yet?" Chandler asked.

"No."

"Where have you cashing your paychecks?"

"Wal Mart...they have a place where you can cash checks."

"Seriously? You've been here for eight months," Chandler asked.

"Yeah...well, that's where I keep my money. I don't know how to get a bank account," Phoebe said.

"Okay...get dressed. First stop, bank...I should have taught you that before I taught you the drinking games" Chandler said as he got up and walked over to her and gently kissed her on the head before leaving. Phoebe smiled as she watched him walk out of the room. It was amazing how much Chandler had been helping her. She had felt so grateful for him.

Ever since New Years, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica had now become a trio. Ross was still trying to work on his marriage and Kip was slowly being fazed out after his break up with Monica. Chandler and Phoebe both immediately took Monica's side and as a result Chandler had now become Phoebe and Monica's unofficial third roommate which neither girl minded too much. He often crashed on their couch and now the movie nights that had once been only Phoebe and Chandler's, were now Phoebe, Chandler and Monica's.

After spending the morning at the bank, setting up an account for Phoebe, the two friends walked into the prison together. Phoebe's heart beat fast as she walked into the waiting area. She had not seen her step father since she had been eighteen and just leaving the detention center where she has spent a year locked up. Chandler grabbed Phoebe's hand as they sat on one side of the plexiglass, waiting for Phoebe's step dad.

"You alright?" Chandler asked.

"No."

"Can I ask...how did he end up here?" Chandler asked.

"Selling drugs and buying them too. Little tip, if you're gonna buy drugs, don't buy them off an undercover cop."

"Good to know," Chandler said.

"You know, I'm gonna tell him what you did, though. About paying for my education-"

"Phoebe, I really don't-"

"Who is he gonna tell? I want him to know that I do have people who care."

"Okay. Alright," Chandler said.

Phoebe smiled as she let out a sigh. There were times when her life just seemed so unreal to her. She could only imagine how it seemed to people like Monica and Chandler. She knew they were constantly amazed by her survival skills, but this was all she knew. She only knew how to survive.

When her step dad, Jeff appeared, he looked a bit more worn than the last time she had seen him. He was dressed in an orange jumpsuit and his hair was now long and gray. They both picked up their respective phones.

"Phoebe or Ursula?"

"It's Phoebe."

"Oh...Phoebe, you look beautiful."

"Thank you. I...I have a lot of news. I have a home-"

"Is that your husband?" Jeff asked. Phoebe looked over at Chandler who was sitting silently.

"No, no...he's a good friend. Actually...he helped me a lot. Um, I met him on the subway and he ended up funding my entire education. I'm now a licensed masseuse and I have a job and a home."

"You have a home?" Jeff asked.

"I live in an apartment in the village. My roommate is a girl named, Monica. She's really very sweet and mothering...and generous. She's a chef too...she learned how to make all sorts of vegetarian things for me. She makes the best vegetarian pizza...and veggie lasagna...and Chandler here lives across the hall, although he does stay in our apartment a lot."

"Wow, so you're happy?" Jeff asked.

"I am. I'm really, really happy...and I owe it all to Chandler...and Monica. They're amazing people."

Chandler smiled and looked down a little, slightly embarrassed. With her free hand, she reached over and squeezed Chandler's hand.

"Can I talk to him?" Jeff asked.

"Chandler? Yeah," Phoebe took the phone away from her ear and handed it to Chandler. "He wants to talk to you."

"Okay," Chandler said, a little nervous as he held the phone up to his ear. "Hi."

"Chandler?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah."

"You funded Phoebe's education?" Jeff asked.

"I...I have a trust fund that my great grandparents set up a long time ago really for the sole purpose of giving money to people or charities that might need it or need help and when I met Phoebe, I thought I could help...so I did," Chandler explained.

"Thank you," Jeff said.

"You're welcome."

"I'm glad good people are looking out for her."

"Yeah, I'm not gonna to let anything happen to her," Chandler said.

"Good...let me talk to Phoebe again," Jeff said. Chandler nodded and handed the phone back to Phoebe. "He seems nice."

"He is...although, he is oddly quiet," Phoebe said, looking at Chandler.

"I'm not gonna make prison jokes...at least not until I'm somewhere I can't be heard," Chandler said, which made Phoebe laugh.

"So...Jeff, have you talked to Ursula?" Phoebe asked.

"No...I haven't spoken to her in...well ever."

"I wanna know where she is."

"I'd love to know too."

It made Phoebe sad to know Ursula had never visited. She wondered if Ursula wondered where she was. Did Ursula wonder if Phoebe was dead or alive? The two sisters had never had a close relationship. Ursula always seemed so self absorbed. Phoebe was always considered the sweet one, the one with a heart. She was the one other kids turned to when Ursula would be mean to them. Phoebe could so clearly see that last day with Ursula in her head. They had been standing in their bedroom, alone in that house. Everyone had left and the wake was over. Phoebe began packing clothes into her guitar case while her sister said nothing. She knew she didn't have a lot of time. A social worker was on their way to take them. Phoebe decided she would have none of that. Ursula never said a word as Phoebe grabbed her guitar case and left.

When Phoebe and Chandler walked out of the prison, she felt such a mix of emotions. Chandler placed is arm around Phoebe as she placed her head on his chest. They walked towards a bench and sat down, Chandler still having his arm around Phoebe. They sat silently for what felt like a long time until Phoebe finally spoke.

"Why didn't we get childhoods?" Phoebe asked. "Do you ever wonder that, Chandler? What did we do? I still think your dad is awesome but you've told me stuff about your childhood and how you had to grow up really fast and you walked in on your parents having a threesome once and all that stuff...we both had to grow up so fast. Why didn't we get to have childhoods?"

"I don't know. I've wondered that too."

"I mean, you and Monica keep going on about how impressive it is that I survived all this. I'm impressed you survived too. I mean, even though you had a home-"

"I never had a home. I mean, okay, technically, I had a bed to sleep in every night. I never went to bed hungry. But...I didn't have what Monica and Ross had. I didn't...did I ever tell you about junior high?"

"No."

"I got the shit kicked out of me in middle school."

"What?"

"I was twelve, thirteen and a couple of guys cornered me in the locker room after gym...called me a fag, called my father a fag...said my mother was whore and then beat me up so badly, I was bleeding-"

"Oh, Chandler."

"I couldn't really tell my parents. My dad was already gone by that point and my mom was on some book tour. I cleaned my own wounds. I never had that warmth. You love my dad, but here's the thing...he told a complete stranger that he loved me...it would have been nice to hear it from him, directly," Chandler said.

"I'm sorry."

"It's just...I know you and I had different types of sucky childhoods and probably yours is far worse-"

"I don't know if that's a competition I wanna win."

"I had...and you know what else...I always wanted it to be my turn. I spent so much time growing up wanting it to be my turn. I remember having a tennis match in elementary school and I was really good...but this kid I played was tough. It was a tough match...and I won. Not just by a little, I slaughtered this kid. But no one paid attention because my father had come dressed as Judy Garland and sang 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' after the match. They never came to parent teacher conferences but...if I had a graduation or a won a tennis match or a swim meet...if I had something that could be about me...they made it about them. I just wanted my moment. When I was sixteen, my mom said she wanted to drive me to take my drivers test and take me to lunch and I was thrilled. She shows up in this skimpy little dress then after the test, which I passed...I ended up spending the rest of the day driving around while my mom hooked up in the backseat with some guy she had picked up at the DMV while I took my test. I just...other kids parents didn't want their kids hanging out with me because of my parents...I wanted something that was just about me."

"I get that...I never had that either and I'm a twin, so I had to share my own birthday and Ursula was older so she got everything first. My mom was depressed all the time and my step dad would take care of her or he'd be selling and buying drugs and see, Ursula would get mad. If something didn't go her way, she'd yell. I didn't yell. I was considered the sweet one...so because I didn't get mad, people catered to Ursula. I never got to have anything that was my moment either. G-d, I don't even have a license. I always wanted to learn."

"I can teach you," Chandler said.

"You could."

"Yeah...I've taught you drinking games, I helped you open your first bank account, I showed you pop culture...I think I can teach you driving."

"Are you good?"

"Uh-huh," Chandler said.

"Have you ever been in an accident?" Phoebe asked.

"Two...one wasn't my fault, the second probably was. The first, this old lady apparently didn't see me stopped at a stop sign and plowed into the back of me and the second one...let's just say, the house was vacant. No one was there-"

"You drove into a house?" Phoebe asked.

"Yep...it was in college, Ross and Kip were in the car. No one was hurt...the house was...but well, I was driving in a canyon and I turned wheel like a half second too soon and too sharply-"

"Wow."

"You still want me to teach you to drive?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah. I wanna get a license and there's my first lesson, don't drive into houses."

"Always a good lesson."

"Chandler, you're doing too much for me. I mean...thanks for helping me open a bank account. I got my first ATM card. Wow...it's so cool...but you're doing too much."

"I don't mind."

"I do. I wanna do something for you. Please?"

"I don't need anything."

"Chandler."

"Pheebs."

"No, I don't need anything."

"Alright...thank you. I'm sorry you didn't get to have a childhood either," Phoebe said as she patted Chandler on the hand. He smiled at her as he took a deep breath, not really wanting to discuss any of this further.

"You know what...I know where I'm taking you next."

"Where?"

"Where we can have a childhood.. Let's go."

Chandler grabbed Phoebe's hand and dragged her off to hail a cab. It was about fifteen minutes later when the cab stopped in front of a giant store on Fifth Avenue. Phoebe looked up at the sign and smiled.

"FAO Schwartz?"

"Remember when I showed you Big?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah."

"Remember the piano scene?"

"Is that in there?" Phoebe asked.

"Amongst other things. Let's go."

Phoebe and Chandler got out of the cab and walked into the giant toy store. Phoebe was absolutely amazed by the hugeness of it. She had never been inside. Even growing up, she had never been inside. There was no way her mom or step dad could have afforded anything from here.

"Well, now what?" Phoebe asked.

"Play with me."

Phoebe could not stop grinning as they linked arms and proceeded to play. They practiced their moves on the giant piano, Phoebe laughing as Chandler tried to slide across it. They played with bikes and scooters and board games. They played with remote control cars and planes. They played video games and pretended they were rock stars, playing all the instruments they had and for the next hour truly behaved like they were kids and at the end of their playing, Chandler bought Phoebe a pink glittery guitar with purple flowers on it, a remote control helicopter for himself and for Monica, an Easy Bake Oven.

After all the playing came the grown up part of Phoebe's birthday, Cats, the musical. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler all dressed up and headed to the Winter Garden theater and met up with Ross and Carol who had also brought along her friend Susan.

"She had never seen Cats. So, I hope it's okay that I invited her," Carol said, looking at Susan.

"I thought that would be okay," Ross said, seeming rather sad.

Phoebe and Monica just exchanged looks and grinned. They giggled a little as they looked at Carol and Susan.

"It's fine. The more the merrier," Phoebe said.

"We'll just have a gay old time," Monica muttered.

"Monica," Phoebe said, laughing a little.

"What?" Carol asked.

"Nothing, nothing. Go ahead of us," Chandler said as Carol, Ross and Susan walked into the theater. Chandler looked at both Phoebe and Monica who were both linking their arms in his. "You two have to stop. She is not a lesbian."

"Yes, she is," Monica said.

"Seriously," Phoebe said.

"You two are not normal. Let's go," Chandler said as they walked inside the theater and found their seats.

"Oh by the way, I wanted to say thank you for my Easy Bake Oven," Monica said.

"You're welcome and I love my helicopter...I flew it at Kip's head," Chandler said.

"Okay, Chandler. Stop being mean to him," Monica said.

"He hurt you. If someone hurts you, I fly my helicopter at their head," Chandler said.

"But you still have to live with him," Monica said.

"He wants to protect us, Mon," Phoebe said.

"I know, it's why we love him," Monica said.

"He helped me opened up a bank account today and I got checks with bunnies on them," Phoebe said.

"Wait, so this means I'm not going to get the rent next month in cash?" Monica asked.

"Nope," Phoebe said.

"She's been living with you for eight months. Why didn't you take her to open up a bank account?" Chandler asked.

"I didn't know she didn't have one...oh, by the way...okay, I may not dance topless at clubs but I can still be silly," Monica said as she reached into her large purse and pulled out three pairs of black head bands with cat ears. She handed one to Phoebe, one to Chandler and put on her own pair.

"Sexy," Phoebe said as she put her cat ears on.

"I know...Chandler," Monica said.

"Okay, fine," Chandler said as he put them on.

Both girls smiled at him as they planted kisses on his cheeks and snuggled up next to him as the musical began and what a musical it was, there were people dressed like cats, singing songs, dancing around. Phoebe was amazed that such wonderfulness existed. It was no doubt turning into an amazing birthday and it surprised her that she became a bit emotional while the cats were singing. There was no turning back for her and she had no desire to turn back at all.

After the musical, they headed to the rooftop bar, actually only Monica, Chandler and Phoebe did. Ross, Carol and Susan headed home. Monica, Chandler and Phoebe had wanted Ross to join them, but with Carol feeling tired, he wanted to go home and be with her.

"You know, I've lost all of my male friends. I have no guy friends left" Chandler said as the trio sat at a table sipping drinks and staring out at the New York skyline. When Ross declined to go with them, a change seemed to come over Chandler, he seemed sad.

"Of course you do," Monica said.

"I don't. Ross is married, Kip and I don't speak to...you two are my only friends. I have no guy friends," Chandler said.

"Well, if it turns out Carol is a lesbian...you'll have Ross back and you don't have to mean to Kip. I get it, I appreciate you looking out for me. But I don't want you losing a friend. He was your best friend. I know that and I know Ross is still your friend, he just really wants to work on his marriage right now," Monica said.

"I don't know...I'm just lonely. Not that I don't love you two...never mind. It's your birthday, Phoebe. Happy birthday," Chandler said.

"Thank you," Phoebe said as the trio lifted up their glasses and clicked them together and drinking. Chandler really did seem kind of sad to her. Monica seemed to notice to as she gently began to rub his back. Phoebe felt she needed to change this.

"Are there any Rangers games coming up?" Phoebe asked. She knew Chandler was a fan of hockey and of the Rangers. She knew he loved the games and maybe there was a game coming up.

"Yeah, there's one tomorrow...I would normally go with Kip or Ross. I actually asked Ross, he couldn't go."

"Go with us...I've never been to a game," Phoebe said, looking over at Monica.

"Yeah...I wanna go," Monica nodded.

"You two would go?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...and I'm buying the tickets," Phoebe said.

"Oh, you don't-I can do that-"

"You've done enough for me. Let me do this...please," Phoebe said, giving him a look. Chandler smiled and nodded.

"Alright. Thanks," Chandler said.

"Alright...now let's drink 'till you two get drunk," Phoebe said.

"I wanna see a midnight movie," Monica said.

"You do?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes...I'm in the mood to see one. Movie tonight...with our cat ears on and a Ranger game tomorrow night," Monica said.

"That does sound fun...anything in particular?" Phoebe asked.

"Groundhog's Day. Definitely Groundhog's Day," Chandler said.

"Alright, let's drink and go," Phoebe said.

The three finished off their drinks before heading off to the movie and the next day, the trio went off to see the Rangers plays. It was a memorable birthday for Phoebe, one she would always carry with her and look back on fondly. Her birthdays seemed to be improving with age as were her friends.


	19. Chapter 19

**July 4th, 1993**

Phoebe had not expected to see her working there. Sue Ellen had gotten a job as a waitress and bartender at a restaurant in SoHo. Sue Ellen told her that there was a girl there that looked exactly like Phoebe working there. She had debated going down there, she was supposed to go to Westhampton with Chandler and Monica to enjoy the holiday weekend. Chandler was even going to let her drive a little way in the car he had rented. The trio had decided to book one hotel room by the beach and share it. Phoebe was looking forward to it but when when Sue Ellen had told her about the fact that her sister might be a waitress at the restaurant Sue Ellen worked at, she knew she'd have to visit. She knew she couldn't go away for an entire weekend before seeing if it was true.

It was July 3rd when Phoebe had decided to meet up with Sue Ellen at Rif's. She had not told Monica and Chandler exactly what she was doing, just that she needed to meet with her friend Sue Ellen about something before they left. They didn't really ask questions. She would tell them the truth later. She needed to see for herself and there she was, dressed in black. Her long blond hair in a half up, half down style with the top half being held back by a giant black scrunchie. She almost seemed like she was floating around the restaurant, writing things on a pad and being very unaware of any sort of activity going on around her.

"Isn't that her?" Sue Ellen asked.

Unlike Ursula, Sue Ellen had noticed Phoebe as soon as she walked in and walked over to her. She currently had her hand on Phoebe's arm and was pointing to Ursula.

"Yeah, that's her," Phoebe said.

"I thought it was," Sue Ellen said.

"Did you tell her that you knew me?" Phoebe asked.

"I asked if she had a twin."

"And what did she say?"

"Well...she...well...okay, she said-"

"Did she say no?"

"Yeah...sorry...should I not have told you?"

"I'm glad you did." Phoebe said.

Phoebe took a deep breath and slowly walked towards Ursula. She had not seen her sister in eleven years and there she was, standing before her, looking exactly like her. She had always wished she and Ursula had had a close relationship. She was so envious of Ross and Monica, how close they seemed. When she had first moved in, Ross had interrogated her to make sure that she wasn't going to be some psycho person and while Monica and Chandler thought it was funny that Ross got so over protective, it made Phoebe sad. She wanted sibling protection like that although she did now have that with Chandler and Monica, it just wasn't the same. They technically were not her siblings.

She approached Ursula who was busy writing stuff down on a pad. She was talking to a blonde woman sitting with a guy with dark curly hair. As she got closer to Ursula, she could hear the couple trying to order something but Ursula wasn't paying attention. She instead thanked them and told them she would be back when they were ready to order and walked off. Phoebe followed her.

"Ursula?"

It was then that Ursula finally turned and noticed her. A flash of recognition appeared in her eyes but it quickly vanished as she glared at Phoebe.

"Hi...and you are?" Ursula asked.

"You're joking right?" Phoebe asked, immediately beginning to regret coming.

"I'm working," Ursula said.

"Ursula, I haven't seen you in eleven years. Let's talk," Phoebe said.

Ursula let out an annoyed sigh and motioned for Phoebe to follow her. They walked outside and stood, staring at each other but not saying a word. Phoebe wondered who would start talking first although it seemed like it would probably be her.

"Haven't you wondered where I've been?" Phoebe asked.

"No."

"Really? Well, I wondered about you," Phoebe said.

"I was taken in by a Swedish couple for a few months until our grandmother got custody of me. I lived with her and now I live in an apartment down the street," Ursula said.

"Wait...we have a grandmother?" Phoebe asked, a little stunned.

"Yes. I have to go back-"

"Wait, Ursula...I was homeless...I've been through a lot and you're standing there and acting like I just saw you yesterday. I mean, I've had near death experiences, I've had-"

"I'm not going to feel sorry for you."

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"You brought this on yourself, Phoebe. You did not have to run away. You did not have to do this whole victimy, martyr crap thing...you did this. You were the one that decided not to stay."

"Because who knew if someone would adopt us and I did not bring this on myself."

"I figured someone would or some family member would come and find us."

"Mom died and no family members came. Where was this grandmother?" Phoebe asked.

"She was too distraught. Her daughter had passed away and she was living in Santa Monica...apparently she and her husband were landlords of some apartment complex in California."

"Husband?"

"He died. He wasn't our grandfather."

"Oh...but wait, so this woman, our grandmother was so distraught about her daughter passing away that she let her two fourteen year old granddaughters plan the funeral and wake on their own?"

"She was sad," Ursula said.

"So were we...and you really never thought about me in eleven years? You didn't worry if I was dead or alive."

"Well, you aren't dead."

"Very observant. I have a home now. I even have a degree. I'm a masseuse," Phoebe said.

"You could have always had a home. I don't get what you were trying to prove. You didn't have to run away."

"Why didn't you even stop me?" Phoebe asked.

"Because I thought it was stupid what you were doing. You were doing it so people could look at you and go, 'oh, poor Phoebe,'" Ursula said.

"I've never wanted people feeling sorry for me. I wanted a better life for myself and I knew I wasn't going to get that being placed in foster care and you know what, I have a home that I love and is exactly what I wanted which is a place of warmth and happiness. I have a roommate who might be a tad OCD but is probably one of the most nurturing people I've ever met. I have a friend who paid for my entire education without telling me and he is...unbelievable, how amazing he is. I never have to pay a student loan. I got what I wanted."

"Good for you...then why are you here?" Ursula asked.

"Because I wanted to see my sister."

"Well, you saw me. I need to go to work."

"You are unbelievable, Ursula."

"Thank you."

"It's not a compliment. You know, can I at least get the phone number and address of this apparent grandmother we have."

"Why do you care? You have everything you've ever wanted. You left."

Phoebe took a deep breath, willing herself to not punch Ursula in the face. She had often wondered what her reunion with Ursula would be like. In her head, she had imagined tears and long talks. Of course, her fantasies of any such reunion were just that. They had always been fantasies.

"I would like the phone number and address," Phoebe said.

"Whatever," Ursula said as she reached into her apron and pulled out her pad and pen. She began scribbling some information on the pad.

"Can I have your information, too. Just in case."

"Fine...as long as you just call if it's an emergency," Ursula.

"That's fine...eleven years, Ursula. It's been eleven years."

"Yep," Ursula said as she ripped the paper from her pad and gave it to her. Phoebe watched as she walked back into Rifs. She held the paper in her hand, staring at it before turning and walking off, wiping the tears from her face. Ursula never cared. Phoebe had always known that, but for some reason, she thought that this time, it might be different. That this time, she'd actually get a sister that cared for her, that worried about her. That of course would not be.

She was supposed to go straight back to the apartment, but she decided on a detour. She could not wait until after the holiday to see her grandmother. She gave the cab driver an address to a place on Morton Street and when she arrived, she felt nauseous. Suddenly, she wasn't sure if she could get out of the cab. She kept replaying her reunion with Ursula in her head. The reality of that reunion kept stinging. She had so wanted that to go differently. Sure, she knew her sister. She knew her sister was far from warm and cuddly, but she had hoped that maybe after eleven years things would be different. She had hoped a lot and she wasn't sure she could use another reality check moment. She wasn't sure she could walk into her grandmother's apartment.

"You going in?" The cab driver asked.

Phoebe shook her head and instead gave the address to her apartment, shoving her grandmother's address back in her pocket. She wasn't ready. Why hadn't this grandmother been there when her mom died? Did this grandmother ever think about her? Phoebe wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.

When she finally arrived back at the apartment, she noticed Chandler, Monica and Ross standing around the rented car. Chandler and Ross were loading the car as Monica was sitting in the back, looking through her purse.

"Hey, Mon," Phoebe said.

"Yea, you're here. Now we can go. Are you okay?" Monica asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Phoebe," Monica said.

"I'll tell you later. Why is Ross here?" Phoebe asked.

"Chandler and Mon told me to come. Carol's friend, Susan invited her to a girls weekend," Ross said.

"On Fourth of July weekend?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...I mean, it's a good thing. Maybe a weekend getaway is exactly what our marriage needs," Ross said.

"A weekend away with another woman?" Phoebe asked, giving Monica a look. Monica grinned as she just shook her head.

"Yeah, maybe they'll talk and do girl stuff..." Ross said.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's what they'll be doing. Talking," Monica said.

"Oh, yeah, they'll probably be doing all sorts of girly stuff...like what you see in the movies," Phoebe said.

"What kind of movies are you watching?" Monica asked.

"Probably just the kinds of movies Chandler watches," Phoebe said.

Chandler slammed the trunk shut as he walked towards Phoebe and rested his arm on her shoulder.

"Alright, we are not discussing this," Chandler said.

"What?" Ross asked.

"Ross...honey, do you think that there might be a possibility that Carol is a lesbian?" Monica asked.

"No. Don't be ridiculous. She's not a lesbian. We're married...she's not...no...she's not a lesbian," Ross said.

"Alright, if you say so," Monica said.

"Let's get this show on the road. Pheebs, you driving," Chandler said as he tossed her the keys.

"She doesn't have her license," Ross said.

"Relax, she's in the care of three licensed drivers and I've been teaching her," Chandler said as he got into the passenger's seat.

"Oh, that makes me feel better...have you had drive into any houses yet?" Ross asked.

"Okay, it was a poorly constructed house," Chandler said.

"You drove into it," Ross said.

"I wasn't going that fast and they shouldn't have houses that close to the road," Chandler said.

Phoebe laughed as she got into the driver's seat and Ross jumped in the back next to Monica. She placed the key in the ignition and looked over at Chandler.

"Alright...so it's an hour and a half away-"

"Yeah. I have the directions. Drive us there," Chandler said.

"The whole way?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes. You're taking the test when we get back," Chandler said.

"Really, you think I'm ready?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...we've been practicing for five months. You're ready," Chandler said.

"You drove into a house," Ross muttered.

"No one lived there...and you could have pointed it out to me," Chandler argued.

"It's not usually something you think to point out," Ross said.

"Come on, let's go...I wanna go to the beach," Monica said.

Phoebe smiled as she turned the ignition and pulled away from the curb. Soon after her birthday, Chandler had decided his next step would be to teach Phoebe to drive. He rented a car and he would teach her. It had freaked her out at first, driving. That first time driving, she kept shaking but he was a good teacher and now she felt far more comfortable behind the wheel.

"See, there you go. Doing good," Chandler said.

"Thanks," Phoebe said.

"So you guys really think my wife is a lesbian?" Ross asked.

"I don't think she is," Chandler said.

"Well...here's the thing, if I were married, I don't think I'd choose to spend a holiday weekend away from my husband," Monica said.

"Hmmm...no, no...she's not a lesbian. No-"

"Ross, maybe she's not. I could be wrong. It's just...I don't know, it's a feeling I've gotten lately," Monica said.

"You were at our wedding...you didn't have that feeling then?" Ross asked.

"No...but maybe she didn't even realize it then?" Monica asked.

"She's not a lesbian," Ross said.

"Alright...she's not," Monica said. "Good job driving."

"Thank you," Phoebe said.

"Get on the freeway," Chandler said.

"You're really gonna make me drive the entire way?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, yeah...this is gonna be a fun weekend," Chandler said.

"It will...last year was a lot of fun. Do the Gellers know how wild we get? We went on jet skis," Phoebe said.

"Ross can let loose," Chandler said.

"Are you going to show people your Statue of Liberty again?" Ross asked.

"I might...it is Independence Day," Chandler grinned.

"Warn me ahead of time if you do. Three years later and I'm still working on a way to try to unsee that," Ross said.

"You really did that?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh yeah," Chandler grinned.

"He even sang the Star Spangled Banner," Ross said.

Phoebe laughed as she got onto the freeway and continued driving. She kept staring ahead at the road. She kinda liked driving, the freedom of the road. The control she had. It did make her a little nervous to have not just her life but the lives of three other people in her hands, but she still enjoyed it nonetheless. Her mind began to wander though as she drove, thinking back to her earlier conversation with Ursula. She wanted to tell someone, anyone.

"I found my sister," Phoebe said.

"What? Where?" Chandler asked.

"That's where I was this morning. My friend Sue Ellen works with her at Rifs," Phoebe said.

"What happened?" Chandler asked.

"Well...okay do you think...Ursula didn't seem too happy to see me. She said that I just want people feeling sorry for me and I basically ran away so I could play the victim and that I didn't really need to run away. I have a grandmother, by the way. I found that out today. I got her number and address...I went to her apartment after I left Ursula, but I couldn't go inside.. Ursula said this grandmother took her in and it's my mom's mom and she never went to her daughter's funeral. She...so Ursula and I were in charge of the entire funeral. We were fourteen years old. But I don't know...do you think I should have stayed and let myself be taken into foster care?" Phoebe asked.

"Well, did you know that this grandmother was alive?" Chandler asked.

"No...my mom never really discussed any family members. I did ask about grandparents once but she said she didn't know where my dad's parents were and my grandmother she didn't really speak to. Everything was always such a secret. Ross, you think logically...do you think I was just playing the victim by running away? Do you think I should have stayed?"

"I don't know if victim is the right word...I mean, you could have gone into foster care but then what if you had gotten into a bad situation in foster care? This may shock you, Pheebs...but I think you just asked me something I actually can't answer," Ross said.

"Whoa...I've never thought I'd hear you say that," Chandler said.

"Me neither," Monica said.

"But I guess...if you had known you might have a relative that was going to take you in, then I would say, you should have stayed but you didn't know and you didn't know what was going to happen so you were taking control of that," Ross said.

"Exactly," Phoebe said.

"And I don't feel sorry for you...because look where you are now and you did it all on your own so, I think you're pretty brave," Ross said.

"Well, I have had some help," Phoebe said, glancing over at Chandler who gave her a look.

"Pheebs," Chandler said.

"I meant Monica. Mon, you took me in," Phoebe said.

"Hey, did you two know each other...before Phoebe moved in?" Ross asked.

"No," Chandler said, immediately.

Phoebe grinned a little as Chandler stared out the window. She reached down and turned on the radio and soon the tunes of some random grunge musician filled the car. Phoebe began to think more about her sister and grandmother. She would call her grandmother. She would have to talk to her, visit her. What could her grandmother possibly say though? Why did she leave the funeral arrangements to two fourteen year old girls? Why didn't she ever call? To Phoebe's knowledge, after her mom passed, they never got any calls.

They arrived at the hotel room in Westhampton about an hour and a half later, Phoebe had driven the entire way and done a fairly good job with the exception of Phoebe's stopping skills where she leaned on the brake a little too hard to which Chandler kept reminding her to press gently. Aside from that, all agreed it had been a successful drive.

After check in, they all quickly got into their swim suits and headed out to the beach. Well at least, Phoebe and Chandler did. Ross wanted to call Carol and Monica wanted to unpack. So Chandler and Phoebe were the first two lying on the beach, enjoying the sun.

"You're never gonna tell Ross and Monica that you're a trust fund kid?" Phoebe asked.

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I don't want too...it's just not something I wanna talk about."

"Okay...how are things with Kip?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know. He's got a new girlfriend," Chandler said.

"I know...they've been dating for a couple months."

"Yeah. So you want me to come with you when you go see your grandmother?" Chandler asked.

"No. I have to do that by myself. I have so many questions and my sister...G-d, she was mean. But you know, I don't know what would have happened to me. You know, it's like you chose boarding school to get away from your parents. Well, you didn't know if you would get bullied in high school. Maybe if you had gone to a regular school, you wouldn't have been but you chose to go to a boarding school because there's less of a possibility if you went away from your parents," Phoebe said.

"I don't think anyone has the right to question your choices or my choices...they've already been made, first of all and second...they're our choices."

"Yeah."

Phoebe stretched out as Chandler lay next to her. Something being outside soothed her. Perhaps it came from her life on the streets, but being there, soaking up the sun, it transported her. Made her think of other things, made her think mainly of her grandmother.

"Actually, can you come with me?" Phoebe asked. "When I went to see Ursula...it just went so badly. I figured it would, but I hoped it wouldn't. I don't know know if I want meeting my grandmother to go badly."

"I'll go with you."

"Thank you," Phoebe said.

She smiled at him as she turned to continue looking out of the ocean. Soon they were joined by Ross and Monica. It was strange at first that they were now seemingly becoming a group of four, but the four of them together seemed to work. Chandler seemed happier and Phoebe loved getting to know Ross better. She found him very intelligent and actually very nice.

The highlight of the July Fourth weekend was sitting on the deck of a restaurant watching the fireworks in the sky. The four sat together, drinking margaritas and eating from plates of nachos.

"This was a fun weekend, I'm glad I did this," Ross said.

"We're glad you're here. Chandler missed you," Monica said.

"I didn't miss you," Chandler said.

"He did, he did. He said he had no guy friends," Monica grinned.

"I never said that...oh, bite me," Chandler said.

"You thought we weren't friends anymore?" Ross asked, chuckling.

"I-I-I'm going to kill you," Chandler said, staring at Monica said.

"Oooo," Monica started laughing "Alright, Ross...I think that I'm gonna get Ross a drink to cheer him up. Chandler, wanna join with me?"

"Are we getting him that drink?" Chandler asked.

"I want to," Monica said.

Monica nodded as she stood up and walked back in the restaurant. Chandler got up and followed her inside as well, leaving Phoebe and Ross alone. Ross took a sip of his margarita as he looked over at Phoebe.

"How did you know Chandler?" Ross asked.

"I met him because I moved in with Monica."

"Come on."

Phoebe smiled as she stared at her drink. She looked back at him.

"I met him once on a subway."

"Oh...are you two together?" Ross asked.

"No...no...although, I think he likes your sister."

"No he doesn't."

"I think he does."

"Chandler and my sister? Doubt it."

"Alright, it's a feeling I get."

"No...although, on another note...it is pretty impressive. What you've pulled yourself through. I don't think you're playing a victim at all."

"Thank you, Ross."

"Alright, Ross," Monica said as she and Chandler walked back to the table carrying the drinks. They handed Ross and Phoebe their drinks and sat down. Phoebe took a sip of her drink and smiled, knowing what the drink was. "If you're gonna hang us, you need to drink that."

"What? That's ridiculous," Ross said.

"Drink it. I'll give you fifty bucks if you chug it," Chandler said.

"Alright, you're on, buddy,"Ross said as he brought the glass to his lips and chugged before he began hacking, spitting half the drink out. "What the hell is this?"

"Slow death. It's got everclear, rum...you're part of us now," Monica grinned.

Ross laughed as the four continued drinking and enjoying themselves. Phoebe loved listening to stories from Monica, Chandler and Ross' friendship. She liked hearing about their life, hearing about Chandler and Ross' first day in their college dorm. Ross verified that Chandler was indeed the champ of beer pong. It turned out to be what Phoebe needed. She pushed the idea that she might have a grandmother out of her head as she concentrating on being with friends.

When they arrived back at the apartment, the joy was short lived. As Monica and Phoebe were unpacking, Chandler walked into their apartment with a note from Kip. He had been dating someone, that wasn't a secret. None of them had met the girl, but they knew he was dating someone. Over the holiday weekend, he had proposed to this girl and moved into her apartment leaving Chandler now without a roommate


	20. Chapter 20

**July 7th, 1993-September 25th, 1993**

Phoebe wasn't sure how she had done it, but she did it. Soon after the July 4th weekend, Chandler had gone with her to the New York DMV where she took the test. She had been a little scared taking it, she knew she had some problems with parking and there were points that were taken off for that but in the end, she passed.

"You did it?" Chandler asked as Phoebe ran up to him, grinning, holding up a piece of paper.

"I did, I got my license. The took off points for a few rough stops."

"Yeah...it's like an egg."

"I didn't drive into any houses," Phoebe grinned.

"Good for you."

"I know. I have to go take my picture and then we can go for lunch?"

"Perfect."

Phoebe ran off towards the counter to get her picture taken. She smiled, her smile so wide, her jaw almost hurt. She loved every part of this getting a license deal. Her favorite part was that she actually had an address to write in. When she met Chandler outside, she held up her temporary license, Chandler grabbed it and looked at it.

"Phoebe Buffay. Blonde hair, brown eyes...120 pounds-"

"I don't know if that's right. I have weighed myself since I worked at the Y."

"Awww...and 5"8...shrimp," Chandler smirked.

"Hey, now."

"Looks good...so now, you do realize, you are a fully functioning adult. You now have a bank account, a job, a home, a phone number, a license...although, we do live in New York but whatever, it's good to have, I taught you all the drinking games, I think you're up to date on pop culture...you are a grown up,"

"I am, I am," Phoebe said.

"I think my job here is done," Chandler said.

"Never," Phoebe said. "Thank you, Chandler. Just thank you...for everything. For being there and for...I don't know what I'd be doing if...I'd still be in school, I probably would still be living in Port Authority. You've done so much for me and I know you don't want me to repay you...but I want to do something."

"I keep saying you don't have to. It's fine. I'm glad I could help you."

"Well, maybe next year for your quarter of a century birthday we could do something."

"The only thing I ask is no surprise party." Chandler said.

"No surprise parties?"

"When I was ten, my parents threw me a surprise birthday-"

"That's nice."

"Would have been had they invited kids from my class. My father brought his dancers and lovers and put on a show and my mother had sex with five of the dancers. It wasn't really a kid friendly party. I did have my first tequila shot. I got to see an orgy and my mother introduced me to porn."

"Wow...unbelievable," Phoebe said.

"Come on, let's go...lunch," Chandler said as he tossed the keys to Phoebe who drove out of the DMV, this time as a newly licensed driver.

As they sat in a restaurant near the DMV, Phoebe did have her chance to help out Chandler. Kip had moved out over the July 4th weekend and now Chandler needed a new roommate. He and Phoebe leaned in close as together they worked on the potential roommate ad.

"Alright, someone nice-"

"I always think that's dumb to put in an ad. Of course, you want someone nice. Are you going to say, 'oh I want an asshole'." Phoebe said.

"True...I can't believe Kip didn't say goodbye though. He left a note. He was my best friend. I know I probably fucked up our friendship but...he was still my friend. He lived in our suite in college. Ross and I were in one room and Kip and his roommate, Josh lived in the room next to us. Josh was crazy. I remember him...he never washed his sheets and his sheets became yellower as the months went on and they smelled."

"He peed?"

"Yep...in his bed. When he had to go to the bathroom and didn't feel like getting out of bed, he just went."

"Ewwww, that's gross. Even when I was living in the junkyard, if I had to go to the bathroom, I'd go behind something so no one saw me. We'd also steal toilet paper," Phoebe said.

"You did?"

"Yep, we'd go into public restrooms or restrooms at restaurants and just take their rolls of toilet paper. I mean, we figured...just cause we were homeless, didn't mean we couldn't be sanitary."

"That's funny...yeah, Kip, Ross and I hated this guy. I mean, I'd like to think I'm pretty laid back with like a lot of things...but you know, chewing with your mouth open, watching television till five in the morning with the volume turned all the way up...he was awful. He was rude too. So the three of us bonded and Josh eventually left and Kip got this other roommate whom we called, Gandolf because he loved to party and he was a party wizard and we had a lot of fun."

"Was it his idea for you to flash the tourists?" Phoebe asked.

"He dared me. Ross left that part out. Kip, Ross and Gandolf each bet me two hundred bucks each to do that...and I don't think they ever paid me. Kip was the one who told me that he had a spare room. He was also the first and only person besides you I told about how I...never mind."

"About how you what?"

"Like...liked Monica," Chandler said, picking up his pen and twirling it around his fingers.

"You told him?"

"Yeah."

"And then he dated her?" Phoebe asked.

"Yep. Nice, right?"

"Why don't you go after her now?" Phoebe asked.

"She doesn't like me like that. I do like her. She's...perfect. I mean, I know she's insane and is probably very tough to live with. I've heard it from you and I've heard it from Ross. She is not easy...but she's still perfect."

"Perhaps you should put in the ad, 'must not date the girl who lives across the hall?'"

"Maybe...do you think she'll ever like me like that?"

"I don't know. I know she thinks you're hilarious and sweet... I mean, you acted a like an ass to your best friend just because he dumped her," Phoebe said.

"Well, if you have Monica, you don't hurt her. You certainly don't break up with her. You have Monica. Why would you let her go? If I ever get the chance...I would never let her go. Never. I would do anything she wanted me to do because I got Monica and that would mean I'd have everything, "Chandler said.

Phoebe let out a sigh. He seemed so sad. She wished there was something she could do, but she also knew the truth. Monica just did not feel the same way about him. Although, Phoebe really wished it was different.

"Maybe it'll happen...one day," Phoebe said.

"It'll be nice...but I'm not holding my breath. Alright, roommate...must be employed. Neat-"

"Doesn't pee in their own bed."

"Good."

"Non smoker?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't care if they smoke or not."

"You just don't want them dating Monica."

"Exactly."

Phoebe smiled as Chandler continued to work on his roommate ad. She picked a little at her veggie burger as she looked around the restaurant. Ever since they had gotten back from the beach, Phoebe kept thinking about that grandmother of hers. She had chickened out the last time but now she was feeling the urge to see her. She needed to see this relative. She carried the address with her every day and she wondered if today, might be the day.

"I think I wanna go to my grandmother's," Phoebe said.

Chandler looked up from his paper and looked at her.

"Today?"

"Yeah...after lunch. Can we?" Phoebe asked.

"Of course."

"And I'm telling my grandmother you paid for my education."

"No, stop-"

"I'm told my step father and I'm gonna tell my grandmother...and I told Ursula, although I didn't mention your name."

"You are not good with secrets."

"I am too. I just...my grandmother needs to know. That's important. She's going to wonder how I managed to get through school with no student loans."

"Alright, alright...how you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

Phoebe smiled as Chandler squeezed her hand and continued working on his roommate ad. She spent the remainder of lunch trying to figure out what she would say. Should she call her grandmother? But what if she called and her grandmother didn't want to see her? Maybe she should just show up?

After lunch, Phoebe and Chandler headed to that house on Morton Street. Chandler was the one who had driven this time, Phoebe too caught up in thinking about her grandmother to concentrate on driving. He did eventually find a spot and the two sat in the car.

"Why didn't she ever try to find me?" Phoebe asked.

"She may have."

"But before I ran away. I didn't know my grandparents...did you know yours?" Phoebe asked.

"Not well. I saw them during holidays and stuff. Never really did much with them."

"I had no clue and I have so many questions. If she knew her daughter had died and she knew Ursula and I were alone...why didn't she come get us sooner?"

"You have to ask."

Phoebe nodded as the two got out of the car and walked to the building. She pressed the button of her grandmother's apartment, secretly hoping she was not in. She was slightly disappointed when she heard an elderly woman's voice coming through.

"Hello?"

"Hi...is this Frances?"

"I don't want any."

"No, no...it's Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay. I'm your granddaughter."

There was silence as both Chandler and Phoebe stared at the door wondering if it was going to buzz open or remain shut. When it buzzed, both suddenly jumped. Chandler opened the door and the two walked into the building and took the elevator up to the four flights stairs and walked to apartment number 14. Chandler grabbed Phoebe's hand while they walked towards the door. They stopped in front of it and knocked, not sure what to expect. The door suddenly opened and a small woman with curly hair wearing a long dress suddenly threw her arms around Phoebe, holding her tightly. Phoebe let go of Chandler's hand and hugged back, she was angry, hurt but she could not muster up anger. Instead she began to cry, the tears coming faster until she had broken down into a puddle. She could not stop crying as her grandmother led her to the couch, Chandler followed and sat in one of the chairs, quietly, not sure if he should speak. He started to feel very awkward.

"So...how's everyone doing today? Anything new?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe laughed as she wiped the tears away from her face, knowing her friend was feeling ill at ease and he was doing what came naturally, trying to fill awkward silence with a joke.

"Um...this is Chandler, grandma...he's one of my best friends."

"Hi...I'm Chandler, I make jokes at awkward silences," Chandler grinned.

"Hello...now, Phoebe, honey, where have you been?" Frances asked.

"Around. I lived in a junkyard and in Port Authority and-"

"Where do you live now?" Frances asked.

"In an apartment on Bedford. I-I-see Chandler...okay, I got my GED when I was eighteen and I wanted a degree so by the time I was about twenty, twenty one, I made enough for one semester of school and then by coincidence I met Chandler on a subway and he ended up using his trust fund money to pay for my education...and my books and everything. He saved me-"

"You would have figured out a way," Chandler said.

"I don't know if I would have...and well, he didn't tell me he paid, but when I was finished with school...well, I'm a licensed masseuse. I have a job and everything...well, I found an apartment and I have a roommate named Monica and Chandler lives next door," Phoebe said.

"Oh my...and Chandler, you paid for all of this. That's amazing," Frances said.

"It's not...it's fine...I-it wasn't-" Chandler stuttered.

"He doesn't like talking about it. But...where were you? Why didn't you come? I found Ursula and she said that you were too distraught to come to the funeral and-" Phoebe said.

"She said that?" Frances asked.

"Yeah."

"Honey, I didn't know."

"What?"

"No one told me. I was living in L.A. and I got a phone call saying my daughter has passed away and no one said a word to me then when I finally got to the house, only your sister was there."

"But she said-"

"I would have come," Frances said.

"What did Ursula say when you came?"

"She said you ran away. I did try to find you...but this is a big city."

"Why didn't you visit my step dad?" Phoebe asked.

"I didn't know he was in prison. Ursula said he left you years ago. Sweetie, I am so sorry. But you do look beautiful."

"You know, I think I should go," Chandler said, getting up.

"Chandler," Phoebe said.

"I'm going to place my roommate ad and I'll be back in an hour," Chandler said as he walked towards the door. Phoebe got up and followed him to the door. She grabbed his arm.

"Please don't leave."

"Phoebe, you can do this. You've done everything else. You don't need me here. You just think you do. I will be back in one hour. I promise," Chandler said.

Phoebe nodded as she hugged him. He was right, she knew he was. When he left, she closed the door and turned to look at her grandmother. She walked back to the couch and sat down.

"He's nice," Francis said.

"He's amazing."

"Are you dating?"

"Oh, no. no," Phoebe said.

"Why not?"

"Well...not that it's any of your business, but he likes my roommate."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not, I really want him to be with my roommate," Phoebe said, smiling a little, "but I don't wanna talk about that. I was alone out there. I mean, I had friends...but I...for ten years, I didn't celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. I celebrated New Years and my birthday...but Thanksgiving and Christmas, those days just came and went. I lived basically day to day, last year was the first time I had gone to a doctor or dentist...once I got a job and I had health insurance. I cleaned bathrooms at the Y, I worked in a novelty shop...I...if it weren't for Chandler, I'd be still figuring out how to pay for school. If it weren't for Monica, I'd still be homeless. I am so lucky that I found someone who is so nurturing because I was not an ideal roommate candidate."

"Phoebe, sweetie...I am sorry. Everything just got so...crazy and..."

"You missed a lot."

"I know. What did you do for your last birthday? You're twenty five, now...right?"

"Yeah. Well, I visited my step dad, then Chandler took me to FAO Schwartz and it was so much fun and then Chandler, Monica and Monica's brother, Ross and I went to go see Cats."

"That's an amazing musical."

"It really was."

"Look, I know I can't do anything to right any of the horrible things that happened to you in the first twenty five years of your life, but maybe...if you'll let me...I can be there for the next twenty five?"

Phoebe let that sink in. She wanted family. She wanted actual family. Sure, she considered Ross like a big brother and Chandler was like her little brother with whom she had a slightly incestuous relationship with. She considered Monica like her older sister even though Monica was two years younger than her and Ross was a year younger. But the thing was, they weren't her actual family and she wanted that family connection so badly. She had lost so much. Her mom, dad, sister and step father were all gone. Her heart ached for that connection. She had not had it in so long and looking at her grandmother was like looking at her mom if her mom had ever gotten the chance to grow old. Perhaps it was against her better judgment, her brain was telling her to run, but her heart won. She wanted family.

The next two months, a wonderful thing happened in Phoebe's life. She began to connect with her grandmother. While Ross' marriage slowly began to fall further apart, while Chandler continued his endless roommate search and while Monica was continuing to become more obsessive with her neatness, Phoebe was starting to develop a relationship with her grandmother and it thrilled her. She was connecting with family and it was the only family she had.

It had begun little by little around Labor Day weekend. Her grandmother had asked Phoebe to move in with her. There was an extra room because Frances had a put up a wall, making the other room a guest room. At first, Phoebe wasn't so sure but after a brutal fight with Monica about a water stain on one of her glasses, she had had enough so she slowly began to move into the room in her grandmother's apartment. She didn't want to tell Monica she was moving out because she felt so guilty. Monica had really done so much for her by taking her in. Because of Monica, Phoebe had friends and a home and she owed Monica so much but the obsessiveness was getting to her. What it came down to was her desire to be friends with the petite, when she and Monica were hanging out Phoebe often found herself laughing and having an amazing time. Monica was her best friend, her sister and she wanted to keep it that way.

She had confided in Chandler and Ross that she was moving, making them both swear not to tell Monica. She wanted to tell Monica when the time was right. Chandler and Ross both kept it secret, Chandler though seemed rather sad Phoebe was moving and offered his spare room but she declined, thinking that would be weird.

When Monica did finally find out, Phoebe felt even more guilty. She had been watering plants and Monica had been cleaning when she noticed Phoebe's bed was gone. Monica was hurt when Phoebe admitted what was going on. It was not her intention. She did not want to hurt her. She truly loved Monica, thought the world of her but living with her was getting to be too much.

It was late that night on September 25th, when Phoebe headed to the bar from her grandmother's. Normally, she would have gone straight upstairs to Monica's but she wasn't sure Monica would want to see her so she walked into the bar and talked to the bartender, Chris, who asked her if she could lock up. His wife had gone into labor so he had to go, so Phoebe told him she would. lock up.

She had been there alone when Ross showed up. She had never really been alone with Ross. There had been that brief moment during the July 4th weekend, but really had never been alone with him. He walked in, his face crestfallen. Phoebe's heart dropped as she looked at him. She asked what was wrong and he explained that his wife was a lesbian and because he wasn't one, their marriage was officially over.

Phoebe felt horrible for him. There had been the speculations, she and Monica had been thinking it for months. But to hear Ross say it, to hear him actually become aware of it became too much for her. She raced to comfort him, forgetting about all that happened in the last two months. She embraced him, telling him how good, sweet and kind he was and even though she didn't know him as well as she knew Monica and Chandler, she believed it. She kissed him on the cheek and before either one knew it, they were making out on the pool table of the bar or at least trying to. It was when Ross complained that the stupid balls were getting in the way, when the moment of making out was gone and the two began laughing. She gently wiped chalk off his cheek and gave him another kiss when he gently patted her leg and told her he was happy that she was part of their group now, happy that she was there. It made her tear up a little.

The moment of closeness between them was dashed when suddenly the door opened behind them and Chandler, Monica and a guy walked in. Phoebe and Ross jumped off the table and turned to face Monica, Chandler and the stranger who Phoebe immediately recognized. He was hot, black hair, leather jacket and still had that amazing smile. She knew exactly who he was. She kept staring at him when Ross explained that his marriage was over because his wife was a lesbian and the guy exclaimed how that was cool. Then Chandler introduced him, his name was Joey Tribbiani and he would be Chandler's new roommate.

Joey smiled at her when she shook his hand. She didn't want to say anything. He probably didn't recognize her. He was probably the type of guy who had lots of girls. She got that feeling the first time she had seen him years ago. She was pretty sure he didn't think of her as a girl that rejected him. She had not expected him to recognize her and at first she thought he had not.

It was about an hour into their time at the bar when Chandler and Joey perched themselves on either side of Phoebe. Ross and Monica had retreated to one of the tables, Monica comforting her brother who was drinking and crying about the demise of his marriage. Phoebe had been drinking and occasionally looking back at Chandler and Joey playing pool. Her back had been turned to them for about a minute when suddenly they appeared on either side of her, grinning wildly. She couldn't help but smile back.

"I know you," Joey said.

"What?"

"You knew Joey too. He said that he gave you his number...you slutty little homeless girl," Chandler grinned which made Phoebe laugh.

"I used to work construction. You were the hot blonde that kept walking by this site I worked at. I gave you my number and you never called," Joey said.

"How do even know it was me?" Phoebe asked.

"Girls don't usually blow me off so I usually remember the ones that do," Joey said.

"I-well, okay...I got your number because when I didn't give Chandler mine, he got all upset and I didn't want to hurt your feelings and-and...and I was homeless you jackasses," Phoebe said, happy that neither one of the two boys were upset with her. Both Chandler and Joey laughed as they leaned in and both gave her a peck on the cheek which made her smile.

"So you blew us both off," Chandler mused.

"Okay, Bing...for the last time, I did not reject you and Joey, I had no phone number to give you and even if I had and we had gone on a date...at that time, I guess you would've been picking me up at a junkyard or the Y. Chandler, you definitely would've been picking me up at a junkyard."

"It's so fun to play with your head," Chandler said.

"I know. I can't believe this though...how small the world actually is. I never thought I'd ever see you again Joey...Chandler, I never thought I'd see you either until that day when I moved into Monica's. Wow...well, I'm glad you two are here," Phoebe said.

"Play with us, Pheebs," Chandler said.

"Yeah, come on...and maybe this time you'll give me your number," Joey said.

"Don't hold your breath," Phoebe grinned.

The trio got up and walked over to the pool table where a game began. They were soon joined by Ross and Monica. They spent another hour or so there, hanging out, laughing and making plans. Phoebe felt so relieved, so happy. Monica still considered Phoebe her friend and the two made lunch and dinner plans for the rest of the week. Joey and Chandler kept trying to cheer up Ross which they didn't quite succeed at, but they did make Monica and Phoebe laugh a lot. Phoebe loved that Chandler seemed happy, especially with his new roommate. The two boys seemed to form an instant friendship as if they had known each other forever. There was a little bit of sadness in the air with the end of of Ross' marriage, but there was also a feeling of moving forward. It was a new group of five and at the end of the evening, they had all made plans to meet at Monica's the next day for a brunch and to spend Sunday enjoying each other.


	21. Chapter 21

**April 8, 1994**

This day had to go perfectly. It was Phoebe's plan. She had never been much of a party planner. She had never planned a party in her life. Living on the streets, party planning had never been her priority, but as the days neared Chandler's twenty fifth birthday, Phoebe was desperate to make it a memorable one He had done so much for her, had gone above and beyond and she knew he would never accept money from her. He even paid her when he got massages despite her protests that he did not need to do that.

When Phoebe had told Monica of her idea of throwing a party for Chandler, Monica had gotten on board immediately and starting making menus with food items that had fancy names which led to a fight between Monica and Phoebe. Ross and Joey had to intervene and the four settled on Chandler's favorite, macaroni and cheese and Monica went about making a menu concentrating only on macaroni and cheese. She was planning about fourteen different kinds of mac and cheese. Some fancy, some not and some from a box. It was a perfect menu for the twenty five year man with the food palate of a five year old.

Phoebe was also excited by how eagerly both Ross and Joey joined in the birthday party planning fun, Ross especially. It had been a rough seven months for Ross since his marriage had crashed and burned. Soon after Carol had come out of the closet, she had moved into an apartment with her friend and now girlfriend, Susan leaving Ross alone in the apartment they once shared. He had stayed there as long as he could but it just became too painful for him. There were days he wouldn't even leave his apartment. So soon after the new year, he had moved out and into a tinier apartment which he still hadn't really gotten around to decorate. When Phoebe had told him about her idea for a party for Chandler, he immediately jumped on board. Phoebe wondered if some of his willingness to help stemmed from guilt. Ross had confided in Phoebe that he felt bad about how little attention he had paid to his friendship with Chandler while he was with Carol and it bugged him that Chandler had actually thought they were no longer friends. So he along with Joey decided to take care of the entertainment portion of the party which meant video games. For his birthday, Chandler was getting a Nintendo along with a Gameboy and many game cartridges. The closer it got, the more excited all four were getting for Chandler's party, Phoebe especially.

The day of the party, she could barely contain her glee when she and Chandler went for lunch. Sitting across from him at a pizza place near Chandler's office, she could not stop smiling.

"So, how has your day been so far, birthday boy?" Phoebe asked.

"Good. My boss brought doughnuts. I ate four."

"Nice and now you're having pizza."

"I plan to be nice and fat for my party tonight," Chandler grinned.

"What party?" Phoebe asked, playing dumb. She wanted to keep it as secret as she could. She wanted it to be a surprise even though she knew he hated surprise parties.

"I know."

"Nothing is happening."

"Uh-huh. You know, this morning, Joey asked when I gonna be home from work and I said I wanna get out of there around six and he said that might be fine, but I definitely can't get home before six and when I asked why, he yelled at me and told me not to be home before six."

"Oh, Joey."

"So what time should I be home tonight?"

"Six thirty," Phoebe said.

"Alright, I can play Tetris on my computer for another half hour."

"You know, I like Joey."

"Me too. He's a real stand up guy. Just a good guy," Chandler said.

"You don't think he'll ever try to date Monica?"

"No. Although, did he tell you he stripped naked in front of Monica the day he moved in?"

"Monica told me. She was like, 'I invited him for lemonade...and that was all'...so honestly Chandler, even if Joey wanted to date Monica, I think he screwed his chances the minute he took an invitation for lemonade as a come on."

"When he told me that...I just laughed."

"You know what? Maybe now that you're a quarter century...Monica will finally see you for the stud you are."

Chandler grinned as he shook his head, "You know, I was thinking...I think I'm gonna move on from Monica."

"What?"

"I have had a crush on that girl for...well not from the time I first met her...but well, for the past seven of the eight years I've known her and she knows I like her...and she doesn't like me like that and I don't think she ever will."

"She will."

"When? I'm twenty five years old and I don't think I've had an official real girlfriend in three years and Monica has made it really clear it's not going to be her. I can't sit around and wait. Okay, be honest...has Mon ever given you a hint that she might like me like that."

"Well, I know she loves you. I mean, she thought I was stealing you from her. She does love you."

"The way I love her?"

"No," Phoebe said, quietly.

"Maybe she's not the one...maybe she's the one for someone else, but not me. I'm too far in the friend zone...unless..."

"What?"

"You wanna be my girlfriend?" Chandler asked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can't be a guy's second choice...or the girl a guy settles for because he can't get Monica."

Phoebe smiled as Chandler nodded. She felt bad for him. She wished somehow she could get Monica to see what she was missing by not being with Chandler. Phoebe felt that it would make a perfect match, the two of them. She wasn't sure what it was considering their opposite personalities. Perhaps it was how caring they both were, how generous both were with time and money. They both often went above and beyond for other people and maybe that's what would draw them together. Hopefully, one day...

After lunch, Phoebe had a date of her own. Duncan was in town. She walked to his hotel room and knocked, excited to see him there. They had gotten married five years earlier and while at first they talked every night, it seemed lately they had talked less and less. It seemed like he was actually pulling away from her and it scared her. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted to talk to her husband, wanted to kiss him, hold him and convince him to come to the party tonight. When he opened the door, he kissed her and pulled her into his room.

"Well, I like being greeted like that." Phoebe said.

"I missed you."

"Me too...oh, G-d. Duncan...I wish you lived here full time. You have missed so much. I mean, I have a job...I now live with my grandmother. I have a grandmother and...well, Monica is still one of my best friends...and same with Chandler. Ross is getting divorced because his wife is a lesbian and I have this new friend...oh, Joey. Remember that hot guy from the ketchup commercial? The one who used to work construction?"

"Yes...you're friends with him now?"

"Yes."

"Did he recognize you?"

"Yes...and he is so, so sweet and...such a flirt-"

"Are you gonna date him?"

"No, I'm married," Phoebe smiled.

"Pheebs."

"I know...but no I won't date him. He's...a bit of pig. You know what he's like? He's like those cuddly, tiny little cute...teacup pigs. They're so sweet and kind...but they're still pigs."

"Awwww."

"Come over to Monica's tonight? We're having a birthday party for my friend, Chandler. He's the one, by the way. He's my mystery donor. He's apparently a trust fund kid."

"Wow...you've come a long way," Duncan said.

"I know...come tonight, please?"

"Maybe I will..."

"Oh my G-d...you still haven't even met them," Phoebe said.

"I'll definitely try," Duncan said.

When she had moved in to Monica's apartment, something had happened with the people from her old life. At the beginning, she worked hard to make sure her old friends were part of her life. She had introduced Marjorie, Sue Ellen and Betty to Chandler and Monica, but it seemed like as she moved forward into her new life, her past was becoming just that.

She also realized that Duncan hadn't even met her new friends. Duncan whom she credited for keeping her alive and hopeful. She especially wanted Chandler and Duncan to meet. Those two men had given her so much that to have them both in the same room would mean everything to her.

She spent the rest of the afternoon with Duncan, having had no massage clients for the rest of the day. She watched him as he practiced at the Y for an upcoming show. She felt a bit like a groupie, but she didn't care. Although, as she watched, she couldn't help but get a weird feeling watching him. There was a girl. A girl that he was dancing with, skating closely with. She knew she shouldn't be jealous. She knew she shouldn't care, he was gay but it had been that suspicion, a suspicion she had long held that maybe, just maybe he wasn't.

When Phoebe walked into Monica's apartment that night, she saw trays and trays of macaroni and cheese. The sight made her laugh a little.

"How many kinds of mac and cheese are there?" Phoebe asked.

"Okay, I got mac and cheese nuggets...fried mac and cheese-"

"That sounds good."

"Oh, it's good. Lobster mac and cheese, you can't have that, I know...but you can have cauliflower and puff pastry version and we've got Mediterranean made with spinach and goat cheese and-"

"I can't eat that one."

"Yes you can. Goats do not die for cheese," Monica smirked.

"Okay."

"We got cheeseburger mac and cheese, Cajun, mini mac and cheese appetizers, green Chile, baked apple, crawfish, baked apple, buffalo chicken-"

"Wow and what are you making now?"

"Kraft."

"This is gonna be fun."

"Yep and Ross and Joey are picking up pizzas and I am also making little cheeseburgers."

"Nice. Oh, Monica...Duncan's coming."

"Really?" Monica asked, smiling as Phoebe grabbed a piece of fried mac and cheese of one of the trays and took a bite. It was very good.

"This is amazing," Phoebe said as she sat at the table and watched Monica continue to cook.

"Isn't it? It took all of my willpower not to eat every one. That fat girl inside me is super pissed off right now," Monica said.

"Oh, go ahead and eat what you want. One night won't kill you," Phoebe said.

"Oh, I will. So tell me...Duncan. I can't wait to meet him."

It had been a late night when they had been living together. Monica and Phoebe stayed up, drank wine, ate junk food and confided things in each other they had never told anyone. Phoebe didn't tell Monica that she was married to Duncan, just that he was gay and that she loved him. She told Monica a little about Prague, just not the darker stuff. It was at the beginning of their friendship so Phoebe wasn't sure how much she could trust Monica yet.

"He's so wonderful. He really-"

"You met while you were cleaning the mens bathroom at the Y?"

"Yeah...he walked in and I was cleaning. I was making like three bucks an hour and he was so friendly and wonderful to me, you know. He was perfect. He really was the only guy who I completely came clean to about my whole situation. Chandler and Joey...I didn't. I was too afraid to tell them truth. Chandler was only fifteen at the time and Joey...actually I met Duncan after I met Joey. Joey was doing construction and I thought he was so hot...and then...I knew it couldn't go any further than just flirting, but Duncan...it was like he got it. Our first date was downstairs. Central Perk used to be a sandwich place."

"I used to love those sandwiches."

"He meant so much to me, Duncan. I can't wait for him to meet you guys."

"I can't wait to meet him."

"I'm getting another fried mac and cheese," Phoebe said as she got up, walked over to the tray and brought it back to the table, setting it down in front of her. Monica smiled as she continued working on the next batch of macaroni and cheese, as she stirred the noodles, she began wondering about something else.

"Hey, Pheebs...can I ask you something?" Monica asked.

"Sure."

"Well...it's about this party and you and Chandler-"

"Oh my G-d. Monica, for the last time, I am not dating him," Phoebe said, letting out a an annoyed sigh. Monica turned and sat next to her, picking up a piece of fried mac and cheese and taking a bite.

"I know...it's just, you should. I mean, this party was your idea."

"Because turning twenty five is a big deal and he's our friend and...I do not want to sleep with him."

"You two get along so well and when you first moved in, you were together all the time. I think you two have a lot in common and-"

"He likes you."

"I-"

"He dumped Kip as his best friend because Kip dumped you. That man loves you so much...I just wish you felt the same way," Phoebe said.

"I do love him...just...not like that but I mean you are so protective of him and-and you took control from me in planning this party, that's tough to do and I think-"

Phoebe let out another sigh. She desperately wanted to confide in Monica the real reason she was so bent on making this party perfect. She felt she owed Chandler and if he would never let her pay him back, she needed to thank him somehow.

"Monica, I wanted to do this because I owe him...so much. I owe him...he's been more than just a best friend to me. I mean, did he tell you about his tenth birthday?"

"Where he saw an orgy and had his first tequila shot? Oh, yeah. Did he tell you about his thirteenth?" Monica asked.

"No."

"His mom bought him a hooker."

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"Wow...well, okay, he deserves something that is his and is fun...I owe him more than...okay, here's the real reason... can I tell you something? Promise to never tell Chandler or Ross or Joey...you cannot say a word to anyone. At all. Promise?"

"Of course," Monica said.

"Chandler paid for my education."

"What?"

"That movie that we saw together when he was fifteen and I was sixteen, wasn't my only run in with him. I saw him again when I was like twenty one or so. I saw him by chance on a subway and I told him that I was in school and was trying to figure out how to pay for it. A couple weeks later, I got a letter from the financial aid office telling me everything had been paid for. My classes, books, the exam I'd have to take...everything. It was an anonymous donor but I found out it was him my first night here."

"Oh my G-d."

"He's a trust fund kid, Monica and he doesn't want anyone knowing."

"I won't tell."

"I don't want to sleep with him although I strongly encourage you sleeping with him. But...I just want this to be perfect so I can say thank you."

"He really did that."

"Yeah. Mon, I haven't had a lot of strong men in my life...a lot of male role model types. I mean, my step dad tried his best but then he left. Lowell taught me how to survive on the street. I would have been dead if it wasn't for him...but I haven't talked to him since that New Years that the three of us hung out. Then Duncan gave me the ability to hope that things could actually improve and Chandler actually gave me a way to make things better. I'd still be paying for school, I doubt you would have taken me in as a roommate had I not been a week away from graduating-"

"Yes, I would've."

"No, you wouldn't."

"I can't believe he did that. That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard," Monica said, her face softening. "Doesn't really surprise me, though."

"It doesn't?"

"No. He's amazing, isn't he? He has a good heart. I won't tell."

"I know you don't feel the same way but...I mean-"

"I can't date Chandler. I do love him and it's not that I don't feel the same way. I do. I love him so much, but I already dated the boy across the hall and I lost him. I can't lose Chandler. He's too important."

"You won't lose him. In fact, I think you hooked up with him, you wouldn't be able to get rid of him," Phoebe said.

"I can't risk that. To lose him...yeah, that would kill me. I have to um...check the noodles," Monica said as she stood up and walked towards the stove. Phoebe shook head as she ate another piece of fried mac and cheese. She didn't get it. Monica was probably one of the most ambitious people she had ever known. She was unafraid in everything else, unafraid to be who she was or to get what she wanted...but when it came to affairs of the heart, apparently it scared her.

The apartment was filled with Chandler's friends from work, college, even high school. Phoebe had tracked down Chandler's old friend, Tyler and he had in turn gotten everyone together to celebrate Chandler. Ross, Phoebe, Monica and Joey had contemplating inviting Chandler's parents but at the last minute decided not to. First, they didn't know where Chandler's mom was and Chandler's dad was in Vegas and second, they didn't want Chandler's parents to take the attention away from Chandler as that had been his big complaint about all of his birthdays growing up, they had always ended up being about his parents. They decided that this evening would be about him.

Joey was especially excited which Phoebe found especially cute. Ever since Joey had moved in with Joey, the two boys had become inseparable. They were simply best friends which made Phoebe incredibly happy. Chandler had been so sad when he felt like he had no guy friends left and now he not only had Ross, he had Joey, a guy he felt was more like his brother then friend or roommate.

The birthday boy arrived a little after 6:30, just as he had been told by Phoebe and Joey. He could not stop smiling as he saw the faces of his friends, all surprising him. Phoebe and Monica immediately ran up to him as soon as he walked in the door. He placed an around each of them as they gave him a kiss.

"Happy birthday," Phoebe said.

"Happy birthday, Chandler," Monica said.

"Thank you. Wow, this is amazing. Hey guys...hey, Tyler," Chandler said as he gave his high school friend a hug.

"Hey, man...we're playing beer pong on balcony," Tyler said.

"Seriously?" Chandler asked.

"I set up a table out there. Enjoy," Monica smiled.

"Oh, you're amazing...Ross, you gonna play with me?" Chandler asked.

"I hate playing against you," Ross said.

"'Cause you always lose?" Chandler asked.

"Yes," Ross said.

"Come on...let's play," Chandler said as he, Tyler, Ross and Joey walked towards the balcony when suddenly Chandler stopped and looked back at Phoebe and Monica. "Oh, by the way...I met someone."

"You did?" Monica asked.

"Yeah. I met her at the coffee shop when I was waiting to come up here. I invited her. She'll be here later. She had to go home and feed her dog first. Her name is Janice. Is that okay?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, of course...we have fourteen kinds of macaroni and cheese," Monica said.

"Great...alright...let's play. Joe, have you ever played beer pong?" Chandler asked.

"No...never played. I want to though," Joey said.

"This man is unbeatable," Tyler said.

"We'll see about that,. I may not have been to college, but I do know drinking games," Joey said.

"You're on," Chandler said.

"Although, wait...you invited a girl? Did you reinflate the last one?" Tyler asked.

"Ha, ha...funny," Chandler said as the four boys walked towards the balcony and stepped outside. Phoebe looked at Monica who looked sad. Phoebe bit her lip as she shook her head.

"Are you okay?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...he invited a girl. It's good."

"Well, he's single."

"It's fine, Pheebs."

"I would threaten to kill you now but ending your life would permanently prevent you two from getting together and my strong desire to be right overrules my desire to kill you," Phoebe mused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Go get him."

"I don't want him."

"Yes, you do."

"I have to...I...I have to do stuff," Monica said as she walked into the kitchen. Phoebe shook her head as she walked towards the balcony and stepped outside to watch the beer pong game which of course Chandler dominated.

She wasn't the type of girl Phoebe could see Chandler with. She had a nasally voice, was loud and quite aggressive. Phoebe found her to be kind of interesting, a character. An annoying character, but a character nonetheless. Her name was Janice. She had long, dark brown curly hair and dark brown eyes and seemed very fond of Chandler. She kept an eye on him throughout the party, stayed close to him as he drank and talked to all his old friends. He seemed to like her although Phoebe noticed a change come over Monica when Janice was there. She seemed quieter when Janice was around, a little sadder even. Phoebe wondered if Janice's presence was making Monica rethink her relationship with Chandler, she hoped so. Phoebe knew she would have to check in on Monica later, because she wanted to concentrate on Duncan. As the hours went by, Phoebe began to worry that Duncan would not show. She hoped he would, kept circling near the phone, listening for it to ring and at around eleven that night, after half the trays of mac and cheese were gone and most everyone was sufficiently drunk, the phone finally did ring and Phoebe pounced on it.

"Hello?" Phoebe asked.

"Phoebe...it's Duncan."

"Duncan, where are you? It's eleven o'clock...if you get here now...well, people are really drunk-"

"I don't think I can make it. I got caught up with rehearsals and I am so sorry."

"But I wanted you to meet everyone. I wanted you to meet Chandler and Monica and..."

"I'm sorry."

"I just...I don't get to see you. When are you leaving?" Phoebe asked.

"Tomorrow morning, early. I got a show in Toronto."

"I thought-" Phoebe began when she heard a female voice in the background. She stopped. "Are you with a girl?"

"It's a friend...I'm gay, so it means nothing."

"Oh...yeah...but you and I have...we've...are you sure you're gay?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes. Pheebs, you're the only girl I'd go straight for. You know that."

"Yeah," Phoebe said as she felt her heart drop to her stomach. Her gut, her instincts about people were always so strong. She just knew Duncan wasn't gay. They had been intimate way too many times for him to be gay, she thought. "Duncan...are you sure you're gay? I mean...maybe you just don't want to be with me?"

"No...I am gay. I swear. If I wasn't gay, you would be my only girl."

"Then come here."

"I can't."

Phoebe could feel tears fill her eyes as she looked around. No one was really paying attention to her. People were drinking, laughing, eating and she felt sick to her stomach. She listened as Duncan told her he loved her, listened as he hung up the phone. It was a sick feeling she had, a feeling of regret. What if he was straight and just didn't not want to be with her? Phoebe shook her head as she hung up the phone. She walked towards the trays of food. She looked behind her. Monica was in the kitchen. Ross, Joey, Tyler, Chandler and a bunch of other people were gathered around the television playing with Chandler's brand new Nintendo. Phoebe looked back at the trays of food and her eyes went straight to the plate of cheeseburgers. The last time she had had a cheeseburger, she had been about seven or eight but at that moment, she craved one. She felt like someone was killing her and perhaps there would be some symbolism in eating a cheeseburger. She slowly picked it up and brought it to her lips. She took a big bite and began to chew slowly.

"What are you doing?" Monica asked.

"Nothing," Phoebe jumped as she put the cheeseburger back down on the tray. Monica picked it up and put it on a random plate someone had put near one of the trays, she looked at Phoebe.

"You're eating a cheeseburger?"

"Duncan canceled...I don't know why it hurts so much? I really wanted him to come...and I don't think he's gay...there was a girl with him," Phoebe said.

"Oh, Pheebs," Monica said, "come on."

Monica grabbed Phoebe's arm and pulled her towards the front door. They walked out and the two stood out in the hall as Monica hugged Phoebe who began crying.

"What if he's not gay? What if I'm right? Today when I was watching him rehearse, there was a girl that he was getting along with so well and Mon, there have been things we've done...that make me think...Monica, I'm married to him," Phoebe cried.

"What?"

"It was a green card marriage but...I always thought that...but after he called to cancel, I just got a real bad feeling that this won't end well for me."

"When did you marry him?"

"When I was twenty. In Vegas. Chandler's dad performed the ceremony. I didn't know it was Chandler's dad at the time...and don't tell anyone I'm married."

"I won't. Honey, I'm keeping all your secrets...and you know what?"

"What?"

"Here's one of my secrets, I hate Janice...every single time she touches Chandler, I want to rip her arm off and beat her with it."

"I know you do. Maybe I'm just...jumping to conclusions. He can cancel...it's just I heard a girl in his room and the girl-"

"Did you hear kissing?"

"No...I don't know. I didn't regret it at the time. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought he was going to...I'm just so scared this is going to end badly."

"Can you divorce him?" Monica asked.

"I don't want to. I don't want to do that. If I'm married to him, I'm still connected to him. I mean, the promise was that when I met someone, I'd divorce him. I love him so much...he gave me so much hope. I saw the world because of him. I went to Prague. I got a passport...this is going to be okay, right?"

"I don't know...but if it doesn't end well, you know I'll be there to pick up the pieces...and I bet Ross, Chandler and Joey will too. Part of being in a group means we don't let you hit bottom."

"Thanks. Can I spend the night?"

"Of course," Monica said.

"And when you and Chandler get married-"

"Oh G-d," Monica said.

"Well-"

"Okay, if we do...then you can get up at the wedding and say 'I told you so'...and 'Monica was the worst roommate ever.'"

"True...but you're one of the greatest friends I've ever had."

"You too...and you know, I'm never gonna leave."

"I know and I hope you don't."

The two hugged tightly before walking back into the apartment. Everyone was still gathered around the television, playing video games and drinking. Chandler was sitting on the couch playing Super Mario Brothers against Joey. There was an empty spot next to Chandler, Phoebe sat next to him.

"Where's Janice?" Phoebe asked.

"Bathroom," Chandler said, looking over at Phoebe, "you alright?"

"Yeah," Phoebe said. "Duncan canceled."

"I'm sorry."

"Ehhh, forget it...it's your night."

"We'll talk later and by the way thanks...and thanks for all of this," Chandler smiled.

"Dude, pay attention," Joey said.

Chandler gently rubbed Phoebe's back as he turned back to the game. Eventually, Janice returned and Phoebe got up to sit with Monica. They sat together, eating macaroni and cheese and drinking vodka and cranberry while watching the party play video games. Phoebe tried to push that nagging feeling out of her head. Duncan could do what he wanted although she hoped he wouldn't let her down, not after everything they'd been through. She wasn't sure what she would do if it crashed although she did believe Monica when she said she would be there to pick up the pieces because she knew if something happened with Duncan, there would be plenty of pieces left to pick up.


	22. Chapter 22

**September 24th, 1994**

It took Phoebe a few minutes but she recognized the girl in the wedding dress almost immediately. The four of them had been sitting there, talking, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey. Chandler had been talking about a strange dream he had had about his penis turning into a telephone. Ross came in. He was depressed. It was the year anniversary of the day Carol and he separated and they were now officially divorced. It crushed him, his negative energy filling up the coffee house as if there was some battle between the energy of the over caffeinated and the depressed energy of Ross Geller. He complained, whined and despite Joey's best efforts at trying to cheer him up, refused to even pretend to be a little happy. He exclaimed that he just wanted to be married again and then as if on cue, she ran in wearing her wedding dress. She was completely wet and Monica immediately ran to her to comfort her. Chandler shot Phoebe a look. She tried to read his expression, but before she let it sink in, Monica was introducing Phoebe to Rachel Green. Rachel looked completely flustered, she seemingly forgot she had ever met Chandler. Phoebe knew they had met at least twice. She knew Rachel would be clueless as to who she was, but Phoebe instantly remembered the moments. She remembered being fifteen and using the money she had stolen to buy a dress from Rachel's store. She remembered going back to that store and stealing all those clothes. Rachel was horrid, that was the girl she remembered. A snob, a bitch, someone she hated with a passion. Rachel represented everything that was just wrong to her. Everything she could never get and there she was, standing there, talking about a fiance that looked like Mr. Potato Head and how she had just run out on her own wedding.

Phoebe tried her best to be nice. When they all went upstairs to Monica's apartment, when Rachel loudly declared to her father that she would be living with Monica without even asking if Monica had a roommate, Phoebe said nothing although she wondered what Monica would have said if Phoebe had still been living there? What if she and Monica were still roommates? Would Monica ask Phoebe to leave now that Rachel was there. She hoped not. Phoebe did her best though, even singing a song to Rachel to cheer her up but when Chandler and Joey asked Phoebe if she wanted to help set up Ross' new furniture, she declined explaining that she just did not want to. Which was true. She also wanted so badly to get out of there. She wanted her old friends again so that night while Monica was on her date. Rachel was alone and the boys were at Ross' she called up Betty, Marjorie and Sue Ellen and asked if they could go for drinks at that old restaurant they used to hang out at Port Authority and they all agreed, meeting together for drinks and dinner while Phoebe complained.

"They're gonna cut me out," Phoebe exclaimed as she took a sip of her dirty martini.

"What?" Marjorie asked.

"They are going to cut me out. This Rachel bitch first of all, friggin' invited herself to live with Monica. Thank goodness I don't live there anymore. What would have happened? Monica would have asked me to leave, probably...and I told Monica that I stole clothes from Rachel's store which was Rachel's aunts. So Monica will tell Rachel and Rachel will tell her aunt and I will go back to jail," Phoebe said.

"I think the statue of limitations has run out on that," Betty said.

"How do you know?" Phoebe asked.

"Because I own a store. The statue of limitations on that is five years. You're in the clear. They had until 1991 to press charges against you," Betty said.

"Okay...but there's no statue of limitations on bitchiness. What if Monica tells Rachel and Rachel then says that they all have to dump me...it was too good to be true, wasn't it? It was just too good. I was happy."

"Pheebs, they're your friends," Marjorie said.

"But Rachel-"

"You know, she may end up running out. She ran out on her own wedding," Sue Ellen said.

"Which she didn't even invite Monica to. She blows off her best friend and then expects Monica to take her in which of course Monica did. It's ridiculous...she's ridiculous. Rachel is. I still like Monica."

"I have a weird idea...what if you actually tried to get to know Rachel? Maybe she's changed."

"I don't want to get to know Rachel. I have no desire to get to know Rachel. It's just...she represents everything I hate. It's a sense of entitlement, that's what it is. I mean, who does that? Not only runs out on their wedding...I married a gay guy who I never see and I didn't run out on that...she runs out and then feels she's entitled to live with a friend she gave up?" Phoebe asked.

"Are you jealous of Rachel?" Marjorie asked.

"Oh G-d no...she was mean to me. I sang to her to try to cheer her up and she was like, 'oh, I'm fine'...I'm not jealous."

"It must have been nice though...to grow up rich like that where you could just split on your own wedding without giving it a second thought," Marjorie said.

"Maybe you're jealous," Phoebe said.

"I'm not," Marjorie said.

"Well, it was nice for awhile...to have a close group like that. But now...I don't really have any connections. I'm no one's roommate or sibling or...it had to end sometime," Phoebe said.

"You'll always have us," Betty said, as she placed her arm around Phoebe and hugged her. The arrival of Rachel felt like a sign, a sign that maybe her group of friends weren't really her friends.

She tried to distance herself after Rachel arrived. She really did not try to get too involved, thinking she was about to be fazed out. Being in the same room as Rachel made her uncomfortable. She kept thinking, waiting for the moment when Rachel would ask her about stolen merchandise from all those years ago.

Monica noticed Phoebe starting to distance herself and she decided to to do something about it. There was going to be a girls night, Monica decided. Chandler, Ross and Joey were going to go to a hockey game. Phoebe declined at first, but at the last minute decided to go but only because her grandmother had a boyfriend and lately she hadn't been getting a lot of sleep. Monica had invited Phoebe to help her set up. Some old friends of Rachel's had stopped by Central Perk and they decided to catch up. Monica took that opportunity to confront Phoebe. The two were alone, the guys had gone to the game and Rachel was with her friends from Long Island. Monica was making a strong alcoholic punch and Phoebe was laying out on the couch, flipping through the channels. Monica poured two glasses and walked over to the couch. She handed Phoebe her glass and sat on the couch. Phoebe took a sip of her drink.

"Oh, strong...is this Slow Death?" Phoebe asked.

"The smoothie version."

"Nice."

"Why are you pulling away?" Monica asked. Phoebe was a little taken aback by the bluntness of the question. She didn't think she had been that obvious or maybe she had been.

"What are you talking about?"

"Ever since Rachel arrived...you've been weird...weirder. What's going on?" Monica asked.

"Did you tell her I shoplifted from her aunt's store?" Phoebe asked.

"Of course not. Why would I tell her that? First of all, it's a secret and second...what good could come from me telling her that?" Monica asked.

"I don't trust her and...she came in...I just don't trust her and maybe it's because the run ins I've had with her have been horribly negative...but do people really change that much? Yes, she cut up her credit cards and she's been relatively okay...I tried to cheer her up and she blew me off."

"Well...I mean in her defense-"

"See...you're defending her. I thought we hated her," Phoebe said.

"No, wait...listen. In her defense, your story is very tough and hard to believe because it's so bad and you are so amazing for rising above it," Monica said.

"It's not a made up story."

"I know. Look, honestly, I don't trust Rachel either. She's been here for three weeks. She invited herself to live with me...but just the same way that I felt like I needed to take you in, I have the same feeling with her. She's different now. I can tell. There's just something different...granted if she screws me over again-"

"What happened? Why did your friendship end?" Phoebe asked.

"It did...we were best friends up until the second semester of freshman year. I went to culinary school. She went to some small school and she became a sorority girl and dated Barry...and dumped me as her friend. She didn't return my calls. She just just dumped me...with no word and it hurt," Monica said. "And not being invited to her wedding killed me...but she needs a friend."

"Damn you, Geller and your nurturing-ness," Phoebe said.

"I know. It's a curse. But you're still my best friend. The stuff you told me...that's in confidence. The stuff you told Chandler? Please, he won't tell."

"Good. No, I know Chandler won't tell. It's just weird. You, me and Chandler were very anti-Rachel for awhile."

"I know...but she was my childhood best friend. Don't you have any old friends...maybe from childhood that you would give another chance to? Even though they may have hurt you?" Monica asked.

Phoebe immediately thought of Leslie. She had not spoken to Leslie in three years and there was part of her that wondered if she would ever see Leslie again and if she did, what would she say to Leslie?

"I guess."

"But...I made a promise to you that I was not going to leave you. I keep my promises. You're one of my favorite people. You're inspirational."

"Thanks," Phoebe smiled.

The two clicked their glasses together and began drinking. Soon Rachel did join them, she was depressed about being with her old friends. Her depression began affecting both Monica and Phoebe. Phoebe found herself very reluctantly beginning to actually like Rachel. Monica was right, she did seem different. She didn't seem like that bitchy girl that she had so happily stolen from without a second thought. The more the three talked, the more they drank, the more relaxed Phoebe got with this girl and soon the three found themselves on the balcony sharing secrets and discussing the boys in their group and what kind of boyfriends they might be..

"I think when it comes to girls, Chandler is more sophisticated than he lets on. That clueless thing is an act...that's my guess," Monica said.

"Oh my G-d, will you get into his pants already," Phoebe said grinning as she sipped her punch.

"Shut up," Monica said, laughing.

"Wait...what?" Rachel asked.

"Monica loves Chandler," Phoebe said.

"Oh, I know that. Why do you think she lost two hundred pounds?" Rachel asked, smiling as well.

"You lost two hundred pounds for Chandler?" Phoebe asked.

"No, it was for my health," Monica said.

"Oh, fuck that. It was so not for your health," Rachel said.

"I am not going to date Chandler Bing. I am not going to sleep with Chandler Bing. I am not going anywhere near Chandler Bing or his thing...ever," Monica said.

"So, okay Rachel...when Monica and Chandler get married-" Phoebe started.

"Wait-" Monica said.

"Yeah?" Rachel asked.

"I wanna sing at their wedding. The song will be called, 'I Told You So.'"

"Can I sing with you?" Rachel asked.

"Of course," Phoebe said.

"I need new friends," Monica mused as she poured some more punch in her glass and proceeded to pour more into Rachel and Phoebe's glasses as well. The girls were all a little drunk, well Monica and Rachel were drunk. Phoebe was just tipsy, her tolerance still as high as it had ever been.

"So Pheebs...why do you hate me?" Rachel asked.

Phoebe was a little taken aback by the question. She didn't think that she had been outwardly hostile towards Rachel. In fact, she thought she had been overly sweet. She looked at Monica who simply just shrugged.

"I don't hate you," Phoebe said. "I like you...I've been nice to you."

"Okay...I don't believe you though. I get a feeling you don't like me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not. Despite everything...I feel like I'm supposed to be here. I feel home. It's weird," Rachel said. The words rang in Phoebe's ears. The were true. She felt the same when she had moved into Monica's apartment for the first time. She felt home.

"I know you're not going anywhere...although if you dump me as your friend again, I swear I will never speak to you again," Monica said.

"I know...hanging out with those girls today, man I was a bitch...and you know, I'm sorry," Rachel said.

"Do you remember me?" Phoebe asked. She hadn't really been listening to Rachel and Monica's exchange. She kept thinking about Rachel's words, about finally feeling at home. She wasn't sure if what she was about to do was right or if she was about to screw everything up, but Betty was right, there was nothing Rachel or her aunt could do about it now at least in regards to legal stuff.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"Do you remember me?" Phoebe asked.

"From where?" Rachel asked.

Phoebe looked over at Monica who smiled back at her, getting Phoebe's expression immediately.

"You've met Phoebe before," Monica said.

"When?" Rachel asked.

"Three times, actually. The last time...when you volunteered in a soup kitchen with Monica," Phoebe asked.

"Remember we were seventeen and I talked you into going to a soup kitchen with me and I served all the fancy food which you thought was ridiculous?" Monica asked.

"Which actually wasn't...my friends loved it," Phoebe said.

"Really?" Monica asked.

"Yeah...but I remember asking Monica if there were vegetarian items and you said-"

"Beggars can't be choosers," Rachel said, finishing as she brought her hand to her mouth, "oh my G-d. That was you?"

"Yeah...kinda hurtful. And you both ate with us after. Monica talked to us...you stared at yourself in your compact mirror the whole time."

"Oh my G-d," Rachel said.

"I also..." Phoebe began, slowly, "um...did your aunts store ever get robbed?"

"Yeah. When I was working there. I was like fourteen. They made off with like over nine hundred dollars worth of stuff," Rachel said.

"Really? It was that much?" Phoebe asked, a little shocked.

"Yeah. My parents had to write a check to cover for the stolen merchandise and I was grounded for like a month and a half," Rachel said.

Phoebe felt her heart drop a little. It was actually surprising to her how bad she felt. She didn't think she would feel bad at all.

"Um...I was your thief," Phoebe said.

"What?" Rachel asked, sitting up and looking at her.

"That was the second time I was actually in that store. First time, I was fifteen. I mugged a kid and stole his money and then went to your store and bought a purple dress and you were there...you didn't really talk to me but before I left, I heard you say that you needed to tell someone to fumigate the store because homeless people had just walked in. The reason I robbed you...I was pissed...not at you, I had been held captive by a pimp and I was really angry and I escaped but I couldn't do anything to the pimp. He would have killed me so I wanted to harm someone else, someone well...weaker. So I staked out that store until I got your work schedule down-"

"You stalked me?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah. Then when I knew when you would be working, I walked in and just ransacked it while you were on the phone-"

"Talking to Monica," Rachel said.

"It was me you were talking to?" Monica asked.

"It was," Rachel said, her voice soft and quiet. Phoebe tried to read her face for a reaction, but Rachel was stone faced. Phoebe looked over at Monica. Phoebe began to feel nervous. She began to wonder if she had made a mistake. Would Rachel yell at her? What would she do? The suddenly, she noticed Rachel's eyes beginning to fill with tears. She put her glass on the balcony and stumbled towards Phoebe. For a brief moment, Phoebe thought Rachel might strangle her but instead, Rachel was hugging her and crying. It was not the reaction Phoebe had expected. Rachel stepped back and looked at her.

"I'm so sorry, Phoebe."

"What? No...Rachel-"

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you went through all that and I'm sorry I made you feel bad and Monica, I'm sorry if I made you feel bad too and...I-" Rachel was crying. It stunned both Monica and Phoebe as they stood up and both hugged Rachel as well.

"Oh, Rachel...it's okay," Monica said. "I do forgive you."

"Really and Phoebe-"

"Rachel, I stole from you...you should be mad at me. I mean, you got grounded because of me," Phoebe said, smiling.

"Ehhh, the clothes were overpriced anyway," Rachel said.

"You're not going to tell your aunt though? Are you?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh G-d, no...first of all, it was like ten years ago and second...there's no reason too. Did you at least get good use out of the clothes?" Rachel asked as she returned to her original seat, Phoebe and Monica both returned to their seats as well.

"I did. In fact, when I was at the soup kitchen, I was wearing one of the dresses I stole and I got so nervous, I put on a sweatshirt...a Lincoln High sweatshirt because I thought you might you recognize the dress...turns out you both went to Lincoln High," Phoebe said.

"That's actually kind of funny," Rachel said.

"Yeah, it was a little bit. We laughed about it after wards," Phoebe said.

"I want you to like me, Phoebe. I think you're actually pretty awesome and it's my loss that I didn't realize that when I saw you back then. I think you're brave and so, so strong...and I'd like to be your friend, if you'd let me?" Rachel asked.

Phoebe smiled at Rachel who in that moment looked so small and vulnerable. The hate she had had for this girl seemingly evaporated. Maybe Monica was right, there was something different about Rachel and she could almost relate to what Rachel had been going through, trying to figure out where to go and trying to figure out where she felt at home and safe and warm.

"I do like you...and you are my friend and when Chandler and Monica get married-"

"Stop it," Monica said.

"When Chandler and Monica get married, will you help me write the song."

"Yes," Rachel said, grinning.

"We are not getting married," Monica said.

Rachel giggled a little as the girls continued drinking and talking. Phoebe had not expected to have that much fun. She had not expected to laugh that much. She really started to like Rachel. It wasn't that hard to forgive Rachel for anything she had said to Phoebe all those years ago because in the grand scheme of everything Phoebe had gone through so far, Rachel's words back then were hurtful but nowhere near as hurtful as everything else she had gone through.

It was a few days later and the group of five were sitting in Central Perk, drinking coffee and eating muffins. Ross' nose was still sore from being hit by a hockey puck. Joey was teasing him by picking up his scone and playfully zooming it towards Ross' face. Ross tried his best to look unamused, but instead began laughing.

"Hey, guys," Rachel said as she walked in carrying a big white box. She plopped down on the orange couch, near Phoebe and handed her the box.

"What is this?" Phoebe asked.

"Where did you go?" Monica asked.

"I had to go to Long Island to run an errand," Rachel said.

"This is from your aunt's store," Phoebe said, looking at the writing on the box.

"Open it," Rachel said.

Phoebe opened the box and in it was a red beaded top and a long white skirt with little white eyelets all over it. There was also several long gold necklaces with large different colored stones and a pair of chandelier earrings. She looked over at Rachel who was smiling.

"Oh my G-d, Rachel...thank you," Phoebe said as she and Rachel hugged.

"Why didn't you buy us presents?" Chandler asked.

"Because...I found out that Phoebe had been in my aunts store twice and received very shitty customer service and I wanted to apologize," Rachel said.

"Apology accepted," Phoebe said.

"You were a bitch," Monica grinned.

"Shut up," Rachel said.

"Oh, did you tell her?" Chandler asked.

"That I robbed her? Yes," Phoebe said.

"You robbed her?" Joey asked.

"My aunts store. When I was thirteen and fourteen, I worked there every once in a while to get money. I stopped working there when apparently Phoebe stole a shit load of clothes from the store...on my watch," Rachel said.

"You know what I don't get? You were thirteen and fourteen...yet, your aunt left you there alone," Ross said.

"She did. That day you stole all those clothes. I was alone," Rachel said.

"What would you have done if you had caught her?" Ross asked.

"I wasn't being very subtle...Chandler, remember when you and I first met at that movie theater and I had the big giant guitar case?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes," Chandler said.

"I carried that in there and stuffed the clothes inside," Phoebe said.

"Hmmm...Rach, you're an idiot," Chandler said, smiling.

"What? I am not," Rachel said, pretending to be upset.

"Well, I think I agree with Chandler...if I have a store and someone walks in with a giant guitar case they kinda look like they live on the street, I'd probably hang up the phone and watch them," Monica said.

"I was fourteen. I cannot be penalized for things I did when I was fourteen," Rachel argued.

"Penalized...penal...funny," Joey said.

Soon though, everyone was laughing and gently teasing Rachel for being the worst store person ever. Rachel thought it was funny as well. As Phoebe listened to the banter around her, she was hit with a memory. The psychic. The one she had been to so long ago that told her about these images, those strange images that at the time meant nothing. They were ridiculous but then again, perhaps not.

Phoebe looked over at Chandler sitting in the big chair, his name so close to chandelier and the red clown noses instead of lights, he's funny, hands down the funniest of the six. Next to her was Rachel. A green wedding dress? Rachel's last name was Green and she was wearing a wedding dress the first time Phoebe had met her. Next to Rachel was Monica. Monica's dad called her his Little Harmonica, Phoebe knew that from the times that Monica's dad would call the apartment asking for his Little Harmonica and the harmonica in the baking dish. Monica's a chef. At the table sat Ross and Joey. Ross loved dinosaurs and Joey loved two pizzas and meatball subs. They were the images, the objects that the psychic had told her about. They were the ones that bring her warmth and as she sat there, looking at the gift Rachel had given her. She felt complete, just as the psychic had said. She could not run away from this, it's where she belonged sitting there with the six of them talking now about how Ross looked like Hannibal Lector. Phoebe finally felt complete.


	23. Chapter 23

**October 12, 1995**

Ever since Rachel had moved in a year earlier, life had been fairly eventful, but the good kind of eventful. There had been that Thanksgiving where the six of them had grilled cheese sandwiches after Monica burnt all the food because they had all run to the roof to watch Underdog float over the city. She had learned to play poker, accidentally got shot in the ass with a dart by animal control and had even witnessed the birth of Ross' son, Ben.

She had also dated a few different guys in the past year. There was the guy who decided to go on a hunger strike. She had dumped him when she had helped Chandler finally break up with Janice. She and Monica had had a brief obsession with a guy in a coma and she had dated a very annoying psychologist whom she ended up despising after he insulted the group. She had kissed Joey while pretending to be Ursula and she had been felt up by Paolo, an Italian guy Rachel had briefly dated and then there had been David.

David, the scientist guy, had come into her life the previous year. They had spent a whirlwind two weeks together. He was the only guy who made her briefly turn her attention away from Duncan. He was smart and funny, sweet and kind. He kissed her with such passion even though every word he uttered was with hesitation. He had been her date for New Years. At first, the group of six had decided on a dinner party which turned into a full blown party. It turned out to be the second worst New Years she had ever had, the first of course being the first one she had ever spent on the streets. David was leaving to go to Minsk for who knew how long. There was a part of her that was secretly glad he was going though because of how much she loved him, how he was the only guy that made her think of other possibilities besides Duncan. She didn't want any other possibilities, she wanted Duncan. She had only known David for two weeks, she was married to Duncan and a part of her still held on to that belief that the marriage would somehow turn into something more real.

She and David rarely spoke after left for Minsk. They did mail the occasional letter to each other, but her life soon carried on as 1995 brought other dramas that took her mind off of David. Her heart, she had decided would always belong to Duncan.

As it always seemed though, life had other plans. It was three days after Ross' twenty sixth birthday when Duncan returned. They had just dealt with the death of their annoying downstairs neighbor, Mr. Heckles, calmed Chandler down from a freak out about how he would never meet anyone and things seemed to going okay until Duncan appeared.

When Rachel told Phoebe, Duncan stopped by. Her heart dropped a little. Duncan had really never stopped by the apartment on his own. Phoebe had taken him there a few times, always when Monica, Chandler and Kip were at work. He had never visited Phoebe at her grandmother's. She didn't think he had ever just dropped by and she had not seen or spoken to him since Chandler's twenty fifth birthday which eighteen months ago. Chandler had had another birthday since then. It was out of the blue but there was a small hope that maybe Duncan was showing up to tell her he loved her, he wasn't gay and they could actually make their marriage public and real.

Monica was being annoyingly protective of Phoebe, telling Phoebe she shouldn't go see him. Monica even told the rest of the group how she had caught Phoebe eating a cheeseburger because Duncan had called to cancel on her during Chandler's twenty fifth birthday party, news the stunned the others. Phoebe ignored it. Monica didn't know everything and she was just being neurotic. That's what Phoebe kept telling herself. She told herself that as she got ready to see Duncan, as she drove her grandmother's cab to the ice rink and what she kept telling herself when she waited for Duncan.

But his words hit her hard as she realized that what she had feared for so long was actually coming true. The words rolled over her, punched her stomach, heart, throat or any other place you can be metaphorically punched. She thought of David as Duncan as stood there in his dressing room after his show telling her words she never wanted to hear from him.

"You're divorcing me?" Phoebe asked.

Somehow she had always known and sure there had been moments where she feared it would end badly for her, but she had always clung to the belief that maybe, just maybe it wouldn't.

"I met someone," Duncan said.

"You met someone?" Phoebe asked. "Who is he?"

Although, in her gut she knew...

"It's not a he...it's a she. Her name is Donna...we're getting married."

Phoebe felt her breath shorten. She had a name. Questions began flooding her brain. How long had he been dating her? Did he love her? Of course he loved her...he was marrying her, although Phoebe thought Duncan loved her.

"Fuck you," Phoebe said, her voice sounded very controlled. She didn't want to break down. She did not want to show him her vulnerability.

"Pheebs-"

"No. No...this is my fault." Phoebe said, shaking her head.

"How?"

"Because I knew...somehow, I knew...I knew you weren't gay. I had been telling you that for years, yet I still married you. I thought...I..." Phoebe stopped, she could feel the tears coming up and she didn't want to cry.

"I love you, Phoebe. I always have-"

"Oh, screw you. You know, I almost divorced you last year. I met someone. His name is David. He's a scientist."

"Great."

"Yeah...he's on some important mission in Minsk where he's doing really important scientific things. Much better than skating around on hard ice."

"Well...I...I'm glad," Duncan said, looking at her, concerned.

Phoebe couldn't hold herself back anymore. The tears suddenly began falling. She sat down on the couch and placed her head in her hands and looked up at him. He was staring back at her, still looking at her unsure of what he should do.

"G-d dammit Duncan. I am twenty seven years old. I spent so long on you. Eight years. I spent eight years holding out for you, waiting for you to come to that realization that you weren't gay and I guess you did...just it wasn't with me."

Duncan sat down next to her, he gently placed his hand on her thigh. Phoebe glared at him which made him remove his hand. He kept his eyes on her.

"Our marriage wasn't a real marriage though, we both knew that. That was our plan. We knew that going in."

"The plan was I was going to divorce you. It was that you were gay or...or that when you weren't, you would want to be with me. You are such an ass," Phoebe said.

".I'm so sorry," Duncan said.

"What if I had decided to continue to go on that tour with you? The one after we got back from Prague? Do you think then you would've-no, never mind."

"But if you had gone with me, you never would have ended up going to school and getting your degree and getting the friends you have...or a home. I mean, you got what you wanted, Phoebe. It's amazing."

"No, I don't have you. I just wanted you. G-d, Duncan, I have dated in the six years we've been married. I fell in love with David but I still held out hope. I still in the back of my mind believed...you promised you would never hurt me and you would never let me down. You saved me...but maybe I shouldn't be so shocked you're abandoning me. You did in Prague."

"Whoa...wait, wait...hold on...no, not fair. I did not abandon you in Prague," Duncan said, a flash of anger in his eyes.

"Yes, you did. I would not have ended up with that guy...I would not have spent my twentieth birthday being held captive and tortured for twenty four hours straight if you had celebrated with me."

"That wasn't my fault...you shouldn't have been out clubbing in a foreign country by yourself."

"Right. You should have been there."

Duncan stood up and began pacing, running his fingers through his hair. She watched him closely as he stopped in front of her.

"You know, Phoebe, you are not the victim here. You have never been the victim. You knew this wasn't real...this was never meant to be real and as for Prague, you killed someone-"

"Because he raped and tortured me," Phoebe said, standing up, using the four, five inches in height that she had on him to her full advantage. "And you know what...for those twenty four hours that I was missing, did you go look for me or did you just sit outside my room, hoping I'd come back eventually."

"Are you really turning this around to be my fault?"

"It is partially your fault and maybe you're right, maybe I shouldn't have married you...but I loved you, Duncan. You gave me so much hope and...but you know...and how come you never offered to pay for my education?"

"What? How would I have done that?"

"You made more than me. I didn't know Chandler when I saw him on the subway, he was just some stranger and he paid for all of it and...and I'm shocked you wouldn't want to meet him."

"Phoebe, I don't want to fight with you," Duncan said.

"Well, I'm angry. I wanna fight with you. You screwed me over."

"You knew this wasn't real. You knew it going in."

"I guess I didn't...where do you want me to sign?" Phoebe asked, feeling worn out. Duncan walked towards a duffel bag on the floor by a rack of clothes and opened it. He pulled out a stack of papers and handed it to Phoebe. She got up and moved towards the vanity table. She read through papers and signed. As she signed her name, that divorce felt like she was cutting ties with her old life and with that knowledge, her heart ached.

She had no regrets about marrying Duncan at the time. It had felt so right, being with him had felt so right. Now, she was leaving him behind. After she had signed the papers and said goodbye to Duncan, she knew she would most likely never see him again.

She didn't want to go back to her apartment so she went to Monica and Rachel's, let herself in using her old key and sat on the couch waiting. Monica, Rachel. Chandler and Joey had gone to Ross' apartment to have dinner with him and his new girlfriend, Julie. She kept wondering where they were. She contemplated going to Ross', but decided not to. She wasn't in the mood for fun or laughter so she waited, sat on the couch and waited. As she sat, she remembered that first day she met Duncan. It was 1987, she was still living in the junkyard and it was a few days after she had just turned nineteen. He had given her so much, she had trusted him and he left. He divorced her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by sounds coming from outside. She watched the door as Monica opened it.

"I wanted to know what was in a Cobb Salad," Rachel argued, looking back at Chandler and Joey who were groaning about something.

"Phoebe?" Monica said.

"He divorced me," Phoebe said as she started crying, "and where the hell have you guys been?"

"Oh my G-d," Monica said as she walked in the apartment, Chandler, Joey and Rachel following. Monica sat on the couch and quickly pulled Phoebe into a tight hug. Rachel sat on the other side of Phoebe and gently stroked Phoebe's back.

"Oh, Phoebe," Rachel said.

"See, had you let us leave and not interrogated Julie, we could've been helping Pheebs," Joey said, looking at Rachel.

"Shut up," Rachel said.

"He dumped me...he's not gay. He's getting married. To a woman and that's why he needed a divorce...he was supposed to...he promised he wouldn't leave. Shit...why do people keep leaving me?" Phoebe asked.

"We're not leaving," Monica said.

"We're not going anywhere," Rachel said.

"Men leave me...my dad, step dad...Lowell from the streets, I haven't seen him in years. David left for Minsk, Duncan divorced me...they always leave," Phoebe said.

"I'm not going anywhere...although, Joey and I may have to go down to that ice show and kick some ice dancer ass," Chandler said.

"Oh, we could take him...we should go now," Joey said.

"No, he's probably not there now. It's almost midnight," Phoebe said.

"Rachel, see what you did," Joey said.

"Go home," Rachel said.

"G-d, I'm such an idiot," Phoebe said.

"No, you aren't," Monica said.

"Oh please...Mon, you can say 'I told you so,'" Phoebe said.

"I'm not going to," Monica said.

"You know, our wedding was fantastic. It was in Vegas. Chandler, your dad had on stunning black gown when he married us-" Phoebe said.

"Of course he did," Chandler said.

"Then he got us into his show and he sang Madonna songs. So pretty and fun...we kissed, Duncan and I. Oh, G-d...that whole year. We went to Prague. I cleaned the costumes of the ice dancers...although he did abandon me in Prague. My twentieth birthday, he should have been with me. None of what happened would have happened had he been with me. Maybe that was a sign," Phoebe said.

"What happened?" Monica asked.

"Oh, I can't tell...there might be a statue of limitations on stealing clothes from boutiques in Long Island," Phoebe said, looking over at Rachel and then back at Monica, "but there's no statue of limitations on what I did."

"What did you do?" Monica asked.

"I killed someone...in Prague," Phoebe whispered and looked at Monica, Rachel, Joey and Chandler who were all staring at her, stunned. "Duncan was the only one that knew that and if you guys tell-"

"We won't...'cause then you'd leave us...and that would be horrible," Monica said.

"No Pheebs...if you left, I couldn't go on," Rachel said.

"I know I couldn't," Chandler said.

"Me neither," Joey said.

"Thanks, guys. But okay, in Prague, I um...it was my twentieth birthday and I had been partying a lot alone...Duncan's not a partier and there was a guy, Tomas. Big guy...scary guy, I was kind of hooking up with him, but it wasn't serious. At least, I didn't think so...I had been dancing with some random people that night and he got angry and took me back to his apartment where he tied me up and spent twenty four hour hours raping me and beating me."

"Oh my G-d," Rachel said.

"He eventually passed out and I somehow freed myself and stabbed him. Because his drug and alcohol levels were so high, his death was ruled accidental. After that night, Duncan never left my side," Phoebe said.

"Wait...why did he let you go out to clubs alone in a foreign country?" Joey asked.

"I can take care of myself," Phoebe said, not really letting on that she had been angry at Duncan for letting her go clubbing all alone on her birthday. She was curious as to what their reactions would be, especially Joey and Chandler, both of whom seemed rather angry but this piece of news.

"No...no, if I'm with a girl in a foreign country...I don't let her go clubbing alone. That's not okay, Pheebs. Even I wouldn't do that and I do a lot of things," Joey said.

"Yeah, it's really not okay," Chandler said. "Come on, when you first moved in and we would go out clubbing...just the two of us and we were here in New York, would I leave your side?"

"No," Phoebe said, smiling. Her heart burst at the love she had for those two boys. She felt better with them there. She knew they would never leave her. "I know he wasn't perfect but G-d, I loved him and I felt safe. Being with him on tour and in Prague, it was the first time I got my own room. That first night, I took a shower and watched television. I was paid and my job was relatively easy. I was able to save up for a little bit of school. He was my first true love. Technically, I lost my virginity when I was raped by a pimp, but I don't think of it that way. I consider Duncan my first."

"Phoebe, how many times have you been raped?" Rachel asked.

"Twice...over and over again, by Tomas in Prague and the pimp guy...although I had to work for the pimp guy to pay off the damage I had done to his car after I tried to steal it and crashed it...so more than that, I just blocked out those encounters," Phoebe said.

"Wow...honey, that's...wow..." Rachel said.

"I've almost lost my life a few times as well...but Duncan was there and...I thought he would always be there. Is it okay if I spend the night?" Phoebe asked.

"Of course," Monica said.

"You wanna sleep in your old room?" Rachel asked.

"No, it's okay," Phoebe said.

"You sure?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Phoebe said.

"How did you get through all this, Pheebs? How did you survive?" Rachel asked.

"I had to," Phoebe said.

"G-d, you're amazing," Rachel said.

"Thank you," Phoebe said as Rachel gave her a hug. Phoebe began to feel a little better.

"I'll be right back," Chandler said, getting up.

"You going to kick ice dancer ass?" Joey asked.

"No. I'll be back," Chandler said as he walked out of the apartment.

"You know, I'm getting a second wind here. I'm gonna make the five of us some slow death smoothies," Monica said getting up.

"Maybe you can make Rachel a Cobb Salad," Joey grinned.

"Bite me," Rachel said.

"What happened tonight? You must have had fun at Ross'. Your were there a long time," Phoebe said.

"It was fun...until Rachel decided she needed to ask Julie questions in order to prolong Ross having sex," Joey said.

"Did it work?" Phoebe asked.

"No. I tried...but no. You know, Mon, I'll help...I think we need to speed up the death process of the slow death smoothies," Rachel said as she got up and walked towards Monica in the kitchen. Joey moved to sit next to her. He placed an around Phoebe as she fell into him.

"I met Duncan after I saw you at that construction site," Phoebe said.

"Who was more good looking?" Joey asked.

"Please. You, no contest. I should've called you. Maybe if I had called you, I would have gone out with you and never would have fallen for Duncan," Phoebe said.

"Well, you're here now...we'll take care of you," Joey said.

Phoebe smiled as Joey gave her a kiss on the head. Chandler walked back into the apartment with a VHS cassette tape. He walked towards the couch and looked at Phoebe and Joey. Monica and Rachel were still in the kitchen making the smoothies.

"We're not watching my porn again," Joey said, rolling his eyes.

"I wanna watch your porn," Phoebe said, looking at Joey.

"This is better," Chandler said, handing Phoebe the VHS tape. She smiled when she saw the cover. It was a tape of Hot Dog: The Movie.

"Hot Dog: The Movie," Phoebe said.

"I was going to give it to you for Christmas, but I thought you could use it now," Chandler said.

"Thank you," Phoebe said, standing up and gave him a hug. "Can we watch this now?"

"Sure," Chandler said

"I've never seen this," Joey said.

"It's a classic," Chandler said as he went to set up the movie and when he returned to the couch, he took a seat next to Phoebe.

"You think it still holds up?" Phoebe asked.

"Doubt it. It sucked then," Chandler said.

"You know...both of you...thank you. Chandler, seeing that movie with you...I got to feel like a typical kid for a few hours. You have no idea how much that meant to me. I laughed so hard."

"I'm gonna try to make you laugh again with this movie. I love that laugh. It's the most amazing laugh in the world," Chandler said.

"It truly is," Joey said.

"Thanks and Joey...you, when I saw you at that construction site and you completely objectified me, it made me feel so pretty...although, well, you might not remember this, but I do. When you were like fourteen, did you go to Times Square on New Years Eve?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah. Me and...oh, crap...some girls. One did my homework...actually both of them did. I definitely got laid that night," Joey said.

"Man, you were like a ninth grade pimp," Chandler mused.

"Yep...they called me, Big Joe."

"You are full of crap," Chandler said.

"I know. But I still got laid," Joey said.

"Well, okay, Joey...do you remember...you got a lot of food and you gave your mozzarella sticks away...I guess I looked...well, I know I looked hungry. I was. You asked if I was okay and if I wanted to sit with you and your friends."

"Oh my G-d...wait, I do remember that. That was you?" Joey asked.

"My mom had passed away like a week earlier...that meant so much to me and I remembered you and every year I'd go to Times Square on New Years Eve in hopes of seeing you there. But I didn't...then I saw you again when you were nineteen and at that construction site and I was so happy but just like when I met Chandler and he asked for my number and I couldn't give it to him because I didn't have one...I knew I could never call you. But both of you boys...thank you."

Phoebe grabbed both of their hands as they both kissed her on the cheek. She felt so safe with the two of them sitting next to her. She began to feel better. Soon, Monica and Rachel walked back to the couches and handed Joey, Chandler and Phoebe their drinks and got their own as well. They two both settled on the couch, Rachel next to Joey and Monica next to Chandler. Once everyone was settled and comfortable, Chandler began the movie. It was just as bad as both Phoebe and Chandler had remembered, but Phoebe didn't care. It would always bring her back to one of her happier moments and now she was sharing it with four other people that meant more to her than Duncan ever did, at least that is what she decided sitting there at that moment.

It was about two weeks later when she heard from Duncan again. She was still reeling from what had happened when he called her at work. She had debated taking the call, but decided at the last minute to do just that. She walked into the staff room and picked up the phone.

"Duncan?"

"Hey...just checking in."

"I'm fine. I'm at work."

"I know...but also, I have a question...did you send me porn?" Duncan asked.

"What?" Phoebe asked. She was tired and hearing his voice made her upset all over again. It had been a stressful couple of weeks.

"Well yesterday, someone sent me a huge stack of gay porn with a note that said, 'for your wedding night'", Duncan said.

"I didn't-" Phoebe stopped and a huge smile suddenly appeared across her face. She had an idea as to who might be behind that. "I didn't send you anything."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure...I have to go. My break is over," Phoebe said, hanging up before Duncan could say anything else. She picked up the phone again, dialed and waited.

"Chandler Bing," came his voice through the phone.

"Gay Porn?" Phoebe asked.

"That's my dad's Indian name," Chandler said, which made Phoebe laugh.

"Chandler, did you send Duncan gay porn?" Phoebe asked.

"Well...me and Joey."

"How did you even find where he was or where he was staying?" Phoebe asked.

"We did some detective work...and Joey slept with one of the ice dancers."

"Chandler."

"Hey, no one hurts you on our watch."

"Thank you."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm alright. Sad. Definitely sad. I know our marriage wasn't typical. I barely ever saw him, but it hurts. I fell hard for him."

"I know you did. But you still got us."

"I know, I'm glad."

"And you know, you will meet someone better than Duncan."

"I know."

"I gotta get back to work."

"Work?"

"Ehhh, Tetris. I'm on level ten...it's killing me," Chandler mused.

Phoebe laughed as she hung up the phone and went to her next client. She would never forget Duncan, never forget all the good they had together and were definitely some good but maybe the divorce was good. She was now free. If David was future or some other guy, she didn't know and for the first time in a long time, that thought didn't terrify her. She had five people who were here safety net and they would keep her from crumbling completely.


	24. Chapter 24

**November 14th, 1996**

This was too much for Phoebe. Sure, she was happy no one had died on her trip to the dentist and Ugly Naked Man was alive, naked, ugly and a bit angry but when she found out what had gone on between Janice and Chandler, it tore her up. First, Monica and Richard broke up at Rachel's ex, Barry's wedding six months earlier and Monica was an absolute wreck and now this. When would Monica and Chandler finally get it? That thought kept entering Phoebe's head after finding out that Chandler and Janice had broken up. When she had heard what had happened, she immediately went to his apartment with a pizza and a video only to find him sitting in his barcalounger, clutching a shoe and singing to Lionel Richie's Endless Love. It tore her up to see him that sad. It had been roller coaster year for Chandler. Around the time of her twenty eighth birthday in February, Joey had moved out of the apartment causing a rift between the two friends. Chandler has tried a new roommate, but he had some scary mental problems that made getting along difficult. Things started looking up again when Joey moved back and in May, Chandler had reconnected with Janice and the two started their relationship again. While Phoebe still held onto the the belief that Chandler and Monica would find their way to each other, she did hope that things would at least last a little while with Chandler and Janice and that it would not crash and burn as horribly as it did. Unfortunately, that would not be the case.

"We broke up. She went back to her husband," Chandler said as he rested his head on Phoebe. She gently squeezed him. They had just completed their Endless Love duet and were now sitting in the dark.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I'm an ass. I should've...damn...I can't go to Central Perk for awhile."

"Did you make a scene?" Phoebe asked, grinning.

"I might have...just a little bit."

"Does that explain why you have her shoe?" Phoebe asked.

"Maybe. Phoebe, what if I really never meet anyone-"

"Chandler."

"No. Monica, doesn't like me like that...Janice left... I drive people away."

"Do you really believe this about yourself?"

"Joey left."

"He came back, Chandler...and Eddie, never wanted to leave you...and I have never left you."

"I know."

"I have pizza and...I have Hot Dog: The Movie and we're all next door where we have more pizzas and slow death smoothies. I just brought one box to lure you over. Monica and Rachel are still making the smoothies."

"Hmmm, I don't know."

"And you know...when I called after I came back from the dentist to see if you were dead...and you didn't answer, I got scared. Really scared."

"I'm sorry. I'm alive...technically. Although, I am dead on the inside."

"Come on...play with us."

Monica slowly opened the door and peered in, smiling. Phoebe motioned for her to come in. Monica did just that as she walked in and sat on the other side of Chandler.

"So...welcome to the club," Monica said.

"Hmmmm...this club sucks," Chandler said.

"It gets better. I swear."

"You still miss, Richard?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...but it's been six months. I'm okay now." Monica said.

"G-d, you two are unbelievable," Phoebe said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Not this again," Monica said.

"Look, I've been saying this for years. There's a reason Richard and Janice didn't work out-" Phoebe said.

"We're not going to end up together. Chandler doesn't want to be with me. You could do much better than me," Monica said.

Phoebe watched Chandler closely as he took a deep breath, his eyes brimming with tears. Monica's words although unintentional had made the cut deeper.

"No, I couldn't," Chandler said.

Monica bit her lip and glanced at Phoebe. She shifted a little uncomfortably realizing that maybe she should not have said what she did. She got up suddenly.

"Um, we're all next door. I made the slow death smoothies. I'll take the pizza-and stuff-we have more pizzas but I'll-when you're ready to come over, come because we wanna-well, ugly naked guy isn't dead and we...we care about you. I care about you. I know...I love you too. But...I'm sorry, Chandler," Monica said, gently squeezing his shoulder and walking towards the counter. She grabbed the pizza box and the movie and disappeared out the door.

"I'm gonna die alone," Chandler said.

"You are not going to die alone. She is going to come to her senses one day. Maybe just not now. She's still hurting over Richard. You just broke up with Janice. You'd be each other rebounds. Those never last."

Chandler sat, staring off into the darkness. Phoebe kept her arm around him.

"You know what? I'm gonna marry her," Chandler said.

"Janice?"

"No. Monica. One day...I promise you. I'm going to marry her. I'm not going to die alone."

Phoebe couldn't help but smile at that statement. She had never known Chandler to ever say anything forceful like that. He had been complaining about his job for as long as she knew him, but had yet to ever actually truly quit.

"I know you will. I have my song."

"Your 'I Told You So' song'?" Chandler asked.

"Uh-huh and Rachel is gonna help me. So what are you going to do to make that happen?" Phoebe asked.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Not a thing."

"Well...that's...dumb."

"No, no it's not," Chandler said, "I'm not gonna get jealous if she goes out with other guys. I'm not gonna sit around and pine-"

"You won't be like how Ross was with Rachel?" Phoebe asked.

"Nope. I'm just going to keep being me...she'll see it."

"I hope so. 'Cause I've seen it. You wanna join us? We're gonna watch Hot Dog: The Movie come on...we love watching that movie and making each other laugh."

"I'm not in the mood to be funny," Chandler said.

"Um, Chandler...you know, you're not the only one that can be funny."

"Yes, I am," Chandler said, looking up at Phoebe, his eyes once again filled with hurt. Phoebe smiled as she let out a snort, realizing her mistake.

"I'm sorry. Yes, you are...but maybe the five of us together could try and match your level of humor."

"You can try," Chandler said, sniffling a little.

"But you have to come over so we can try."

"Okay...but can I still take the shoe."

"You can take the shoe."

"And Lionel?" Chandler asked.

"And Lionel. Come on."

Phoebe stood up and held out her hand. Chandler took off his headphones and tucked the album under his arm and with his free hand, placed his hand in Phoebe's as she pulled him up. She placed her arm around him as they walked out the door and into Rachel and Monica's apartment where the rest of the group was waiting for him. Monica and Rachel were making the slow death smoothies, Joey was helping himself to some pizza and Ross was standing by the television, getting the movie ready.

"There you are man, Hot Dog: The Movie is on deck and after...Die Hard," Ross said.

"The Hot Dog Movie and Die Hard...whoa, I have the greatest friends ever," Chandler grinned as he and Phoebe walked towards the couch. As they made themselves comfortable, Rachel walked over to the couch holding two slow death smoothies. She handed one to Phoebe and one to Chandler before noticing that Chandler was still gripping Janice's shoe.

"Oh my G-d, Sarah was right," Rachel said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Sarah is my co-worker...at Central Perk," Rachel said.

"Oh, crap...I forgot you work there," Chandler said.

"What? You stole Sarah's shoe?" Joey asked as he walked towards the couch with one of the boxes of pizza.

"No, he stole Janice's shoe. Sarah called me and said, oh your friend Chandler just broke up with a girl and stole her shoe," Rachel said.

"You stole Janice's shoe?" Ross asked.

"No...they're mine. They make me feel taller...and slender," Chandler tried.

"Oh, honey...give me your drink," Rachel said.

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"I think we need to make yours stronger," Rachel said.

Chandler groaned as he handed Rachel his drink. Rachel gently squeezed his shoulder and gave him a kiss on the head.

"Wait, Rach...can I go back to Central Perk tomorrow?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, honey, of course...you're my friend. They know not to mess with you and if anyone does, let me know and I'll have a little chat with them," Rachel said.

"Thanks," Chandler said as he turned back and leaned against Phoebe who wrapped her arm around him. It really killed Phoebe to see Chandler like this. It made her truly hate Janice.

"Hey, Joey...move, I wanna sit next to Chandler," Monica said as she walked over to the couch, carrying a tray of drinks and setting them down on the table.

"I wanna help out my brother," Joey said.

"Joey, move," Chandler said.

"Thanks, man," Joey said, giving him a smile.

"She's got boobs, she wins," Chandler said.

"Dammit," Joey muttered as he got up and moved towards the big chair while grabbing another slice of pizza and a drink from the tray. Monica grabbed Chandler's hand and gently squeezed it.

"You will find someone amazing. You know that right, You are not going to die alone. I promise you, you're one of the good ones. I swear...your future wife will be the luckiest girl in the world because she got you," Monica whispered.

"No...I think I'd be the lucky one," Chandler said. Monica smiled at him as she planted a kiss on his cheek.

Phoebe just shook her head as Rachel plopped down on the couch next to her and handed Chandler his drink. Rachel grabbed Phoebe's arm and sat up so that she was close to Phoebe's ear.

"I think we should add a dance to the 'I Told You So' song,'" Rachel whispered which made Phoebe laugh.

"You think?" Phoebe whispered.

"Maybe some fireworks," Rachel whispered.

"I don't see them having an outdoor wedding though," Phoebe whispered.

"True...then noisemakers," Rachel whispered.

"Definitely," Phoebe whispered.

"What are you two whispering about?" Monica asked.

"Nothing," Chandler said as he shot Rachel and Phoebe a look. "They are whispering about nothing. By the way, Rach...nice. Fast death punch," Chandler held up his drink with a smile. Rachel reached her glass over as they clicked them together.

"Yep, who takes care of you, babe," Rachel grinned.

"Alright, let's watch. I've never seen this...sounds awful, but Phoebe said we needed to watch," Ross said as he grabbed a drink and sat next to Rachel.

"It's probably the worst movie ever made," Chandler said.

"Probably," Phoebe said, "this movie Ross is the movie that Chandler and I saw when we were teenagers."

"But if it sucks, why are we watching it?" Ross asked.

"This will be Joey, Monica and I's second time watching this. Chandler and Phoebe's third," Rachel said.

"It's the making fun of it that's the best part. You can't take it seriously...but here's the thing, Chandler isn't in a joke making mood and I told him that that five of us will try to be as funny as he is...he doesn't think we can be as funny as him-"

"I didn't say that," Chandler argued interrupting Phoebe.

"Yes you did...anyway, here's my proposition, that the five of us will try to make him laugh and prove that we are just as funny, if not more than Mr. Bing," Phoebe grinned.

"Well, the fact that it takes all five of you to try and beat me in the battle of who the funniest is proves that I may have already won," Chandler smiled, taking a sip of his drink.

"Oh, you're on dude...and then I will beat you in beer pong," Ross said.

"So will I," Joey said.

"Baby steps, guys," Chandler said.

The group laughed as Ross began the movie. As they watched and of course drank, Chandler did laugh at some of the jokes made by the other five as they all tried their best to make him laugh. Which Chandler appreciated.

It had been a year and a month since Phoebe and Duncan had broken up. In that year, a lot had happened that took Phoebe's mind away off the pain he had caused her. Soon after the break up, Ross broke up with Julie after finding out that Rachel liked him and Phoebe decided to try and find her dad. She had taken Chandler and Joey with her for that first meeting. She had found out from her grandmother where he lived and went with the intention of confronting him but she couldn't do it. It had only been two months since her break up with Duncan, two months since he had left her and sitting there in front of her father's house, she couldn't bear the thought of seeing her dad, of seeing him and dealing with the fact that he had abandoned her. She couldn't do it, so she drove off not willing to face anymore pain.

As 1995 turned into 1996, she decided to focus on other things. There was plenty of drama going on to keep her mind off Duncan. First, with Ross and Rachel. The starts and stops to their relationship and then drama between Joey and Chandler and then just when things started to look good. Ross and Rachel were now officially a couple and had been dating for two months and Joey and Chandler were back being roommates and were on friendly terms and Monica was dating Richard, her friends were all happy and Phoebe was feeling better so she thought maybe she could try to see her dad again. It was April when she tried, bringing Rachel and Joey this time and she would have tried driven away again had fate not intervened and she ran over the dog.

When she brought the dog back, she got a surprise. Her dad had left four years earlier but he did leave a step brother, Frank Jr.. The idea of having a step brother thrilled her. She now had a grandmother and a step brother and her sister, although she had not spoken to Ursula in a couple years. She loved knowing that she had some family. She desperately wanted to form a relationship with her step brother, something she never had with Ursula. A sibling bond and after many phone calls back and forth, she finally got that chance to have him visit her for the weekend. Her grandmother was out of town in Florida, spending the weekend with a guy she had met while at a Psychic Old People Networking Convention and she had her brother visit. It was an awkward visit that accumulated with Frank Jr. thinking Phoebe was actually a prostitute but before Frank Jr. had left to go back home, they had actually had a moment that bonded them where Phoebe actually got to know him. He was weird, he liked to melt stuff, he seemed a little slow...but Phoebe figured she was not one to judge on anyone's level of weirdness, after all she probably had what would be considered the weirdest past of all.

But just as Phoebe was coming to terms with her new family relations, just as things were starting to look good again, now here they were again. Chandler was hurting and as they sat there watching the movie, Phoebe wondered if everything could be good at once. If there was ever a possibility of everything coming together the way she wanted with everyone peaceful and happy.

It was around two am when Phoebe woke up. She was on the couch of Monica and Rachel's apartment. It took her a few moments but looking around, she noticed two figures missing. Rachel was asleep on Phoebe's lap, Ross was also asleep, holding onto Rachel. Joey was sound asleep on the big chair. The table was piled high with empty pizza boxes and the blender was now empty as the group had drank countless glasses of the slow death punch. It was Chandler and Monica who were missing. Phoebe looked towards the balcony when a smile spread across her face. They were standing together, Monica's arms around his waist. His hands were cupping her face. They seemed to be involved in some sort of deep conversation when Chandler moved in and kissed Monica. She kissed him back. When they broke apart, they hugged each other, embracing tightly before turning towards the window to come back inside. Phoebe closed her eyes instantly and waited until she could feel Chandler and Monica sit back down.

She slowly opened her eyes again and noticed Monica curling up against Chandler, resting her head on his chest. They both watched Monica and waited as she fell asleep. Chandler looked over at Phoebe.

"Don't start," Chandler whispered.

"I won't."

"We're friends. That's all."

"For now?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler shrugged as he lifted an arm and pulled Phoebe towards him. Phoebe adjusted herself so she could rest her head on Chandler without waking Rachel.

:"But you know what...thank you.. You guys made me laugh. I'm lucky."

"So are we as funny as you?" Phoebe asked.

"Close," Chandler said.

Phoebe smiled as gave Chandler a kiss on the cheek, "I love you, Chandler Bing."

"I love you too, Phoebe Buffay."

She rested her head back on Chandler's chest and shut her eyes, falling asleep. 1997 was just around the corner and as she fell asleep, still a little drunk, she couldn't help but wonder what life had in store for them next.


	25. Chapter 25

January 9th, 1997-May 8, 1997

He was getting dangerously thin. Phoebe noticed it as did the other members of the group. Ever since Chandler broke up with Janice, he seemed to resemble a twig. It scared Phoebe but Chandler refused to open up. He acted out, hooking up with one of Joey's sisters during Joey's birthday and that was what Phoebe thought might be rock bottom for him. She had seen Chandler drunk before but this was new and after he got punched in the face by one of Joey's sisters, she decided maybe she would take action. A few days after Joey's birthday, she and Chandler sat across from each other at their favorite pizza place. She noticed him picking at the pepperoni off his slice and slowly sticking it in his mouth. She took a deep breath, trying to form the words in her head. She cared way too much about him to see him this thin, this anguished and she wanted it to stop.

"How's your eye?" Phoebe asked.

"I got punched in the face by a girl. Fine. How are you doing? I'm sorry about that guy."

"Oh, that's fine," Phoebe said. She had briefly dated the guy who lived upstairs from Monica and Rachel but that had crashed and burned before it had even begun to take off. "Chandler, what's wrong? I mean...what you did at Joey's birthday. That's not you."

"I know. It was a stupid mistake."

"You blacked out. How do you not remember who you made out with? You tried to stick your tongue down Monica's throat. Is that in your master plan to get Monica to be your wife?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Chandler said, shifting uncomfortably and staring at his pizza.

"No. You fucked up, Chandler. What is going on? Maybe...maybe you're drinking too much. I mean, if you're blacking out-"

"Really...you wanna discuss drinking too much?" Chandler asked, giving her a look.

Phoebe let out a snort. She had never actually been angry at Chandler. She had always been so grateful to him, felt so in debt to him that anytime he did anything that would normally upset her, she brushed it off, but now she was getting annoyed. He started to look annoyed as well but she wasn't backing down.

"I don't black out, Chandler. I remember things. I wish I didn't but I do and I didn't hook with you know...Ross because I got too drunk."

"You did hook up with Ross once, didn't you?"

"I wasn't drunk and neither was he. He was depressed and I felt bad for him. Carol had just left him. Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm not. I'm just saying that..."

"Why do you look so thin?"

"I don't look thin," Chandler said.

"You look thin, You look unhealthy like we could break you."

"I'm already broken."

Phoebe rolled her eyes. She could feel the anger bubbling inside her, wanting to snap at him but she stayed there. She felt this need to save him but she wasn't sure what she needed to save him from.

"What's going on, Chandler?"

"Nothing. I'm fine, Pheebs. Really. Just getting over Janice was tough. But I'm okay."

"You know...I love you a lot. You are one of my favorite people and...you made everything I have now possible. Please let me help you."

"I'm fine. I'm not leaving you."

"I know."

"I was just feeling depressed. I'm fine. I promise."

"Okay."

Chandler smiled as he picked up his slice of pizza and took a large bite. Phoebe let out another sigh as she looked at him, the anger in her eyes melted into sympathy. She wanted to believe he was fine, but she couldn't bring herself to believe him. Phoebe never went to high school, she did study for the GED but that had been so long ago and she had since forgotten all she had ever studied. She hadn't really been to the library in a long time either. But what she lacked in book smarts, she more than made up for in street smarts. She had seen enough that she knew when something wasn't right and sitting there, staring at Chandler, she knew...something just wasn't right.

It was three days before her twenty ninth birthday, February 13th, and instead of planning, she was trapped in Monica's room with Joey, Chandler and Monica while Ross and Rachel were breaking up outside. Ross had cheated and Rachel found out and now the four were trapped with nowhere to go. As the hours droned on though, Chandler began looking sick, his face taking on a pale shade. Ever since Phoebe had tried intervening at that pizza place at a month earlier, it seemed like Chandler was still getting thinner and thinner. She had thought he might have finally turned a corner when he dated that girl with the artificial leg, but it never went anywhere.

"Are you alright man?" Joey asked.

The four were on Monica's bed. Joey was absent-mindedly stirring a container of leg wax with a stick. The wax had been an impulse buy on Monica's part. She had gotten it after watching an infomercial. Phoebe and Monica had tried waxing their legs with it but did not get very far. The pain reminded Phoebe of some of her worst nights on the streets or was closely on par with being raped and tortured in Prague.

"I'm fine. Not feeling well," Chandler said.

"You're sweating. Are you okay?" Monica asked.

"Just feeling sick. I'm fine. I got pain meds after my nubbin-ectomy. I feel-"

"Your nubbin-ectomy was ten days ago. I thought it was a quick, out patient thing. They gave you pain meds for that?" Monica asked.

"Yeah. I feel a bit of pain," Chandler said.

Phoebe cocked her head to the side and stared at him. Chandler tried to stand up but instead collapsed back onto the bed. Monica immediately put her arm around him, trying to comfort him.

"Leslie was right," Phoebe said suddenly.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Shit, Chandler...Leslie was right," Phoebe said.

"About what?" Monica asked.

"I'm fine, Phoebe," Chandler said.

"You're in withdrawal," Phoebe said.

"What?" Monica asked.

"I'm not...I just don't feel well. That is all. I want Rachel and Ross to stop fighting so I can get out of here," Chandler said.

It had been Leslie who had said something about a week and a half ago when she had briefly come back into Phoebe's life. It was against Phoebe's better judgment that she let Leslie back in. Monica had convinced her to and at first she was okay with it. The two reconnected instantly, forgetting all about the past but that was short lived when Leslie had sold one of Phoebe's songs to an advertising agency which led to a fight and what Phoebe knew would be the final blow out between the two. It was during that fight, before Leslie walked out when she turned to Phoebe and informed her that Chandler was a drug addict. This made Phoebe furious, how dare Leslie make such accusations but sitting there on that bed, staring at Chandler sweating she thought that perhaps Leslie was right.

"Are you on drugs?" Monica asked.

"No. No, I'm not," Chandler said.

"Chandler...come tell me the truth. Are you on something?" Monica asked.

Phoebe kept watching him..Chandler glanced over at Phoebe and then back at Monica. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"No," Chandler said.

Phoebe's mouth dropped. In the years that she and Chandler had been friends, she never knew him to lie to Monica. Sure, she knew he could lie but she always felt that out of anyone, he would never lie to Monica. She drew in her breath to say something when she felt Joey's hand on hers. She looked over at him. He shook his head. She got his expression immediately and bit her lip as they watched Monica continue to comfort Chandler.

"We can leave the room. If you're feeling sick...we should...are you sure you're okay?" Monica asked as she held him closer, gently kissing his forehead.

"I'm gonna be fine."

Phoebe felt herself get angry. She knew he wasn't okay. He was far from okay, but he seemed so closed off, so unwilling to let anyone in. That's what made her the angriest.

When they finally left Monica and Rachel's apartment that night around two, Phoebe didn't want to go home. As soon as Monica closed the door, she followed Joey and Chandler into their apartment.

"Chandler," Phoebe began but Joey shushed her again. She felt like smacking him. Chandler walked into his bedroom and shut the door behind him. She let out a groan as she began to walk towards his room when Joey grabbed her arm. She glared at him, "will you stop?"

"Chandler's on drugs, I know," Joey said, matter of factly.

Phoebe stopped, taken aback by Joey's statement as she always was when Joey would say something insightful or would be aware of something she wasn't even sure he'd be aware of.

"How do you know?"

"I grew up Queens...besides a buddy of mine from high school died from a drug overdose."

"What? I didn't know that."

"I don't like to talk about it. I don't think he's on anything hard, Chandler. My friend was pretty hardcore."

"Well...if you know then...we have to do something."

"We can't."

"He just lied to Monica...he slept with your sister...why aren't you more upset?"

"We can't help someone who isn't ready to be helped. Look, I am watching out for him."

"What are you doing?"

"Every time he leaves for the day, I throw out one of the bottles he has hidden under his bed. He's almost out."

"Oh...Joey. what if we lose him? What if he doesn't come back? I don't want him die. I can't watch him die," Phoebe's eyes filled up with tears and soon she began crying. Joey moved into hug her. She held onto him as he gently stroked her back.

"What's wrong, Pheebs?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe and Joey stopped hugging as Chandler walked out of his room. He had been headed to the bathroom when he noticed Phoebe and Joey hugging. Phoebe took a deep breath and stared at Chandler.

"Nothing."

"Pheebs," Chandler said.

"No...I can lie too," Phoebe said.

"Phoebe," Joey said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe took a deep breath and walked towards him. She couldn't keep her feelings inside even though she knew that maybe Joey was probably right.

"You promised you wouldn't leave and I don't know what you're on or what the hell you're doing but you better just fucking stop. You hear me? Stop."'

"What are you on?" Joey said, his voice sounding tired. He hadn't been planning on having this conversation at two in the morning in the middle of the apartment, but maybe it needed to be had.

"Nothing."

"Chandler, I know. I know you hide bottles of pills under your bed. I throw half of them out everyday and you were going through withdrawals in Monica's bedroom," Joey said.

"Wait, you're going through my stuff? Stay out of my things," Chandler said.

"You lied to Monica," Phoebe said.

"Look, I gotta get ready for bed. I'm okay. There is nothing...just stop touching my stuff, Joe," Chandler grinned and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind.

"Go home, Pheebs. I'll take care of him...don't worry," Joey said.

"Please don't let him die."

"I got him. I know how to deal with this."

Phoebe nodded, gave Joey a hug and opened the door to the apartment. Just as she closed the door, Monica opened hers. Phoebe jumped, startled.

"He's on drugs, isn't he?" Monica asked.

"What?"

"I'm not stupid. He's on something...again."

"Again?" Phoebe asked.

Monica suddenly stood up straighter and shook her head. Phoebe was going to press for more information when both women jumped at a thumping sound that seemed to come from behind Joey and Chandler's door which was followed by some shouting. Monica and Phoebe exchanged a look and walked into Joey and Chandler's apartment to find Joey holding Chandler up to the fridge by his collar.

"Guys," Phoebe said.

"What are you doing?" Monica asked.

"Chandler tried to punch me in the face," Joey said.

"Chandler," Phoebe said.

"Stop messing with my stuff," Chandler said, trying to break free of Joey's grasp. Monica moved towards the two boys. She placed her hand on Joey's and removed it from Chandler while stepping in between both of them. She grabbed Chandler's arm and looked up at him.

"Can I talk to you, please?" Monica asked.

"I-" Chandler said.

"Please," Monica looked at him with a pleading look in her eyes. She held tightly onto his arm and the two walked out of the apartment. Phoebe was tempted to run after them but at the last minute, decided not to. She knew that if anyone could get through to Chandler, it would probably have to be Monica.

The next morning, the fallout from Ross and Rachel's brutal break up sent a divide within the group as the other four felt forced to take sides. The former happy couple could no longer be in the same room together and the others went to great lengths to try and keep them separated. Phoebe desperately wanted to talk to Chandler but she never seemed to get the chance until a few days later when Rachel had invited Phoebe, Monica, Joey and Chandler up to her sister's cabin for a belated twenty ninth birthday celebration for Phoebe but this unfortunately meant leaving Ross behind. It wasn't how Phoebe had wanted to celebrate. She had wanted the group to be together but Ross told her it was okay and told her he'd take her for dinner.

It had been a rough night though when they had gotten to the cabin without Ross. Chandler had started to smoke again and Ross had come up to help fill Phoebe's car up with gas which ended up starting another fight between Rachel and Ross. Everything seemed to be one giant mess which was leaving Phoebe feeling anxious and unable to sleep.

She noticed Chandler outside on the balcony of the cabin, sitting with his legs propped up on the table. He was smoking a cigarette. It was dark out and all Phoebe could really see was the amber from Chandler's cigarette. He still looked thin, way too thin. She recalled his little freakout earlier that evening and it scared her. She walked outside and took a seat next to him.

"I'm not on anything," Chandler said, still staring out into the darkness.

"Okay...you know...Monica said you were on something again. I was gonna asked her what she was talking about but we got sidetracked. Chandler, I love you so much and I hate what you're doing. I hate that you don't get how amazing you actually are and how wonderful you are...and you're so hard on yourself and I'm sorry I got mad, but I can't stick around and I hate that you're forcing me and the rest of us who love you so much...you're forcing us to watch you die. Why?"

Chandler remained silent and continued staring out into the darkness. Phoebe still kept staring at him, wanting him to talk. She wanted him to say something, anything but he remained silent. Phoebe let out a snort and shook her head.

"Fine. I'm going to bed and by the way, Chandler, if you remember, a few years I gave you seven thousand dollars if you never smoked again. Technically, you owe me seven thousand dollars.. Good night."

Phoebe got up and began to walk towards the sliding glass door that separated the patio from the inside of the cabin when she heard Chandler call her name. She turned around and watched as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of pills. He placed it on the table. Phoebe walked back to the table and sat. She picked up the bottle and squinted her eyes, trying to read it in the dark.

"It's Vicodin," Chandler said.

"For your nubbin-ectomy?"

"Kinda... When Monica said that I was hooked again...back when she cut off my toe, they gave me pain meds and I got addicted. I quit after a few months of just excessive pill taking. Ross and Monica are the only ones who knew about that. Monica has always felt really guilty about that because she thinks that had she not cut off my toe, I wouldn't have gotten pain meds and wouldn't have gotten addicted to pills. It's not her fault. It's completely mine. But I did quit. In fact, when I saw you that day on the subway...I had been sober for about a year. It got pretty dicey for awhile though, but I thought I was okay. I hadn't taken a pill in eight years but then I went to the doctor for the nubbin-ectomy and...I got hooked again. They gave me pills and then I...I forged a prescription to get more...and more...and the night Ross and Rachel broke up, you're right, I was going through withdrawals."

"You lied to Monica, Chandler."

"I know. I'm a bad person."

"No, you're not. Stop saying this stuff or thinking it...how can we get you to stop thinking this?"

"I don't know."

"What did Monica say to you? When you talked?"

"Asked me to stop...she said she was sorry. She didn't get me hooked. I got me hooked. I told her I'd stop."

"You didn't."

"No...I mean, Ross and Rachel were fighting-"

"Do not blame them. They did not cause this."

"I know. Take those pills and flush 'em. It's my last bottle."

"I don't know if I believe you."

"I know you don't."

Phoebe looked at the pill bottle in her hand and wrapped her fingers around it. She placed her other hand on the cap and twisted it open. She poured the entire bottle of pills in her hand and stood up, walking towards the railing and with one swift motion, threw the pills out into the darkness. She turned and looked back at Chandler. Even in the dark, she could tell he was grinning at her.

"You know if an animal eats one of those, they'll probably die," Chandler remarked as he extinguished his cigarette on the table.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Or not...maybe it'll help them run faster you know...right before they die."

This worried Phoebe for a moment as she turned back towards the railing. Her worry for Chandler had briefly clouded her mind as it hadn't occurred to her that there might be animals out there would view those pills as a tasty treat.

"Oh, crap," Phoebe muttered, "animals! If you hear me out there...stay away from the Vicodin."

She heard Chandler laughing as he walked towards her and placed his arm around her her.

"I think that did it," Chandler said.

"If one of those animals dies from one of your pills, I'm gonna take that dead animal and beat you with it."

"I know. I'm sorry, Phoebe. I really am."

"Screw you," Phoebe said as she wrapped her arm around his waist. "You stink."

"I know. I love you, Pheebs," Chandler said as he kissed her on the dead.

"Me too."

"Happy Birthday."

"Thanks."

"Worst birthday ever?"

"No..not great, but definitely not the worst and if you get well, then it will be the best birthday gift ever. Well, second best...I still loved seeing that movie with you on my Sweet Sixteen."

Chandler smiled at her as the two stood in silence. They did not take their arms off each other. Phoebe did not want to let him go. She wanted him to stay with her, she wanted her friend back.

In the days after the ski trip, it seemed like Chandler was actually keeping his promise. He had even taken Rachel up on her suggestion to quit smoking using a hypnosis tape. There were some rough nights though, according to Joey when Chandler would spend much of the night throwing up. The rest of the group would all take turns checking up on Chandler, making sure he was okay, but he was getting there. His health was definitely improving and by the time the group decided to go on a weekend trip to the beach that May, the old Chandler was back which made Pheobe as well as the rest of the group incredibly happy.


	26. Chapter 26

**May 1997- December1997**

Phoebe's mind was whirling. So much was happening and she wasn't sure what emotion she should be feeling. Her mother was not her real mother? Lily, the woman she had called mom. The woman who had taken her own life when Phoebe was just fourteen. That woman was not her actual mother. Her actual mother was a woman who lived in Montague. She lived in a beach house and shared her name This was too much for her. Too much for her to think about and what was worse was that neither her grandmother nor Ursula had ever mentioned anything.

"Why didn't you tell me this?" Phoebe asked soon after she returned home from the beach with the rest of the group. The minute she walked in the door, she confronted her grandmother.

"Honey."

"No, you knew who Ursula and I's real mom was. You knew it wasn't your daughter. Why wasn't I told?"

"I thought I was protecting you," Frances said.

"From what?"

"From getting hurt...we thought we were protecting you."

"You knew all this...I could have grown up in a family."

"No...no, not with Phoebe Senior. As soon as she had you and Ursula, she left."

"So did you. I just...I spent ten years on the street. I just reconnected with my step brother. This isn't fair. I should have known these things."

"Phoebe-"

"No...I'm...no," Phoebe shook her head. She didn't want to hear excuses. She wanted answers. Why didn't she get any of this information? Why did Ursula get it? When she had tried to talk to Ursula about it, Ursula blew her off and it ended up causing another fight.

She had to get out of the apartment. The more she stayed, the angrier she got. So she left. She wanted to go to Central Perk, perhaps check in to see what had happened with Ross and Rachel or maybe Chandler. She still could not believe that he had actually peed on Monica. But she had plans first, she had promised her old friends, SueEllen and Marjorie that they would meet for lunch along with Bonnie and her roommate, MaryEllen. Phoebe had so much to tell them and had to check in with Bonnie after her break up with Ross. She walked into one of the many Port Authority restaurants and ordered drinks and food.

"I can't believe you would set me up with a guy who is clearly in love with his ex-girlfriend," Bonnie mused as she took a sip of her martini.

"I'm so sorry...I thought it was over between them. I know, it's just..."

"You know, from what you've told me, they have such an unhealthy relationship," Marjorie said.

"Wait, wait...Ross and Rachel, didn't you call them, 'the lobsters'. You called them lobsters," SueEllen said.

"I did, I did," Phoebe said.

"You set me up with another woman's lobster?" Bonnie asked.

"Yes," Phoebe said.

"Bitch," Bonnie said.

"I know...but I'm-" Phoebe tried.

"You know, I should have known Rachel still liked him. She was the one that wanted me to shave my head again. She handed me the razor and made sure I didn't miss any spots," Bonnie said.

"Of course she did. I thought Rachel was over him. Well, you know what, you could do so much better than Ross. He gets very jealous and whiny...he's obsessed with Rachel," Phoebe said.

"You know who I want to be set up with?" MaryEllen asked.

"Who?" Phoebe asked.

"Your actor friend," MaryEllen said.

"Joey?" Phoebe asked.

"So hot," MaryEllen said.

"Maybe...actually, you two would go well together. He also likes meaningless, casual sex," Phoebe said.

"Oh, he's my lobster," MaryEllen joked.

"Guys...why is my family so fucked up? I mean, my father runs out on everyone. My grandmother lied about who my father was. I apparently now have a step brother and my sister is a raging bitch and now, now...I find out my biological mother isn't the one that killed herself. I am in hell...and Ursula still thinks I ran away to play the victim."

"You know what? No. No, we did what we needed to do to survive. We chose to live on the street because we were afraid of what would happen otherwise. You didn't know you had other family out there and this should not have been secret," Marjorie argued.

"I agree...I wonder how different my life would have been had I known. I would never have met Duncan," Phoebe said.

"Or me," SueEllen said.

"Or me...and you wouldn't have run into that Chandler guy and he would never have paid for your education," Marjorie said.

"Very true," Phoebe said. "Although, by the way...Chandler is a drug addict."

"What?" MaryAlice asked.

"The funny guy?" Bonnie asked.

"Yep...although, he seems to have recovered. But oh yeah, around the time Ross and Rachel broke up, serious drug habit," Phoebe said.

"What did he use?" MaryAlice asked.

"Pills," Phoebe said.

"I never would have suspected that, although he totally has a hard on for that Monica chick. I walked downstairs to get something to drink and they were playing a game. Chandler kept knocking on the door and Monica was opening it and he asked her out in like silly voices and she kept slamming the door in his face. It was kinda cute. I think they'd make a sweet couple. Much better than Ross and Rachel, but whatever," Bonnie said.

Phoebe let out a little laugh as she imagined the scene Bonnie was describing. It was sweet although it did irritate her with how long Monica and Chandler getting together was taking.

"They are sweet. He loves her so much. He peed on her, by the way," Phoebe grinned which resulted in her friends staring at her, mouths wide open.

"When?" MaryAlice asked.

"Did they have sex?" Bonnie asked.

"No, it happened at the beach house. Apparently, Monica got stung by a jelly fish and Chandler to help her relieve the pain...peed on her."

The group started laughing at that image, as did Phoebe. She was thankful for the break from dealing with her crazy family.

"Oh my G-d," Marjorie said.

"I've heard that's a myth," Bonnie said.

"I don't know but he peed on her. Ewwww," Phoebe said.

"Could you like imagine their wedding vows if they ever got married? I promise to love you and protect you from harm and if you are ever in pain, I promise to pee on you," SueEllen said.

"That's gonna be my song. I have another lyric. 'I told you that you would eventually get together despite Chandler peeing on you in hot beach weather,'" Phoebe said.

"Grammy," Marjorie laughed.

The girls continued drinking and laughing. Phoebe was grateful for the break although she still was not in the mood to go home quite yet so after her lunch, she headed over to Central Perk to hang out with her other group of friends and saw Joey and Chandler sitting on the couch.

"Hey, boys," Phoebe said, plopping down in the big chair.

"Where have you been?" Chandler asked.

"With my other friends. I had to check in with Bonnie. I owe Bonnie a guy," Phoebe said.

"I'll date her. I love her. I want her," Joey said with all the enthusiasm of a happy puppy which made Phoebe laugh.

"Calm down there, Sparky. Although, Ross is single again," Chandler said.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"They broke up again last night," Chandler said.

"Seriously?" Phoebe asked. "G-d, they are so dramatic. Okay, can I ask you two something and we can't tell the others?"

Joey and Chandler exchanged looks and shrugged. They looked back at Phoebe and nodded.

"I know I thought Ross and Rachel were soulmates...lobsters...but are they? I mean, their fights are so brutal and you know one of my friends was saying their relationship wasn't healthy. Is it?"

"I don't know. Maybe they just need to grow into having a healthy relationship. They belong together. They're Ross and Rachel," Joey said.

"I guess. How are things with Monica?" Phoebe asked..

"She informed me that I am definitely not boyfriend material or at least not her boyfriend material," Chandler said.

"Ouch. Because you peed on her?" Phoebe asked.

"No. Well, before I peed on her, she basically said she wouldn't date me if I were the last guy on Earth and now...because I peed on her, she definitely won't," Chandler said.

"Oh, G-d...I'm sorry," Phoebe said.

"Yep. I am definitely going to die alone," Chandler said.

"I'm gonna punch you in the head. Stop being so negative," Phoebe said.

"So how are you doing, Pheebs?" Joey asked.

"I don't know. I have to talk to Phoebe Senior. Why wasn't I told any of this? Ten years, you guys. Ten years of living on the streets and curled up in boxes and...you know, I never did anything typical. Although, Chandler, now you see why I'm so grateful you paid for that movie back then?"

"I am...and I'm glad I could help you when I could," Chandler said, giving her a knowing smile.

"Me too. So I was a worthwhile investment," Phoebe grinned back before realizing what she had just said. Chandler's eyes widened as Phoebe covered her mouth with her hand.

"What?" Joey asked.

"Sorry," Phoebe said.

"Have you kept this a secret from anyone?" Chandler asked.

"Yes...but well, Joey's like your brother. I figured you would have told him," Phoebe tried.

"What's going on?" Joey asked.

Chandler let out a sigh, "I'm a trust fund kid. I ran into Phoebe on a subway years ago and she told me her story and I used my trust to pay for her education."

"Really?" Joey asked.

"Yes...but I'm keeping it secret because I don't want the world knowing," Chandler said.

"I do. It was an amazing thing you did. What you did...just wonderful," Phoebe said.

"Hey, is that how you're paying for all my acting stuff. Like the head shots, acting classes, dialect coaches?" Joey asked.

"Huh?" Phoebe asked.

"Well, okay, I can't really afford rent...ever-" Joey said.

"That's not true, this month...you contributed ten bucks," Chandler said, patting Joey on the chest.

"Yeah, but...you pay rent, utilities, groceries...and my career. How are you doing that?" Joey asked.

"I make good money and I do a fantastic job at saving, something you two need to learn how to do," Chandler said.

"Wait a minute...are you using your trust to pay for Joey's career?" Phoebe asked.

"Well...alright...yes. I can't use it for rent, utilities and groceries...so Joe, anytime you want to help out with that and contribute more than ten bucks... that would awesome. I won't argue that. But basically it's there to invest in people or things that will help someone's life be better...like an education or if I believe in someone's career...or if I want to ever get a house, you know to start a family, which will never happen. But I can use it for that and just like Phoebe...I also believe that Joey, you will be successful one day so...there you go. But please, both of you...do not talk about it."

Joey and Phoebe both exchanged looks and stared back at Chandler who was looking uncomfortable.

"Dude, you're awesome. This is why you're not my best friend, you're family," Joey said.

"Thanks, man," Chandler smiled.

"And Monica will one day see how amazing you are and you will no longer be the guy who peed on her," Phoebe said.

"You know, maybe I should take my trust fund money and use it to kill all the jelly fish."

"No, they have benefits...scientists have found they are helpful in curing diseases," Phoebe said.

"I want them all dead," Chandler said, matter-of-factly which made both Phoebe and Joey laughed as Chandler took a sip from his coffee. "Hey...I have an idea."

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Let's go back," Chandler said.

"To the movie theater?" Phoebe asked.

"No...to where you got that purple guitar? To where I got my plane that I flew into Kip's head," Chandler said, grinning and clearly wanting to her to guess. Phoebe smiled.

"Oh wow...yes, let's go. Joey would love that place," Phoebe said.

"Where?" Joey asked.

"FAO Schwartz?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, yeah...I had sex with a sexy elf behind the Christmas display one year," Joey said.

"Of course," Chandler said.

"Let's go,"Phoebe stood up as did the other two as they walked out, got a cab and headed to FAO Schwartz. Phoebe had not been there in so long and it was thrilling for her to walk in and play again but this time with both Chandler and Joey. The love she had for those two boys was beyond anything she could comprehend. She felt protected with them.

It took her four months before she could finally speak with Phoebe Senior again. Her biological mother had walked into the coffee house while she was singing and wanted to talk with her. Phoebe wasn't quite sure about doing that. After coming back from the beach, her biological mother had tried getting in contact with her but Phoebe blew her off. She had eventually forgiven her grandmother because after all her grandmother was old and letting Phoebe live with her rent free. Phoebe still did not speak with Ursula upset by being kept in the dark about everything.

It was an awkward dinner between biological mother and daughter. Phoebe had decided on the restaurant. She took Phoebe Senior to Port Authority and they sat at the restaurant her friend SueEllen used to work at. Phoebe chose that on purpose. She wanted Phoebe Senior to see how her biological child had lived.

"You lived here?"

"Yeah and before that I lived in a junkyard."

"Phoebe."

"No...why didn't anyone tell me? Why didn't anyone come and look for me? Or come to the funeral. Ursula and I planned the entire funeral."

"Phoebe, your mom never said anything. Lily kept everything hidden so tightly and if you made her mad, she would cut you out of her life."

That made Phoebe a little uncomfortable. She knew that quality well as it was something she knew she did. It scared her that she had inherited that quality from Lily, a woman whom up until a few months earlier, she had thought was her mom. When people pissed her off, she cut them out of her life. Leslie, Duncan...she no longer spoke to them. They had hurt her too much. Although, she did find it interesting that Monica and Chandler had also pissed her off a lot. Monica, when Phoebe had first moved in and Chandler most recently, with his battle with drugs but she was unable to cut them out completely. In fact, she did everything in her power to keep them in her life. Whether it was moving out or yelling at Chandler. So maybe she wasn't as like Lily as she thought.

"You still could have found me."

"I didn't know she died, Phoebe. Not until months later."

"I wish Ursula had told me this. She knew, right?"

"I guess...but you survived. How did you-"

"I had to. I mean, yes, I had help. Chandler had unbeknownst to me at the time paid for my education. But it was anonymous. He had no way of knowing whether or not I'd stay in school. He was so amazing and wonderful and I worked hard. I worked so hard to survive but...I get jealous sometimes. I do...because the friends I have now, well one of the groups of friends I have now, they all got to have childhoods. Sure, they all had crap but they all had place to go to sleep every night, they never went to bed hungry or cold or...they had someone who loved them. Chandler, Joey, Rachel, Monica, Ross, sure they had some crap happen to them...but there was never any doubt in their minds that would live to see the next day or the next birthday. I had to...I wanted a life. I wanted a prom and I don't know, maybe I did play the victim by running away but I don't think I did because I was never told anything and I've cut people out of my life too that have pissed me off...but the ones that I love. The ones that are like family to me..I will never cut them out no matter how much they piss me off."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...I would love, if you would let me...to know you. I'm not asking to get to know Ursula, but I would like to know you. If you'd let me."

Phoebe took a deep breath. Her mind kept saying no, but heart was a whole different matter. She craved family. She wanted it so badly. Her step dad was still in prison, Ursula wasn't part of her life. Her grandmother was getting older and she barely saw her step brother. This woman did have her name and did seem nice enough. Maybe she was worth knowing. It was a start and so for the next several hours, the two sat, talking, sharing memories and at the end of the night, a relationship that resembled the closest thing to a mother daughter relationship that Phoebe had ever known was born.

Of course, just as things got better family wise, drama began again in her group of friends. Phoebe had known Chandler was crushing on Joey's new girlfriend, Kathy. She knew he could not stop thinking about her but when he admitted to making out with Kathy a week before Thanksgiving, Phoebe's anger bubbled again. She could not believe his stupidity, could not believe how careless he was. They had just help him off drugs. He had been sober for nine months and Joey, of course, being the roommate had ended up being in the position to help Chandler the most with the withdrawals. Phoebe knew Joey had stayed up all night before auditions just to make sure Chandler was comfortable while Chandler spent nights shaking and throwing up. Joey had gone above and beyond and now Chandler had paid him back by kissing his girlfriend. Chandler had tried to make it up to Joey by buying an expensive new entertainment center and new furniture to replace all the stuff that had been stolen from them a few months back but that just made Joey angrier and Phoebe witnessing this, found herself wanting to kill Chandler. She didn't get it. She didn't understand how anyone could be so self destructive.

It was now Thanksgiving and it was filled figurative and literal ice. The figurative ice between Chandler and Joey had not cooled and neither had the literal ice that had lodged itself in Monica's eye prompting an emergency run to the eye doctor with Rachel leaving Phoebe and Chandler alone. Normally, this would have been fine but Phoebe was furious with Chandler, something he could read immediately.

"Are you pissed at me too?" Chandler asked as the two sat side by side watching the parade.

"You are so self destructive. I mean, what is the point, Chandler? Do you not want us to be your friends?"

"No. No, of course not...I made a mistake."

"Which okay yes...but Joey probably helped you with withdrawals more than anyone and you were sober? When you kissed Kathy...right?"

"Yeah. Sober nine months."

"Which makes it worse. A million times worse. You did that sober. You knew what you were doing. He's your best friend and you screwed him over. Why are pushing everyone away? I mean, you peed on Monica which made her not like-"

"Wait, wait...what? Was I supposed to let her be in pain?"

"You weren't supposed to pee on her. You almost got Rachel fired by ending up handcuffed in her boss' office-"

"That wasn't my fault."

"Now this...if you don't watch out, you'll end up alone. You are so self destructive. Stop."

"I'm gonna go find Joey," Chandler said, getting up and walking out. Phoebe let out a sigh as she continued to watch television. She didn't get him. She knew Chandler had had a rough life, as did she although some might argue hers was rougher but when she did have friends, when she did find family, she always held on to them or at least tried. When she found happiness, she would enjoy it. Chandler seemed scared of happiness. He seemed so much more comfortable in people being upset with him and Phoebe didn't get it and it was first time in all the years she knew Chandler where she actually founding herself liking him less.

Chandler and Joey did make up after Chandler had spent all of Thanksgiving in a box to prove how much Joey meant to him. This thrilled not just Phoebe but everyone in the group. Joey and Chandler had what could only be considered a true bromance. It was a friendship so close, so tight that when there was tension it threw everyone for a loop. Sure, Ross and Rachel could fight, Monica and Rachel or Ross and Phoebe...but Chandler and Joey could not fight. It went against everything.

That New Year's Eve, instead of going out, the six friends sat together. It felt strange to Phoebe. She had not gone out all night in years but now they were all 27, 28 and 29 years old. Next year, Joey and Phoebe would be the first to turn thirty, followed by Chandler and Ross a year later and the year after that, Monica and Rachel. Rachel would be the last to turn that big 3-0. It felt very odd indeed. Instead of getting trashed and stumbling to Times Square, Monica had made a fancy meal and the six popped open bottles of champagne and they talked about what 1998 could possibly bring. Through this discussion, Chandler said he needed to make a toast. He stood, holding his glass up and all eyes were on him.

"I wanna say something. To all of you...ten months ago, I was in a very dark place. I was not doing well, you guys know that. It was pretty horrible...I was way too thin and I was taking way too many pills...and you guys were incredible. I mean, I know you kept trying to break through to me and I...I know it was rough for you guys and I am so sorry that I put any of you through any pain. Most of all... Joey, you were an amazing friend. I can't-I can't apologize enough for what I did-"

"It's okay, man," Joey said.

"It's really not."

"Where is Kathy, by the way?" Ross asked.

"She's spending the holidays with her family. We're gonna do New Years when she comes back. But Joe...you stayed up with me and took care of me. Thank you. , I'm sorry about what happened with Joanna-"

"Why didn't you pick up the chair?" Rachel asked.

"What?"

"The chair in Joanna's office moves...I was thinking about that...why didn't you pick up the chair, walk to the door and get the key," Rachel said.

"Too much work...but I am sorry. I am...I screwed up a lot these past ten months. Thank you for sticking with me and Phoebe, to answer your question, I don't know why I'm so self destructive or have no self confidence...but I'm absolutely thrilled to be ringing in New Year with five people that mean the world to me and I hope I never lose you guys," Chandler said.

"Chandler, you can't lose us," Monica said, gently touching his hand.

"Good...'cause you guys will never be able to get rid of me," Chandler said.

"Good...our life would be too boring without you," Rachel said.

"Here, here," Phoebe said as she raised her glass. The six clinked their glasses together and drank. Phoebe smiled as she noticed Monica lean over and plant a kiss on Chandler's cheek as Chandler grinned wildly.

"1998...1998 will be the year," Rachel whispered to Phoebe.

"You think? What about Kathy?" Phoebe asked, whispering back, looking back at Chandler and Monica. Chandler reached over to Monica's salad bowl and grabbed a cherry tomato. Monica's mouth dropped as she playfully poked him with her fork. He popped the tomato into his mouth.

"It'll never work. She's not even here on New Years. Please, next year will be the year they finally get it together and we can work on out song."

"I hope so. I just wish they'd get it together faster."

"I know. Where the hell is a crystal duck when you need one," Rachel muttered which caused Phoebe to laugh.

"What are you two talking about?" Monica asked.

"Nothing," Phoebe said.

"Crystal ducks," Rachel said, her face dead panned. Phoebe let out a snort as Chandler's eyes widened. "I love crystal ducks. Monica, do you like crystal ducks? I think Chandler should get you a crystal duck."

Chandler glared at Rachel and reached for another cherry tomato from Monica's salad and chucked it at Rachel's head. Rachel started laughing as Ross looked confused.

"What?" Ross asked.

"Guys, look, the countdown," Joey said.

The group got up and walked over to the television. They sat close as the countdown to 1998 continued wish would usher in a whole new series of adventures as they would all soon be saying goodbye to their twenties and hello to their thirties.


	27. Chapter 27

January 9th, 1998-February 20th, 1998

She had made her decision. It had been a very tough decision but soon as 1998 began, her step brother, Frank and his much older wife, Alice had asked Phoebe for a favor. A huge favor that would cause everything in her life to change. Her grandmother and biological mother both thought she was crazy, but she didn't care. She would do it. She would carry her step brother's child. She would be the surrogate, she decided. Sure, it would be difficult, but it was something she had to do. She wanted to give her brother the gift of family that ultimate gift and while the group was celebrating Joey's thirtieth birthday, they were also celebrating Phoebe's decision.

"You're really gonna do this?" Rachel asked as the three women were sitting at the table in Monica and Rachel's apartment. The boys were playing video games in the living room while eating cake. Joey had been so fragile all day about turning thirty, feeling sad and crying so Ross and Chandler went out and bought some old school video games for them to play to make Joey feel better. The girls weren't too interested in the games, so they sat snacking and drinking.

"I am. I do. I wanna do this. I know it'll be hard. It'll be painful...but I wanna do this. I mean, look no one in my family ever gave me anything, maybe by doing this, I can turn it around," Phoebe said.

"You're amazing, Phoebe," Rachel said.

"You really are," Monica said.

"Oh, dude...stop crying," Chandler said.

Phoebe laughed as the girls got up and walked towards the couch where Joey was tearing up again.

"It's just...I'm thirty. I'm old," Joey cried as he fell towards Chandler who in turned shoved him away.

"Joey, I'm gonna be thirty next month," Phoebe said.

"I know, you're old too," Joey whined.

"No, I'm looking forward to it. I mean, my twentieth I spent being raped and tortured in Prague, my tenth...oh, on my tenth, my step dad and mom could only afford to give one of us a a gift. Ursula got the gift. But I got the box...so I think thirty will be good," Phoebe said.

"Well...we weren't planning on raping or torturing you," Chandler said.

"And we're buying you gifts and not Ursula," Rachel said.

"See, it's already looking good," Phoebe said.

"It's just so strange that we have to start planning for the big 3-0," Ross said.

"Oh, G-d," Joey said.

"Here he goes again," Chandler groaned.

"I'll go get the cake," Monica said as she walked towards the kitchen. Rachel followed her and Phoebe joined the boys on the couch. She wrapped her arm around Joey who fell into her as she continued comforting him.

"You're still a child at heart," Phoebe said.

"Does this mean I have to start thinking about settling down?" Joey asked.

"No, but you can start thinking about paying half the rent," Chandler said.

"Dude...I'm in a fragile state right now," Joey said.

"Man, you are so lucky you got me as your roommate," Chandler muttered.

"No, dude...you're lucky," Joey shot back.

Chandler laughed as he looked back towards the television. Joey still remained, comforted by Phoebe. It was a quiet birthday, much less crazy than Joey's birthday had been the previous year. Maybe this was a sign that they were all growing older. The parties were less about getting wild and crazy and more about just being with each other.

A few weeks later, Phoebe went to the doctor to get embryos implanted in her uterus. After her nerve wracking appointment at the doctor, she went back to Monica and Rachel's apartment to wait or what was now apparently becoming Chandler and Joey's apartment. There had been a game and the stakes had been raised. If the boys had lost this game, they'd have to give up their chick and duck, if the girls lost, the boys would get the girl's apartment. The girls had lost on a question about the title of Chandler's job. Had Phoebe been in a clearer mindset, she probably have helped the girls out. Phoebe knew exactly what Chandler did, having worked there briefly years earlier. She had enjoyed that a lot, not the working part but hanging out with Chandler every single day drinking Capri Suns and eating sandwiches. Phoebe especially loved answering the phones, she'd pretend she was different characters and answer the phones using voices which Chandler was never too pleased with but through all the fun, she found out exactly what he did. He was not a transponster, he was an executive specializing in system analysis and data reconfiguration. But no one had asked her. Although it didn't really matter anyway. She was focused on the possibility of being pregnant, of carrying her step brother's baby so while all the moving and apartment switching went on around her, she focused on the fact that she was or would soon be having a child that would not be her's.

When Phoebe Buffay had imagined her thirtieth birthday, she had imagined being married. She imagined having a cocktail and talking about smart things with her classy friends. When she had gone to Vegas with Jethro Tull for her twenty first, she had taken that birthday to be crazed and wild because she had planned on a have a low key, yet fancy affair. What she had not counted on was being four weeks pregnant which meant no drinking and she had no husband, nor did she even have a boyfriend. Her last two boyfriends had happened at the beginning of May in 1997 when she had tried to date that fireman and the kindergarten teacher. This made her depressed because she could not forsee any dating until she was done being pregnant and that would make it another eight months. It was turning out to be the most depressing birthday ever and her friends were not helping. Ross was off dating some British girl he had just met named, Emily. Rachel was obsessing over some guy named, Joshua. Joey was busy shooting a movie with Charleton Heston. Monica was trying to get the boys apartment which was now the girls place to look somewhat sanitary and Chandler had fallen into another fit of depression after he and Kathy broke up. That scared Phoebe, after all the last time Chandler had been dumped, he had turned to drugs and when he suddenly vanished, she got even more worried.

Much to Phoebe's shock, her friends had decided to have a nice dinner to ring in her thirties, deciding to put all the craziness aside for one night to focus on Phoebe, which she appreciated. Everyone was there except for one person...Chandler. Everyone was feeling a little worried, a little scared until Joey remembered something.

"Didn't he say something about Yemen?" Joey asked.

Chandler had run into a Janice and instead of breaking up with her or telling her the truth that he had gotten out of a relationship, he made up a whole story about being transferred to Yemen. Phoebe thought the whole thing was ridiculous.

"Wait, you don't think he went to Yemen, do you?" Ross asked.

Rachel stood up and walked towards her old room. She walked in and immediately walked out, her mouth open.

"His stuff is gone," Rachel said.

Joey, Monica and Ross got up and ran past Rachel into the room. Phoebe remained seated as she placed her hand on her belly. It had happened as soon as she got pregnant, it seemed. The hormones, the mood shifts. She was finding herself with less and less patience. It was her birthday, she was turning thirty and was depressed and pregnant with a baby she wasn't even going to keep and all she wanted was to be surrounded by the five people she loved and she was but her patience for Chandler was starting to wear thin. She had always loved him, always felt she owed him the world but as she sat there watching as the other talked about how Chandler was gone, she was starting to like him less and less. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the phone. The group who had been standing by the door to Chandler's room looked over at Phoebe who was sitting next to the phone.

"I'm not getting that," Phoebe said, getting up and walking towards the big chair. Monica nodded and walked towards the phone, grabbing it.

"Hello? Chandler...where are you? Oh...wow...Yemen, he's in Yemen. Chandler...what's wrong with you. I know...I know, alright. Yeah, she's here," Monica put the phone down and looked at Phoebe. "He wants to talk to you."

"I'm not here," Phoebe said.

"Phoebe. He's in Yemen and he-"

"Fine, tell him to send me a postcard," Phoebe said.

"Uh, Chandler...she's a little upset with you right now. No, I'm not going to ask her that. No...fine. Pheebs, Chandler wants to know if you can pick him up from the airport tomorrow in your cab."

"Tell him to go to hell," Phoebe said.

"Did you hear that?" Monica asked, putting the phone up to her ear. "Yeah, we'll figure it out. Just get home. Call us when you get back to New York."

Monica hung up the phone and looked at Phoebe. Phoebe could feel herself getting angrier and angrier. Monica gave Phoebe a look of sympathy. Phoebe shook her head, not having any of it.

"No, no. Why...okay, why is he so fucking self destructive? So Janice breaks up with him, he develops a drug habit. He kisses Kathy while she was still dating Joey...and this is after we helped him through the drug habit and then...then he fucks things up with Kathy...and now instead of having the balls to say to Janice that he doesn't want to date her, he flies to Yemen...with all his stuff. When is it going to be good enough for Chandler Bing?" Phoebe asked.

"Look, Pheebs...there's a lot you don't know about Chandler," Ross said.

"No, I know a lot. It is my thirtieth birthday and instead of him being here...no and he broke a promise. He left," Phoebe said.

"He's coming back. Tomorrow," Monica said.

Phoebe let out a snort. She felt so conflicted when it came to Chandler. Her feelings for him used to be so simple, she loved him. She would do anything for him but in the last year or so, he had let her down, a lot.

Chandler finally did arrive home from Yemen late the next evening. Phoebe had not gone to the apartment to greet him. She had not gone to the airport either, as Ross, Joey, Monica and Rachel had all decided to do. She was just too angry, so instead of welcoming Chandler home, she stayed at her own home, watching television. She had fallen asleep in front of the television when there was a knock at the door. She got up and let out a groan. It was after eleven. She walked over to the door and peered into the peephole. It was Chandler. She opened the door.

"Can I come in?" Chandler asked.

"No, my grandmother is sleeping."

"Then come out here and we can talk."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Come on. Give me a chance."

Phoebe let out a snort as she grabbed her key and stepped outside, closing the door behind her.

"How was your flight?" Phoebe asked.

"It was fine. The rest of them told me you were pissed."

"I am. First of all, you left...you broke a promise."

"I did not break the promise."

"Just...it's...grow a pair, Chandler. I mean, seriously, grow a pair. Okay? Janice is not worth it. Instead of saying you don't want to be with her, you fly to Yemen. Which by the way, I find Janice just as annoying as everyone else but what you did was really mean...that poor woman thinks she sent you off to Yemen. What you did makes you look like an asshole and...okay, you and Monica, get together already."

"She doesn't like me like that. She told me that."

"She lied."

"How do you know?" Chandler asked.

"I know."

"Wow...wow, you know...I'm really glad I used my trust on you. Had I known that you think I'm an asshole-"

"I didn't say you're an asshole. I am thirty and pregnant with somebody else's child and everyone else thinks I'm crazy. I wanted all of my friends on my birthday...not this crap and you know, using the trust to hold over me...yeah, screw you. I'm going to bed," Phoebe said as she walked back into the apartment. She walked back to her couch and sat, placing her head in hands and began to cry. The tears weren't from anger or even from hormones. Her gut told her that this would soon be a turning point in her friendship with Chandler. It was changing.

Phoebe was awaken again by a knock at the door. She opened her eyes. It was was now morning. She stretched across the couch and slowly stood up and walked to the door and peered out through the peephole. It was Chandler again. She opened the door.

"Hey."

"Do you wanna get breakfast?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...okay, give me a minute," Phoebe said.

About a half hour later, Phoebe and Chandler sat across from each other, staring at each other over cups of coffee, bagels and omelets. They were at a breakfast place closer to Phoebe's apartment.

"We've-have we ever fought like that before?" Chandler asked.

"I don't think so."

"I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I missed your birthday and I went to Yemen. I'm sorry I held paying for your education over you...I don't know why I'm this way. But I...here's the thing, the way I grew up...I never had anyone close to me," Chandler said.

"Me neither. I was homeless for ten years. I survived and I had nothing. You at least had something."

"We're different people, Phoebe. I know I'm self destructive, I don't know why. But here's the thing, I was really alone growing up. You at least had friends. I've had stuff that hat has happened to me that I can't tell people."

"Not even me?"

"No."

"I've told you everything...I told you about Prague."

"I can't. I mean, there's some stuff that rivals Prague. Not as bad...but...I can't talk about it."

"Does Monica know?" Phoebe asked.

"Not really. Ross knows some stuff."

"When it's gonna be good enough for you? I mean, at least answer that. When will it be good enough?"

"I don't know. Is it good enough for you?"

"It's going in the right direction," Phoebe said.

"I miss Kathy. I really messed that up. I thought she was the one."

"No, you didn't."

"I didn't?"

"You think Monica is the one," Phoebe said.

"What if I lost her? Monica? What if I lost her like Janice and Kathy? That would kill me. I can't lose her."

"So you'll just stick with being miserable?"

"I've been doing it for almost twenty nine years. I've gotten pretty damn good at being miserable."

"Great way to live, Chandler."

"Do you hate me now?"

"No...oh, no...G-d no. I want you to be happy. I want you believe that you can be happy. I want you to grow a pair."

"Well, I'll be twenty nine in two months. Maybe that's what I'll wish for."

"I still love you Chandler Bing."

"I love you too, Phoebe Buffay."

"Thanks."

The two clicked their coffee cups together and drank silently. It truly made Phoebe sad how much Chandler seemed to hate himself and her wish, her one wish was that hopefully, one day...he might not.


	28. Chapter 28

**May 1998**

Joey and Phoebe had decided on a dinner date. Phoebe was now four months pregnant with as she had found out a month earlier, triplets and she was feeling like she needed a night out. Joey was of course happy to oblige. She was also feeling a little sad because in about a week, everyone but her and Rachel would be headed to London for the wedding of Ross and Emily. Phoebe had so badly wanted to go but she was getting way too big and it wasn't safe for her to fly. So now, Joey and Phoebe were at one of their favorite restaurants. Phoebe having steak because that's what the babies were craving and Joey eating pasta, looking longingly at the steak. He and Phoebe had made a pact. Phoebe had been craving meat so they decided that Joey would not eat meat for the rest of Phoebe's pregnancy so everything would balance out. Phoebe was just eating Joey's cows. Everything had been going smoothly until Joey innocently revealed the truth about something that had happened a month earlier, thinking it would be a funny story.

"Turns out, he doesn't hate his name after all," Joey laughed at the story that Phoebe wasn't finding quite so funny. Frank and Alice had told Phoebe she could name one the babies. She had been struggling between naming the baby Joey or Chandler, but then Chandler started to get weird, talking about how he wanted to change his name. He kept going on and on about how much he hated it and even said that he was thinking of changing the name. Phoebe decided to name the baby Chandler because of that, to convince Chandler he had to keep his and now she was learning it was all a ruse.

"He lied?" Phoebe asked, feeling angry all over again.

"Well, he didn't lie, really...he was just playing me and it...I-" Joey tried, suddenly realizing that Phoebe was not finding this story as funny as he did. "It's a funny story."

"No. No it's not. I can't believe he did that. He lied...I...no...this is not okay. I actually believed he hated his name. G-d, he must think I'm an idiot or something."

"No, I think he thinks I'm an idiot," Joey grinned, "he was trying to get to me."

"Doesn't matter. Joey, can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"I think I'm starting to like you more Chandler."

"You don't mean that."

"No, I do. I mean, I'm naming one of the babies after him. I feel like such a jerk. If he wants to play a prank then saran wrap a toilet, don't do that. And okay... he missed my thirtieth birthday because he was off in Yemen...it's just...how do you forgive him so easily?"

"I just do," Joey said, shrugging.

"How? You helped him through drug withdrawals and he pays you back by kissing your girlfriend. How do you even begin to forgive that?"

Joey let out a sigh, twirling his pasta around his fork and sticking it in his mouth. He really wanted to give answer to Phoebe's question or at the very least give an answer where he wouldn't end up accidentally throwing Chandler under the bus. He just forgave Chandler, that was all. Yeah, Chandler had hurt him, pissed him off many times. But there was something about his friend, his roommate...he couldn't let him go.

"Chandler's...Chandler grew up differently than us," Joey said.

"I don't wanna hear it. I grew up differently than all of you."

"I know. It's just...he...I think he grew up alone a lot-"

"As did I."

"You still had friends though, Pheebs. Even when you were still living on the street, didn't you still have friends?"

"Yeah. But he has friends now."

"Phoebe..."

"What do you know, Joey?" Phoebe asked. She noticed how uncomfortable he looked. She noticed that he looked like he was hiding something and she wanted to get to the bottom of it.

"Nothing."

"Joey."

"Phoebe, I can't. I keep your secrets and I keep his. You both had sucky childhoods. I mean, really awful. Both of you have been through stuff that to me and Ross, Monica and Rachel seem just unbelievable...and the fact that you are both still alive is a testament to how strong you both are...but I can't. I'm sorry."

Phoebe smiled at Joey. He was good man, Joey Tribbiani. Despite his piggish tendencies and the fact that from time to time he could be a little dim and childlike, he was a good friend and sometimes Phoebe felt a better friend than any of them.

"Alright...okay. I got it," Phoebe said. "Okay...moving on. G-d, I can't believe you guys are going to London in a week."

"London, baby."

"You're not going to eat meat in London. Right?"

"No," Joey said.

"Joey...you better not eat meat."

"I won't eat meat."

"Thank you."

"But you know London cows are apparently far meaner than American cows and-"

"Do not eat meat, Joey."

"Dammit. I can still drink right?"

"Yes. I can't wait to drink again," Phoebe groaned. She didn't realize how hard it would be to give up drinking. The first few weeks of her pregnancy, she had been so sick Chandler had made the suggestion that maybe she was going through withdrawals as well. She had never realized just how much booze she took in and not having it was almost painful.

"You will soon."

"Yeah...Still sad I'm going to miss Ross' wedding. I'm glad Rachel is going to be with me."

"I can't believe she's not coming to London," Joey said.

"Well, she's still in love with Ross."

"Well, yeah...duh," Joey said which made Phoebe laugh.

"I'm also glad that I get to stay in Monica and Rachel's apartment...their apartment not yours."

"Hey, here's a question. Chandler and I were trying to figure this out. How the hell did the three of you switch our apartments back in the length of time that it took for us to go to, watch and come home from a Knicks game? I mean, how did you guys carry all our furniture and stuff."

Phoebe smiled. She had some secrets of her own. After Chandler and Joey had left for that game, Phoebe had called up Marjorie and SueEllen who called up some of their guy friends and they came over to help. With help from the dolly Monica kept stored in the closet by the big window, they were able to get the guy's apartment back to how it had looked before the switching. She wouldn't tell though.

"Oh, Joey...you tell me what you know and I'll tell you what I know."

"That's not fair."

"Hey...my hoes come before my bros."

"Not sure if you used that right."

"Yes, I did."

Joey laughed as the two continued eating. There was something else on her mind, a reason she had actually wanted to have dinner with Joey before he went to London. The reason had briefly left her mind after Joey had briefly left her mind after the revelation that Chandler had played her. But now it was slowly coming back and she was wrestling with whether or not she could ask Joey this.

Something was happening to her in her fourth month of pregnancy. She had not had sex in a year and was quite simply going out of her mind knowing it would probably be another five more months until she could have it again. She had snapped a few days earlier when she had stolen a cardboard cut out of Evander Holyfield out of a Foot Locker at the mall. Her grandmother had given her such a weird look when she walked into the apartment carrying that cardboard cut out. Monica could not stop laughing when Phoebe confided in her what she had done. Monica was laughing so hard that Phoebe had threaten to beat her with the cardboard cut out, but unfortunately, that just made Monica laugh harder. Phoebe decided she needed sex and she needed causal sex and there was only one person who she could do it with. Ross was obviously out of the question and so was Chandler. Joey, though, that could work and she knew he would.

"Joey, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, what?"

"Would you ever have sex with a pregnant woman?"

"What?"

"Okay...the other day, I stole a cardboard cutout of Evander Holyfield from a Foot Locker."

"You're joking."

"No. I haven't had sex in a year. I'm not going to have sex for another five months. I'm going out of my mind and you're already doing this one favor by not eating meat...can you do me another favor and do me?"

Joey looked at her, trying to figure out if she was joking or not. Sure, he loved Phoebe. He thought the world of her and always felt that he had special connection with her. A connection that went deeper than any he had with Monica or Rachel.

"Are you being serious?"

"Yes. I am. I'm serious. It's just...I mean, obviously, I can't ask Ross and Chandler, no...and well...I would love a casual sexual encounter and you know, when I think of causal sexual encounters-"

"I'm the first that comes to mind?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm flattered Pheebs."

"Come on, Joe."

"But you're pregnant...with triplets. What if I poke one of them in the head?"

"Well...try to aim for Chandler. You can poke Chandler in the head."

"That's an image I don't want," Joey said.

"You two are close."

"Not that close."

"Joey, come on. You're going to London. I'm making sure the chick and duck don't die while you're in London. I'm going to keep them away from Rachel-"

"Oh, you better. I don't trust her with them."

"Joey...hey, you had sex with Ursula. You can pretend I'm her...but you can't call me that or the chick and duck will die."

"I know. It is tempting. You and I have kissed before."

"Twice."

Joey looked at Phoebe who was biting her bottom lip. They continued eating in silence, Joey thinking about the idea of casual sex with Phoebe and Phoebe wondering if she should never have asked.

The answer came after dinner, when they got into a cab. Joey told the driver to go back to his apartment and gave Phoebe a smile. Phoebe grinned as well, knowing exactly what was going to happen when they got back to his apartment, it was late around midnight and Joey whispered that Chandler was probably asleep. They walked into Joey's room and Joey shut the door behind him. They two began kissing as Phoebe gently lay on his bed. Joey continued kissing her, sure it was bizarre having sex with a woman who was four months pregnant. It made no sense, but maybe for any other pairs of friends, it would be strange but not for Phoebe and Joey. They both knew how to take emotion out of sex. Phoebe had learned it on the streets when she had been taken captive by that pimp. Joey had learned it by being Joey. Phoebe could compartmentalize and at the end, Phoebe felt far more satisfied. Joey was definitely good at sex. When they were done, they lay side by side, holding hands.

"I have never had sex with a pregnant woman before," Joey said.

"Maybe one you made pregnant?"

"Don't say things like that."

"I hope it wasn't too gross."

"No, it was fine...good. You're good."

"So are you and see this is why I like you more than Chandler right now. He would never help me out by having sex with me."

"No, he probably wouldn't. But you do know he loves you, right? He really cares about you...he just...I think it makes him nervous to care about people."

"Why?"

"'Cause they end up leaving him."

That hit Phoebe. She got that feeling so well and for that moment, she felt like she actually got Chandler. Maybe they were more alike than she thought.

"I get that. But we're not leaving him."

"It doesn't matter. He still thinks it will happen eventually. He does a lot of talk...but yeah, don't believe it."

"Hmmmm. You know, Joe...I think you get a lot more than people give you credit for."

"I agree."

Phoebe smiled as she closed her eyes. Joey turned onto his side. She could soon hear him breathing as he fell asleep. She was awake, although she kept her eyes closed. She loved laying there next to Joey. She really did have a soft spot for him and it made her happy that he had one for her, one where he could do her favors like give up meat and have sex with her just to satisfy her. She really was starting to like Joey more than Chandler, something she never thought would happen. It confused her a little, the feelings she had for both boys. She wished she could figure it out, perhaps she would...maybe later.

The next morning, Phoebe and Joey woke up in Joey's bed. After getting dressed, there was some debate as to how Phoebe would leave the room without being caught by Chandler but they both decided ultimately to risk it and of course as soon as they opened the door, they saw Chandler standing at the counter, eating cereal with a huge smile on his face.

"You two have a nice night?" Chandler asked, the grin on his face so broad that his jaw was hurting.

"Hey, I was just doing a favor for a friend," Joey said.

"You two slept together," Chandler said, giggling.

Phoebe walked over to him and grabbed the spoon out of Chandler's hand and pointed it at him. She glared at him.

"Do not say a word. It was just a friend helping out another friend. I have not had sex in a year and I probably won't for another five months so shut up, jackass," Phoebe said as she dropped his spoon into his bowl of cereal, "and by the way, how do you like your name Bing?"

"You told her?" Chandler asked, glaring at Joey.

"I thought it was a funny story. Phoebe disagreed."

"You lied to me...asshole," Phoebe said.

"I love you, Phoebe," Chandler said.

"Shut up," Phoebe said.

"Phoebe doesn't love me anymore," Chandler said.

"I know, she loves me more," Joey said.

"Is that true?" Chandler asked, giving her a pout.

"Right now...earn it back. Have sex with Monica in London."

"Oh, that's not gonna happen," Chandler said.

"Grow a pair and make a move," Phoebe said.

"Nothing is going to happen between me and Monica in London. I will bet you two hundred dollars...if by some miracle something happens between Monica and I in London, I will give you two hundred dollars," Chandler said.

"Wait, I want in on this," Joey said.

"Alright, fine...if Monica and I get together in London, which we won't...I will give you each two hundred bucks. But if I'm right and nothing happens, you both give me two hundred bucks," Chandler said.

Joey and Phoebe exchanged looks and nodded. It was a deal. It did make Phoebe a little sad that she wouldn't be there to see if Chandler and Monica did get together. But she knew Joey would definitely be on the look out.

"Now...let's talk about the fact that you two slept together last night," Chandler grinned as Phoebe glared at him. She walked over to him and playfully smacked him as he giggled in a way that made him sound a bit like a school girl. She knew he wouldn't tell though. While Chandler wasn't the greatest at keeping secrets, she knew she could count on him to keep it quiet about what she and Joey had done.

About a week later, everyone left for London leaving Phoebe and Rachel alone. At first, Phoebe was happy to have Rachel there until it soon became apparent that Rachel began having a crisis after realizing her feelings for Ross. While Phoebe did love Rachel, Rachel was worlds different than than that girl who Phoebe had stolen clothes from all those years ago. But Rachel was still a bit self absorbed and she became even more so when she decided that what she needed to do was fly to London to tell Ross that she loved him. Phoebe had tried to stop her, but she couldn't. Even though she was just four months pregnant, with triplets she felt about the size of a truck. She could barely move and ended up calling Marjorie and SueEllen and asked for them to stay at the apartment with her. She didn't want to go home because her grandmother she knew would not be helpful. Ever since Phoebe had become pregnant it was as if her grandmother had disappeared. So she was thankful when Marjorie and SueEllen helped her while she kept trying to call London to try and speak to someone to warn them. She had only reached Joey and told him what was going on. She was able to reach Joey again during the wedding. He had told her nothing had happened, Rachel was there but it was all good. Phoebe was once again relieved until she heard something, something that made Joey gasp and she could distinctly hear Chandler mutter, "oh, shit". Instead of saying Emily's name, Ross had instead said...Rachel.


	29. Chapter 29

**October 1998-November 1998**

The months after Ross said Rachel's name instead of Emily's were filled with drama. Ross spent much of the summer after the wedding calling London, trying desperately to get in touch with Emily. He kept sending her gifts and crying about yet another divorce. Everything seemed so different when Phoebe's friends returned from London and to top it all off, Chandler and Monica were starting to act strange, very strange. So strange, Phoebe began to take notice. Did something happen between Chandler and Monica in London? When they had returned, they had caught Chandler and Monica in a couple of embraces but Chandler played it off and ended up trying to smooth things over by immediately kissing Rachel and Phoebe. Phoebe didn't mind kissing Chandler, although they hadn't really shared a kiss in years, but something strange was happening. They would often sneak off, the two of them, whispering as if they were sharing some deep secrets about something. Phoebe tried to find out. First, she tried to break Monica over breakfast towards the end of September, but Monica wouldn't break.

"Nothing is happening between you and Chandler?" Phoebe asked.

"No. How are you Pheebs? You're almost done being pregnant. We're gonna have to get you good and drunk after," Monica said.

"Yes. But okay, that kissing thing Chandler did was really weird."

"Well, you know...Chandler's a weird guy. I mean, come on...look how he grew up. Weird."

"If you're hiding something-"

"I'm not hiding anything. So Ross' 29th birthday is coming up. What should we do? I feel sad. This is his second failed marriage before thirty. Hmmm, I might end up being the new favorite. Now, let's discuss what we're gonna do when you're done with your pregnancy. You have like less than a month."

"Uh-huh."

Phoebe relented and began talking about the pregnancy as Monica clearly did not want to discuss Chandler. Phoebe tried again trying to break Chandler. Their friendship was already on rocky ground after everything that had happened in the last year that she thought there was no way he'd risk it by lying to her. Especially about something like this. So over lunch at their favorite pizza place, she tried to crack him as well.

"Alright, you and Monica...what is going on?"

"Nothing."

"Chandler...if you're lying to me...I mean, we're still on wafer thin ice."

"Nothing is happening Pheebs. Believe me, I'd still tell you. I know our friendship is going through a rocky patch, I wouldn't do anything to ruin it."

"So then...nothing happened with you and Monica. We made a bet, remember? If nothing happened with you and Monica, I give you two hundred dollars. Should I give you money?"

"Hold on to it."

"Huh, why?"

"'Cause...well, I'm not gonna take your money."

"Did you take Joey's?"

"No. I'm not taking yours or Joey's."

Phoebe cocked her head to the side. She really wished she could read him but he was good, so good at hiding things. He was better than she was at hiding stuff, she knew that. He could lie like a pro.

Phoebe kept watching them closely for any signs that something was going on but soon enough, something else distracted her. She went into labor. October eighth, ten days before Ross' twenty ninth birthday, and the day the group had been planning on going to Atlantic City to make Phoebe feel better about not going to London, Phoebe went into labor. Three babies, she gave birth to three babies and not one of them she got to bring home. That thought depressed her. She had known it would be difficult, but she didn't realize how difficult it would be. She had carried them, she knew them and they weren't her's. It was a long, painful labor and the fall out was worse. After she had said goodbye to them, tears filled her eyes as she watched them being taken away. She was soon joined by Joey, Ross, Monica, Chandler and Rachel.

"You know, Pheebs...we're so proud of you," Monica said.

"Yeah...G-d, the strength you have...I just...I don't know," Rachel said as she gently stroked Phoebe's head.

"I didn't wanna give them up," Phoebe cried, "I mean, I knew it was gonna be hard but I didn't realize it would be this hard. I miss them."

"So...are you going to change Chandler's name because it's a girl?" Chandler asked.

"No," Phoebe shook her head, grinning. Chandler's mouth dropped as the others giggled. "Karma's a bitch, isn't it?"

"Because I lied and pretended I hated my name, you're gonna keep it?" Chandler asked.

"Yep."

"That's not fair," Chandler said.

"No, it's perfectly fair," Phoebe said, probably sounding a little more irritated than she had planned.

"You know, Chandler is a pretty name for a girl," Rachel mused.

"Yes, yes it is," Phoebe said, glaring at Chandler. Chandler gave Phoebe a sad smile as he looked down at his hands. Phoebe began to feel a little sad about being mean to him. She really didn't want him to think she didn't like him. Phoebe reached over and squeezed Chandler's hand.

"I still love you Chandler Bing. Even though you're a liar...although, you aren't lying to me about anything else...are you?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler jerked his head up and suddenly looked at Phoebe and then at Monica. He quickly cleared his throat and stood up.

"I-I-I have to go to the bathroom," Chandler said.

"Me too," Monica said.

The two of them immediately sprinted out of the hospital room, leaving Phoebe, Joey, Rachel and Ross very confused.

"They're acting really weird," Rachel said. "Monica said no to going out with that hot nurse guy."

"They're hooking up," Phoebe said.

"No, they aren't...they would have told us," Rachel said.

"Well...you guys were in London with them. Did anything happen?" Phoebe asked.

"I was little preoccupied," Ross said.

"I had a bridesmaid," Joey said.

"Something is going on," Phoebe said. It pained her to think though that the two of them of them were lying to her. She hated that thought, especially after giving birth to three babies that weren't hers.

That night, after her friends had gone home, Phoebe lay there in the hospital bed, alone. Being alone depressed her. She missed being pregnant. She wanted those babies again. She cried as she lay there, dabbing her eyes and thinking of what she had done. She still thought she had done the right thing, but it didn't make her decision any less painful.

"Hey, can I come in?" Chandler asked, sticking his head in.

"Of course, yeah."

Chandler walked in, carrying a plastic bag. He walked over to Phoebe's bed and sat next to her.

"I brought you some stuff," Chandler said as he pulled out a video and a water bottle.

"A video and a bottle of water?" Phoebe asked.

"That's not water."

Phoebe raised an eyebrow and unscrewed the cap. She took a sip of water and immediately winced. It was vodka, pure vodka.

"Alcohol."

"You said you missed drinking and did you see the movie?"

Phoebe picked it up and stared at it, smiling. "Hot Dog: The Movie. Thanks."

"We can watch it now? I figured you were probably sad...but it's awesome what you did. You gave an amazing gift...and I'm glad that one of the babies shares my name...and I'm really sorry, Phoebe. Something's changed between us...hasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"I don't like that you hate me now," Chandler said.

"I don't. Oh, sweetie...I don't. I don't hate you at all. I love you so much...you're one of my favorite people on this planet. I just want you to be happy. My dream is that you look at me and tell me that everything is finally good enough."

"It's going in the right direction."

"Good. You know...I had those babies because of you. You influenced my decision. I mean, you did something so wonderful for me. Your gift completely changed my life...I wanted to pay it forward and I knew it would hurt. Hurt far more than giving up trust fund money, but I'm glad I did it. I wanted to help change Frank and Alice's life the way you helped change mine," Phoebe said.

"Thanks. You wanna watch the movie?"

"Yeah."

Chandler walked towards the television and popped the tape into the VCR. He walked back to the chair, grabbed the remote and pressed play. Phoebe smiled as she took another drink from her water bottle. The two continued watching although it wasn't lost on either of the them that something had changed between them. They couldn't quite put a name to it, but something wasn't the way it used to be and neither one were sure it ever would be.

After Phoebe had been released from the hospital, attention soon turned back to Ross' crumbling second marriage. Phoebe was almost grateful for the distraction because she could concentrate on Ross' issues and and not the fact that she had given up not just one, but three babies. Emily began asking all these demands of Ross and Ross began to give into them just so that he could save his marriage. She wouldn't admit it but Phoebe did admire how hard Ross worked on his marriages as they were crumbling before him. Emily, Carol...despite how much damage there was or the fact that Carol simply was a lesbian, Ross fought. Phoebe found it admirable even though she truly despised everything Emily was doing. Yes, Ross had messed up but her demands were causing Ross to spiral further and further out of control.

In addition to all this drama, Chandler and Monica began acting stranger and stranger. Monica even began making sarcastic jokes and actually sounding a bit like Chandler and when they both suddenly declared they had to go away for the weekend in Atlantic City for work things, it raised her suspicions even more. Phoebe decided once and for all she needed to discuss it with someone and once again she chose Joey. There was a change happening in her friendship with Joey. Where Chandler had once been her favorite of the three boys, Joey was quickly taking that spot. Ever since that night where they had had sex in order to satisfy Phoebe's urges, they had continued being Friends with Benefits. It fit them quite well as both were able to have sex without emotion getting in the way. It was an added level to their friendship that both enjoyed. The only one who knew about this arrangement was Chandler and to Phoebe's knowledge, he had not said a word to anyone. Her favorite part however, was lying side by side with Joey after they had done what they had to do. They would talk, have the same conversations Phoebe used to have with Chandler.

"So they're both in Atlantic City this weekend?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah."

Phoebe nodded as she turned over and looked at Joey. It was dark in his room, but she could still see him clearly. It had been an especially good night for them. The sexual encounters they had were always ten times better after an argument between them and a few days earlier, they had a small argument about how there are no selfless good deeds, one that Phoebe was still determined to prove Joey wrong on, although it didn't seem likely.

"Doesn't that seem odd?" Phoebe asked.

"No...there are cooking things and accounting things."

"Accounting things?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah. Chandler's an accountant."

"No, he's not."

"Oh. Then what the hell is he?"

"An Executive specializing in Data Processing and Statistical Analysis. You worked in his office too."

"Yeah, but I wasn't paying attention."

"Let's go check his room. Maybe there are clues in there...what he and Monica are actually doing," Phoebe said.

"No. I don't like to snoop in his room anymore. Last time I did that, I discovered a pharmacy under his bed and learned my roommate-slash-best friend who is more like a brother than a friend was also closeted drug addict," Joey mused.

"Well, he's not on drugs now. Is he?"

"I don't wanna take that chance. I told him once that if I find drugs in his room again, I'll punch him in the head and I'm pretty sure he believes me."

"We can't go into Monica and Rachel's. Rachel asked me to spend the night to keep her company and I told her I couldn't. She's gonna wonder why I'm there."

"I'm not snooping. I don't want...no."

"Okay, what if I go in first, look under his bed...if there are no drugs, will you help me?"

Joey let out a sigh, "alright...if you look and you find no drugs, I will help."

Phoebe nodded and got up, grabbing her shirt and putting it on. She walked out of Joey's room and into Chandler's and flicked on the light. She walked towards his bed and kneeled down. She wouldn't admit it to Joey, but it scared her to do this. She could see what Joey was afraid of, understood it completely. While she didn't think he was still on drugs, there was a thought what if he was and had gotten better at hiding it? Phoebe leaned down and peered under the bed, moving her arm around, trying to grab hold of whatever he had. She pulled out several copies of Playboy and a very large carton of cigarettes. Phoebe let out a sigh of relief as she looked at the cigarettes and magazine. She wasn't upset about the cigarettes, she always hated that he smoked, but she could handle that. She could handle the porn as well. She tossed the magazines and cigarettes back under the bed and checked a few other places in his room just to make sure. There were no drugs at all. This made her unbelievably happy in that moment that she collapsed on to Chandler's bed, grinning from ear to ear. Despite the lies he had told her about hating his name or the fact that he had missed her birthday because he was in Yemen, despite all that, he had managed to keep at least one promise and in her mind the most important one of all. She'd get over the name thing and the Yemen thing, but this was different and he was clean. No drugs. In her head, she did the math and realized that it had been over a year since Chandler had quit the pills. It had been twenty months. She felt a little guilty they had not done anything to celebrate that, but she also felt incredibly proud of him. Any anger she had for him melted in that moment. She ran back to Joey's room.

"Just porn and cigarettes under his bed," Phoebe grinned.

"Really?"

"No drugs anywhere."

"Huh...wow...I'm proud of him," Joey mused.

"Me too. It's been twenty months."

"Good for him. We should do something."

"Yeah...he kept his promise," Phoebe said as she and Joey exchanged looks. Both took a moment to let that sink in. He meant so much to both of them, Chandler did. It had killed them both when he was struggling and the knowledge that he was actually okay made both of them prouder of him than they had been in awhile. That moment though was short lived, "Okay, now let's go see if he's banging Monica," Phoebe said.

"Sure."

Joey got up and followed Phoebe out of the room. They walked into Chandler's room to look. They wanted to find a clue, a hint of anything that Monica and Chandler were hooking up, but unfortunately they could not find a thing. There was not one trace of any hook up which left both of them feeling a little frustrated.

Things changed a little more when Monica and Chandler got back. They seemed to be upset with each other, although they weren't really saying why and all of them except Ross sat at the coffee house that day, Phoebe wanted to ask what was going on but Rachel wanted to talk about Emily and Ross and what was going on. Rachel had been told by Ross that Emily wanted him to cut Rachel out of his life, something that was not sitting well with her as she began comparing herself to Kip. The rest of the group tried to convince her otherwise, Phoebe admitting that perhaps they had handled it wrong.

"Yeah, but...Chandler, you told me you flew a toy plane at Kip's head," Rachel said.

"I'm not going to do that to you. Rachel, it's different now. I swear," Chandler said. "Besides...Joey broke my plane. He flew it into a tree."

"Dude, get over it," Joey argued.

"No," Chandler said.

"Look, Rach...we're older now. We did handle that all wrong. We were young and...he dumped Monica on New Years Eve and-"

"Why did Kip get phased out in the first place? Is was because Monica and Kip broke up, right?" Rachel asked, cutting Phoebe off.

Phoebe and Monica both looked at Chandler. There was a deeper reason that Kip was cut out, they both knew it but it was more Chandler's reason than Monica's.

"Tell her," Monica said.

"You can't tell me what to do," Chandler said.

"Yes, I can," Monica said.

"What is wrong with you two?" Phoebe asked.

"Nothing," both said together.

"Wait...tell me what?" Rachel asked.

Chandler sighed, "I told Kip that...that I liked Monica. I'm not fond of her now-"

"Bite me," Monica said.

"Yeah, I would but you'd probably make me do it ten times before I got it right," Chandler said.

"Guys...what-" Joey said.

"Nothing," the two said again.

"Chandler," Rachel said.

"Okay, I told Kip that I liked Monica and then Kip started to date her. I was kinda mad at Kip. He wasn't phased out just because Monica and Kip broke up."

"Yeah, 'cause G-d knows I wish I had that kind of power...you know, to have all my friends phase out whoever pissed me off," Monica said, glaring at Chandler.

"Can we get back to me, please?" Rachel asked.

"Look, okay...and Rach, I phased out Kip because I was never close with him. I was closer with Chandler and Monica so I automatically sided with them. I'm closer to you than Ross. You're not getting phased out," Phoebe said.

"It's just...ugh, I hate this," Rachel said. "I'm gonna go. I have...this awful."

"Rach," Phoebe said.

"No, I have to go shopping," Rachel said, getting up and walking out of Central Perk, leaving Joey, Phoebe, Monica and Chandler alone.

"What is going on with you two?" Phoebe asked.

"Nothing," both Chandler and Monica said together. Phoebe and Joey exchanged a look. It was obvious they weren't going to get anywhere.

"Poor, Ross though...I couldn't imagine giving up any of you," Phoebe mused.

"I could," Monica said, looking straight at Chandler.

"Great. I'm gonna get coffee," Chandler said, getting up. Joey immediately stopped him.

"Wait, man...it's on me. My treat," Joey said.

"Dude...are you sick?" Chandler asked, very worried.

"No, no...just...I remembered...it's been twenty months, right?"Joey asked. Chandler was taken aback by that.

"Yeah. Yeah, it has. You remembered?" Chandler said.

"Of course," Joey said, patting Chandler on the back as they walked towards the counter. Monica looked over at Phoebe, confused.

"Twenty months?" Monica asked.

"He's been clean for twenty months. No drugs."

Monica's face suddenly softened as she looked over at Chandler.

"I have to go," Monica said as she got up and walked out of Central Perk. Phoebe was a little confused by that but it made sense when a few days later, Monica had decided to have a group dinner to celebrate Chandler's sobriety from pills and also to cheer up Ross. It was a joint party, one which Rachel had arrived late to after having run into a guy named, Danny, who lived downstairs. The rest of the group wanted her there, but Rachel declined knowing Emily's rules but they were persistent.

"Emily would be furious if she knew I was here," Rachel said.

"I'll take the fall for it," Chandler said. "It's partially a dinner for me."

"You?" Rachel asked.

"He's been clean for twenty months, we all forgot," Phoebe said.

"Oh my G-d," Rachel said, covering her mouth. "I forgot too. Chandler, I'm so proud of you. I wish I had bought you something. Do you like capri pants?"

"Shockingly enough... no, seriously, Rachel, I want you here. If Emily finds out then I will explain it to her," Chandler said.

Rachel let out a sigh and nodded her head. She walked towards Chandler and gave him a hug. The good times did not last though as the phone soon rang and it was Emily. They had tried to play it off that Rachel wasn't with them but Ross gave up and told Emily that Rachel was with them. Emily did not sound too pleased.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Chandler asked after Ross had taken Emily off speaker phone to talk to her.

"No, man. I'm not-this isn't your battle. You already fought yours. Twenty months ago. This should be your night and I don't want you taking the fall for this," Ross said as he grabbed the phone and walked out on to the balcony only to come back with the news that his short lived marriage was indeed over.


	30. Chapter 30

**November 1998- February 1999**

When Emily decided once and for all to pull the plug on her marriage to Ross, Ross took it hard. Harder than he had taken the divorce with Carol. Ross had given up so much to please Emily. He had moved out of his apartment, sold his belongings, had even agreed to cutting Rachel out of his life. Nothing worked and now Ross was getting his second divorce and was homeless. It was painful to watch, how far he fell. Everything upset him and when Emily's cousin kicked him out of the place he was staying at, he ended up staying at Chandler and Joey's.

That Thanksgiving had been incredibly low key has a result. Monica had made dinner and the six just sat and ate and shared stories which ended up being a huge mistake. Phoebe had always known about Monica cutting off Chandler's toe. She, as well as Ross, Monica and Joey, knew that's what led to him developing an addiction to pain pills. But no one except Rachel and Monica knew exactly why the toe had been cut off. Phoebe wasn't sure why Rachel thought it would be a good thing for the truth to be revealed. They had been discussing bad Thanksgivings and were all having a laugh about Joey getting a turkey stuck on his head one year but Rachel kept pushing and Monica kept refusing, but the truth came out. One year during Thanksgiving while Monica and Rachel were still in high school, Chandler had called Monica fat. The next year, Monica who had lost over a hundred pounds, wanted to exact revenge on Chandler for calling her fat and was going to hit on him and get him to take off his clothes. The plan had gone horribly, horribly wrong and in the process of trying to hit on him, she cut off his toe. Chandler was pissed hearing this story and ended up storming out. Monica had tried to calm him down but to no avail.

"Rachel, I didn't want you to tell that story," Monica said, walking back into the apartment after Chandler had stormed out.

"What? It's a funny story," Rachel said.

"He developed a drug addiction after that story," Monica said, sounding stressed. Phoebe did notice just how worried Monica was. Rachel looked at Monica and raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"After that incident, they gave him pain meds. He got hooked. He almost flunked out of college," Ross said.

"That's why I don't like to tell that story. Because if I hadn't of...then he never would've-" Monica said, tears filling her eyes. "I caused him to become an addict."

"Monica, I keep telling you. You didn't cause that," Ross said.

"I did, Ross. I caused him to go off the deep end, I almost caused him to flunk out of school...I...he almost lost everything because I wanted to get revenge," Monica cried.

Ross got up and ran to her side and hugged her as she cried. Rachel looked alarmed as Phoebe and Joey exchanged a look.

"You cannot blame yourself for that. You did not cause him to become an addict," Ross said, staring at his sister who simply nodded as she sniffled.

"I'll go talk to him," Rachel said, getting up.

"No, let me," Phoebe said, standing up, "I think I might get it."

Phoebe walked out of the apartment and slowly opened the door to Chandler and Joey's apartment. It was filled with boxes now that Ross was living with them. Phoebe walked towards Chandler's room and opened up the door to see Chandler lying face down on his bed. The chick and duck sitting next to him, staring at him. She always found that sweet. Whenever Chandler was sad, the chick and duck seemed to sense it and would refuse to leave his side. She walked over to the bed and lay down next to him.

"Hey," Phoebe said.

"I'm not taking drugs."

"I didn't say you were. Monica's really upset. Rachel didn't know that you had turned to drugs after and-and Monica's blaming herself for it."

"I've told her she doesn't have to," Chandler said as he rolled over and sat up so he was side by side with Phoebe.

"I know but it's Monica...and you know she cares about you."

"I-just...I don't..they gave me pills for that. I took them and then I took more and I forged a prescription. I was...Ross and I got into a huge fight because I wasn't doing well. I almost flunked out of school. G-d, I've always been so screwed up."

"You were never given a chance."

"Neither were you. You know, I was given LSD once. By my mom's boyfriend at the time. He said it was like candy. I was ten. I thought it was cool. I haven't done it since. Oh and one of my mom's boyfriends felt me up."

"What?" Phoebe asked, curious about the direction this conversation was taking.

"Yeah, he came into the theater in our house which was my favorite place and then touched me well...there."

"Oh, G-d...Chandler," Phoebe said.

"Yeah...but um...yeah, I don't blame Monica for developing a drug addiction. I wish I had been strong enough to fight it. I wish I had been strong enough to fight all of it. I wanna be as strong as you Pheebs. How did you get so strong?"

"You're pretty damn strong too, you just don't think you are and I had a drug addiction. After that movie I saw with you, when I was almost stabbed to death...I got really angry and I gave up. I mean, I was homeless. Who the hell would care if I lived or died? So...I turned to drugs and then was captured by that pimp after I stole his car and crashed it. I escaped and was arrested on my seventeenth birthday and spent the rest of the year locked up."

"Wow...why did people screw us up so badly? What the fuck did we do?"

"I don't know. But you can't blame Monica...or Rachel. Monica's yelling at her."

"Rachel didn't know and I certainly don't blame Monica."

"I know, you blame you," Phoebe said.

"Well...I mean, I-I should've-"

"What? What should you have done?"

"I don't know...I would have known not to take LSD...or I would have kicked Rick...the guy who felt me up...I would have kicked his ass-"

"You were a kid," Phoebe said.

"Doesn't matter. But you know...I would have missed you, had that guy actually killed you when you were sixteen. You would always hold a special place in my heart as one of the first girls to ever reject me."

"I didn't reject you. You want your other toe cut off?"

Chandler let out a snort as Phoebe playfully smacked him. "You wanna know something? After that Thanksgiving where my parents told me they were divorcing? They had a huge party that night in the club-" Chandler began.

"You had a club and movie theater in your house?"

"And a pool house and a bowling alley."

"Crap. Why did you ask for my number? You should have just taken me home with you," Phoebe said.

"Had I known you were homeless, I would have...but yeah, they had a party and I was there and they were celebrating. I was nine and I had just puked all of my Thanksgiving dinner and I was really upset. I knew their marriage wasn't perfect...my dad is gay...but still. But they were partying and I remember seeing my father snorting lines of coke with his boyfriend and mom brought me booze. Jack and coke, I think. I drank a lot. I got wasted. So I stole a bottle of Jack and went into the theater and watched movies until I passed out. The next morning, I was hung over...and I walked outside and saw my dad leave. He never said goodbye. He saw me, he turned around and looked at me, got in the car and left. I never forgot that. I wasn't worth saying goodbye to...or staying for."

Phoebe reached for Chandler's hand and squeezed it. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.. He smiled as he looked at her.

"Chandler, listen to me. You are worth it. You're worth staying for and well...I don't ever plan on saying goodbye to you. But I know I will always be there. I mean, you and I...we're a lot a like."

"You're stronger."

"Yeah but...Joey said to me once that the difference between you and me is that even when I was on the street, I still had friends. I had Marjorie, I had Lowell...I even had Duncan for awhile. I was never completely alone. It sucked and there were nights where I almost lost my life, but I had someone there. Lowell would steal us all food and booze and we found a way to survive together. You really did have to figure out a way to survive...alone."

"Well, I was surrounded by adults all the time and I had my movies but none of the parents wanted their kids playing with me at my house and besides...I mean, by the time I was eleven, I had already gotten wasted, stoned and high...none of my other classmates could say that."

"By the time I was eleven? Well, my father had vanished when I was a baby. My step dad had been arrested for selling drugs to buy gifts for Ursula and my mother was depressed a lot."

"Wow...this is quite a game we're playing."

"I know."

Chandler let out a laugh as Rachel appeared in the doorway of Chandler's room. She looked sad.

"Room for one more member in the Children of Divorce club meeting?" Rachel asked.

"Always, come here," Chandler said.

Rachel let out a sigh and walked to the bed where she sat on the other side of Chandler.

"I'm sorry, Chandler...I didn't know that the toe cutting incident had been the catalyst for all that other stuff. I really thought it would be funny."

"I know," Chandler said.

"And really...it was my idea. I was the one who came up with the idea of getting you naked so Monica could steal your clothes. I didn't tell her to use a knife in the scenario but you also called my best friend fat and I had a rule...I still do...I can treat Monica like crap, no one else is allowed to. So when you called her fat...you had to pay. Not by losing a toe...but you know, general humiliation."

"Well, you succeeded," Chandler said.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said.

"It's okay," Chandler said.

"What were you two talking about?" Rachel asked.

"Comparing notes...of our youth," Phoebe said.

"You two? Well, that just sounds like fun. What next? You two gonna go jump off a bridge to see who could jump higher as you plummet to your deaths into the river?" Rachel asked.

"Next week," Chandler said.

"Ahhhh," Rachel said. "Hey, can I ask you something, Chandler?"

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Well, you know I love you right? But...are you ever gonna be happy?" Rachel asked.

"Oh, that's my dream, Rach. That Chandler one day says everything is finally good enough," Phoebe said.

"I don't think you ever will. I think you like this. I think you're so used to being alone and having everything in chaos that you don't...that being happy just seems so foreign to you. I mean, like I look at Phoebe and she had shit happen to her and...she didn't let the chaos destroy her. You seem so willing to let the chaos destroy you and I don't get that. Look at what you have. You have a job. Sure, you don't like it...but you have one. I'm convinced you have a girlfriend you're not telling us about and I think she's my roommate-"

"Rach-" Chandler began.

"I'm not done...and you have friends and I keep telling you, you got the five of us for life. We're not going anywhere, but I don't know if you believe it and I think part of you wants us to desert you so you can say, 'hey I was right,'" Rachel said.

Phoebe and Chandler both looked at Rachel. It hit Phoebe. Rachel made perfect sense. It was clear to Phoebe now. That's what the lying was all about, he wanted people to get upset and leave. He knew how to do deal with that. People sticking around...that he didn't get.

"You don't get it though...you grew up in a perfect little world with just everything perfect," Chandler said.

"Excuse me, my parents divorced and I ran out on a wedding," Rachel said.

"When you were an adult and more apt to handle it," Chandler said.

"Huh," Rachel said as she let out a sigh. She looked over at Phoebe and Chandler and shifted a little uncomfortably. Phoebe knew that look, Rachel was seriously contemplating something. "I had an abortion."

"What?" Phoebe and Chandler both asked together.

"Monica doesn't know about this. Neither does Ross. Hell, my parents don't even know. Only my sister, Amy. She was nineteen at the time and took me to her doctor and gave permission and all that. I was sixteen. Chip and I had sex and...I got pregnant. Chip doesn't even know that this happened. I really never told anyone. I got pregnant and Amy took me. So no, Chandler...I had shit. It was scary and painful and I wanted to tell Monica but I thought she would say something. You two can't say anything. Maybe if I'm pregnant again one day...I'll say something. But that's my secret and we all have crap. So don't think I had it perfect...I just worked really hard to make it look that way because I refuse to let my crap destroy me," Rachel said.

"I'm sorry, Rach," Chandler said.

"Me too," Phoebe said.

"And in response to what you said...I do believe you five are going to stick with me. I do. I don't think you're going to wake up one day and decide to no longer be my friend and I do know I make it hard and I don't know why. There are certain parts of my life I am happy about," Chandler said.

"Like your new girlfriend you're not telling us about?" Rachel asked.

"I'm not...I-" Chandler said.

"Alright, here's my advice then...don't fuck it up. Even though neither one of you are confirming anything and being weird...just don't fuck it because you know you can't do any better and for that matter, neither can she," Rachel said.

"Really? You think so?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, yeah. Monica has seemed a lot calmer and a little more laid back lately...I'd like to think you had something to do with that," Rachel said.

Chandler smiled as the three remained on the bed. It was strange the three of them, how different their lives had been yet Rachel was right, they all had crap and while both she and Rachel had found ways to deal with it, Chandler was still struggling to figure out how.

It also seemed that Ross was having trouble dealing with his crap as well. He kept spiraling. Someone had eaten his sandwich at lunch and Phoebe had helped him write a note in a tone that she would have used during her time on the street, the time she called her dark period. But it backfired and Ross screamed at his boss which resulted in him being sent to a psychiatrist and put on sabbatical and Monica and Chandler were still acting strange. Phoebe felt like something was going on and soon she felt like even Rachel and Joey knew something was going on. It was beginning to upset her and as 1998 turned into 1999, she decided she would do everything she could to figure out what was going on.

A few weeks before her thirty first birthday however, life distracted her from finding out what was going on. Her grandmother passed away. This shook her horribly. Her grandmother had truly been the one constant with regards to family. After Phoebe had given birth to the triplets, her biological mother, Phoebe Senior had suddenly vanished and she didn't really speak to Frank and Alice all that much and she still had no relationship with her sister. Her grandmother was it and was suddenly gone and to top it all off, her father...the one who had left her so long ago...reappeared. Seeing him brought so many emotions within her, so many different extremes but for some reason rage wasn't one of them. She was almost numb and when they met at Central Perk to talk, the anger wasn't there. Instead it was replaced by an intense sadness. She felt sad for him. He had missed so much of her life. She knew he would never be a part of her life. While she was forgiving, she could not forgive him walking out. It had been a void that he had left. She remembered Chandler's words about when his dad left-that he had never said goodbye. She didn't know if her dad had ever said goodbye and at the end of the meeting, she felt even less satisfied as her dad didn't give any answers or any reasons.

It was when her dad left Central Perk when she noticed them sitting by the window. She smiled when she saw them wearing fake glasses with those fake noses attached. They were not being subtle and actually looked a extremely ridiculous. She got up and walked over to them.

"Boys?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler and Joey both looked at her and smiled, both still wearing their disguises. She laughed as she sat next to them. They took them off and look at her.

"Too much?" Joey asked.

"A little. What are you two doing?" Phoebe asked.

"Protecting you...but in disguise," Joey said.

"Thanks although you two look absurd," Phoebe said.

"We wanted to be incognito. How did it go?" Chandler asked.

"He didn't give me answers. My dad. I asked why...why he left? Chandler, when your dad left...did he give you answers?" Phoebe asked.

"None that mattered. He still left," Chandler said.

"But...why? That's all I wanna know and he couldn't give me that. He muttered something about being a bad father and he burned formula and whatever but...he didn't tell me...he had a whole new life and a whole new family whom he also walked out on and I just...I wanna know why."

"Yeah...but would it matter?" Chandler asked. "I mean honestly...my dad gave me reasons. He was gay, it was too hard for him to say goodbye but nothing really mattered because I never got it...got how you could go two, three...almost thirty one years without talking to your child."

"The whole thing was so unsatisfying. I wanted to know if he thought of me. If he wondered about me. But I didn't ask because either answer would have killed me and now...I really have no family 'cause my grandmother's dead. She was the only one I had left."

"You have us, Phoebe," Joey said.

"I know...I just wish I had some family too."

"I know the feeling," Chandler said.

Phoebe smiled at both of them as Chandler leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on her shoulder. It dawned on her that it had been so long since Chandler had been affectionate like that, especially with her. He was always giving kisses and hugs. The girls had always loved it. A quick peck on the head or shoulder, his arm draped around one of them. It was his nature. It was something that neither Ross nor Joey would ever be able to get away with. It was Chandler's thing and three females of the group loved it. Phoebe could even recall conversations the three had had about that very topic. It just was sweet when Chandler did that, they felt loved and protected when he did that. He had been doing it less and less lately, especially with Phoebe and she missed it.

"Thanks, Chandler," Phoebe said.

Her emotions went from one extreme to the other when about a week later, she caught them. After a one night stand with Janice, Ross was slowly coming out of his spiral and decided to look at the place next door. Rachel and Phoebe went with Ross to check out the place and when Ross went to get an application and Rachel went to the bathroom, Phoebe saw them. Chandler pressing Monica up against the window as they began taking each other's clothes off. This wasn't typical Chandler affection. This was them having sex up against the window. Phoebe began to scream.

"My eyes, my eyes," Phoebe yelled as Rachel tried to calm her down having heard Phoebe scream. "They're doing it?"

"Yes. I've known since New Years and I think Joey knew before and we know but they don't know we know and Ross doesn't know and-"

"Joey and you know... why didn't you tell me?"

"Because they don't know or don't think I know and they know Joey knows...I think. It's all very complicated."

Phoebe let this all sink in and the more she thought about it, she almost began to feel angry again. Chandler had lied again, telling her nothing was going on between him and Monica. Her head was swimming with all this information.

At the coffee house that day, Joey and Rachel filled her in. Joey told her that they had gotten together in London and that Phoebe had been right when she had assumed that they were in Atlantic City together. According to Joey, they had gotten into a fight in Atlantic City but they were fine now. Rachel had overheard a conversation between Monica and Chandler a few days after New Years and she had tried to break both Chandler and Monica as well. She and Chandler had had lunch together and Rachel kept trying to break him, but got nothing and Monica wouldn't tell her anything either. Phoebe wasn't sure how she was feeling about this. She was happy, it was something she had always thought would happen but she hated how secretive they had been. How much lying they had done while Chandler and Phoebe's friendship had been on the mend in the last three months, ever since Thanksgiving, this just shot everything back and that was when she came up with the plan. Phoebe would seduce Chandler until he broke. Rachel was on board. Joey just wanted everything out in the open.

So Phoebe went about seducing him. She flirted, she touched him, she was overly sweet but it seemed Chandler and Monica caught on and they kept raising the bar as well, playing back. The stakes kept getting higher and higher. Phoebe could tell Chandler was incredibly uncomfortable, as was she. It was one thing when they were playing or he was just being affectionate or when Phoebe had first moved in and they kissed and made out pretty much all the time. That was different. They were in their early twenties then, now Phoebe was thirty one and Chandler would be turning thirty in two months. They were older and Phoebe was quite aware that she was making a move on a guy that was currently dating her best friend and because Chandler was not the type to cheat, she could tell it was awkward for him.

He did break. Their lips were pressed against each other and they kissed but it didn't last long. Phoebe felt a bit of glee when he yelled that he couldn't kiss her but when he loudly declared that it was because he was in love with Monica, her mind went blank and the anger she thought she would feel at Chandler lying was replaced by happiness. Chandler was sensitive, Phoebe knew that. All the girls knew that. They three women often had an inside joke that Chandler was more sensitive than they were. He often declared that he was in love with the women he dated: Janice, Kathy...every woman could possibly be the one. But there was something different this time. Something in the way he yelled it. In the way he declared how much he loved Monica, the way he held her, the smile on his face. He was actually, finally happy and that just made everything better.

That night, when Phoebe decided to go home, Chandler told her to wait. He would walk her out. They walked down the six flights of stairs and outside to wait for a cab. As they stood, Chandler reached into his wallet and pulled out the two hundred dollars and handed it to Phoebe. She smiled as she took it.

"Thanks," Phoebe said.

"Don't tell Monica please...Joey got his money and you're getting yours," Chandler said.

"You lied to me again. Why did you hide it?"

"Because...because...you saw all the drama that happened when Ross and Rachel got together. I don't want that and niether does she and this is all so new and...nine months. I made it nine months. That's shocking and...and I'm happy."

"So you were dating during Thanksgiving? That's why you were so upset," Phoebe said.

"Well, one of many...I hate that holiday."

"You're happy?"

"Yeah. Scared. I mean, I so don't want to fuck this up. I got Monica. I finally got her."

Phoebe smiled, he was grinning from ear to ear. She thought it was quite cute.

"I wanna be angry at you for decieving me again...but I can't. You won't fuck this up."

"I'm me."

"You made it nine months."

"Don't let me mess this up, Phoebe. Please. I don't wanna mess this up. I don't wanna...I don't wanna end up like Kip," Chandler said as the happiness that was in his eyes turned into a look of terror. Phoebe smiled, she couldn't find it in her heart to be mad.

"First...you were able to get through the first nine months on your own. Second...you will never be Kip. When are you going to get this?" Phoebe asked.

"It's a good thing. G-d, I'm scared. I love her. I-I got Monica. I got everything and I'm looking forward to your 'I Told You So' song...I am going to marry her."

"I know. You're not screw up."

Chandler nodded as a cab pulled up to the curb. Chandler open the door for her as she gave him a hug.

"And Pheebs...it was fun playing with you tonight. Even though it was wierd. I do miss playing with you."

"I miss playing with you too. Lunch tomorrow? At our place?"

"Perfect. I'll see you then...and then FAO Schwartz? I really need to get a new toy plane or helicopter...to fly at Joey's head. He so flew it into a tree on purpose."

Phoebe laughes at that, "pizza and FAO Schwartz? Oh, Chandler you know the way the way to my heart. I'll see you tomorrow."

Phoebe got in the cab and gave the driver her address. It had been such a strange nine months. So many different emotions and even 1999 was starting off with two different extremes. She was happier than she thought she would be for Chandler and Monica although sad her grandmother was gone. As the cab driver pulled away from the curb, she looked back at the apartment and caught Chandler for a brief moment, grinning to himself and doing his strange happy dance on the sidewalk. She laughed and shook her head. He was happy and he was right, it was going to be a good thing.


	31. Chapter 31

**April 1999-May 1999**

They had forgotten. They had actually forgotten. Phoebe wasn't sure how that had happened. How Chandler's thirtieth birthday had become an early birthday celebration for Rachel. Everything had been going so well since everyone found out that Monica and Chandler were together. Sure there had been that brief moment when Ross had found out and when everyone began making comments about the future wedding of Chandler and Monica when Chandler freaked out and ended up proposing to Monica in front of everyone, but for the most part everything had been going so well. Phoebe had even begun dating a new guy named, Gary. He was a cop which absolutely shocked her. Never in a million years did Phoebe ever think she of all people would be dating a cop. A cop who knew all about her past, or at least some of it. Prague would forever be kept secret. She liked him though, liked how passionate and loving he was and how accepting too. Maybe that's why she had forgotten, but Monica had enlisted Phoebe's help in planning Rachel's early birthday and then Phoebe brought cups and ice because Monica took control. Why hadn't anyone else noticed this? Ross who is usually so good at dates, Monica who loved Chandler, Joey who considered Chandler to be more like a family member. No one remembered. When they were planning, why hadn't Chandler spoken up? No, it had been Rachel. When she had walked in and everyone had yelled surprise. She had exclaimed that it was nice but Chandler's birthday was before her's and suddenly all eyes turned towards him. Phoebe felt awful, although Monica felt even worse. The look on his face. Of course that look quickly left his face and he made a joke, but Phoebe got it. They all did. Chandler would take it personally, they knew he would. He would use it as an excuse, a reason why they all really didn't like him and they knew they needed to do some damage control.

"We forgot his birthday? How the hell did we...how did I forget...he's my boyfriend," Monica said as Phoebe, Rachel and Monica were eating breakfast, a couple days after Rachel's "surprise" party. Monica was near tears, so upset that she had forgotten. Phoebe and Rachel tried their best to calm her.

"I liked the party...and you know what we can do? For my birthday next month, we'll celebrate Chandler. Thirty is a far bigger deal than twenty nine," Rachel tried.

"I'm the worst girlfriend ever," Monica said.

"Well, was he upset?" Phoebe asked. He hadn't seemed that upset, but Phoebe knew as they all did just how good he was at hiding things. Maybe he had said something after the party.

"No, but you know Chandler. He's just gonna sulk and not say a word, except maybe make stupid jokes about it. I am a horrible girlfriend...why is this man even dating me? I mean, I'm responsible for him developing a drug addiction and then I completely forget to celebrate when he had been clean for a year and...I forget his thirtieth birthday," Monica said. Rachel and Phoebe exchanged looks and let out a laugh.

"My G-d, you sound like him," Rachel said.

"I'm serious," Monica said.

"Okay, first, stop saying you're responsible for him developing a drug addiction. That's completely absurd and even Chandler would agree with that and second, we'll do something," Phoebe said.

"It is my fault, though," Monica said.

"How? How could you have possibly known that was going to happen. Then you could say it was my fault because I was the one who pushed for revenge. Monica, you did not know he would develop an addiction. I doubt he even knew that," Rachel said.

"You really can't put that on your shoulders. Especially 'cause no one is asking you too," Phoebe said.

"I know. It's just...he's going to look back at his thirtieth birthday and remember it as the birthday we all forgot and he'll use that as a reason that everyone hates him. He used it as a reason to go smoke a cigarette," Monica said.

"We will do something. I swear. We will make this up to him," Phoebe said.

"I wanna do something special. Big...something Chandlery," Monica grinned. "It's gotta be huge. He's thirty. Chandler Bing is thirty years old and I...I want it to be something he'll never forget."

"Wow...you really are in love with him, aren't you?" Rachel said.

"I am. I like him. I'm lucky and you two are so going to sing your song aren't you?" Monica asked.

"Oh, G-d yes," Phoebe said.

"I wanna hire dancers," Rachel said.

"And monkeys," Phoebe said.

"No, no monkeys at my wedding," Monica said.

"Oh, wedding...so you think you might marry him? Rachel asked.

"I don't know. But you know, I feel something different with him than I ever felt with Kip or Richard or Pete. Well, Pete I was never really in love with...but with Chandler, I feel...like this could be it. Yeah, he's insecure and freaks out easily and is immature...but I can't even put my finger on it. I mean, okay, Pheebs, remember five years ago when I said that I didn't want Chandler in that way because if I lost him, it would be too hard. Just too crushing...I don't think I'm going to lose him," Monica said.

"You won't. Mon, he loves you so much. I remember my first night in the apartment and he was glaring at Kip. He wouldn't admit it, but he loved you even then," Phoebe said.

"What is it with our boys that when they like one of us, they can't do anything. Ross, Chandler-"

"No, Chandler...I knew. It wasn't a shock. He would always make little jokes that kinda showed what he was thinking. I always shot him down...losing him would just kill me. More than losing Richard or Kip...losing Pete was easy. Although...I can't believe I forgot his birthday."

"We will figure something out. We all forgot," Phoebe said.

Monica nodded as the three women began planning a belated birthday party for Chandler. They planned, working hard to make it as Chandler-like as they possibly could. There had been some arguing. Monica wanting to make it fancy with fancy foods, but she was shot down by the other people in the group. She had wanted to invite Chandler's friends from high school and college but the others just wanted it to be the six of them and perhaps Gary. Phoebe was falling for Gary fast. He had wanted to move in with her. She wanted to be with him all the time, but she wasn't sure she was ready to take that step...and then he shot a bird. The day of Chandler's party...Gary shot a bird.

Phoebe was stunned, lying in his arms. There was a bird tweeting and she smiled. It was a baby bird that was shot dead from a bullet in Gary's gun and the relationship ended abruptly. Although, she was surprisingly not as upset as she thought she would be. She had felt sad, she just did not feel as emotionally invested as she thought she would. She knew he wasn't the one.

They had set up a screen on the roof, Monica had made fifteen different kinds of mac and cheese and Ross set up the movies. There was beer, wine and six lawn chairs set up. This was Chandler's type of birthday, movies on the roof with the rest of them. Monica was freaking out, making sure everything was just so as Rachel and Phoebe sat in lounge chairs side by side, knowing it was better for them to just step out of the way.

"You okay about Gary?" Rachel asked.

"I really am. I don't think I was in love with him. I think I liked having someone...but I didn't feel what I felt with Duncan or David, that unbridled passion. We had lots of sex...lots of public sex, but just...I want what I had with Duncan. I want what Monica and Chandler have."

"We all do, hon," Rachel said.

"Ross, is the projection screen set up?" Monica asked.

"Yes. Mon, calm down," Ross said as he began looking through the movies.

"Joey, stop eating the mac and cheese," Monica said.

As Phoebe watched Monica, she began to wonder if she would ever have that. She began to feel so lonely and it made her angry once again at Duncan. So much of her twenties had been spent holding onto the belief that they would be together that she never gave anyone a serious thought. Even David whom she loved, she didn't really want to give herself completely too as she always thought at the end, Duncan would be there. Now, Duncan was married, David was in Minsk, she and Gary had broken up because he shot a bird. Her thirties were starting off being lonely.

"Okay, where is he? Joey, go get him. Call him," Monica said.

"I will. Don't worry, Mon," Joey said as he walked towards the door that lead from the roof to inside the building. Monica walked over to Phoebe and Rachel who were sipping glasses of wine. She knelt down in front of them.

"Do you think he'll like this?" Monica asked.

"Yes, my G-d. It's like you're sixteen," Rachel teased.

"I know. I want him to be happy," Monica said.

"He will be," Rachel said.

"Yeah...Pheebs, you okay about Gary?" Monica asked.

"I'm fine. I really am," Phoebe said.

"Well, we have the Hot Dog movie if you want?" Monica asked.

"We are not watching that damn movie," Rachel said.

"If Chandler wants to watch it, we will and I know he likes to watch it when he thinks Phoebe is sad," Monica said.

Rachel let out an annoyed sigh which made Phoebe laugh. She did have a point, the Hot Dog movie was awful, but Phoebe would always love it. It would always make her smile.

"What's going on?" Chandler asked as he and Joey stepped out on to the roof. Monica immediately ran to his side, throwing her arms around him. She kissed him.

"Surprise," Monica said, "we felt really bad. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I mean, who forgets their boyfriend's thirtieth birthday."

"I wish people had forgotten mine. Thirty one. I'm thirty one," Joey mumbled, feeling choked up again as he walked towards Phoebe and Rachel.

"Nine more months, you'll be thirty two," Chandler teased.

"Shut up, man," Joey said.

"Chandler, I'm really sorry," Monica said.

"Yeah, we all are," Phoebe said.

"I'm not," Rachel said. The other five looked at her. "What? I'm the only one that remembered?"

"Then why didn't you tell us?" Phoebe asked.

"It's okay, guys. Really. I'm not mad," Chandler said.

"Really? You aren't going to use it as a reason to do stupid crap because you think no one would care?" Ross asked.

"Ehhh, I thought about it...but I knew you felt really bad so that was enough for me. So what do we have?" Chandler asked. Monica wrapped her arm around Chandler's waist as she led him to the trays of mac and cheese.

"Oh, we have movies. It's set up and ready to go," Ross said.

"We have to see the Hot Dog movie first," Chandler said.

"No, we don't. If a movie sucks when you're fifteen and sixteen, it's gonna suck forever," Rachel said.

"Yeah, but Phoebe and Gary broke up. So we have to watch it," Chandler said.

"Thank you, Chandler. But we don't have to. It is a horrible movie and I'm okay," Phoebe said.

"No, we have to watch it. It's tradition...and then Rach, we can watch _Weekend at Bernie's_ followed by _Animal House_," Chandler said, holding up the movies.

"Okay...fine. Let's watch the damn movie...and you're promising _Weekend at Bernie's_ immediately after?" Rachel asked.

"Yep, I'll even kick Joey in the crotch as a preview," Chandler said.

"You do and I punch you in the head and throw you off the roof," Joey said.

"Alright, let's go. Hot Dog movie," Rachel said.

Chandler handed Ross the movie. Ross took it and loaded it as the rest of the group got themselves ready, loading up on mac and cheese and sitting in the deck chairs. As the movie began, Chandler took a seat next Phoebe and Monica curled up next to him. Rachel was right, the Hot Dog movie definitely was not improving with their age, but Phoebe didn't mind. Although she did feel a bit of sadness watching it. Monica and Chandler had now been dating for eleven months. It surprised her that she actually felt sad and it wasn't because of Gary. Gary was definitely fun and she loved the reaction she got from her old friends like Marjorie and Sue Ellen when she mentioned she was dating a cop. They thought it was absurd. Gary did ask a lot of questions about her past and she didn't always enjoy discussing it. The end of her relationship with Gary had been explosive, literally and resulted in the death of a bird. She really wasn't sad about that. She almost felt like she was mourning something else, mourning a friendship which seemed so bizarre. She had wanted for so long for Monica and Chandler to finally make their way to each other and now that they had, the happiness of it had seemingly worn off and she felt sad. Things were changing once more, big changes and she wasn't sure how things would ever go back to how they once were.

Maybe that's why she had invited herself to Vegas when a month later Monica had surprised Chandler with tickets to Vegas for their one year anniversary. Monica had planned that they would go, surprise Joey who was filming a movie there and enjoy their anniversary. Phoebe changed the plans, deciding everyone should go. She had missed the last big trip and on that trip in London, Monica and Chandler had gotten together and Ross and Emily had fallen apart. She invited not only herself but Ross and Rachel as well. She wasn't sure why she had done it and neither Monica nor Chandler looked too pleased with her and they were even less pleased when Phoebe let it slip that Monica had had lunch with her ex-boyfriend, Richard. She knew she had messed up. She had caused Monica and Chandler to fight on their anniversary and she found herself sitting with Monica at a bar in Vegas, drinking.

"This is the worst anniversary ever. Truly...the worst," Monica said.

"Well, then go talk to him, fix it," Phoebe said.

"Why did you invite yourself? I wanted this to be the two of us," Monica said.

"And Joey."

"I thought he would be busy filming a movie," Monica said. It had been a shock when they had seen Joey in Vegas, working as a gladiator because the movie he had arrived in Vegas to film had been shut down.

"Monica-"

"No, if you hadn't come, I wouldn't be fighting with my boyfriend on our anniversary," Monica said.

"I'm sorry."

"I thought you wanted us to get together. You told Chandler that I had lunch with Richard-"

"That was an accident. That was not on purpose."

"And then...you did have a bet, that's what you said...a bet that we wouldn't make it a year."

Phoebe bit her bottom lip. It had been a moment of weakness when she and Rachel had made that bet. It was after Chandler had freaked out when the group had made all those marriage jokes. Monica and Chandler were arguing, it was before Chandler had decided on that whole fake proposal thing. Rachel and Phoebe went to lunch, drank too much and made a stupid bet that Monica and Chandler wouldn't make it. Phoebe still wasn't sure why she bet against them. Perhaps jealousy, maybe she was upset with Chandler. She had just bet against them. Even Rachel was shocked when Phoebe had taken the bet against Monica and Chandler. They had been acting dumb and made a promise to never tell Monica what they had discussed. Phoebe silently kicked herself for breaking that promise.

"It was stupid. Chandler was freaking out and...it wasn't...it was right after everyone knew. Rachel and I went for lunch and drank too much and look, I do want you and Chandler to be together. You know that. No one wants it more. We were being stupid and jealous...and mean and do not tell Rachel. Please? She'll kill me. She didn't want you knowing we had done that. She was afraid you'd get really pissed at her," Phoebe said.

"I won't. But why are you jealous...or...I don't get it. You wanted Chandler and I to get together. You wanted it longer than I did. Why are you trying to ruin it?" Monica asked.

"I don't know. Maybe I miss the way we were. Everything is changing and...I don't know. The last time you all went on a trip, you two got together."

"This was an anniversary trip. Nothing big is going to happen. Especially now."

"I'm sorry, Monica. I really am. I feel like I'm losing friends...I feel like-"

"You're not losing me. G-d, between you and Chandler...when will you both get it? I'm not going anywhere. But you really have to make it a lot easier for me," Monica said.

"Talk to him. I don't want what I did to ruin what you have with him. Please."

Monica took a deep breath. Phoebe could tell she was on the verge of tears.

"What if he breaks up with me? What if he thinks I still love Richard and he dumps me? I already forgot his birthday and what if he decides it's too much. I don't want to lose him Phoebe. I can't. It would hurt too much," Monica said as tears began streaming down her face. Phoebe's heart broke looking at her best friend. She hated when Monica cried. Monica rarely cried and when she did, it was almost alarming.

"Listen to me, he is not going to break up with you. Okay, I was wrong. It was a dumb. But he is not going to dump you."

"I'm scared to talk to him. I love him. I really, really love him...and if he breaks up with me because of this...I swear to G-d," Monica said.

"Monica, talk to him. I promise you, he will not dump you. That man worships you. He dumped Kip as his best friend because Kip dumped you."

Monica nodded and Phoebe could tell she was thinking about something. Monica wiped her tears away from her face and finished off her drink before standing up. She gave Phoebe a weak smile and gave Phoebe a hug.

"Thanks...and you're losing that bet...'cause I'm Monica and I don't lose a damn thing. Not on my watch," Monica said.

"Fine by me. It's money I don't mind losing," Phoebe said..

Monica took a deep breath and walked off, leaving Phoebe alone at the bar. Phoebe continued drinking, hoping that she didn't destroy the relationship of Chandler and Monica. Nothing would hurt her more.

The last time Phoebe had been in Las Vegas, she had been twenty one and hanging out with the members of Jethro Tull. She had been to Vegas twice in her life and it always held such wild memories. The first time had been her wedding to Duncan. That killed her still how it had crashed and burned. She remembered getting married by Chandler's dad. As she sat there, she decided she wanted to see his dad again. She wanted to tell him about Duncan. She had contemplating inviting Chandler but decided not to, deciding that she had done enough damage to their relationship for the evening and she wasn't sure where Ross and Rachel were. So she enlisted Joey, who happily went as he had never met Chandler's dad, only heard the rumors and stories. So that night, after Phoebe had made sure Chandler and Monica were happily back together, Phoebe and Joey went to watch Helena Handbasket. They sat at a table, watching as a man dressed as Marilyn Monroe took the stage and began singing.

"That's his father?" Joey asked.

"Yep," Phoebe grinned.

"Wow...explains so much," Joey said.

Phoebe laughed as they watched the show. When Helena came out into the audience, he recognized Phoebe immediately. It was that laugh that gave her away as her laugh often did. They watched the rest of the show and afterwards, Helena, Joey and Phoebe headed out to a cafe for dinner. Joey was still stunned and Phoebe could not stop talking.

"So Duncan turned out to be straight?" Helena asked.

"Yes and then married a woman. He divorced me," Phoebe said.

"Bastard," Helena said.

"I know and then well, I just broke up with a guy named, Gary. He was a cop."

"You dated a cop?"

"I know, I know."

"Honey, you can't date cops."

"He was nice and very accepting," Phoebe said, grinning. Helena knew so much about Phoebe. The last time she had been in Vegas, she had told Helena so much about her life. "But we broke up because he shot a bird."

"Excuse me?"

"Exactly. So now I'm single again."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear. You will meet someone."

"I hope so. Oh, I have to tell you...you have the most amazing son, ever. You know what he did?" Phoebe asked.

"I do. He paid for your education. I know what he does with his trust fund money," Helena said.

"Amazing. He's incredible. I'm no longer homeless. I paid for my own plane ticket. I have a job...he changed my entire life. Thank you, Bing Family Trust."

"Yeah. well it doesn't surprise me. Now, he's using his trust fund money to help some actor," Helena said.

"That's him," Phoebe said, pointing at Joey, "that's the some actor."

"Really?" Helena asked.

"Yep, but I bet he's regretting that investment now," Joey said.

"Joey had a movie to shoot in Vegas but it got shut down," Phoebe said.

"Honey, that's show business. So...you know my son, too?"

"Yeah...he's my roommate...and you're his father," Joey said.

"He just turned thirty, right?" Helena asked.

"A month ago," Phoebe said, mentally kicking herself again. Helena's whole demeanor changed. He looked so sad.

"Oh...wait, is he here?" Helena asked.

"Um...well..." Phoebe said.

"It's okay. So, tell me...is he happy?" Helena asked.

"Yeah. He has a girlfriend. They've been dating for a year and he...he's an executive. He has an amazing office with a view of New York and he...well he's got us," Phoebe said.

"He's got friends?" Helena asked.

"Yeah, me and Joey...and these two other friends of ours, Ross and Rachel and then of course, his girlfriend. Yeah, he's really happy," Phoebe said.

"Is he clean?" Helena asked.

"You know about the drugs?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, I do. I know. Is he clean?" Helena asked.

"He's clean. He had a little bit of a struggle about two years ago, but he's definitely clean now," Phoebe said.

"We're taking care of him," Joey said.

"Good. Tell him I love him and I'm proud of him," Helena said.

Phoebe and Joey exchanged looks and nodded. Phoebe was starting to get a little upset with herself. It not occurred to her that Helena might be hurt at the knowledge that Chandler was in Vegas but had not told him. Phoebe had remembered the reason for the trip to Vegas in the first place, it had been to surprise Joey. Helena Handbasket wasn't even on the radar.

After saying goodbye to Helena Handbasket, Joey and Phoebe walked around the strip, absorbing the energy of Vegas. They were both silent. Phoebe could tell Joey had been affected. She gently linked her arm in his as they continued walking.

"I don't know if I'll ever get it," Joey said.

"Get what?" Phoebe asked.

"What you and Chandler have gone through. I have a crazy family. My father has a mistress yet my parents have been happily married for fifty two years. They had me at twenty followed by seven more kids. By the time they were thirty years old, they had eight children under the age of ten. It was a crazy household but I never felt abandoned or unloved. I always had more than enough. I was the only son, too. I got my own room. I was never alone. Sometimes I wanted to be, but I never was. Then I hear what you two have gone through. You and Chandler...and I see Chandler's dad and it's just...it's weird."

"You don't have too, Joey. I'm glad you don't get it."

"It makes me feel sad though. You and Chandler mean a lot to me and knowing you guys had this much pain...I wish I could have done something. I wish I could have gone back to that night that I saw you on New Years Eve in Times Square and taken you home with me.. My parents would have taken you in, believe me."

"I know."

Joey let out a sigh as they continued walking, Phoebe placing her head on Joey's shoulder. She liked being there with him. It made her happy. She felt she got Joey so much more than anyone else. The guy might not be the smartest guy in the world, but she doubted there could be anyone more loyal.

"So...you banged Jethro Tull?" Joey asked.

Phoebe laughed as she looked at him, he was smiling at her. It was a broad smile.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"You slept with an entire band?" Joey asked.

"Well...yeah. I was twenty one," Phoebe argued. "They were at the restaurant where my friend was working. Oh, shut up. What did you do on your twenty first birthday?"

"I don't remember. Then on your twentieth, you got married in Vegas?"

"Yep...by Chandler's dad."

"You're awesome, Pheebs."

"Thank you."

"So, tell me more about this twenty first birthday of yours?" Joey asked.

Phoebe let out a snort as she happily launched into the story of how she had ended up spending her twenty first birthday with Jethro Tull. She told him all about the private jet and the suite and spending the entire time drinking and doing crazy, wild things with all the band members. She loved that story. All the stories from her past had these painful moments attached but that one, the one that involved the band, that was one of her favorite moments. It was a happy, wonderful, glorious moment and it was all hers.

When they got back to the hotel, they walked back to Joey's room. They had decided to engage in the Friends with Benefits part of their friendship and began kissing, but as the kissing grew deeper and they fell on to the bed, Phoebe noticed a red flashing light on the phone.

"I think you have a message," Phoebe said.

"I'll get it later," Joey said.

"No, but what if it's Chandler and Monica...or Ross and Rachel. Have you had heard from them? I haven't spoken to them since they got here," Phoebe said.

"Hmmm, yeah, I saw them briefly. They were both drunk," Joey said as he continued kissing Phoebe's neck.

"No, Joey...get your messages," Phoebe said.

"Can't I do that later?"

"No...it could be one of our friends. The friends part comes before the benefits."

"I disagree," Joey said.

"Joey."

"Fine," Joey said, reaching for the phone and pressing a few buttons to get his messages. As he was listening to the message, his mouth dropped. He hung up.

"What?" Phoebe asked, getting a bad feeling.

"Ross and Rachel are getting married."

"Wh-what?" Phoebe asked.

The two barely spoke to each other as they quickly put their clothes back on and raced out of the room to the chapel. When they finally reached the chapel, they saw Monica and Chandler standing together., looking even more stunned. Joey and Phoebe asked if Monica and Chandler had been there for the wedding and both sheepishly said they had been but then explained they were too late. Ross and Rachel had already stumbled out of the chapel, more drunk then either Chandler or Monica had ever seen them apparently and were Dr. and Mrs. Geller. As Phoebe and the rest of the group stood in shocked silence, wondering what to do, it dawned on Phoebe that she had been in that chapel once before. Eleven years earlier, when she and Duncan had decided to become husband and wife and now there she was in the chapel again, late to the drunken wedding of two more of their friends.


	32. Chapter 32

**October 1999-December 1999**

So it seemed apparent that the group was not having any luck at celebrating each others thirtieth birthdays. Although, the fault of this one fell squarely on Ross' shoulders. A lot had changed in the five months the group of six had been home from Vegas, the two biggest changes being between Ross and Rachel and Monica and Chandler. As soon as Rachel and Ross realized what had happened in Vegas, Rachel had wanted to get the marriage annulled, Ross did not, fearing what it would look like if he had three divorces before the age of thirty. So instead of getting a divorce or an annulment, he lied and told Rachel they were annulled when they weren't. Phoebe had been the only one Ross had told the truth to and she kept trying to convince Ross to tell Rachel. The other big change came with Monica and Chandler. The couple decided to live together which meant Rachel had to move out and Joey had to find a new roommate.

Everything was changing and what was meant to be a nice little dinner out for Ross' thirtieth turned into a fall out between Ross and Rachel as his third divorce finally became final on his birthday. Phoebe felt bad for him. In the seven years she had known Ross, she really never considered herself all that close to him. It was always between Joey and Chandler when it came to choosing her favorite of the boys, but she truly began to feel for him. He wanted so badly to be happy, to be in love but he kept failing.

It was the night of his thirtieth and he had declined all invitations from the rest of the group to do something for his birthday. He wanted to be alone, especially after Rachel had decided to move in with Phoebe after finding out what Ross had done. Phoebe felt she needed to say something, wanted to talk to him so she went to his apartment and was a little surprised when he let her in.

"So...Rachel's moving in with me," Phoebe said as she walked in, closing the door behind her. Ross walked over to his couch and sat back down. Phoebe sat next to him.

"I know. You'll make great roommates."

"I'm sorry. I wish it had gone another direction. Your marriage with Rachel."

"Three divorces, Phoebe. Three. I'm thirty today and I have been divorced three times. I know I should have been honest with Rachel. I should have said the right name at my wedding to Emily. I should have realized Carol was lesbian. But...three."

"I'm divorced. Duncan and I were married."

"I still beat you. G-d...fuck, when am I gonna get this right?"

"You will. Ross, you will. I have no doubt. Maybe you and Rachel will get together."

"No, it's done now. There's no way. I don't deserve her. What is wrong with me? I mean, I don't think I'm that unattractive but...something's wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you. Okay, maybe you should have been more honest, but you...you're going to be okay and we wanna celebrate your birthday. Come next door. Monica made fajitas. Rachel made the slow death smoothies-"

"Well, she probably does want me dead."

"You know that's not true."

"I know...it's..."

"Come on and Chandler says we're watching _Animal House _and _Die Hard_."

"Good. He introduced me to those movies...wait, so no Hot Dog movie?"

"No, that's only when Chandler or I are feeling bad."

"That's good. 'Cause that movie sucks. So Rachel is moving in with you?"

"Yeah."

"And Monica and Chandler are moving in together. They're gonna get it right. I never thought they'd get it right before me."

"Why not?"

"Well, Monica's my younger sister and I always figured I would be first and it would stick and Chandler...just stuff we've talked about in the past. They're gonna last."

Ross looked so sad. Phoebe gently rubbed his back, feeling so sad for him. She wanted good things for him.

"You know, you'll get it right too. Somehow...we'll all get it right. I have to believe that. I thought Duncan was right. Oh, I thought he was so right. He was so wonderful to me. I traveled the world because of him-"

"He shouldn't have let you go clubbing in a foreign country."

"Joey and Chandler told you?"

"Yeah."

"What else did they tell you?" Phoebe asked, getting nervous.

"Nothing...just that Duncan was an ass who let you roam around Prague late at night alone."

"Oh...yeah. But I still loved him. So much so that with the exception of maybe David, I never thought of anyone else. I went out but I always believed it was gonna be Duncan. I spent practically all of my twenties believing that and now I'm thirty one and I'm single...hoping that I too will eventually get it right. We all have baggage, Ross...look at your sister and Chandler? They have so much baggage, they're just gonna date each other. Chandler especially has baggage."

"That's true. You'll find someone better than Duncan. I know you will. Duncan seems like a jerk...and I should know."

"You're not a jerk. You're sweet."

"Thanks...wow."

"What?"

"No, I just...I always thought you liked Joey and Chandler more than me," Ross said.

"I do."

"Thanks."

"Well, I mean, when I first moved in, Chandler was my partner in crime and we get each other. A lot. We have a lot of the same crap that we've dealt with. Joey is...I get him too. He's sweet and kind. I just have never really gotten the chance to know you...but I'd like to and maybe you can come over and we could celebrate."

Ross looked at Phoebe and slowly nodded, taking a deep breath. He and Phoebe stood up and walked towards the door and out of the apartment, making their way across the street. Phoebe wondered why she and Ross didn't hang out more. She truly felt they should After all, maybe they could commiserate on painful divorces. She knew she couldn't connect with Joey or Chandler about that so maybe she could with Ross. As they walked into Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone greeted him warmly, even Rachel who walked over to him with a hug and a drink.

"Hey...I'm glad you're here," Rachel said.

"You are?" Ross asked.

"Yes...of course. It's your birthday and I wanna celebrate with my ex-husband," Rachel grinned. Ross let out a snort as she linked her arm in his and walked him towards the couch. "And can I make a suggestion, guys. Next year, Mon and I are going to be thirty and can we step it up a bit. I mean, Joey's thirtieth was a sob fest because he couldn't stop crying-"

"It's just so hard," Joey said as he choked up again.

"Three more months till thirty two," Chandler grinned.

"Go to hell, Bing," Joey shot back which made Chandler laugh.

"Alright, Joey cried, Phoebe was pregnant, we forgot Chandler's and Ross...well, we're getting a divorce," Rachel said.

"Thank you, Rachel," Ross said.

"I'm just saying, Monica and I are next. Let's step this up, people," Rachel said.

"I agree," Monica said as she scooped out grilled peppers and onions onto a large plate.

"Okay, we can celebrate my birthday twice. Once on my birthday and then for the second time on Rachel's," Chandler said.

"I don't play that way, Bing," Rachel said.

The group laughed as they began to settle in for Ross' birthday celebration. Monica began to fix plates of fajitas and Rachel began pouring drinks. Phoebe was glad Ross seemed to be feeling better. As _Animal House _began, Phoebe's attention drifted around the apartment. Rachel would be moving in with her in about a month. She was looking forward to having Rachel as roommate. She had a feeling Rachel would be far easier to live with than Monica ever was. Phoebe looked over at Monica who was cuddled up close to Chandler, his arm around her, holding her close. She was so happy for the two of them. There was so much changing in their lives. It seemed so strange to her. She had never imagined her thirties, and there she was, sitting with her friends and celebrating a quiet evening.

Phoebe's old friend Marjorie though was a little upset that Rachel was moving in. Phoebe had been renting out her room. Marjorie, Sue Ellen, Bonnie and many of her friends from her old life had taken to just crashing in her apartment, sleeping in her grandmother's room or on the couch. Her apartment had become the hotspot for her old friends but that would be changing now with Rachel moving in. They didn't like that they were going to be kicked out. Phoebe felt she had no choice.

"So because your Ross was an idiot, we all have to leave?" Marjorie asked.

"It's far more complicated."

"Why can't she get her own apartment? Didn't you say she has a good job?" Marjorie asked.

"Yes, but she doesn't want one."

"It's weird," Marjorie said.

"What is?"

"Rachel is moving in with you. The girl whom you stole from. She's gonna be your roommate."

"Yeah," Phoebe said, letting that thought enter her mind. If someone had told her when she was fifteen, sixteen years old that the bitchy girl behind the counter at that boutique would end up being her roommate, I think she would have thought that person was mentally ill, but Rachel was and by the beginning of November, soon Rachel's stuff was in boxes in Phoebe's old room. Phoebe had decided to claim her grandmother's old room as hers. It was so strange, Phoebe calling Rachel her roommate and she could tell Rachel felt the same way as that night, Rachel seemed uncomfortable as Phoebe was making them dinner, their first roommate dinner.

"Is this weird to you?" Rachel asked, sitting on the couch looking up from the magazine she was reading.

"That you and I are roommates?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah. Monica and I were talking about that. How strange life is? If someone had said to me, you know that homeless girl you were horrible to? Yeah, she's gonna be your roommate one day...I can't even wrap my head around it."

"Tell you the truth? Me neither."

"Hey...do you still have the clothes? From my aunt's store? Do you still have them? I mean, I'd love to see what you stole?" Rachel asked.

"I do, actually. Hold on," Phoebe said as she walked out of the kitchen and into her room, grabbing a big plastic bag filled with clothes. They were the clothes from Olivia's. She walked back out and tossed them to Rachel. Rachel opened the bag and began pulling out clothes. It was like a flash back to the eighties exploding out of a Hefty bag.

"Wow, you took good stuff," Rachel said. "Oh, you...I had wanted this skirt."

Rachel said holding up a black tulle skirt with hot pink sequins. "I was gonna wear this to some dance...which I didn't get to go to because I was grounded...because you went all klepto on my aunts store on my watch.. Oh, wow. Nice work, Pheebs," Rachel said as she continued to look.

"Thanks, Rach. Oh, that purple dress I didn't steal. I had mugged a kid and used that money to buy that dress," Phoebe said, noticing the purple dress with flowers that Rachel was holding up.

"Why is it ripped? What are the stains?"

"Blood," Phoebe said, matter of factly. Rachel jumped a little and dropped it on the ground.

"What?"

Phoebe let out a sigh, "you know the story how Chandler and I saw that Hot Dog movie on my sixteenth birthday? Well, after I went back to the junkyard, my friends had a birthday for me and some escaped con was there and he tried to stab me and raped me. I was wearing that dress."

"Pheebs."

"I'm fine."

"I wanna see it."

"See what?" Phoebe asked, very confused.

"Where you grew up. I wanna see the junkyard and I wanna meet your friends."

"You know my friends."

"No, not our friends, your friends. I wanna meet them. I wanna see how you lived. Monica and Chandler have, right?"

"Yeah and Joey," Phoebe said. She had shown Joey the junkyard soon after they had gotten back from Vegas. They had been lying in bed one night, Chandler was spending the night with Monica, leaving Joey and Phoebe alone. It had been a late night conversation and Joey had wanted to see it. She took him and he cried. It broke Phoebe's heart. He had apologized for reasons he didn't need to. He had said many of the same things he had said in Vegas, how he wished he could have done something. It made her feel even more fondness towards Joey, made her love him even more.

"Please show me...and then maybe we can meet your friends at Port Authority? Didn't you say you meet your friends for drinks there sometimes. I wanna be involved. Please?"

"Well, they don't really love you. I mean, you're still a bitch to them and my friend, Bonnie, hates you."

"I would assume."

"Alright, let me make some calls."

Phoebe finished with dinner and put it into a large container to have later. She quickly made some calls to tell her old group to meet them at their hang out at Port Authority around nine. They all agreed to. Rachel and Phoebe then headed out, taking a cab to that old junkyard.

It still pained her whenever she walked through that chain link fence. The smell of burnt out cars still lingered in the air as she and Rachel walked towards the burnt out Buick, one of them. It was very similar to the one she used to sleep in.

"This wasn't it, but it's pretty close to it. I slept here," Phoebe said, running her hand over the interior of the car. Rachel was quiet as they sat side by side. Phoebe could tell it was affecting her friend, but she waited, knowing Rachel would speak eventually.

"How did you do it?" Rachel asked.

"Do what?"

"Make it out of here? How did you go to school and survive and...how?"

"I had to."

"No, Pheebs. Like how did you pay for school?" Rachel asked.

Phoebe smiled, the only ones that knew about Chandler paying for her education were Monica and Joey. She had thought Monica would have told Rachel, but she had apparently kept it secret.

"Well, there's something you don't know. That movie with Chandler wasn't the only run in I had with him. I saw him on a subway by coincidence about four or five years later and I complained to him and he anonymously paid for my education using his trust fund."

"Chandler's a trust fund kid?"

"Yeah."

"Wow...wow, he did that?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah."

"He's an amazing guy, isn't he?" Rachel asked.

"He really is."

"Hopefully, one day he'll realize it." Rachel said.

"I know. Don't tell anyone about the trust fund. Monica knows and Joey and in fact, Chandler uses his trust fund money to invest in Joey's acting career."

"Unbelievable and we forgot his birthday."

"Yeah, we suck...but Rach. I don't want you feeling bad."

"I do...but I also really don't. I mean, yeah, Chandler gave you money but he didn't know if you would graduate. He didn't know if you were a good investment or not. But you made it out of here. You made something of your life. I'm sure you are in the minority of people who actually make it out of something like this alive."

"Thank you, Rachel. So you wanna meet my friends?"

"What do they call me?"

"Well, I call you Rachel." Phoebe said, once again confused by Rachel's train of thought

"No, I mean...you know how the six of us have nicknames for people we hate. What is my nickname?"

"Well, I still call you Rachel...but you have been referred to as the 'salesgirl bitch' and Bonnie thinks you're just a bitch."

"Nice. Alright, I can't be here anymore. It's too depressing. Let's get a drink. I'll buy, roomie."

Phoebe let out a laugh as she and Rachel left the junkyard. She took one last glance back at the place she used to call home. She seemed so removed from it now. She had not lived on the street for about nine years, it seemed so long ago, like a forgotten memory.

Rachel and Phoebe walked into the restaurant/bar where Phoebe had told her friends to meet. She had told them she was bringing Rachel which was shocking to all of them. Phoebe had even been shocked that Rachel wanted to come, knowing Rachel was probably walking into the line of fire, but Rachel could handle herself. Before any of Phoebe's friends could say anything, before Phoebe could introduce Rachel, she looked at Phoebe, grinned and approached the table.

"Hey...my name is bitch. Some call me, 'raging bitch'', others just call me 'that slutty bitch,'" Rachel said, grinning from ear to ear. Phoebe let out a laugh as she noticed Marjorie, Bonnie, Sue Ellen and Bonnie's roommate, Mary Alice, exchange stunned looks. Marjorie laughed a little and Bonnie just looked uncomfortable.

"Guys, she's making a joke," Phoebe said.

"I think I'm gonna go," Bonnie said.

"Wait, Bonnie...I'm sorry. For what happened at the beach, for destroying your relationship with Ross. I'm really sorry. I...if it makes you feel any better, we just got divorced," Rachel said.

"What? You two got married?" Bonnie asked.

"Kinda," Rachel said.

"When we went to Vegas, Rachel and Ross got smashed and they got married. Ross lied and said he had gotten the marriage annulled when he didn't," Phoebe said.

"He told Pheebs he lied, he didn't tell me," Rachel said.

"Wait...what?" Bonnie asked.

"I'll tell you the story...but Rachel is definitely not the same person she once was. She's not that salesgirl bitch, Marjorie...she's actually not bad," Phoebe said.

"You did fuck up my relationship with Ross though. I mean, I really did like him," Bonnie said.

"I know, look Ross and I have...a weird relationship. We aren't great together but apart, all we want to be is together and unfortunately, along the way there have been some causalities. Innocent people who have gotten hurt, like you.. Ross and I get jealous of each other, we fight, we have sex...we...it's very-"

"Unhealthy?" Marjorie asked, finishing Rachel's statement.

"Probably. Yes. Bonnie, please let me buy you a drink. I'll buy you all a round of drinks. I saw the junkyard tonight-"

"And I lived here too. Right outside, on those benches," Phoebe said, pointing outside. Rachel smiled as she gently linked her arm in Phoebe's.

"Thank you for taking care of her when she was living in the junkyard or out there on the benches. Thank you for keeping her alive...because I am so lucky to have a friend like you, Pheebs. I'm not sure how much I would have changed, had I not met you," Rachel said.

"Thank you, Rachel," Phoebe said as she gave Rachel a hug.

"What about those drinks? Tell me what you want," Rachel said.

"You're really gonna take drink orders?" Phoebe asked.

"I used to be a waitress," Rachel said.

"I know. That's why I'm asking...you're gonna take drink orders?" Phoebe asked, smiling.

"I can take...okay, can one of you help me?" Rachel said.

"I used to work here. I'll help you. I know what they want," Sue Ellen got up and followed Rachel towards the bar. Phoebe watched as she sat at the table. She looked at Marjorie, Mary Alice and Bonnie, hoping to hear their opinions.

"I've met her before," Bonnie said.

"I know. But she is a nice person, really," Phoebe said.

"She does seem nice. Oh, G-d. Remember how much we hated her?" Marjorie asked.

"Yes. Tonight, I showed her the clothes I stole. She said I did a good job and I picked some good stuff. She's got a good heart. She's definitely not that same girl," Phoebe said.

"I guess people do change," Marjorie said.

"They do," Phoebe said.

She watched as Sue Ellen and Rachel were at the bar getting drinks for the table. They soon walked back to join them. Rachel seemed almost way too eager at first, Phoebe could tell but eventually she calmed down. Phoebe enjoyed herself, hanging out with Rachel in a completely different environment.

"So what happened to you when Phoebe jacked your aunt's store?" Marjorie asked.

"I got grounded for letting someone rip off the store while I was supposed to be working. Phoebe stole a shit load of stuff," Rachel said.

"I'm sorry you got grounded, though," Phoebe said.

"No, you're not," Rachel said.

"Yeah...no, I'm not," Phoebe said.

"No, it was a big deal. I was going to a dance or on a date or something and I had my outfit planned and what we were gonna do that night...and...oh, it was gonna be perfect. I think I was gonna go with Chip. I think-"

"Sounds memorable," Phoebe grinned.

"Screw you," Rachel joked.

"Ooo, she is tough," Marjorie said.

"Alright, alright...ladies, I know all the super depressing stuff about Phoebe 'cause she mentions it a lot...I wanna know the crazy stuff," Rachel said.

"I've told you stuff," Phoebe said.

"No, I wanna know more. The stuff Monica and Joey and Chandler don't know," Rachel said.

"Well, Chandler knows a lot. He really was my partner in crime when I first moved in," Phoebe said.

"Oh, he's so hot," Sue Ellen said.

"You think Chandler is hot?" Rachel said.

"Oh, my G-d...I would do things to him. I would wreck him," Sue Ellen said.

"But isn't he with Monica?" Bonnie asked.

"Yep. They just moved in together," Phoebe said.

"And Phoebe doesn't think they'll last," Rachel said.

"I do too, shut up. He's gonna freak out...just...do you wanna find a new place to live?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, man...I could have taught that boy some things," Sue Ellen said.

"Okay, okay...tell me about Phoebe, please. The crazy stuff, nothing depressing," Rachel said.

"Okay, but you can't tell anyone," Phoebe said.

"I won't...unless Chandler knows, then we can discuss it over lunch...and Sue Ellen, I will be telling him this conversation," Rachel said.

"Please do," Sue Ellen said.

"Oh my G-d...you and Chandler, when you get together, it's like you're two teenage girls," Phoebe said. She knew Rachel and Chandler had weekly lunches just like she and Chandler did but unlike her lunches with Chandler which always went into more serious topics, Rachel and Chandler's lunches were always about gossip, especially gossip about the rest of the group.

"I know. He's my gossip buddy," Rachel said.

Phoebe laughed as the conversation continued around her, Marjorie and Sue Ellen filling Rachel in on all the wild things Phoebe had done in her life and Rachel was hanging on every word. Phoebe loved seeing this side to Rachel. Even Bonnie was enjoying herself, which Phoebe was thankful for thinking at first it might be incredibly awkward but soon the conversation turned to Ross and Rachel and Bonnie began comparing notes and discussing Ross' flaws. Phoebe was thrilled Ross wasn't there and she was pretty sure Rachel was thrilled too. Rachel filled Bonnie in on the marriage that had gone down in Vegas and how Ross had hid it. She explained all the craziness that went into her relationship with Ross and by the end of the night, Bonnie and Rachel struck up a very unexpected and very surprising friendship.

When Rachel and Phoebe got back to the apartment that night, both girls were still riding on a high so while it was late, Phoebe poured some wine and the two sat on the couch. Rachel had decided to put on the black tulle skirt with the pink sequins although it didn't fit her.

"Looks hot," Phoebe said.

"Thank you. So your friends liked me?"

"They loved you. Even Bonnie."

"Yeah...that one surprised me. I'm glad they liked me and I'm glad we're roommates."

"Me too. To Rachel and Phoebe...who would have thought all those years ago that we would one day become best friends and I am sorry I didn't tell you that Ross was still married to you."

"It's okay. To be honest...probably one day, Ross and I will probably get married. We just need to work out some things first."

"I can see that and I love Monica and Chandler, so don't think I'm betting against him."

"I know. How do you think he's doing in Monica's apartment?" Rachel asked.

"I think he's doing okay. I mean...he's pretty good at calming her."

"He really is. It's a gift."

"A gift we don't have."

"Never. Oh, I could just imagine. You go from being homeless to being roommates with Monica," Rachel said.

"I know. But I owe her a lot."

"Me too. But to us...let's finish the toast and drink until we pass out."

"'Here, here," Phoebe said as they clicked their drinks together, still laughing and talking. It was the most unlikeliest of friendships, the two of them, but it worked and as 1999 wore down to a close, Phoebe and Rachel began a very happy and very fun life as roommates and best friends.


	33. Chapter 33

_**A/N Hey guys...while I am appreciative of the two or three of you that keep reviewing, it's kinda starting to upset me again that I'm getting no other reviews for either this story or The True Story of Chandler Bing. I'm starting to question whether or not I should continue either one and if either one are all that good. I kinda like both of them, but I had like one hit from the last chapter of the Chandler Story according to the FF traffic stats and it's making me question my taste! This story is obviously nearing the end and I would like to continue the Chandler one too but if people aren't really drawn to it, not sure how much I wanna continue. **_

**March 11, 2000**

Monica's thirtieth birthday was the perfect Monica birthday or at least should have been. Chandler had been planning it as soon as Monica and Chandler had decided to move in together and for all intents and purposes, it was supposed to be Monica's type of party. It was fancy, it was formal, there were foods with fancy names and to the other members of the group, it was boring. When Chandler had told Phoebe about the party, she rolled her eyes. It was the ultimate type of Monica Gellar party.

"This is gonna be fun," Rachel groaned as she and Phoebe sat together, drinking champagne.

"It is sweet that he did this," Phoebe said although this really wasn't supposed to be her type of party.

"Yeah...but my thirtieth is coming up in two months. It better be far better."

"It will. You're the last one."

"I know. Wow, I milk this for all it's worth now. I'm officially the only one left in their twenties."

Phoebe laughed as she and Rachel continued to drink. It surprised Phoebe just how much she enjoyed living with Rachel. Ever since Chandler and Monica had decided to live together, Phoebe and Rachel were becoming closer and closer. They went exercising together, hung out with Phoebe's friends. went shopping or clubbing. For Phoebe's thirty second birthday a month earlier, after hanging out with the rest of the group, Phoebe and Rachel met up with the rest of Phoebe's friends and continued the party. Rachel was becoming what Chandler once was, her partner in crime.

"Okay, she's here,"Chandler shouted from the door. Rachel and Phoebe both let out a sigh as Chandler turned off the lights. They got ready to yell surprise. They waited until they heard what seemed like a loud crash. Chandler turned on the lights and walked outside, only to return a few seconds later with Monica who seemed a little out of it. It turned out, Monica was drunk, very drunk and Phoebe decided the best thing to do would be to get drunk as well. She tried but then Monica lost it, having a complete meltdown in front of everyone, including her parents and the party soon ended after at only nine at night, even the perfect Monica party ended up failing miserably. As people were leaving, Rachel and Phoebe decided to make their exit as well. Phoebe had made plans to meet up with Marjorie at a club later.

"Where are you guys going?" Monica asked, stumbling towards them. She held onto Rachel's arm.

"We're gonna go, honey. Happy birthday and you get some rest and we will see you tomorrow," Rachel smiled, giving Monica a hug.

"Yeah, we will see you tomorrow."

"Oh," Monica said and for a brief moment, Phoebe could detect a bit of hurt in her eyes. She looked up and caught Chandler's eye. He walked towards them.

"You know, let me walk you two out," Chandler said as he walked towards Phoebe and Rachel. The three walked outside and Chandler motioned for Rachel and Phoebe to walk towards Joey's apartment. They walked in. Chandler turned on the light and looked at them.

"Hey, can you two do me a favor?" Chandler asked.

"Of course...what? Rachel asked.

"Take Monica with you. Where ever you two are going right now, please take her with you."

"Why? Do you wanna get rid of her?" Phoebe asked.

"No, it's just...I know the reason she drank a lot tonight. Not just 'cause she's turning thirty. I think lately she's been feeling left out," Chandler said.

Phoebe was taken aback by this and remembered all those years ago when Phoebe and Chandler used to hang out all the time. Monica had felt so left out that it ended her relationship with Kip.

"But we're not leaving her out on purpose. She's got you. Rachel and I are pathetic and single," Phoebe said.

"I know, I've told her that," Chandler grinned. "Look...just take her. Do what you do...have your pillow fights and stuff."

"You're really convinced that this is what we do when we're together?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, it is. Please don't ruin that," Chandler said.

"Okay, we will...are you gonna be okay?" Rachel asked.

"Please. I got Joey and eighty seven trays of appetizers over there. You think he's leaving my apartment soon?" Chandler asked, which made Phoebe and Rachel laugh.

"Okay...you're a good boyfriend, Chandler," Rachel said.

"Yeah, we'll take your girlfriend off your hands for you," Phoebe said as the three walked out of Joey's apartment and back into Chandler and Monica's. Monica was sitting at the table, still drinking and chatting with Joey and Ross.

"Mon, sweetie, do you wanna hang out with us?" Rachel asked.

Monica looked up and smiled, her eyes suddenly brightening.

"Really?" Monica asked.

"Yeah. We figured this party kinda looks like it's over and you know, we haven't had a girls night in a long time...we will continue celebrating your birthday," Phoebe said.

"Okay...Chandler, are you gonna be okay?" Monica asked.

"I'm fine. I got food, booze and _Die Hard_," Chandler said.

"Yeah, we're not going anywhere," Ross said.

"I gotta finish this," Joey said. "Dude, did someone finish the crab cakes?"

"No, there's a tray right here," Ross said as he handed Joey a tray. Joey took it and dug in.

Monica laughed as she stood up and walked towards Chandler, giving him a kiss.

"Thank you," Monica said as Rachel grabbed Monica by the arm and the three girls walked out. They headed to a local club where they met up with Phoebe's friends. The drinking continued as all three got drunker and caught up.

"So, what's going on, Mon?" Rachel asked as she sipped her Cosmo.

"Nothing. I just miss you two."

"You have a boyfriend now...whom you live with," Phoebe said.

"I know and I love that but...I remember when we used to go out and make fun of our boys and...I don't know. I miss it and now I'm thirty and I feel like I've lost you two," Monica said.

"Mon...you're never gonna lose me," Rachel said.

"We had this conversation already," Phoebe said.

"I miss you two. I mean, yes, I tell Chandler a lot...but there are certain things I can't tell him," Monica said.

"True. Okay...let's discuss. I have a question. Remember when you said and this was before you and Chandler got together...you said that Chandler was more sophisticated then he let on when it comes to girls. Now that you've been with him for awhile...is it true or false? Is he more sophisticated that he lets on?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes. It's true. Very true. He doesn't give himself enough credit," Monica said.

"He never does. I mean, I love him too...but the man needs some self esteem," Rachel said.

"He's getting better. I'm impressed with him. He is definitely getting better. I think he knows I'm in this now and I'm not leaving him," Monica said.

"Chandler's a good kisser though, isn't he?" Phoebe asked which made Monica turn bright red. Rachel's mouth dropped.

"You've kissed Chandler?" Rachel asked.

"When I first moved in, he was my partner in crime. We did everything together...including kissing. He's good. He's better than Joey," Phoebe said.

"You've kissed Joey?" Rachel asked.

"Yes...and Ross," Phoebe said.

"Ross? Wow...slut," Rachel said.

"When did you kiss my brother?" Monica asked.

"When he and Carol broke up. Around the time Joey moved in. But Chandler's the best of all three of them. He's sweet," Phoebe said.

"Well, I've only kissed Chandler, so I'll say...he is an awesome kisser much better than Richard," Monica said.

"And Chandler's better than Richard when it comes to sex?" Phoebe asked.

"Uh-huh," Monica said.

"You know what it is? He's sensitive. Even more than Ross or Joey. Ross gets jealous and Joey can be a pig and Chandler is just cuddly and sweet. I miss that he no longer gives me little kisses on the head or shoulder anymore," Rachel said.

"Me too. Mon, did you tell him he couldn't do that anymore?" Phoebe asked.

"No. No. He's allowed to do that. I think he stopped because he thought I'd get mad. I'll let him know he's allowed to still do that...but with only you two. If you see him do that to someone else, please let me know," Monica said, grinning as she took a sip of her drink.

The three women laughed as they clicked their glasses and continued talking. It once again dawned on Phoebe how much things were changing as almost all of them were in their thirties. She and Joey were thirty two, Chandler and Ross would be turning thirty one and now the two youngest were saying goodbye to their twenties. Monica was first although to Phoebe it always seemed like Monica was so much older. She seemed so mothering and it made Phoebe sad anytime Monica felt left out or excluded as Monica was and would forever be one of her favorite people.

The next morning, Monica had wanted a birthday brunch so the celebration continued with Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross all over to eat bagels and drink coffee. When Chandler walked out of the room, he walked while over to both of Rachel and Phoebe and planted a short, sweet peck on the top of each of their heads as he said good morning. Rachel and Phoebe both smiled.

"Awww, you told him," Rachel said.

"Of course," Monica said.

"Hey, when I try to kiss you two like that, you punch me," Joey said.

"I don't try to unhook their bras when I do it," Chandler grinned as he took a seat next to Monica.

"Technicality," Joey mumbled.

"Alright, I'm next. Let's make this thirtieth count. I'm the last one," Rachel said.

"Ten more months until Joey is thirty three," Chandler said.

"I'm gonna punch you," Joey said.

"Well, let's not forget my birthday is next month, before Rachel's," Chandler said.

"We remember...I have a birthday idea for you though," Monica said.

"You do?" Chandler asked.

"Miniature Golf," Monica said.

"Mon, we're in our thirties," Ross said.

"I know but Chandler had a party at a miniature golf course when he was eleven and apparently it didn't go very well," Monica said.

"I caught my parents having a threesome in front of those windmills," Chandler said.

"Nice," Joey said.

"Okay, we'll do golf for Chandler's and then for Rachel's we will figure something out," Monica said.

The calmness of Monica's birthday brunch was soon interrupted though by a phone call. A phone call that ultimately put an end to the living arrangement of Phoebe and Rachel. There had been a fire. A fire that had wrecked everything rendering her apartment completely unlivable. She ended up moving into Monica and Chandler's and living in what was now a guest room. It killed Phoebe to know how much had been destroyed. Her old life was now just ashes. The clothes she had stolen from Rachel's aunt's store were gone. All she had left was one box with stuff she had from the street which included that old comic book she had stolen from that kid, but all else was gone. The movie stub that she had kept from her movie with Chandler when they were sixteen was also gone. It depressed her and that first night in Monica and Chandler's, she could not sleep. She kept turning back and forth. Ten years. Ten years of memories now turned into nothing. She kept looking at the clock, trying to sleep but she felt uncomfortable and it was close to around five in the morning when Chandler knocked on the door.

"Come in," Phoebe groaned.

"You up?" Chandler asked, opening the door.

"What do you think?"

"Come on. Get up," Chandler said.

"I'm not hungry."

"No, Monica's making coffee. We're going up to the roof to watch the sunset. The three of us, like we did that one time," Chandler said.

Phoebe smiled as she got up. She walked into the living room where Monica held up a mug. Chandler placed his arm around her and led her to the door. Chandler grabbed a mug and Monica handed Phoebe a mug of her own. The three shut the door and looked at what was now Joey and Rachel's apartment. They turned and walked quietly up to the roof although the chances of either Rachel or Joey being up at that hour were slim. They stepped out onto the roof and sat side by side with Chandler in the middle, watching the sunrise and drinking coffee.

"Remember when we did this?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah. It's all gone, guys," Phoebe said. "I mean, the movie ticket from our movie...I'll never replace that. My entire life on the streets...I spent a decade there. I know it wasn't always easy but I still wanna hold on to that. It was important for me to hold on to that and I am so grateful for you two. It's just...that's-"

"I get it...really, I do," Chandler said.

"Thank you, Mon...from preventing me from being homeless again," Phoebe said.

"Always. Are we going to watch the Hot Dog movie again?" Monica asked, grinning slightly.

"Yes, we are. We have to. Phoebe is sad, therefore Hot Dog movie," Chandler said, matter of factly.

"Thank you, Chandler," Phoebe said as Chandler leaned over and gave her a kiss on the head and then turned quickly to kiss Monica, which made Phoebe laugh.

"Is that your new thing? Every head or shoulder peck means a quick make out session with Monica?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm okay with that," Monica said.

"You know, Pheebs...those ten years on the street, it's still part of you. I spent so much time trying to run away from everything. You can't. It's always gonna be there and maybe you don't have all the stuff anymore, but you still have the stories. Those aren't going anywhere," Chandler said.

"No. No, they aren't. It just feels like a whole chapter of my life just burned. I can't find the ring Duncan gave me or...our wedding picture. It's like I'm officially saying goodbye and I wasn't really ready and it was my grandmother's apartment too. It's the one thing I had from my grandmother. I don't talk to my dad or my sister...I haven't talked to Frank Jr. in awhile or my biological mom. I don't know. I guess it's officially a new chapter," Phoebe said as she let out a sigh. Chandler gently put an arm around Phoebe and another around Monica. Both kissed him on the cheek and snuggled up close to him, watching sun rise over the city of New York. It was now the start of a new time, a new chapter of their lives, of Phoebe's life and this time she hoped everything remained fireproof.


	34. Chapter 34

**Okay, once again a plea for reviews...for both this story and the Chandler Bing one. I used to write the Lizzie McGuire FF and I was used to like five reviews a day. I swear...my stories do not suck that much. At least I hope not! Although with the lack of reviews I've been getting, it's hard not to start taking it personally! **

**May, 2000**

Living with Monica and Chandler, Phoebe began to notice a lot more little things. Sure she knew a lot about Monica, knew about living with her and how anal she could be but living with Chandler as well, she began to notice something about her friend that worried her. Chandler was starting to bloated. Phoebe had also caught him a few times sneaking alcohol into a mug or something. When he was with them, he would barely drink but then Phoebe would open the door to her room and notice Chandler drinking over the sink. She wanted to say something but she always felt she shouldn't, after all, she probably put away far more than he did, but something was going on with him but as usual he would not say anything. Then came Rachel's thirtieth birthday. .

Rachel's thirtieth birthday was held in a fancy hotel in Long Island. Her parents had both wanted to celebrate their middle daughter and somehow put aside their differences for a swanky party. All of Rachel's family and friends were there and the six spent their time sitting at a table together. Phoebe kept looking over at Chandler who would only sip his wine. He didn't seem any different. She just felt something was going on. Lately, he just started to seem more and more out of it.

"So, to Rachel...the final one to turn thirty," Ross said as he lifted his glass. The rest followed suit.

"I know, we're all in thirties now guys. How did this happen?" Rachel asked as they all clicked their glasses and drank

"Easy. We were all born in the sixties," Chandler joked.

"I have made a major life decision, though," Joey said, "I am now and will forever be...twenty one years old."

"Until eight months from now when you're thirty three?" Chandler asked.

"Your thirties are making you mean," Joey said.

"Whatever you say, old man," Chandler teased.

"Fuck you, asshole," Joey shot back.

The group laughed as they drank. It was funny to Phoebe, sitting in Rachel's old world now. She looked around, watching the people in all their sophisticated attire and Rachel really only wanted to be with the five of them.

"By the way, Pheebs. That's the aunt you stole from," Rachel pointed to a woman dressed smartly in a lemon yellow pants suit and short brown hair. She hardly seemed like the type to own a trendy store like Olivia's. "Should I introduce you?"

"No," Phoebe said. While Rachel had not been upset when Phoebe confessed what she had done, while Rachel had dismissed it completely and took it as a sign that she should be nicer. She wasn't sure Rachel's aunt would feel the same way.

"Rach, who's that?" Chandler asked.

Rachel and Phoebe turned back towards Chandler. Phoebe noticed immediately the color seemed to drain from his face. He looked almost sick. Monica had a concerned look on her face. Phoebe raised an eyebrow and looked back to see who Chandler was pointing at. Standing next to Rachel's aunt was a tall man with graying hair, wearing a suit.

"Oh, that's my Uncle Rick. He's the best. He's so funny. Chandler, actually, you'd like him. He loves all those old movies and old time comics and stuff. I should introduce you two," Rachel said.

"No," Chandler said.

"Chandler, are you okay? You're shaking?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm fine," Chandler said.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked.

"Are you sure that's him?" Monica asked.

"Yep," Chandler said.

"What...tell me, what?" Rachel asked.

"Baby, tell 'em," Monica said.

"Not now," Chandler said.

"Tell them," Monica said, grabbing his hand.

"Alright, okay...remember I told you how my mom had a boyfriend who um...when I was like ten, did stuff to me," Chandler said.

"Yeah," Rachel said.

'"That's him," Chandler said.

"Uncle Rick? No, no...he's harmless. He wouldn't hurt anyone. He used to take us out on his boat and stuff and..." Rachel said and suddenly stopped, her face growing pale as she looked back. Phoebe began to feel angry. She had never seen this reaction from Chandler and it seemed neither had Rachel.

"I'll talk to him," Phoebe said.

"I'll come with you," Joey said.

"Guys, no. Chandler...come with me," Rachel said.

"No. It's fine," Chandler said.

"Chandler, you're thirty one years old now and six feet tall. I think you're safe. Come on...please come with me," Rachel said.

Chandler let out a sigh. Monica gave him a kiss and whispered something to him. He shook his head as he stood up and walked towards Rachel who was waiting for him. She grabbed his hand and the two walked towards the uncle. Phoebe looked over at Monica who look petrified. Joey immediately moved towards Chandler's now empty seat and placed his arm around Monica, comforting her.

"I want to him to be happy, so bad," Monica said.

"I know. He is. He's got you," Joey said.

"He's drinking too much. He's gained weight...and he's drinking in secret. He's doing something. I don't know. I think he fell off the wagon. I want him to be okay, you know? I love him so much and I hate that he doesn't see how wonderful he is," Monica said.

"He will, Mon. He will," Phoebe said as they turned back to watch, trying to hear although it was impossible. Phoebe watched as Rachel grabbed Chandler's arm, holding him with what seemed like an almost death like grip. Rachel's face soon seemed contorted. Phoebe could tell she was starting to cry as Chandler stepped next to her. He said something and it was apparent, Chandler now had several inches on Rick. Rachel's father approached them and they were all talking. Rachel seemed to be almost sobbing as Chandler looked like he was in a trance. Rick and Rachel's father soon seemed to be arguing and Rachel's dad placed his arm around Rick's shoulder's and seemed to forcefully lead him out of the room. Rachel turned to Chandler who immediately hugged her, tightly. The two slowly walked back to the table. Joey moved back to his seat as Chandler sat back with Monica who quickly embraced him. Ross moved to comfort Rachel as she was crying.

"I'm so sorry, Chandler," Rachel managed to spit out.

"Rach, it's fine," Chandler said.

"No. I'm just so sorry. I'm sorry that happened...I-" Rachel tried before dissolving into sobs again.

"Rachel, this isn't your fault. Wait, was it Rick?" Ross asked.

"Yeah. Rachel's dad asked him to leave. So did Rach...hey, Rach, I still think you're awesome," Chandler said reaching for her hand and squeezing it.

"I just...I don't like thinking that me or any member of my family caused pain to you, Chandler or to you Phoebe...you two have already been through so much and I just want you both to be happy and I don't like that you were in pain because of something I did or my uncle did," Rachel said, now in hysterics. Phoebe grabbed Rachel's hand.

"Hey, I am happy," Phoebe said.

"I burned down your apartment," Rachel said.

"But your hair looks fabulous," Phoebe grinned which made Rachel laugh as she wiped away the tears from her face.

"I am sorry. Both of you," Rachel said.

"Rachel, listen to me. You are amazing and I am not mad at you and I do not hate you and I very happy to be celebrating with you. You're thirty...and hot," Phoebe grinned.

"I know," Rachel said.

"And Rach...same here. You didn't cause me any pain. Really, if anything...I liked that you were a pain in my ass when we met at camp. It was normal," Chandler said.

"You did peanut butter in my bed...and on my car," Rachel said.

"I won't do it now though," Chandler said.

"Good. Thank you. Thank you, guys. I love you guys so much. Thank you letting me into your group. You're the only people I wanna spend this day with," Rachel said.

Phoebe leaned in and hugged Rachel as Rachel took a deep breath to stop herself from crying. She smiled and seemed so vulnerable in that moment. Part of Phoebe felt so guilty for ever having stolen from her. She wished she could go back in time, go back to that store and tell that Rachel that the future Rachel would be far nicer to her, would be her friend. Rachel had taught her so much. As Monica gave her a home, Rachel unknowingly helped Phoebe learn to forgive, to heal. She looked over at Chandler who was now just picking at his dinner. Their eyes met and she smiled and he returned the gesture although she could tell, something in his eye, something in his demeanor broke and Phoebe's gut feeling told her that it would be awhile before he would be whole again.

It had begun with a freak up. Phoebe, Monica and Rachel had gone to a museum and Monica had put her name down as a what they thought was a harmless act. Maybe if Monica and Chandler got married one day, they could have the wedding there. They didn't think much of it until the woman apparently called to let Monica know they could have the Geller-Bing wedding at the museum and Chandler flipped. When Phoebe had heard what happened, she immediately began calling Chandler and when he finally called her back, she was worried.

"Where are you? Monica's looking all over for you," Phoebe said when she heard his voice.

"I'm...I'm at the Morgan Chase museum."

"Why?"

"I'm looking at the space for my wedding."

Phoebe's breath got caught in her throat as she tried to process what Chandler was telling her.

"Excuse me?"

"I freaked out at first...when I got that message but...I told you a long time ago that I was going to marry her, that Monica is going to be my wife and I will not lose her. Well...it's time."

"Oh my G-d," Phoebe said, covering her hand with her mouth.

"Here's what I need you to do. Keep Monica calm. Do not tell her you talked to me. I want this to be a surprise. I don't want her to know I'm up to anything. Tell her you haven't talked to me if she asks and then...will you help me pick out a ring?"

"Yes...oh, Chandler. Wow. I can't believe this and you want me to help?"

"Well, Joey will be no help. He'll probably suggest proposing with a condom ring. Ross is busy and Rachel will probably tell...and it's been a long time since you and I did something together."

"I would be honored. Oh my G-d. I can't believe this. I am so happy for you and I will not say a word," Phoebe said.

"Thanks."

Phoebe hung up with him and stayed in her room and waited. When she heard the front door open and slam shut, she walked up to her door and leaned in, listening. She smiled as she could hear Chandler's voice, hamming it up and soon she heard the front door open and slam shut again. The plan was officially in action.

They had gone to a million different ring stores until Chandler finally found the one he wanted. There was a close call when he Phoebe had accidentally let the ring be sold but they were able to get it back. It was a beautiful ring and Phoebe had felt so honored to help Chandler pick the ring. He was right, they hadn't done anything together in so long and now they would have this memory.

"I'm gonna do this," Chandler said, smiling at her as Phoebe drove her cab back to Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler kept staring at the ring, beaming. Phoebe kept smiling as well.

"You are. Wow...you/re a grown up."

"I know. G-d, Phoebe. I love her so much."

"I know you do."

"You know...I know I've been drinking too much lately...I've been worried and then at Rachel's birthday when I saw Rick and then Rachel just melted down like that, something just switched. I can't...I can't...I want to be happy. I really do and I wanna let go of all that stuff and maybe proposing will do it. I know Monica makes me happy. I don't know why I can't just...move forward."

"You are. The one thing all of us want is for you to just be happy."

"I'm not sure I know how."

"Maybe this is a start...just please stop hurting yourself. Okay? Know that you're not gonna find five other people who love you as much as we do," Phoebe said.

Chandler nodded as he kept staring at the ring. Phoebe felt for him as she always did. She hoped nothing more than good things for her friend and knowing that he was about to propose her best friend, she could not stop smiling, beaming. They had come so far from being those young twenty somethings, hanging out all the time. She remembered that moment when they had played in that fountain during Thanksgiving almost eight years earlier and Chandler had confided that he just was not ready to grow up because he had spent so much of his childhood being an adult and Phoebe agreed. Now they were different, perhaps not as close as they once were but were definitely ready to accept adulthood. They were both ready to move on.

Although, of course, the proposal itself became a mission that was easier said than done. Chandler had gotten sidetracked when they had run into Richard at the restaurant and had hatched a plan with Joey to throw Monica of course. It worked, unfortunately...way too well. Phoebe had been hanging out with Rachel when Joey came in, he told them what was going on and Phoebe's heart sank, she looked over at Rachel, whose eyes suddenly filled with tears. Monica had believed Chandler didn't want to marry her and what made it worse was that Richard had told Monica that he did want to marry her.

"We can't let this end. We can't...if this ends...we're gonna lose him. He's...this can't end," Rachel cried. Her words hitting Phoebe, hard. She was right. If Monica broke up with Chandler and went back to Richard, there was no telling what would happen to Chandler although it would probably not be good.

"We won't let it end, Rach," Joey said, giving her a look, his eyes filled with fear. "Chandler went to Richard's to look for Monica."

"What they don't make it. Oh my G-d...that plan was stupid, Joey," Rachel said.

"I know, I know. We'll fix this," Joey said when suddenly the door opened and Monica walked in, looking worn out.

"Monica," Rachel said.

"Is Chandler here?" Monica asked.

"No, no...he went looking for you," Joey said.

"Oh. Okay...well, when he comes back, tell him we have to talk," Monica said.

"Oh, G-d," Rachel said.

"It was a plan," Joey said, walking towards Monica and stopping her. Monica looked at him and cocked her head to the side. "It was a plan to throw you off course. Chandler wants to marry you."

"It's okay, Joe. Chandler and I weren't meant to be, right?" Monica said, shrugging.

"Oh, my G-d...he's gonna die," Rachel said.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Rachel," Phoebe said shaking her head, she walked over to Monica, "Joey's right. Chandler wants to marry. I went with him to buy a ring. He was going to propose to you at the restaurant but Richard came in and then Joey and Chandler hatched the 'I hate marriage' plan to throw you off course. He wants to marry you, Monica. More than anything. He's wanted to marry you since 1995. Please do not break up with him."

Monica looked from Phoebe to Ross and then at Rachel who was sniffling. Rachel got up and walked towards Phoebe and Joey and stood between them. Monica looked like she was thinking seriously about something.

"He was gonna propose at the restaurant?" Monica asked, and the three nodded. "He wants to marry me?" The three continued nodding as a small smile appeared on her face, "Joey...this was the dumbest plan you and Chandler have ever had."

"I know."

"Keep this up and you two may not be allowed to play together anymore," Monica said.

Phoebe, Rachel and Joey laughed a little as Monica smiled back at them. It was going to be okay. Phoebe knew it would be.

"I'm sorry, Mon," Joey said.

"It's okay. New plan. ...Phoebe and Rachel, get me all the candles you have...I have an idea and Joey, I'm gonna need you to do the best acting job you've ever done. It may involve playing him a little bit more...can you do it?" Monica asked.

"Does it end with him getting engaged?" Joey asked.

"Yes."

"Then I'll do it."

The four went to work. Chandler seemed to be gone for hours though making them all a little worried but they did eventually hear footsteps and it was showtime. Monica walked into her apartment, Rachel, Phoebe and Joey went next door and peered through the peephole. When they saw Chandler, Joey walked out leaving Phoebe and Rachel alone.

"I am so terrified right now," Rachel said.

"Me too."

"I think he's fallen off the wagon," Rachel said.

"Me too...oh, they're going into the apartment. Joey's coming back."

The two stepped back and let Joey walk back in. The two women immediately hugged him. He let out a sigh.

"That was tough," Joey said.

"Did he buy it?" Rachel asked.

"Yep...and they're in there now."

"He's sick again," Rachel said.

"I know," Joey said.

"Let's go try to listen," Phoebe said.

Joey nodded as the trio walked outside and tried their best to listen through the thick green door although it was fairly impossible.

"Do you think now, he'll finally be happy?" Rachel asked.

"I hope so," Phoebe said.

"Me too," Joey said.

"And I wish they'd speak up," Phoebe said to which both Rachel and Joey agreed. They waited for about ten minutes until they could no longer stand it and Joey screamed, asking if they could finally come in. They could hear Monica telling them to come in. Joey opened the door and the trio ran up to Monica and Chandler and they all embraced until realizing Ross wasn't there, but they would tell him. They would just enjoy the moment. Chandler could not stop smiling. He was happy.


	35. Chapter 35

**February 2001-May 2001**

It was her thirty third birthday and Chandler was no where in sight. Ever since Monica and Chandler got engaged, Chandler seemed to be vanishing more and more. Soon after the engagement, Chandler's weight dropped and he once again looked like a shell of what he used to look like. Chandler just seemed so out of it. With exception of the brief argument when Monica had suggested Chandler use his trust fund and his own money to pay for the wedding and Chandler had said no, he had been MIA for most of the planning and when he vanished for Phoebe's thirty third birthday, everyone got worried. The six had decided to have dinner together at Monica and Chandler's around six and by six thirty, everyone but Chandler was there. They called his office and said that he had left the office at four pm. No one had a clue as to where he was. He wasn't picking up his cell phone and all calls were going directly to voice mail until his voice mail filled up completely. As the hours wore on, everyone got more and more scared. Monica especially. She was on the phone, talking frantically to the police.

"What am I gonna do?" Monica asked as she hung up the phone. She walked over to the counter and grabbed a plate with a large slice of cake on it. It was her third slice.

"What did the cops say?" Phoebe asked.

"He's an adult and unless he's been missing for twenty four hours...I'll call the hospitals...maybe he's been in an accident." Monica said as she walked back to the phone and picked it up. She pressed a button, "can I be connected to Beth Israel Hospital...please...yes...okay...alright, fuck...yes, I'll press one. Yes...okay I'm wondering if you've had any reports of accidents. My fiancee is missing. White male, six feet, brown hair...blue eyes...medium build. Shit, fuck...no, I don't wanna be on hold-hello-I'm on hold."

Monica kept walking frantically around the apartment as she shoveled the cake into her mouth and walked over to the tray to cut herself another piece. Rachel and Phoebe sat, quiet, not sure what to do. Both were petrified. It was now midnight and Chandler had officially been missing for eight hours.

"Maybe we should look to see if he has drugs," Rachel said.

"I already looked. He doesn't have any here. I think he got better at hiding them," Phoebe said.

"Pheebs...why can't he be happy? I mean, I don't think he can be. You had shit too and-"

"I don't know," Phoebe said as Ross and Joey walked into the apartment. Ross threw Monica's Porsche keys on the counter as Monica looked at them, worried. The two had driven around the city to look for Chandler.

"Did you find him?" Rachel asked.

"No. No...we drove everywhere. We went to his office, he's not there...we checked hospitals-" Ross said.

"Maybe we should call the cops?" Joey asked.

"Mon did that already. Because he's a grown male and hasn't been missing for twenty four hours yet...there's nothing we can do," Rachel said.

"This is like college all over again. I can't believe he's pulling this crap again," Ross muttered.

"Well, screw you too," Monica yelled into the phone as she hung up. "He's not at Beth Israel Hospital. Where he is?"

Ross walked towards Monica as she began to cry. Ross hugged her tightly as she grabbed Ross' shirt. Joey walked towards the couch and sat next to Phoebe and put his head in his hands. Phoebe gently rubbed his back. Rachel moved to the other side of Joey, both women began to comfort him. Phoebe felt a surge of emotions swirling inside her. She knew the impact Chandler's actions were having on the rest of the group. She knew the affect it was having on her and she hated it. She resented that Chandler was making everyone so upset, that he was pushing away people who wanted to love him. She didn't get that. Phoebe had always embraced any kind of family she could get and didn't get Chandler's actions.

"Hey, guys what's up? What's wrong? Who died?"

They all jolted out of their trances and looked towards the door. Chandler walked in, carrying his briefcase and grinning as if nothing was wrong. Phoebe looked over at Monica, Ross seemed to be holding her back. None of them knew what to say when Joey calmly and quietly stood up and walked over to Chandler, suddenly lifted his fist and punched him square in the face. Chandler fell back and grabbed his nose. Phoebe and Rachel both gasped as Joey walked out of the door. Monica and Ross were both also stunned.

"What the fuck was that about?" Chandler asked.

"I'll be right back," Phoebe said as she got up, more concerned about Joey than she was about Chandler. She had never known Joey to act violently. None of them did...at least never violently towards them. It almost scared them because of it's sudden nature. Phoebe walked out of the apartment and into the Joey and Rachel's apartment. She walked towards Joey's room and opened the door to see him lying on his stomach.

"Joe."

"Leave me alone, Pheebs."

Phoebe walked over to the bed and lay down next to him. She continued to stroke his back as he stared at the wall.

"He's not well, Joe."

"I know. I thought he was dead. I thought he was laying in a ditch and he walks in all cheerful and ...we've spent the last eight hours looking for him. I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"I know."

"He's making it too hard for me to continue being his friend."

That statement hit Phoebe. Joey was always Chandler's biggest supporter. He supported him more than anyone else, stood up for him, would take a bullet for him and now Joey was giving up. Chandler had been missing for eight hours. Eight hours he had scared them. Eight hours without a call. Eight hours without explanation. Eight long hours.

Joey remained quiet until Rachel eventually returned to the apartment. She stood in the doorway as Joey turned and looked at her.

"How's his face?" Joey asked.

"It's alright. How are you?" Rachel asked.

"Angry," Joey said.

"Monica threw her engagement ring at him and yelled at him. She said that she's not marrying a drug addict and then she went into her room and closed the door. I came in here to check on you. Ross and Chandler are talking," Rachel said.

Phoebe nodded as Rachel walked into Joey's room and sat on the other side of him. The three sat quietly. The energy had been drained out of the room. Phoebe could feel it. The three of them were tired. Rachel wasn't even crying which freaked Phoebe out a bit. They were all just worn out.

It was around three in the morning when Phoebe walked back into Monica and Chandler's apartment. She had fallen asleep on the bed with Joey and Rachel and woke up. When she opened the door, the apartment was dark but she could see him on the balcony. Phoebe glanced towards Monica's closed door. She walked over to the window and stepped outside. He was staring at Monica's engagement ring, the ring he had looked so hard for, the one she had helped him find.

"Why are you making this so hard?" Phoebe asked. "Joey actually said to me that you're making it too hard for him to want to be your friend. Rachel wasn't even crying when she walked back into the room. Why are you making it so difficult to be your friend? I am so tired, Chandler. I am so sick and tired of trying to convince you that we love you and that we're your family. I always say you and I are a lot alike, but we're not. I didn't have family so I took what I could get and held on to them for dear life. Monica...Marjorie...Lowell...Duncan. It didn't matter. If they were going to love me and accept me, I was going to take it. Even if it would end as it did with Duncan, I'd still take it. You keep pushing us away and I don't get that. Why? And now...you're gonna lose Monica and Joey. Joey just punched you in the face. Joey? The man who couldn't even bear to deck you when you slept with one of his sisters, punched you in the face and I can't...I don't know what the hell you're doing Chandler, but please stop. You were missing for eight hours today and you never bothered calling us. Monica called the cops and Joey and Ross drove around the city looking for you...please tell me when it will be good enough. This is my birthday, Chandler. This is the third birthday of mine you've ruined and I don't know how much longer I can be your friend if you keep this up."

Chandler looked at her, his eyes glistening with tears. Her heart broke as she looked at him.

"Help me," Chandler said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What?" Phoebe said.

"Help me."

"How?"

"I don't know but I can't do this on my own. I need help, Phoebe. Joey Tribbiani punched me in the face."

"Yeah, he did."

"He doesn't wanna be my friend anymore?" Chandler asked.

"Not at the moment. You're pushing him away and you're pushing Monica away. Is that what you want?"

Chandler shook his head as the tears began falling down his face. She looked alarmed, he looked like a scared little boy. She immediately hugged him as he buried his face in her shoulder. He lifted his head up and stared at her.

"I need help, Phoebe. It's not working. My life plan...it's not working. I don't wanna lose Monica...or Joey...or you. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Phoebe held him as he was continuing to cry. She was frightened as he broke down. He was scared. She knew she had said the right thing.

"Hey...what's...what's going on?"

Phoebe turned and saw Monica stepping out on to the balcony. She looked concerned as she moved towards them.

"Chandler just asked for help," Phoebe said.

"He did?" Monica asked as Chandler broke from Phoebe's hug and walked towards her, placing a hand on each arm.

"Please, Monica. Don't leave me...please. I screwed up. I'm sorry. I can't have you leave me. Please. I've wanted you for so long. I can't lose you. Please help me. Please," Chandler said.

Monica looked at Phoebe, alarmed. He was breaking down and Phoebe had never seen him this broken down. Neither had Monica it seemed. Monica simply nodded and wrapped her arms around him as she held him, kissing him. Phoebe felt like she was intruding and slowly backed towards the window. She stepped back into the apartment and walked towards her room. She turned back to look at them. She noticed Monica hold out her finger and Chandler slide the ring back on. They continued to kiss and hold onto each other for what seemed like dear life.

The next day, Chandler had made a decision. He would be attending an intensive therapy and outpatient program until the wedding. Phoebe was proud of his decision and the day of his first session, Phoebe's apartment was also ready to be moved back into although unfortunately it had become a one bedroom apartment which meant Phoebe and Rachel could no longer be roommates. While Phoebe would miss being roommates with Rachel, she was definitely looking forward to getting back to being on her own. But instead of officially moving back those first few nights, she stayed with Monica. In fact all of them did. Chandler's withdrawals were worse this time around and instead of leaving her to handle it on her own, they all decided to spend the night in Monica and Chandler's apartment, helping Chandler through the night. The first night it was the worst. He threw up all night and was alternating between shivering and sweating. Even Joey was helping as Phoebe knew he would. No wonder what Chandler did, Joey just could not write him off completely. It took a few weeks though, but soon Chandler's withdrawal symptoms were completely gone. He was still going to therapy it seemed and according to Monica, every single day. He would go to work and go to the outpatient rehab. It did mean he wasn't around as much, but he was happier and slowly getting back to his normal self.

Phoebe, Monica and Rachel had begun a tradition ever since Monica had felt left out of Phoebe and Rachel's friendship. They had lunch every single Saturday. When Chandler began going through withdrawals, the lunches were put on hold but when he started to feel better, Monica suggested they go out again. Phoebe and Rachel jumped at the chance, thinking Monica could use a break. The girls met at their typical sushi restaurant to eat and discuss. Usually, they talked about their three boys and today was no different except today, they concentrated specifically on Chandler.

"So he is doing better?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah. He's sleeping through night now and he's going to therapy every single day."

"That was terrifying," Phoebe said, remembering Chandler's breakdown. "I have never seen him cry like that. I've seen Rachel cry like that but-"

"It was scary. I think he...I think he gets it," Monica said.

"I hope he does," Rachel said.

"He was scared about losing Joey," Monica said, grinning.

"Awwww," Rachel said.

"I went with him to therapy and we spent twenty minutes with him talking about how he was so scared he was losing Joey. I looked at him and went I almost called off our wedding and he goes I know...but I almost lost Joey," Monica said, laughing a little. Rachel and Phoebe laughed as well. It made sense in a strange and twisted way.

"You know you will always have to share him with Joey," Rachel said.

"I know." Monica said.

"Can I ask you a question? Just between the three of us...comparing your relationship to what you had with Richard, do you regret saying yes to marrying Chandler?" Phoebe asked.

"No. No, not at all. I mean, I know none of this would happen with Richard. I know Chandler has a lot of issues, things that stem really deep but...I love him."

"Would you have really called off the wedding?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah...well until he cleaned up...I'm not marrying a drug addict but the thing is and this goes no further, I knew giving him back my ring would force him to wanna clean up. I know he doesn't wanna lose me. I knew I wouldn't have to actually call off the wedding. I just did what I knew would scared the shit out of him and the two things that would scare him more than anything would be me calling off the wedding or Joey saying he didn't wanna be Chandler's friend anymore...and the fact that both of things happened and I didn't tell Joey to say anything...but the fact that it did...I knew. He is difficult though...but I don't think I can do any better."

Rachel and Phoebe smiled as Monica took a sip of her glass of wine. Chandler was improving. Day by day, he was moving forward and it made everyone happy. Phoebe especially. She loved when he was happy, loved when he finally realized it or at least she thought he did.

He had been clean for three months by the time of his wedding to Monica. Everyone was thrilled and everyone was back on good terms it seemed. Joey and Chandler were back to being strangely close. Monica was once again beyond excited for the wedding. Rachel helped all three of the boys pick out tuxes. Everything was back on track. Chandler and Monica had even flown to Las Vegas and had met with Chandler's dad who would be coming to the wedding. Everything was moving forward. Until it all suddenly stopped.

At the rehearsal dinner, Phoebe and Rachel had noticed Chandler acting a little strange. Ross had given a speech. Phoebe, Rachel and Joey would be giving speeches during the wedding. Rachel and Phoebe would be doing the 'I Told You So' song. Monica thanked everyone for coming, Chandler remained quiet. Phoebe saw Chandler's dad dressed in a black lace dress and Helena immediately gave Phoebe hug and the two talked. Phoebe didn't really pay too much attention to Chandler although she did notice he didn't drink at all. She had wanted to mention something but felt it wasn't the time.

When they got home, Monica was excited about the wedding and Joey had to go back to work on the movie he was shooting. Then came the knock and Ross handing Rachel and Phoebe the note that Chandler had vanished again. Something in Phoebe broke completely at that moment. They had been with him for the past three months, holding him as he went through withdrawals. Phoebe had put off moving back into her apartment so she could be there for Chandler when he needed it. He had begged Monica not to leave him. He had stood on that balcony sobbing. It was too much. Ross explained he was going to look for him. Phoebe and Rachel were at a loss and Phoebe made a decision, she could no longer be friends with Chandler Bing. Sure, she'd be friendly or cordial but he had run off. He had abandoned her, abandoned the group and even if he was found she would never treat him the way she once had. He was cut out of her life and that was it. It was too much and Phoebe Buffay had officially had enough.


	36. Chapter 36

**May 19, 2001**

The day of Monica and Chandler's wedding and Chandler was nowhere to be found yet again. He had been acting strange at the rehearsal dinner, but Phoebe hadn't really been paying attention although it seemed like now she should have. Ross had spent the night looking for him and could not find him and now it was the day of the wedding. Phoebe decided that maybe she should go help find him although part of her didn't want to...she almost hoped they would not find Chandler. She was so sick of him. They had spent three months helping him overcome this latest battle with addiction. Three months of staying up all night, making sure he was safe and now he had run off. She felt like she wanted him to stay lost but there was pregnancy test. The one she and Rachel had found in Monica and Chandler's trash. Monica was pregnant and because of that, Phoebe knew Chandler needed to be found.

Phoebe and Ross were walking back and forth around the streets of New York. They took cabs to Chandler's office, the gym, Central Perk, everywhere. They could not find him anywhere. Ross was pacing back and forth in front of the pizza place that Phoebe and Chandler called their lunch place, running his fingers through his hair.

"I don't...I-I don't...I can't-he cannot run out on my sister. I will kill him," Ross said.

Phoebe didn't laugh this time. Ross had given Chandler a whole strange big brother speech the night before about how if Chandler hurt Monica, he'd kick Chandler's ass. It had been funny and strange for Ross to make a speech like that, but now it wasn't all that funny.

"Well, where do you think he can be?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know. And you know what's worse?" Ross asked.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"He's clean. He ran off and he's sober," Ross said.

"I know," Phoebe said.

"I...I don't get it. I just...it's...I've known him for fourteen years. Fourteen. I've had enough. When does someone else get to be the center of attention."

"Well, today is his day to get attention," Phoebe said.

"Which he is supposed to share with Monica. Right now, we're not thinking of Monica."

Phoebe opened her mouth and quickly shut it. She was thinking of Monica. It was because of Monica that she was looking for Chandler at all. That damn pregnancy test.

"Okay, well...think. Where else can he be?" Phoebe asked.

Phoebe kept looking at Ross, waiting for an answer. She tried to think herself, but couldn't think of anything. She kept looking at Ross when suddenly a look came over his face. He shook his head.

"He's in Scarsdale."

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Come on. I know where he is. G-d, I'm an idiot."

"Wait, Ross...Scarsdale is almost an hour away and has a toll road."

"I know. He'll owe us money," Ross said as he hailed a cab and gave the driver an address. Phoebe wasn't sure what was going on but she trusted Ross. He seemed to know exactly where they were going.

About an hour later, they pulled up in front of the largest house Phoebe had ever seen in her life. It didn't look like a home at all. It was a community, it took up several blocks. Ross didn't seem as fazed by the massiveness as she did.

"Where are we?" Phoebe asked.

"This is his home."

"Wait-"

"The house he grew up in. Come on."

Phoebe followed Ross to the front door. Ross knocked and a small Hispanic woman opened the door with a smile.

"Hi, is Chandler Bing here?" Ross asked.

"Yes, he's in-"

Ross didn't wait for a response, just shoved past the woman. Phoebe smiled and muttered an apology as she followed Ross past a wide, wooden staircase and opened two big double doors and walked in. Phoebe saw him immediately. He was staring at a movie screen. Phoebe recognized the movie instantly as being one of the old _Monty Python _movies. Chandler had shown her them years ago. She had found them very funny but why was he there? Ross and Phoebe ran down the aisle and towards Chandler both taking a seat by him. Ross looked ready to punch him. She noticed as he made a fist and took a deep breath.

"I am going to kill you," Ross said, sounding very methodical. "Are you really going to do this?"

"Does she know?" Chandler asked, staring straight ahead.

"No and she doesn't need to know. We need to get back," Ross said.

"No. No...I can't. I can't do this," Chandler said.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Phoebe asked.

"She's gonna leave me. If we become the Bings, she's gonna get fed up and leave. My parents were the Bings and they crashed and burned. If she leaves...no...no...I can't...I-"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Phoebe asked, ignoring the freak out.

"If this fails-" Chandler said.

"Are you really that insecure?" Ross asked.

"Yes," Chandler said.

"You know...Chandler...I can't...okay, look if Monica hasn't left you by now, she isn't going to but the rest of us are pretty damn close. I mean, fuck...we just spent three months trying to make sure you were safe and okay. What else is it gonna take? You're gonna destroy the one thing you've wanted for as long as I've known you because you think she'll run out on you?" Phoebe asked.

"And you know...if you do run out, that's it. We can no longer be friends. That's a fact. If you run out on my sister...you are no longer my friend," Ross said.

"I-it's just-I mean...this...It's too huge...this whole thing is too huge. I can't-"

"Okay, Chandler listen... right now...no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. Okay, but you can do this. You can make that leap. You can make this work. Stop being so goddamned self destructive. You know this won't end. There are plenty of people out there who can make marriage work. Ross and Monica's parents. People do make it work and besides...there's another reason you have to go back," Phoebe said.

Phoebe didn't wanna break Rachel's promise but she knew what she had to say. She had known Chandler for long enough to know the words to make him come back, to make him look at what he was doing. She hoped Rachel wouldn't be mad but she felt she had no choice.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Monica's pregnant," Phoebe said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"What?" Ross asked.

"Rachel and I found the pregnancy test in the trash. Monica's pregnant...and...do you really wanna be that guy? Do you wanna be like my dad...or yours? You really wanna be like that? I know you love her so much and I know no one will work harder to make their marriage work than you and Monica will. Yeah, you'll be the Bings, but you'll also be the Gellers. You're marrying Monica. You think she's gonna lose at marriage?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm gonna be a dad?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh crap," Chandler said.

"So...you wanna go get married," Ross said.

"Not to you," Chandler said, giving him a smirk.

"He's coming back to us," Ross said.

"Seriously. Chandler, when will you stop this?" Phoebe asked.

"I can do this. What the fuck am I doing? No, no...I don't wanna be that guy. If she's pregnant, I need to be there...and I love her so much. Ross, I do. I love her...I can't...not having her would just be..."

"Let's go. Stop...just stop," Ross said.

"I'm sorry, Ross," Chandler said.

"I know. Come on...ready to go?" Ross asked.

Chandler nodded and stood up. He looked at Ross and the two men hugged. Phoebe smiled as the three walked out of the movie theater, turning off the movie and walking out to catch a cab. It took them an hour to get back into the city, but soon they made it. Phoebe walked into the apartment just in time in seemed as Rachel was about to crack, but instead Rachel covered and the wedding plans continued almost without a hitch.

Perhaps it had been Joey being flustered that had caused him to slip and mention in the midst of his officiating that Chandler had run out. He was still in his soldier costume, having raced off the set to be there in time to officiate Monica and Chandler's ceremony. He was most certainly flustered, having forgotten his notes and when he announced that Chandler had taken off, there was a gasp. Chandler's eyes widened as Phoebe and Rachel exchanged a look. Joey seemed barely aware of what he said. When Monica said her vows, Phoebe could tell Chandler was nervous and when Monica ended with a snide remark, Chandler took a deep breath. Phoebe knew he was thinking on his feet. He was good at that. Incredibly good at that and once again he succeeded, telling Monica that he would always be there. Phoebe teared up a little, knowing how happy both of friends were at that moment and it almost made up for what had happened earlier. Almost.

After the ceremony was over and everyone left to attend the reception, Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe returned to share a moment with Chandler and Monica before all the craziness began. Neither Chandler nor Monica could stop smiling.

"I can't believe this. It's amazing. You're married," Rachel said.

"I know. We're married," Monica said.

"And...okay, I wanna say something. I'm an asshole," Chandler said which led Ross, Joey, Rachel and Phoebe to all agree. Chandler let out a laugh, "I am so grateful and lucky to have each one of you. Please know that and I am so sorry for what I pulled today. I love this woman," Chandler said giving Monica a kiss. "I got scared not because of committing but...because I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you, Mon-"

"You're not losing me. I promise you. It doesn't matter how badly you fuck up...I'm in this. I'm not leaving this marriage. You are my husband. The fact that you could run off before the wedding and I still married you, that's your proof," Monica said.

"Thank you and to the rest of you...Phoebe, Joey, Ross, Rachel...I am so, so sorry. I promise to get my head out of my ass and be far more grateful that I have friends like you and thanks for not giving up on me. Thank you for being there these last three months. Thank you for always being there. I know I have not made it easy...I want you guys to be okay with me again," Chandler said.

"We are. We always will be...it's just...can you please start make it easier for us to be your friend...'cause that would really help us out," Rachel said.

"Yeah. That would," Joey said.

"I will do my best." Chandler said.

"Alright...now, can we please celebrate?" Monica asked.

Ross, Joey and Rachel agreed and all hugged Chandler and Monica, but Phoebe remained stoic. She could not get past what Chandler had done. It angered her more than she thought it could. She had never thought he would do something like that. Chandler must have noticed Phoebe's expression because he walked over to her, giving her a look.

"Do you hate me?" Chandler asked.

"No. It's just...you ran out. I mean...the stuff with the drugs and then you running out, it's just..."

"I'm happy, Phoebe."

"You are?"

"Yeah."

"You're actually happy?" Phoebe asked, wondering if she had ever heard him say that.

"Why wouldn't I be? I just married Monica."

"And you're gonna be a dad," Phoebe said.

"No, I'm not."

"What?"

"Monica's not pregnant," Chandler said.

"But I found the-" Phoebe said before biting her lip and looking over at Rachel who was talking to Monica, smoothing out Monica's veil. "Oh."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Did you really find a pregnancy test in the trash?" Chandler asked.

"No...no...I...never mind."

"Pheebs?"

"It's nothing."

"Wait...is Rachel pregnant?"

"No."

"Are you?"

"No."

"Okay, Pheebs. It's gotta be one of the three of you. I'm doing power of deduction here.."

"I don't know...let's just focus on today, alright," Phoebe said, gently stroking his arm and kissing him on the cheek.

"Alright...okay, I'll find out soon enough. I just wanna make sure you don't hate me."

"I don't."

"Okay...'cause, I mean, I know our friendship has changed a lot over the years, but I still think of you one of my favorite people."

"You're one of my favorite people too, Chandler. If you weren't, I wouldn't get as mad."

Chandler nodded as the two hugged, tightly and the went to join the rest of the group. Phoebe kept glancing over at Rachel who kept absentmindedly touching her stomach. It all seemed so crystal clear now. It was not Monica at all. It was Rachel.

"It's you," Phoebe said.

The wedding reception was going on and Phoebe and Rachel were sitting side by side, watching as Monica and Chandler share their first dance together. Rachel looked over at Phoebe, she had been glancing through some note cards for their "I Told You So" speech.

"What?"

"Monica's not pregnant. Chandler told me and I'm not pregnant...and even though I never took Sex Ed, I'm going to assume that Joey, Ross and Chandler aren't pregnant. That leaves you."

Rachel let out a sigh, "yeah, it's me."

"Oh my G-d, Rach."

"But Pheebs, I don't wanna talk about this. Not now."

"Whose the dad?"

"Phoebe."

"This is a big deal."

"I know. I don't wanna discuss it now. Please? I wanna give our speech," Rachel said.

"Alright," Phoebe said, letting out a sigh as they continued to watch Chandler and Monica finish dancing. Her mind was swirling as she tried to comprehend what Rachel was saying. She tried to focus on Chandler and Monica, both looking so happy. They walked back to the table and sat, both beaming.

"So, you two gonna do your speech now?" Monica asked.

"Yes," Rachel said, standing up and giving Phoebe a look. Phoebe nodded and stood as well.

"I've been waiting for this forever, Chandler grinned as he clapped his hands together. "It's why I decided to not run out."

"Too soon," Monica said.

"Sorry," Chandler said.

Phoebe and Rachel walked towards the front as people began tapping their glasses.

"Hi, I'm Rachel. I'm the Maid of Honor."

"I'm Phoebe...a bridesmaids and we both consider Monica one of our favorite people."

"Yeah...and Chandler," Rachel said.

"Yeah. He's okay," Phoebe said.

"Thank you," Chandler yelled.

"I've known Mon since we were a couple of six year olds and I officially became friends with Chandler when he was twenty five, although he acted like a six year old. Chandler and I though have had a few run ins over the years. He and I actually went to camp together when I was eleven and he was twelve and he was such an awesome person. As many of you know, he's a bit prankster and he's also very protective so if you hurt one of his friends, he will prank you. That is his revenge. I wasn't very nice to once of his friends in camp so he filled my bed with peanut butter. Years later, he covered my car with peanut butter. It took two months to get out, Bing. But um...despite his jokes and his pranks and he is the funniest guy I know, he's also one of the sweetest. He's always there with a hug and a kind word or a joke and I am so happy that we are finally friends and okay, in camp, you gave me a friendship bracelet," Rachel said as she held it up, "you said that if I ever needed a friend, I'd just have to look at it and know I had one. I said at the time that I would think of Sean Cassidy. Well, it's been twenty years and when I look at this, I no longer think of Sean Cassidy. I think of you...and Monica...you are...I can't even...I am honored to be called your friend. You are a sister and seven years ago, I showed up needing a place to stay and you took me in with open arms, no questions asked and I will never be able to thank you enough. I love you, Mon...and okay, I have something else. Um, Phoebe and I have thought forever that Monica and Chandler would be getting married one day and I found this," Rachel reached into her purse and pulled out an old faded piece of notebook paper. "This a MASH game. If you can see it. Monica and I did this when we were high school seniors. I think we were bored. I found Monica's game. Now, I don't know if you guys can see this but okay, Monica, you were gonna live in a mansion, own a dog, live in New York, have 25 children...better get working Chandler...and you were gonna drive a Volvo and your husband...is Chandler. She loved you even then, Bing and MASH doesn't lie. I told you then I thought that one day you would be marrying him and it thrills me to no end to say these words to you...I...told...you...so. To Monica and Chandler."

Phoebe smiled as everyone clapped for Rachel. Rachel put everything back in her purse and looked over at Phoebe, nodding for her to continue.

"Alright, Rach...okay, Chandler and Monica in many ways I owe my life too. Chandler...what a lot of people don't know and I am going to tell this and I'm sorry, Bing. I grew up homeless. I spent ten years not having a place to call my own and I managed to work a little bit and save enough money for one semester of college. I had gotten my GED years earlier. I was on the subway once coming back from class and I saw Chandler. I had actually run into him years earlier when I was sixteen. He was behind me in a movie theater and paid for my ticket for the worst movie ever made...it was called, Hot Dog: The Movie. He asked for my number after and I couldn't give him one. But when I saw him again on the subway when I was twenty one and he was twenty. I told him all about my life and he ended anonymously paying for not only the rest of my education, but my books and the state exam I would have to take. I am licensed masseuse because of Chandler Bing. Yes, he is the funniest guy in the world and he does freak out easily...but he's got one hell of a heart and okay, Monica...see when I was almost done with school, I figured I would go look for a place and I saw this ad in the paper and this girl asked me to be her roommate. I had no phone number, no bank account, there was no way for her to do a background check...all she had was my word and she took me in, immediately giving me a home, giving me friends and giving me family. Monica, you're amazing and so are you, Chandler and the two of them together...I owe the world to and I also knew they would get married one day. I knew from the moment I met Chandler and the way he talked about Monica. They were friends for a long time before they got together and if Monica would date another guy, he would hate that guy when the relationship ended. He would look at me and go, 'you don't break up with Monica. If you date Monica, you keep her and you never let her go' and he would always say, 'when I have my chance, I will do everything in power to never let her go'...Monica also always loved him. She always knows exactly what to say to calm him down and he knows what to say to calm her down and years ago Monica told me that if she and Chandler got married, I could stand up at her wedding at say these three things. One, Monica is the worst roommate ever...I love you, but former homeless girls don't really care where the guest towels go, two...you're also the greatest friend I've ever had and three...I told you so."

"To Monica and Chandler," Rachel said as she reached for a champagne glass. Phoebe looked over at her, wondering if she was actually going to drink. As everyone followed suit, Phoebe watched her closely as Rachel merely touched the glass to her lips but did not drink. They walked back to the table as Joey got up and walked towards the front to say his speech.

"You okay?"

"I deserve an Oscar for that," Rachel said.

"Rachel."

"Phoebe...please, Joey's speaking."

"I know...it's just...okay, are you going...are you going to keep this one?"

Rachel gave Phoebe a look and took a deep breath. Phoebe knew she had pushed a little too far.

"I'm sorry," Phoebe said.

"No, it's fine...I...I just...it's a shock. It happened and...it wasn't planned and there was protection...I don't know. I just...I need a friend."

"You got one."

"Thank you...now let's listen to Joey profess his love for Chandler," Rachel said.

Phoebe smiled as she reached down to squeeze Rachel's hand. They turned towards Joey who was talking about how much Chandler meant to him and how happy he was for his friend. He talked about how Chandler used to be his Wing Man, although he sucked at that and then brought up the first time he had ever met Chandler which was apparently not when they were first roommates but when he was at a Halloween party at Joey's home in Queens. Chandler had been seventeen, Joey eighteen.

"You know what's strange?" Rachel asked.

"What?"

"We're all linked, the six of us? We all go back...even without realizing it. I mean, Chandler and you met when you were kids, Joey and Chandler met...you met Monica and I. Chandler was in and out of my life...and then of course, Monica, Ross and I...and you and Joey met a couple times...I know we mock you for all that spiritual stuff but...the six of us were meant to be friends, weren't we?"

"Yeah. It seems like it."

"And now...this group is going to have an addition," Rachel said.

"That baby will be so loved, Rach. They'll have Monica as an aunt and Chandler as an uncle. That kid will have awesome organizational skills and be able to pull off the greatest pranks ever...and that kid will have you as a mom and you will be fantastic."

"Thank you, Phoebe."

The two hugged as Joey walked over to Chandler and hugged him and the party continued out on the dance floor. Phoebe kept to her word, not bringing up anything else with Rachel and just enjoying the wedding. Rachel seemed to be doing the same thing. although she seemed quieter, even Monica had picked up on the mood change and was going to ask until Chandler walked over to her.

"Mon, they're cutting the cake," Chandler said.

"Okay...but Rach, this isn't over," Monica said.

"Go eat cake please," Rachel said.

"Are one of you going to be eating two slices of cake?" Chandler asked.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Chandler," Rachel said.

"It's my wedding. I can ask as many inappropriate questions as I want," Chandler grinned.

"You're on thin ice, Bing," Rachel said.

Chandler grinned as Monica pulled him off. Ross and Joey walked up behind them.

"Twenty bucks says he smashes her in the face with the cake," Joey said.

"Oh no...he already knows he's in trouble over what happened earlier. He wouldn't do that. She'd kill him," Phoebe said.

They watched closely as Monica and Chandler cut the cake. Phoebe smiled as Chandler very gently fed Monica a piece of wedding cake. She was going to say something when Rachel touched her arm.

"Oh, G-d...I know that look," Rachel whispered.

"Me too," Ross said.

Monica had raised an eyebrow, ran her tongue over her teeth as she stared directly at Chandler. She picked up a big handful of cake and proceeded to smash it in Chandler's face. Chandler began laughing as the other four cheered. Monica was grinning.

"I can play," Monica said as the two kissed.

"They're gonna make it. They're gonna be fine," Rachel said.

"So will you," Phoebe whispered.

Rachel smiled as they watched Chandler retaliate by smashing a little cake in Monica's face. The two continue to share kisses as they wiped off their faces and walked onto the dance floor while the cake was being served. Phoebe could feel the tears fill her eyes as she looked at them. She looked over at Rachel who also seemed to be crying as well. Ross noticed and grabbed Rachel's hand, pulling her onto the floor. It was then Phoebe noticed the look on Rachel's face as she stared at Ross. Something in her eye told Phoebe the truth and at that moment, she knew exactly who the father of Rachel's child was.

"Oh my G-d."

"What?" Joey asked.

"Nothing."

"Dance with me, Pheebs."

Phoebe nodded as Joey pulled her on to the floor and placed his arms around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and began to feel sad. She was now thirty three and still single. Her marriage to Duncan had crashed and burned. She had three babies but had to give them up. Rachel was pregnant. Monica and Chandler were married. She kept wondering when it would be her turn. While she was happy, there was something missing. A part of her that still felt a void and dancing with Joey, it became more and more apparent that she knew what it was. She wanted a husband of her own. A husband that wanted her. She wanted kids that she didn't have to give up. She wanted a family.


	37. Chapter 37

**May 2002**

Something broke between Phoebe and Chandler the day Chandler had run out on Monica before their wedding a year earlier. Everyone else forgave him. Everyone else just moved on. Even Monica just forgave him. Phoebe couldn't seem to move past it. It was such a breach, she felt. They had been through so much, so much crap and she had trusted him so much. She had been abandoned so many times in her life. People promising they would never leave and then suddenly they were gone. Her mom was dead and she didn't speak with her biological mom anymore as she had moved to Cabo to teach pottery to the locals. Her step dad was still in prison and she had not spoken to her father since that brief moment they shared years earlier. They had abandoned her. Duncan had also abandoned her and to some extent, so had Leslie.

She thought Chandler would never be that type. She thought he would never break that promise but he did and he kept breaking it. He had ruined three birthdays, sure her thirty fourth birthday came and went without a hitch and Chandler was trying. He was clean, he looked and seemed healthy, but Phoebe could not bring herself to trust him again completely. Maybe that's why she had thought introducing Monica to Don had been a good idea. She had gone out with Don, a British foodie and he reminded Phoebe of a male Monica. Phoebe had loudly declared, in front of Chandler, that Don was Monica's soul mate. She knew she was hurting Chandler by discussing this, purposely causing him to feel insecure and freak out. Monica was furious when she had found out what Phoebe had told Chandler. She had told Phoebe that she had to spend twenty minutes calming Chandler down after the whole Don incident. Chandler didn't talk to Phoebe about it at all. He never told her he was hurt or upset with her for it. Phoebe knew he wouldn't but when she invited him to go to lunch at their favorite pizza place and he declined, she knew she caused the rift to grow between them and she wasn't sure how they would ever get back to where they once were.

Now, there they all were at the hospital, while Rachel was in labor. It had been the longest pregnancy in the world and had truly felt like Rachel had been pregnant for a year. Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and Monica were waiting, sitting for any news from Ross on where Rachel was with giving birth. As they were waiting though, there was an underlining tension. While it wasn't so visible that it was obvious to anyone walking by, it was still there.

"I'm getting a soda," Joey said.

"Me too. You want anything, Mon? A Baby Ruth?" Chandler asked, grinning. Monica let out a snort. Earlier, there had been a moment, a break in the tension when Monica thinking she would freak Chandler out, told him she wanted a baby and he did not have the response she was expecting.

"Get away from me," Monica joked.

"Dude, I'm bored. I'll race you to the vending machines," Joey said.

"Joe, you're thirty four...that is so-" Chandler began before taking off running. Joey's mouth dropped.

"Your husband's a dead man," Joey said as he ran off after Chandler. Monica let out a laugh. Phoebe turned back to read her magazine.

"Pheebs...why do you hate my husband?"

"What?" Phoebe asked, a little taken aback by that. She looked up from the magazine article she was reading and looked at Monica, confused. Where the hell had that come from?

"You and Chandler. Why do you hate him?"

Phoebe let out an annoyed sigh and rolled her eyes. She was in no mood to discuss Chandler, none at all.

"I apologized for the soulmate thing. It was stupid. Let's move on."

"I know...it's just...you two used to be really close. So close that I thought you guys were dating when you first moved in. He still won't tell me if you dropped that plate of spaghetti on my couch on purpose or by accident."

Phoebe smiled, remembering the Thanksgiving she and Chandler has spent together in the apartment while Ross, Carol, Monica and Kip had gone to Monica and Ross' parent's house for Thanksgiving. They had made such a mess and Phoebe had accidentally dropped an entire plate of spaghetti on the couch. It had been such an amazing day. They had ended it by swimming in a fountain. It made her sad to think those days were gone.

"It was an accident," Phoebe grinned.

"Sure it was."

"Alright, Mon...let me ask you...do you forgive him?" Phoebe asked, closing her magazine.

"For what?"

"For running out the day of your wedding? We spent three months helping him through drug withdrawals...for the second time-"

"It was the third time for Ross and I," Monica said.

"Yeah...you forgive him?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes."

"You were planning a wedding at the same time your fiancee was recovering a serious addiction and then he vanishes the day of the wedding. You still forgive him?" Phoebe asked.

"Yep," came Monica's response.

"How?" Phoebe asked.

"Because I know him. I mean, yes...I was really hurt when I found out he did that and how I found out was humiliating. I'm standing there at the altar and then Joey makes some flippant comment about Chandler running off...it was awful, but...I don't think I can do better than him. Yeah, that Don guy was fantastic. You're right, he was the male version of me... but I like that Chandler isn't like me. I love that. I love that he can calm me down and that knows exactly what to say or do. I love that we both work so hard to make this marriage work and it's working. Really well," Monica said.

"But-"

"Yes, he ran off. But I look at it like he was so afraid of our marriage failing that it freaked him out. He didn't run because he was afraid of commitment. He didn't run off because he didn't wanna marry me. This wasn't like Barry and Rachel. He ran off because losing me would be too much for him and in a sick, twisted way...it's kinda sweet."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He'd rather be in control of losing me and deal with the fall out from that rather than me just one day decide to leave him and then him having to figure it out. Is it messed up...G-d, yes. But I get it and I understand him and don't worry...when we got back to the honeymoon suite, we fought about him running out. We did. We fought...and then you know, I gave him a little spanking and we had a lovely time," Monica said, smiling.

"Ooooo, Mon. Kinky."

"He deserved it."

"Didn't know you two had it in you."

"Pheebs, he's the son of drag queen and an erotic novelist. He may not be exactly like his parents. He can be wild. But he's my husband and you're my best friend and it kills me to see your friendship just deteriorate and I know it kills him. After that whole Don thing, he even asked me why you hated him that much."

"He did?" Phoebe asked.

"He really thinks you hate him, Pheebs. He thinks the reason you introduced me to Don was because you actually wanted me to fall in love with Don and divorce him. I mean, he's not gonna come right out and tell you...but yeah, he is convinced you hate him."

That broke her heart. The last thing she wanted was for Chandler to feel like she hated him. That wasn't it at all. She let out a sigh as Chandler and Joey walked back, tossing something back and forth. As they got closer, Phoebe realized they were tossing a doll they had apparently gotten from the gift shop and were tossing it back and forth like a football while eating candy bars.

"Seriously?" Monica asked.

"What? Does this freak you out?" Chandler asked, grinning. "Joe, go long."

"Yeah, baby," Joey said backing up as Chandler tossed the doll towards him. Joey jumped up to catch it but lost his footing on the way down and ended up falling backwards into a nurse who looked pissed off.

"This is why we don't play in the halls," Chandler said.

"Boys, sit," Monica said.

Chandler and Joey sheepishly walked back to their seats and sat down. They still kept tossing the doll back and forth. Phoebe felt sad, very sad. She wanted to forgive Chandler. She desperately wanted to move on, but she couldn't figure out how to do it. Every single time she tried, she just kept thinking about how he left.

"I'm gonna get coffee. Chandler, you wanna come with me?" Phoebe asked.

"No, I'm okay. But thanks," Chandler said, smiling at her as Joey tossed the doll at his head. "Dude...gentle. Right, Mon."

"Yes," Monica rolled her eyes.

Phoebe felt like a jerk. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to explain herself but he wouldn't give her the chance. It was almost as if he was afraid to be alone with her.

"Chandler, honey, I'd like coffee. Can you get me some?" Monica asked. Phoebe smiled a little as Chandler looked from Monica to Phoebe and back at Monica.

"Sure, babe...Joe, you wanna come with me and get coffee?" Chandler asked

Phoebe let out a snort. She was starting to feel angry.

"Chandler, I would like to talk to you. Alone. Without Joey or Monica. Can we talk?"

"I...I don't really wanna talk to you...or talk...I don't...I just..." Chandler said.

"Wow, this more awkward than the time I professed my love to Rachel." Joey said.

"You know what...Joey, let's you and I get coffee and leave these two alone," Monica asked.

"Alright," Joey said getting up. He and Monica walked off leaving Phoebe and Chandler alone. Phoebe was staring at Chandler who picked up the doll and began tossing it and catching it in the air.

"I don't hate you, Chandler."

"I know."

"I am also sorry about the Don, soul mate. I didn't mean to activate your insecurities."

"I know."

"Please talk to me."

"About what, Pheebs?" Chandler asked as he stopped tossing the doll in the air and placed it in the seat next to him, "I have apologized a lot. I have spent the last year apologizing. I have not had a single drink or a single drug in a year. I know I acted like a complete ass last year but I do not think I need to apologize for it for the rest of my life."

"You abandoned me."

"When?"

"When you walked out before your wedding-"

"I walked out on Monica. I wasn't abandoning you and if Monica can forgive me-"

"You don't get it. If you had walked out...if we hadn't of found you, you would be walking out on all of us. Not just Monica and...I mean...I just never thought you'd be that guy and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the Don, soul mate thing but I don't know how," Phoebe said.

"I don't know what else to say...although that soul mate thing really hurt. You wanted Monica and I to get together. You want us to divorce now, too?"

"No. I was angry...I'm sorry, Chandler. I don't hate you."

"Then you gotta start being nicer to me," Chandler said. "I mean, you used to be nicer to me."

"Okay but then if you start to freak...please tell me. Don't run off again...please?"

"I'm not. I won't."

"You know...I think you'll make a great dad," Phoebe said.

Chandler let out a snort as he looked at the doll again, spinning it around in the seat.

"Please."

"No, I'm serious. You'll be a great dad. I mean, you'll know what not to do. You'll be there."

"I hope. Although...I think I'll be great uncle."

"Definitely can see that."

Chandler and Phoebe smiled at each other but did not get up to hug each other. Phoebe had tried and so had he. Perhaps there was no turning back now. They would never get to where they once were.

When Emma Geller-Green was finally brought into the world, Phoebe as well as the others could not wait to see her. It had been quite possibly the longest labor in the world which had come after the longest pregnancy in the world. Rachel was absolutely thrilled to no longer be pregnant and looked truly exhausted as Emma was passed around. When Phoebe held her, she could feel tears in her eyes. Emma was beautiful, a perfect mixture of Ross and Rachel. She had Ross' big brown eyes, Rachel's lips and perfect constantly tanned skin. Chandler was standing by her while Phoebe held Emma. He gently placed his arms around her shoulders. She smiled at him. He kept staring at his niece as Phoebe gently handed Emma to Chandler.

"Hey, little Emma. I'm your Uncle Chandler. I will be the best uncle ever. I swear...when your parents and aunt Monica drive you nuts, you find me, kid."

"Oh, G-d...our child is gonna cover our cars with peanut butter," Rachel grinned.

"No, no...I'll start her off small. Little pranks. Like whoopie cushions and stuff. The big pranks will come later," Chandler said.

"She'll be lucky," Rachel said.

"You're gonna be a great uncle," Phoebe said.

"And a fantastic father," Monica said.

"Really?" Rachel asked, looking from Monica to Chandler.

"Seriously?" Ross asked.

"Yeah...Mon and I are gonna start trying," Chandler said, "we're gonna give you a cousin, Emma."

Phoebe gently rubbed Chandler's back as he kept staring at Emma. They all were. There was something about the way he was staring at his niece, so filled with love.

"Monica's right. You're gonna be an amazing father, Chandler," Rachel said.

"Thanks. Wow, she's gorgeous. Thank G-d, she only takes after Rachel," Chandler grinned as he gently handed Emma back to Rachel. It was one of those moments Phoebe loved. A moment they all loved when it was just the six of them, although now it was seven.


	38. Chapter 38

**October 2002-December 2002**

After Emma's birth, Phoebe was more determined to find someone. She was lonely, very lonely. Monica and Chandler had each other although she was a little pissed again at Chandler when he inadvertently agreed to go to Tulsa for his job. She thought it was ridiculous for him to go especially since he hated his job. The anger she felt for him returned quickly but her loneliness and desperation to find someone made her put her feelings of anger about Chandler leaving again on the back burner. She wanted someone so she enlisted Joey's help.

Phoebe called her friend Sue Ellen because she thought Joey would like her and Phoebe had thought Joey would bring a friend of his. He had said the friend's name was Mike. At the double date, it soon became apparent that Joey had no clue who Mike was. It was embarrassing and when Mike showed up the next day at Central Perk, she wasn't sure how much she wanted to talk to him. He seemed cute and nice. He was a piano player but the deception she wasn't sure about. But he was a smooth talker and she decided to go out with him, one date. They met at an Italian restaurant and across from each other in one of the dimly lit booth as Phoebe asked him questions.

"So you are a piano player...tell me more. Like...where are you from? Where did you go to high school?" Phoebe asked.

"Well, I grew up in upstate New York and um...I went to boarding school," Mike said.

Phoebe raised an eyebrow, something in her gut told her to press further.

"Really?"

"An all boys boarding school in Scarsdale."

"One of my best friends went to an all boys boarding school...what was it called?" Phoebe asked.

"The Perry School. Why? Do you know someone from there?"

"It might be a stretch...but um...Chandler Bing?"

"I know him," Mike said, his eyes getting big.

"No, you don't."

"Yes I do...I definitely don't know your friend, Joey. But Chandler Bing lived in my hall. I was friends with him. He let me play on his Commodore 64 a lot. He was really funny and a very good tennis player...he had a car...awesome car-"

"Sally," Phoebe said.

"You know of Sally?" Mike asked.

"I've seen pictures. Heard stories."

"Does he still have that car?" Mike asked.

"No. Sally died," Phoebe said.

"Awww...how?"

"He drove Sally into a house," Phoebe said.

"Oh. Does he hang out at Central Perk a lot?"

"Yeah but now he's traveling back and from New York and Tulsa for work. But he lives in New York. He's been married for a little over a year," Phoebe said.

"Really? What's her name?" Mike asked.

"Monica."

"Awwww, not Lizzie?" Mike asked.

"No," Phoebe said. She hadn't heard that name in a long time. Chandler had told her about Lizzie once, a girl he had known when he was younger. A girl that amongst the six of them was now referred to simply as, 'the oh crap girl'.

"Wow...weird. I'd love to see him again."

"He'll be back in town tomorrow. We're usually at Central Perk in the late afternoon. We're there every single day."

There was something about this guy. Something about Mike she liked. She had only had that feeling twice in her life. That feeling of not wanting the night to end, of wanting to absorb herself with the man sitting in front of her. Once was with Duncan and the other was with David. Her hope was this would end better.

The next day, Mike met her at the coffee house as they had planned. She was curious if Chandler would remember him and then if he remembered Mike, would Chandler would tell Mike that she was a horrible person. She was worried. Ever since he had gone to Tulsa, things had returned to tense between Phoebe and Chandler. When he had said goodbye to the group, she had shoved him out the door. She didn't want to hear his goodbyes as he left. She had felt like he was abandoning them yet again.

"Hey, Bing...can I play with your Commodore 64 later?" Mike asked.

Phoebe shook her head and jumped at the sound of Mike's voice. She had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she hadn't even noticed Chandler, Joey and Monica walking into Central Perk. Phoebe looked at Chandler who was staring at Mike until it seemed to dawn on him.

"Mike Hannigan. What the hell are you doing here?" Chandler asked as Mike got up to give him a hug.

"I'm going out with Phoebe," Mike said and the way he said it made her feel a bit tingly. "Cool, Mike, this is my wife, Monica and um...my buddy, Joey," Chandler said.

"Joey and I have already met," Mike said.

"Dude, we're not playing that anymore," Joey said which made Chandler look at Joey with a look of confusion. Monica and Phoebe just laughed..

"What?" Chandler asked.

"I'll explain it later, honey," Monica said, patting Chandler on the back as the three took seats. Chandler sat on the other side of Phoebe.

"So you're dating, Phoebe?" Chandler asked.

"Well...yeah, we're dating...right?" Mike asked.

"Yeah," Phoebe said.

"Pheebs is awesome...even though she hates me," Chandler grinned.

"I do not hate you," Phoebe said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, you know who Phoebe is, Mike?" Chandler asked as Phoebe's eyes suddenly began to widen. She had feeling as to what story Chandler was going to tell and she hadn't told Mike that she was homeless yet. She was always so scared of telling anyone about that past of hers that she almost never did.

"Chandler," Monica said.

"She's the girl. Remember the blonde chick who blew me off when we went to see the Hot Dog Movie? Phoebe was the blonde chick," Chandler said, sounding very excited.

"Really?" Mike asked.

"I didn't blow you off, Bing. Can we talk about something else?" Phoebe asked, getting nervous.

"Yeah, Mike was supposed to come with us actually, but he didn't want to," Chandler said.

"'Cause it was a horrible movie," Mike said.

"Well, yeah...but turns out...she was not actually blowing me off. She was homeless," Chandler said and suddenly it seemed liked everything just stopped. Phoebe looked at Chandler who was sitting with a stupid grin on his face, completely oblivious to what he had said. Phoebe looked at Mike who just looked stunned.

"What?" Mike asked.

"Smooth," Joey said.

"Wait...you were homeless?" Mike asked.

"You haven't told him?" Chandler asked.

"No, Chandler," Phoebe said, glaring at him.

"Crap," Chandler said as it dawned on him what he had done.

"Honey, let's go for a walk," Monica said, getting up. Chandler nodded and stood up. "Joe, come with us."

"Got it," Joey said standing up.

"Wow...I am getting good at leaving uncomfortable situations," Monica said as she, Chandler and Joey walked out of Central Perk leaving Phoebe and Mike alone.

"You were homeless?" Mike asked.

"Yeah...for ten years. From ages of fourteen to twenty four. It was my Sweet Sixteen, that day that I met Chandler for the first time. He paid for my movie."

"How did you end up homeless?"

"My mom killed herself and I ran away before they could put me in foster care. I made friends on the street and that's how I survived...and I did other things too. I worked really hard, Mike...to get to this point. I got my GED. I have a masseuse license. I have an apartment. I did a lot to make my life good. I mean, I did get some help. I wasn't completely alone, but a lot of stuff I had to do myself."

Phoebe's heart beat out of her chest as she looked at Mike, trying to figure out what he was thinking. She didn't want him to leave. She had only known him a week but she wanted him to stay...although she wasn't going to start begging. Suddenly, a smile soon appeared on his face.

"That's amazing, Pheebs."

"You think so?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah."

"So I didn't blow Chandler off," Phoebe said.

"I believe it...although, I remember he totally thought you did."

"I'm sure and he still does," Phoebe said.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Mike asked.

"What would he have done? And given that you guys went to an all boys school, what would you have done with a tall, blonde chick," Phoebe said. Mike got a look on his face which made Phoebe laugh, realizing what she had just said. "Shut up."

Mike leaned in and kissed her. She loved kissing Mike. They really had only been together a week but it had been an amazing week. It had been incredibly and the weeks soon turned into months. Phoebe was truly enjoying this new relationship, sure there had been a few bumps. Ross had almost screwed everything up by telling Mike that Phoebe had never had a long term relationship. David had come back from Minsk for a brief visit and Mike had caught them in an embrace and of course, the horrors of meeting Mike's parents. Phoebe wasn't sure what had gotten into her. Her brain to mouth filter had completely broken down. She had started saying things that no one should be saying in public but it did not seem to damage their relationship at all. Mike actually just seemed to like Phoebe and she felt the same. She had always thought that David and Duncan were her true loves. Her heart was for those two, but as 2002 came to a close, it seemed as if Mike was taking over completely.

It was Christmastime now, Phoebe was spending the holiday with Rachel, Monica, Ross and Joey as she always did. Chandler was in Tulsa. Mike was with his parents and Phoebe had declined the offer. After what had happened with meeting them the first time, she really didn't want to repeat the experience. Phoebe could not stop talking about Mike.

"You're all giddy," Rachel grinned, as she peered into the baby carrier that held a sleeping seven month old, Emma.

"I know and he said for New Years, he has something special planned," Phoebe said.

"Awwww...I'm so going to live vicariously through you. My husband won't be here for New Years," Monica said.

"Who am I gonna be with for New Years? I'm a thirty two two year old single mother," Rachel said.

"We'll just kiss each other," Monica joked.

"What?" Joey asked, suddenly perking up from across the room where he was staring out the window.

"Nothing, Joey," Rachel said. "You know, Mon...why doesn't Chandler just quit this damn job? I mean, he hates his job. He's hated his job for...how long has he had it?"

"Eleven years," Monica said.

"Wow and he's in Tulsa for a job he hates and that company just seems like an awful company to work for. I mean, they forced him to move without a raise and they...I don't know," Rachel said.

"He's a coward, that's why he won't quit," Phoebe said.

"Phoebe, you have to be nice to Chandler in 2003," Monica said.

"Yeah, you don't like Chandler anymore," Rachel said.

"I do too. I like Chandler," Phoebe said.

"No, you don't," Joey grinned.

"Yeah, you hate him," Ross said as he walked towards the chair and sat down.

"What? Wait, do you all think I hate Chandler?" Phoebe asked when all of them together that yes they all thought she hated him. That made her heart sink a little. She hated that. She hated that they truly believed that she hated him. "Okay...but seriously...alright, let me ask you. I asked Mon this when Emma was born. He ran out before the wedding. He has screwed us all over many times. How do you guys forgive him? I don't give me, 'I just do.'"

"You know, I was thinking about that...I mean, it really sucked what he did but and...here's thing, we always make comparisons between you and Chandler and we say how you two are so similar because of how sucky your backgrounds are but they're really not similar. You had to learn survival skills, Pheebs. You had to learn how to live to see the next day so you could take the crap and just put it aside because you had to find something to eat or whatever...Chandler had no one protecting him. That's why he keeps pulling this crap. It's how he protects himself. It's why he keeps telling jokes. It's why he keeps trying to fuck things up with us. He's trying to protect himself," Rachel said.

"That's why I keep forgiving him," Joey said, "come on, he has screwed me over a lot. He hooked up with my sister, he kissed my girlfriend, he fell asleep at my movie premiere...he forgot to give me that message about the show I was on. He's fucked up with me a lot. But I'm not letting him push me away. He's my friend. My brother and that's it."

"That's how I look at it too. He keeps wanting to see how far he can push us because I think it would be easier for him to deal with us leaving. I disagree. I don't think he'd crumble if we'd all left, it's us staying that he's not sure how to deal with," Ross said.

"See...you just gotta look at it that way," Monica said.

"I do love him guys...it's just-" Phoebe said.

"Hey guys...it's snowing," Joey said, suddenly and soon the attention shifted to outside as they all began watching the snow. It made Phoebe miss Mike. It made her feel sad about Chandler as well.

"Merry Christmas, you guys."

Phoebe, Joey, Ross, Monica and Rachel all turned to see Chandler walk through the door with a grin on his face. They were all shocked. Monica ran to him and hugged him.

"It's a Christmas Miracle," Joey remarked.

"What are you doing here?" Monica asked.

"I quit," Chandler said.

"You finally quit your job?" Ross asked.

"Yep...it was a stupid job. Look, I love my life right now. I got the best wife, forgiving and patient friends...the most gorgeous niece in the world and Em, we are still trying to get you a cousin...I've also been clean and sober for nineteen months. But I hate that job. I've hated it for eleven years. I wanna be happy in every part of my life and that includes my job," Chandler said.

"I can't believe you finally quit," Rachel said.

"I did," Chandler said.

"So what do you wanna do now?" Rachel asked.

"Not a clue," Chandler said. "But I know I don't wanna do that."

"Oh my G-d...I think I like you again," Phoebe said as Chandler let out a snort.

"Thanks, Phoebe," Chandler said as Monica kissed him again. Monica grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the window where the six continued to watch the snowfall. Phoebe looked at Chandler who could not stop smiling.

"You actually just said you love your life right now?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...I mean, it's not good enough yet, but it's pretty damn close," Chandler said.

"Good. I'm sorry," Phoebe said.

"Me too," Chandler said as he hugged Phoebe and gently kissed her on the head. Phoebe noticed Monica beaming as well. Phoebe knew how badly Monica had wanted Chandler and Phoebe to make up. Phoebe could feel the anger she had towards Chandler melting away and slowly being replaced by the love she had always had for him. He was figuring it out which made her incredibly happy.

2002 was ending perfectly. For New Years, Mike took her to Times Square. She had not been there in so long. They sat together although now it seemed far colder than it had the last time she was there. Perhaps it was the age but she had remembered it being far more fun. She didn't relay that to Mike though, just happy to be with him.

"Wow...this is amazing," Phoebe said.

"So are you, Pheebs. I'm glad you're here with me."

"G-d, Mike...it's been a long time since I've felt this way about anyone. I mean, Duncan was so long ago. I spent my twenties waiting for him to come back and David...he's in and out of my life so much that I don't know what I would even count him...but meeting you, it makes me feel good and I'm so glad we recovered from all those horrible bumps," Phoebe said.

"Minor."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. Chandler finally quit his job."

"Nice. You know, he called me...after the thing with Ross telling me that you hadn't been in a serious relationship."

"He did?" Phoebe asked, getting nervous.

"Yeah...well, we talked about high school and crap but he said that you were amazing and the strongest person he had ever met and if I ever hurt you, he's gonna have Joey punch me in the head."

Phoebe laughed as she shook her head. Chandler was definitely making it difficult for her to keep hating him.

"By the way...Joey and Chandler? What gives?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, we all think they're secretly lovers," Phoebe grinned. "They say they're just close friends, but we don't buy it."

Mike laughed, "hey, okay...I have another question. Um, I know you love this and I am out here in the freezing cold for you. I've done this before as well but...I don't remember it being this cold or have this many people."

Phoebe let out a sigh of relief, so thankful Mike had said it first. For so long, she had loved Times Square on New Years. She had been in Times Square watching the ball drop from the ages of fourteen to about twenty four. It had been her thing but now, it just seemed rather annoying.

"I think it's always been this cold and crowded in Times Square on New Years. I think we're just old," Phoebe said.

"Crap, you wanna go somewhere warmer? And quieter," Mike said.

Phoebe nodded as the two grabbed hands and continued to walk off. Mike leaned into kiss her. She smiled as they continued to stroll along the streets of New York. Yep, it was looking like 2003 was going to be a very good year.


	39. Chapter 39

**February 2003-April 2003**

It had to come out sooner or later and how Phoebe had never realized it sooner was beyond her. That kid she had mugged. The kid she had stolen the money from to buy that purple dress from Rachel's aunt's story. The kid whose comic book she read every single day, the comic book, the money, the backpack...it belonged to Ross Geller. It had all started with a chance meeting with her old friend, Lowell. Lowell was still homeless, still mugging and had tried to mug Phoebe and Ross. He had not recognized Phoebe but she had instantly recognized him. He looked the same. Ross was freaking out the entire time but she ignored it until Ross had told Phoebe how he had been mugged in front of a comic book store. He had mentioned buying linzor tortes and having money in his wallet and it all became crystal clear. It had been Ross.

"You are friends with the kid you mugged?" Marjorie asked.

Phoebe decided immediately to tell this story to Marjorie as she might understand it more than anyone, after all Marjorie had been with her during that time. So she took Marjorie and the two went in search of Lowell, took him to lunch and over drinks Phoebe complained.

"Yes. I've been friends with him for eleven years. What the hell?" Phoebe asked.

"That kid scared easily," Lowell said, picking at his cheeseburger.

"'Cause I traumatized him and why are you still mugging people?" Phoebe said.

"Hey, some of us do not have the luxury of having a trust fund kid help us out," Lowell said.

"Hey, now," Phoebe said.

"I didn't have a trust fund kid help me out and I have a loft," Marjorie said.

"Fine, some of us don't have trust fund kids to help us and some of us aren't hot," Lowell said.

"And the linzor tortes were for my friend, Monica and I still don't know what the hell those are," Phoebe said.

"Wow, she lost a lot of weight," Marjorie mused.

"So let me get this straight. You're friends with the kid you mugged-" Lowell said.

"Yes."

"You're also friends with the bitchy salesgirl who you stole from?" Lowell asked.

"Yes, I am. She's actually really sweet," Phoebe said.

"She was awful," Lowell said.

"Actually, I've met her. Pheebs is right. She's really nice. She was a bitch back then but man, what a turn around," Marjorie said.

"Yeah, Rachel even has a little girl now, named Emma. She's really cute," Phoebe said, "but what am I gonna do?"

"Well, you were really worried when Rachel came into your group and when you told her you stole all those clothes from her aunt's story, you said she brushed it off and ended up apologizing to you," Marjorie said.

"Yeah, but Rachel is different. She's...she's like all heart. She may not have been back then but now, she so sensitive and kind hearted Ross is...Ross and I've never been as close to him. I mean, we're closer now, I guess. I always liked Chandler and Joey more because they're easier to talk to and Ross almost destroyed my relationship with Mike...I don't know."

It freaked her out having to tell Ross the truth. Ross was never good at looking at things from someone else's perspective. Where Rachel could see what could cause Phoebe to do what she did, Ross was another matter. He had always had a jealous streak. He always seemed to twist things to make him seem like the victim. His marriage to Emily? While Phoebe and the rest of the group sided with Ross, it was Phoebe's friend, Bonnie who had pointed out the obvious. Ross had said the wrong name at the wedding, Emily's entire reaction had stemmed from something Ross had done. He had always been so good at painting himself as the victim and she knew that he would probably do that with her and she had been right.

She told Ross at Central Perk. She had waited for him and when he came in, she told him that she had been the one to mug him. He was furious. He yelled, told her he had traumatized her and wouldn't let her speak. He ended up storming out, almost knocking down Chandler who was wearing white shoes on them with yellow flames. He seemed to be rolling along.

"Whoa, whoa...calm down there sparky," Chandler said as he rolled towards Phoebe.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Phoebe asked.

"You know I got that advertising internship? Well, I have to figure out how to sell these shoes and...well I'm almost thirty four years old and I hate them...so I figure I'd wear them and pretend like I'm ten years younger and love them."

"And?"

"Not quite working. What was up with Ross?"

"Alright...remember I told you that story about how I mugged a kid in Long Island and then used the money to buy a dress from Rachel's aunt's store?"

"Yeah."

"Turns out...Ross was the kid."

"Are you joking?"

"No and I just told him and he didn't handle it well. Well, no...he handled it like Ross. It's just...it was my first mugging."

"Well, thanks for not mugging me," Chandler said.

"No, I thought you were cute."

"Thanks. Explain it to him," Chandler said.

"That you're cute?"

"No, he knows that. It's obvious he thinks I'm dreamy. Talk to him about the mugging," Chandler said.

"I tried-"

"Try again. You know it takes more than one time to get through to Ross," Chandler said.

Phoebe nodded as Chandler sat across from her at the tiny circular table. He stretched out his his legs and stared at the shoes, shaking his feet back and forth. Phoebe let out a snort. After Chandler had quit his job, he decided that maybe advertising would be the way to go and he had landed an unpaid internship. While he was complaining about being ten, twelve years older than everyone in the program, he seemed to be enjoying himself.

"You seem happy. You enjoying your internship?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes, but what am I gonna do? I feel so old. One of the kids looks like the kid who jumped into the pool naked during the first episode of the _Real World: Hawaii_ and they don't even know who Laurel and Hardy are or who Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton are? How do they not know?" Chandler asked. Phoebe laughed as Chandler looked at her with a pained expression. She knew that look. He had gotten it when she had first moved in and she explained to him how she didn't know who those old comics were and had never seen any of those movies that he loved.

"You may have to show them," Phoebe said.

"Seriously. I may have to bring a projection screen into the office tomorrow. It's not acceptable and how the hell am I gonna sell these?"

"Well, they don't look comfortable."

"Oh, they aren't. I feel like my father breaking in a pair of heels," Chandler mused which made Phoebe laugh more. Chandler grinned as Phoebe laughed her signature, loud laugh. "I miss that sound."

"What?"

"I miss making you laugh like that," Chandler said. "I don't feel like I've made you laugh like that in a long time."

"You have...I just have been keeping it inside," Phoebe said. It dawned on her that he was right, she hadn't laughed at anything he had said in so long. She had been so consumed with all the anger she had for him, she had forgotten how funny he could actually be.

"Oh...well, don't do that. I hate these shoes. I can't believe I...I came all the way down here in these shoes and I-"

"Wait. you went down six flights of stairs in those shoes?" Phoebe asked.

"You know I like to live on the edge," Chandler said.

"But that just sounds really dangerous."

"Hey, I have not had a drink or a pill in two years. Don't make give up doing every stupid thing I would like to do or think to do," Chandler said.

"Fine, then can I be the first to sign your body cast when you break every bone your body from wearing those shoes?"

"Sure."

"Can I choose the color of the cast?" Phoebe asked.

"There's not a chance in hell."

"Damn," Phoebe grinned.

"In fact none of you will be allowed to pick the color of my full body cast. I trust none of you" Chandler said.

"Not even Monica?" Phoebe asked.

"I trust her least of all. She'd probably make it pink and then get them to spray paint, 'I'm an idiot,' across the front," Chandler said.

"I could see that...but you know, hey, you still smoke from time to time. So you still haven't given up everything stupid."

"Don't argue with me while I'm wearing these shoes...'cause I realized that when I fall, my legs can kick really high," Chandler said. Phoebe started to laugh harder and Chandler was just beaming. It had been a long time since they were this comfortable, this happy with each other and Phoebe hoped it would last.

"Hey, in all seriousness, you know what you should do. Take Ross to the junkyard," Chandler said after they had both calmed down a little.

"You think that will work?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes, It's hard to imagine how hard your life really was until you're seeing it, you know. I know it made an impact on Monica and I and Rachel and Joey...Ross is the only one who hasn't been there, right?"

"Yeah. But you guys asked to see it. He's never asked and-"

"Maybe you need to show him. I showed him how I grew up."

"Chandler, that wasn't a house...that was a commune."

"It got really lonely...a lot. Could you imagine being an only child in that house? With parents like mine."

"Yeah...that would be lonely...and I know that wasn't a home, but it's just-"

"You need to show him. He's not gonna ask. Take him. That's my advice."

Chandler continued to stare at his shoes as Phoebe let that sink in. He had a point. Maybe she needed to show him. She grew up differently that Ross had. She had not mugged him out of anger or hatred, she had mugged him because she wanted to have money for a birthday party. Her birthday party.

After her talk with Chandler and helping him back up the stairs after he refused to take them off because inspiration had not hit him yet, she went home and found that old box filled with stuff from the street. She looked and found the backpack that said Geology Rocks on it. That had survived the fire. She looked into it and smiled slightly as everything was still there. She grabbed it and called Ross and asked him to meet her a few blocks from the junkyard. She was stunned when he agreed. When he arrived, he looked at her a bit suspiciously.

"Are you here to mug me again?" Ross asked.

"Come with me," Phoebe said, grabbing his hand.

"Is that my back pack?" Ross asked.

"Come," Phoebe said as she walked off, Ross sped up and began to walk beside her. They both walked in silence as they approached the junk yard. She walked through the chain link fence and towards the burnt out Buick. She sat and put the backpack on her lap. Ross sat next to her.

"Why are we here? That is my backpack."

"Can I talk? Ross, I've taken, Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey here...on three separate occasions. I took Monica and Chandler together years ago. They asked to see it, all four of them. This is where I grew up. Before I went to Prague, I called this place home. This is your backpack. It survived the fire and..." Phoebe pulled out the wallet and handed it to him.

"My wallet...there was money in here."

"Yeah, I was homeless and...here," Phoebe said, pulling out the comic book.

"Science Boy? My comic book."

"Yeah, I didn't mug you because I wanted to piss you off. It was my fifteenth birthday and my first official birthday on the streets and I wanted to have cake and drinks and...an outfit. Lowell, the guy you met, told me I should mug someone. He wasn't being mean or anything...he was teaching me survival tactics and we took a subway to Long Island and I saw this kid and I did it and I was horrified and I will never forget that look of terror on the kid-your face. I felt horrible, but I wanted to have a birthday party and...Marjorie had said that I had to celebrate surviving to fifteen and then make a wish to hopefully survive till sixteen. That's what my life was like, Ross. You, Mon, Joey, Rachel, Chandler...you knew you would live to see the next day. I mean, my sixteenth birthday...after that movie that Chandler paid for...he went back to his boarding school in Scarsdale to hang out with his buddies and bitch about how I screwed him over because he bought me movie tickets and like a hundred dollars worth of candy and I couldn't give him a phone number-"

"It was a hundred dollars worth of candy?" Ross asked.

"Well, half of it I put into my guitar case and took back here to eat later."

"How did he not put it together that you might be homeless?"

"Because he was fifteen and was thinking like a fifteen year old boy and when he went back to his school to complain, I came back here and was almost stabbed to death by some escaped convict. I led a different life Ross and I'm sorry I didn't put it together it was you. If I could go back...no, if I could go back, I'd still do it. I had nothing. You had money and linzor tortes," Phoebe said.

"I didn't have linzor tortes?"

"You were trying to get them...here-" Phoebe pulled out the envelope that had Monica's childhood writing scrawled on it.

"Oh...linzor tortes," Ross said, staring at the envelope.

"I still don't know what those are but I used the money to buy a dress from Rachel's aunt's store. In fact, I was in there while she was on the phone and said they would have to fumigate the place because homeless people were in it."

"Oh...that sounds like something she would have said back then. This was your home."

"Yes. Ross, this is where I lived. I hope you don't think I was trying to ruin your life. I wasn't. I was trying to..."

"Survive. Wow...I can't believe you kept Science Boy."

"I read it every single night. I memorized it. I thought it was so good and I'm sorry I mugged you Ross. I'm sorry that I traumatized you."

"No...I'll get over it. You did what you needed to do to survive and I hope the money gave you a good fifteenth birthday."

"It did. I had cake and an outfit...and booze...some food."

"Sounds like a party. I ran home and told my parents and Monica that I'd been mugged by a guy and they were gonna call the police, but I told them not to. I knew I had been mugged by a girl who had her hair pulled back and I knew she was shaking when she did it...and I still got scared and I didn't didn't want everyone to know that I had gotten mugged by a girl. So I said I didn't get a good look at his face...I was too nervous. Although, after that, Rachel came over...I guess she was done working and she wanted check up on how I was. It was the first time she had noticed me...although, she did mention that there were some smelly hobos in her store and they bought some dress and she wondered how they had money. She said it was probably from prostitution," Ross grinned.

"Wow...Rachel really was something back then, wasn't she?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh yeah...Chandler used to call her a national treasure."

"Didn't he used to call her a coyote?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes, like Wylie Coyote...the best part of the cartoon is when the coyote runs off a cliff. Chandler was waiting for her to run off a cliff," Ross said.

"Wow," Phoebe said, laughing.

"He hated her and it was mutual. She would pretend not to know him and he'd cover her car with peanut butter...it's actually a testament to her that both of you like her so much now."

"Seriously," Phoebe said.

The two sat silently staring out at the rest of the junkyard. Phoebe kept glancing over at Ross, trying to gauge his reaction, but he was hard to read.

"How come you never tell me any of this?" Ross asked.

"What? You know everything," Phoebe said, confused.

"No...it's just...the rest of them know more. Joey, Chandler, Rachel, Monica...they know stuff I don't. I know they do...just why?"

"Well...okay...Ross, you're...you can be far more judgmental than the rest of them."

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are. You have a very set way of thinking and it is hard for you to see someone elses point of view."

"Pheebs-"

"Okay, your wedding to Emily? Yes, what she was asking was ridiculous but you did say the wrong name. Her demands weren't out of the blue. When you and Rachel broke up...the first time...she is allowed to have a separate work life, away from you. I mean, at that time, it was the first big job thing Rachel had ever done entirely on her own...she should have been allowed to enjoy that. You aren't good at seeing things from other people's perspectives."

"That's blunt."

"I know. I've known you for so long and you never asked to see the junkyard or Port Authority which by the way, was were I was living when I moved in with Monica. I remember you asking so many questions. Chandler recognized me and I was so worried he was gonna rat me out, but he didn't and...you wouldn't...if you knew, if you had your way, you would've convinced Mon to not let me move in with her."

"I tried."

"You did?"

"After we met you for the first time, Monica was adamant about you living with her and Chandler also was completely on board and I thought it was ridiculous. Monica said you were homeless and Chandler said he had a feeling that you probably were...I didn't realize it was a feeling because he knew and paid for your education...but he thought it was a great idea and I kept going, this is absurd. You were homeless...I'm glad Mon didn't listen to me."

"Me too. I mean, I get it...having a homeless girl live with you is odd...but both Mon and Chandler were telling you it was okay and they both had their reasons-"

"Wait, but I didn't know Chandler's reasons. I didn't know any of that."

"I know...but they were both on board. Alright, Ross you wanna know something the other four know that you don't?"

"Yes."

Phoebe took a deep breath, as she looked at him. She wasn't sure she should be mentioning this to him, but it really was the only thing the others knew but Ross did not.

"But you can't judge me like you did with this mugging thing. The other four know this happened. Okay, you know I was in Prague with Duncan and Joey and Chandler told you how he left me alone a lot...well, they didn't tell you everything. I killed someone in Prague."

"What?" Ross asked, stunned.

"I was at a club on my twentieth birthday and I was dancing and having fun and this guy whom I had been seeing casually named, Tomas got really mad at me and took me back to his apartment where he raped and tortured me for twenty four hours. When he passed out, I managed to get myself free and stab him. His drug and alcohol levels were so high that his death was ruled accidental."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

Ross' entire demeanor changed. Phoebe watched as he looked down, he looked rather sad. Phoebe hoped he wouldn't tell, wouldn't start calling her a killer.

"You know...it wouldn't have been considered self defense because he was passed out when you stabbed him."

"You're judging me."

"Oh, no...I think you did the right thing."

"You five are the only ones that know...and Duncan. None of my friends from the street know. Mike doesn't know. You can't say a word and you can't bring it up to tease me or anything. It's not like stealing from a boutique. Legally, there's nothing Rachel or her aunt can do about it. But this...please, Ross, I need your word that this will never be mentioned to anyone."

"I won't. I promise."

"Good. I'm not proud of it...it's the worst thing I've ever done. I wanted so badly to be happy Ross. To have a home and friends and a job...and I always felt like I was being pulled back, everytime I got super close. That's why I owe everything to Chandler and also Monica."

"That's why you get so mad at him."

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you got out of here. I'm glad Monica and Chandler didn't listen to me."

"Me too...although, Ross how come you never asked see the junkyard? Monica, Chandler, Joey and Rachel all asked and you never did. Chandler said he took you to see where he grew up...you never asked."

"Why? Why would I ask? You're not there anymore. You're not homeless, Chandler's not lonely and abused. You're not those people anymore...you're above it. You both rose above it and became normal functioning members of society. I do believe that people are a reflection of how they grew up...but you've risen above the pain, why go back there? When Emily and I broke up, when Carol and I broke up...I kept going back to that dark place and it was holding me back. Why would I want to see a place that gave you...or Chandler...the darkest moments of your life? That's why I never asked. It's not 'cause I don't care...it's 'cause you aren't there anymore. You know, when Rachel and I first dated...I thought I was dating the ninth grade fantasy I had. I kept thinking she was that fourteen year old...but she wasn't-"

"She's better."

"Exactly. But it took me a long time to come to terms with that...and I lost her in the process."

"You think you two will ever get it right?"

"I don't know. Every single time we try, we fail...but there's no point in going back when the person you are now is completely different...you know what, keep this," Ross said, handing her the comic book.

"What? Really?"

"Yeah. It obviously meant a lot to you."

"It did. I would take it with me to the library everyday and look up all the science words. I would imagine other stories. I loved Science Boy."

"Keep him," Ross said, handing the comic book to Phoebe.

"Thank you," Phoebe said as she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She loved having moments to share with Ross. She didn't have as many but the ones she did have, she treasured.

The calmness, the peace didn't last long as soon her relationship with Mike took another turn. It had seemed so perfect, her relationship with Mike. They got along so well and she loved him. She had completely opened her heart again, thinking she had finally found that one. He was funny and sarcastic...understanding and kind but he didn't want to be married. At first she didn't mind. She and Mike could live together and not be married. She would give up that dream, but she found she couldn't. She wanted so badly what Monica and Chandler had. She loved Ross' dream that despite all his failed marriages, he would still find his special someone. She was one of the only single people left in her group. Even her friends who had lived with her during those street years were all in serious relationships and even though Rachel was single, she had run out on one wedding and got drunkenly married another time. She wanted that pure happiness, that commitment. There had been a movie, years ago, with Michelle Pffiefer that she and Chandler had gone to see called,_ Up Close and Personal_. Michelle Pffiefer's character proposes to Robert Redford's character. Robert Redford explains that he's always with her anyway and Michelle Pffiefer's response was that she wanted to know he was legally required to be there. Phoebe wanted Mike to not just be there...to be legally required to be there and to want to be there. This realization spelled the end of her relationship with Mike.

That one hurt, hurt as much as the break up with Duncan. Her heart ached for Mike. She was sick of be alone, of walking into her darkened apartment. Sure, her friends helped. Monica made sure she didn't Mike, Rachel took her to drinks, Joey offered to have some Friends with Benefits pity sex...Chandler had brought over the Hot Dog movie, but nothing worked. She was losing footing. She knew she was falling and when it resulted in her masseuse license being temporarily suspended for inappropriate conduct, she knew she had hit rock bottom. She had been desperate to get over Mike and had done something she shouldn't have. She knew it was wrong but when Chandler found out, it seemed the bottom fell out completely and not only had she lost Mike but she feared she would lose Chandler as well.

She wasn't sure why it hadn't occurred to her that Chandler would be pissed. She had been fired before and he had never said a word, but this...this he did not let go of. It was the middle of April when her license was suspended. She had noticed Chandler's entire demeanor change when she said it, right before he had gone to Vermont for the weekend. She had noticed Monica stare at him and shake her head, but Phoebe didn't bother asking. It was just another piece of crap that that had happened to her in the last few months, but it was when they were sitting at Central Perk, Chandler and Ross talking about their Vermont trip, when Phoebe casually mentioned playing in front of Monica's restaurant. She didn't pay attention when Monica tried to shush her, looking back and forth between Phoebe and Chandler.

"Wait...you played in front of Monica's restaurant?" Chandler asked.

"She didn't want me to...but I did anyway," Phoebe said.

"Huh, when are you getting your license back?" Chandler asked.

"I don't know...soon, probably," Phoebe said.

"Hmmm, yeah, that was money well spent, right?" Chandler asked, grinning.

"Excuse me?" Phoebe asked, noticing finally the look of anger flash in his eyes.

"Chandler," Monica said.

"Wow...suddenly, I want a cookie," Rachel said.

"Me too," Joey said.

"I'm right behind you," Ross said.

Joey, Rachel and Ross got up and immediately walked towards the counter, leaving Phoebe, Chandler and Monica alone.

"What is your problem?" Phoebe asked.

"Nothing," Chandler said.

"Guys, you've been getting along so well...let's not ruin it," Monica said.

"You obviously have a problem with me," Phoebe said.

"I have no problem with you...and it doesn't really matter anyway because I know I'll somehow end up apologizing because it will be my fault," Chandler said.

"Chandler, I've had a very difficult few months. Mike and I broke up and..."

"I know...just...when I hear stories like when you got fired or you know...you got your license temporarily suspended...it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside that I paid for your entire education using my money. Nothing makes me feel better or more appreciated."

"Chandler, this has nothing to do with you," Phoebe said.

"It has everything to do with me," Chandler said.

"I tell you all the time that I appreciate what you did for me," Phoebe said.

Their voices were getting louder as people began to look at Phoebe and Chandler. Monica sunk deeper into the couch, her head in her hands.

"Show me," Chandler said. "Don't say it. Show me. Don't get fired or suspended-"

"Joey gets fired all the time and you pay for his stuff," Phoebe said.

"That's different. He's an actor, actors get fired from stuff and what I've spent on head shots and acting classes comes nowhere near to what I spent on you," Chandler said.

"I can't...you really are gonna hold the trust fund money over my head for the rest of my life?" Phoebe asked.

"If you keep fucking up like this I will," Chandler said.

"Chandler," Monica said.

"It's been a rough few months for me. I'd like some compassion," Phoebe said.

"I can't...I have to go," Chandler said, shaking his head and getting up. He began to walk toward the door.

"Oh, look...it's Chandler doing what he does best. Walking away and avoiding the problem completely," Phoebe said which made Chandler turn. Phoebe noticed a look she had never seen in his eye, pure anger.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? This is gonna be my fault, again? I have been sober for twenty six months...which by the way, thanks guys and I am so sick of this. I have worked so goddamned hard to prove myself. I'm the only one of the six of us that has never been fired. I quit my job and somehow went from an unpaid internship to an an associates job. So obviously, I am doing something right. I am sick of apologizing and Phoebe, this isn't my fault. You lost your job. You lost your career. I'm sorry about Mike, really I am...but you're gonna go in front of Monica's restaurant and try to make money by singing? You're gonna sabotage her career? Newsflash, Pheebs...your singing sucks. They didn't doctor your voice in the Smelly Cat video because you were Celine Dion."

"Chandler," Monica said getting up and walking towards him. Phoebe sat, mouth open, eyes wide, she had never seen Chandler explode like that. She had never seen him angry and yelling. That was more Ross' territory. She looked over at Ross, Joey and Rachel who all seemed equally stunned. Phoebe didn't know what to say when tears suddenly filled her eyes. She wasn't sure what she felt. Anger? Sadness? She had pushed him too far, she knew that.

"I have to go. I can't be here...everyone, enjoy your coffee. I need to go," Chandler said, running his fingers through his hair and walking out. Monica looked back at Phoebe with a look of sympathy.

"Why? Pheebs...I was...why did you start?" Monica asked without waiting for the answer. She ran out after Chandler. Phoebe remained seated, silent as everyone in the coffee house seemed to be staring at her as if she was supposed to provide some answer for Chandler's outburst. She couldn't. She had never seen him like that, no one had. Sure, he had freaked out tons of times before but standing in the middle of the coffee house screaming, it was as if he had taken on some other character. Phoebe felt as Rachel, Joey and Ross sat by her. Rachel putting her arm around Phoebe. Phoebe shook her head and stood up, walking quietly out of the coffee house and began walking. She walked until she reached that old junkyard again and sat down in that burnt out Buick, staring at had once been her home. She began to cry as she sat there thinking that maybe things had been simpler than. All she needed was to survive. Heartbreak, trauma and fall outs with friends could take a backseat to figuring out how she was going to get her next meal.

She sat there for a long time, watching even as the sun began to set when she saw him. He was standing there by the gate of the junkyard. She recognized him immediately. He walked towards her, saying nothing at all. She had no idea how he had found her, how he had known she'd be here but there he was. He walked towards her and sat next to her. She looked at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

"Mike's an ass...just so you know. He's an ass," Chandler said.

"Yeah...I'm sorry," Phoebe said.

"I know. Me too."

"How are we gonna fix this? Fix what's happening between us? 'Cause that hurts more than losing Mike."

"I don't know, Pheebs. I don't know."

Phoebe felt the tears come again and this time she could not stop crying. She was crying over losing Mike, over her career...and over the loss of a friend. Chandler placed his arm around Phoebe and she rested her head on his shoulder as he kissed the top of her head and they remained sitting silently, watching as the sun continued to set, closing the chapter on that day and friendship that would never quite be the same.


	40. Chapter 40

**May 2003**

Ever since Chandler had yelled at her in the middle of Central Perk, ever since they had sat side by side in the burnt out Buick in the old junkyard, there had been an unspoken truce between them. Neither one wanted to say much, fearing what would happen if they did. They were still friendly as they both knew they would never be able to break off their friendship completely nor did either one really want to. Besides as the months grew on, a bigger issue was taking over both Monica and Chandler's lives. It seemed that despite all their trying, they were unable to get pregnant. This crushed both of them and the other four tried hard to comfort them, but what could they say? Phoebe and Rachel had been pregnant and for them it had been so easy but for Monica, the one who no doubt wanted it more than they did, it was impossible.

"I don't get it," Monica said as tears filled her eyes. The three women were sitting together, eating brunch. Emma was sitting in a high chair next to Rachel as Rachel fed Emma. Monica looked at the little girl as she began giggling when Rachel raised a tiny spoon filled with food and pretended to fly it near Emma's mouth. After feeding Emma, Rachel placed the spoon down and turned towards Monica.

"What did the doctors say?" Rachel asked.

"I have an inhospitable environment and Chandler has low sperm motility and note to both of you, if either one of you tease him about it, I will never speak to you again," Monica said, looking more towards Phoebe when she said it. Phoebe bit her lip as she let out a sigh.

"I'm not gonna make fun of him about that, Mon," Phoebe said.

"Okay...I just know things have been awkward between you two," Monica said.

"I'm not going to make fun of him about that," Phoebe said.

"How's he taking it?" Rachel asked.

"Well, he's not really saying much...but ever since we found out, the string of inappropriate jokes has been endless," Monica said.

"That bad?" Rachel said.

"Yesterday, he came out of the bathroom and said he could of sworn he saw one of his sperm fly out and give him the finger as it was going into the toilet," Monica said.

"Oh, gross...Chandler," Rachel cringed.

"He also informed me that he probably cannot watch porn anymore because he has to start rationing sperm. I may kill him," Monica said.

"I'm sorry," Phoebe said.

"It's just...this isn't fair. How come I don't get to be pregnant? You two got to be pregnant and I don't? I mean, Rach, you got pregnant by accident...Phoebe, you got pregnant as a favor...I'm the only one that really wants it. I've wanted this for so long. It's not fair," Monica cried as Rachel and Phoebe reached for Monica, each holding one of her hands in theirs. Rachel and Phoebe had always thought the most unnerving thing in the world was to see Monica cry as they both considered her something of their rock. She was the one to help them, care for them. Monica had opened her home to both of them, getting Phoebe off the streets, helping Rachel start a completely new life. It seemed so cruel, so unnecessarily cruel that the mom of the group was unable to be a mom herself.

Phoebe got the call at around eleven that evening. It shocked her to hear his voice and she knew he was in trouble. She immediately got into a cab and took it towards the Pub 2 Bar and Grille, a restaurant/bar she knew was near his office. She walked in and saw him there, sitting at the bar, hunched over. She walked over to him and that's when she noticed the tall glass of beer sitting in front of him.

"Chandler?"

"Take it away from me, please?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe nodded as she took the beer away and began to drink it as she sat next to him. She wasn't sure what she felt for him in that moment, the awkwardness that had been there seemed to melt as she wished she could help him but she had a feeling what was upsetting him was something she would be unable to fix..

"I'm sorry. I didn't know who else to call. Joey's with Charlie. Ross was busy...Rachel and Monica would have freaked out. I didn't drink anything."

"I believe you."

"Shit...you know, Pheebs. I never wanted kids. Ever. I thought I'm not bringing kids into this world. Look who my kids would have as grandparents? My parents...there was no way I would ever want a child going through the crap I've gone through. But then I met Monica and the one thing this woman wants more than anything this world...and I can't give it to her. I promised her I would do everything to make her happy. Everything. She wanted to use my trust fund money to pay for our wedding, I made some calls...I will do anything to make her happy and I can't do this. I worked late and then I went for a walk and came in here...ordered a beer and then called you," Chandler said.

"I'm proud of you for calling me. Did you call your wife?"

"No. She's been calling but I don't...she'll be pissed and-" Chandler said as his phone which lit up. Chandler looked at it, as did Phoebe who noticed HOME appearing on the Caller ID. It was Monica. Phoebe reached for it and flipped it open.

"Mon. Yeah, he's at Pub 2. Okay...no, he's sober. He's just upset. Alright...okay," Phoebe said, "she's on her way." Phoebe closed the phone and looked at him.

"I want that beer so badly. It physically hurts me how badly I want that. How much I just wanna get wasted. I went to a meeting after a work...that's where I walked to but it didn't work. You should have seen the look on Monica's face when we got the news and I got the news first. I had to tell her. I didn't wanna tell her. Why did I have to answer that damn phone? I screen every phone call I ever get...except that one time. I answer the phone one time and that's what I get?" Chandler asked. Phoebe looked at him. She wanted to say something. She knew Monica was just as upset and it killed her.

"I'm really proud of you for calling me, Chandler. It took courage."

"I feel like a coward."

"You're not and I know things haven't been good between us, but I love you so much and this will happen. Maybe something else in store for you, but you and Monica will have children. Monica Geller-Bing was to put on this planet to have children."

"Not by me and that's what kills me."

Phoebe gently stroked his back as she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the head. She slowly drank the beer as Chandler stared off into space. They waited until Monica walked through the door and towards them. She sat on the other side of him, Phoebe tried to read the look on Monica's face, but it was hard to gauge her reaction.

"He didn't drink. He ordered the beer and then called me. He also said he went to a meeting after work tonight," Phoebe said.

"I broke my promise to you, Mon. I promised I'd do everything to make you happy and I failed. I can't give you the one thing that will make you happy...and I know I sound dramatic, it's just...I wanna...you know I wanna make you happy and I can't-" Chandler said.

"I'm happy you're sober and you called Phoebe. I do wish you called me first-"

"I didn't want you to worry," Chandler said.

"I will always be worried. Look, Chandler we will get through this. We've been through so much already and this isn't your fault."

Phoebe's heart broke as she watch Monica put her arm around Chandler and kiss him. Monica began to comfort him, gently stroking his back as Phoebe watched. They were so sweet, so wonderful together, Monica and Chandler and they had done so much for her. All she wanted was for them to be happy.

"What about adoption?" Phoebe asked as both Monica and Chandler turned to look at her. It was an idea that had just dawned on her and it seemed like the perfect idea, "Have you discussed that yet? Maybe that's what's the plan is. Adoption? I mean, it would make perfect sense. Mon, in a way...you adopted all of us at some point. Okay, maybe not Ross really, but the rest of us. I mean, you took me in and gave me a home, you helped Rachel become an adult and a nice adult...I mean could you imagine what kind of mother she would be had she not been so influenced by you? You took care of Chandler all the times he was sick. You constantly keep Joey fed and okay, every Thanksgiving, Rachel and Joey choose to spend it with you and not their families. Don't you see, Mon? You've been a adoptive mom to all of us for the past eleven years. Eleven years of practice...maybe now you'll be a real one?"

Monica and Chandler exchanged a look and looked back at Phoebe. Monica took a deep breath as she looked at Chandler.

"Well, that was something we talked about," Monica said.

"Yeah...I guess, it's just-" Chandler said.

"No, Phoebe's right. Look, I've been thinking about it and I've been thinking about our options. We can't let this destroy us. I wanna move forward...'cause every time I think about I cry and I've cried enough. Now we have to move forward. I wanna adopt a baby who needs a home. I mean, what if someone had adopted you or Phoebe when you were little...maybe neither one of you would have had to endure the crap you went through. I really I wanna adopt and bring a child into our home," Monica said.

"Adoption?" Chandler asked.

"What do you say?" Monica asked.

"Will that make you happy?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah..do I wish it was different. Definitely, but we can only move forward, right?"

"Yeah, G-d...I love you so much," Chandler said.

"I love you too," Monica said as they leaned in to share a kiss. Monica linked her arm in his. "So you wanna go home?"

"Pheebs is finishing my beer," Chandler said.

"I'm almost done," Phoebe said.

"Can we not tell the others that I'm here?" Chandler asked.

"Did you just meet us? Joey, Rachel and Ross were over when Phoebe called. They all wanted to come down here, but I said no. They're in our apartment," Monica said.

"Crap. Joey's gonna punch me in the face, isn't he?" Chandler asked.

"No, he's not. You're sober. This is a big deal...and you could've had this beer and gone home, but you didn't. You're pretty strong," Phoebe said.

"Yeah...and...also, before we go back, the two of you...I know it's been tense and awkward between you two and that really upsets me. You two were so close," Monica said.

"I think we still are. I hope we are," Chandler said.

"We are and I got my license back. I started working at a spa...an actual spa," Phoebe said.

"I know, Rachel told me. She said you pretended to be Swedish," Chandler said.

"Yeah. But thank you and I will prove it to you that I am appreciative," Phoebe said.

"I know you are," Chandler said.

Phoebe smiled as she finished off the beer. They waited a bit longer before taking a cab back to Monica and Chandler's apartment. They walked in and saw Ross, Rachel and Joey sitting there, talking and seemingly waiting. They immediately stood up as Monica, Chandler and Phoebe walked in.

"Dude, are you alright?" Joey asked as he walked towards them.

"I'm fine...I'm sober, I...it's been a rough couple weeks for Mon and I," Chandler said.

"We wanna thank you guys for being there for us...but we have an announcement, we have decided to adopt," Monica said.

"Oh, that's awesome," Ross said, "and Bing...good job, not falling off the wagon."

"Thank you and Joe, don't punch me in the face," Chandler said.

"I'm not, I'm not. Just glad you're okay," Joey said as he patted Chandler on the back. The two boys hugged as the group began discussing adoption. It was strange how life worked, how much things had changed. Now, the group was discussing kids and the next possible generation of their group.

All this talk of adoption made Phoebe miss having someone. She was thirty five years old now. She was getting older and while it had been easy for her to get pregnant that first time, she wondered if would be more difficult now. Would she be able to get pregnant if she wanted to now? She was in her thirties and was half way to forty. She want so badly to settle down now, to be half of a relationship. Monica and Chandler were starting a family now and she felt a bit jealous. She remembered so long ago when she and Chandler had spent that Thanksgiving together and he admitted he was far from ready to grow up and now here he was, happily married and desperate to become a father. She began to reevaluate everything in her life, she wasn't too interested in dating around now. She just wanted one person and when David came back into her life, she thought that finally it might be him.

She had run into him outside of Central Perk. He was now living in New York after his science thing failed. She had decided that maybe now, David would be it. She kept trying to ignore that feeling that it was wrong. She had never been with David long enough to really know what it would be like to date him. He had only been New York for a few days at a time. The first time she met him, she had refused to fall too hard because she believed Duncan would ultimately be her husband. She had never really let herself completely connect to David. She loved having sex with him, kissing him, being intimate with him, but she couldn't remember any real conversations they had ever had. Now she had him and he was staying with her as he had no money for any apartment of his own and now she was noticing the quirks, the little things. He took way too long to finish a sentence and while Phoebe had found that so cute at first, it was now making her want to scream. She also hated how weak he was. He never stood up for himself or stood his ground, always caving and apologizing. Phoebe hated that. She knew her personality was strong and she knew she could say the wrong things sometimes and she wanted someone at her level in terms of personality, but David wanted her. He loved her and would do what she wanted. She had fallen hard for Duncan and Mike. She had loved them with every fiber of her being and they had let her down, broken her. So maybe David was the safe choice.

Monica seemed intent on convincing Phoebe she was making the wrong choice and shouldn't settle for David. She knew Monica was once again only being protective, but Phoebe didn't want to hear it. Monica didn't know everything, at least that's what Phoebe kept telling herself but she couldn't seem to get rid of that feeling that she still missed Mike and when she accidentally called David, "Mike", it freaked her out. She wanted to get over Mike. She would get over Mike. She had to because now she had David and David was good. Those nagging feelings that she was making a mistake would go away and she would fall in love with David, even if she forced herself.

Barbados. Beautiful, golden beaches, sunshine and the warm water, sunshine soaking the island, that's Barbados, but unfortunately, they would get none of that. The group had gone to Barbados to support Ross as he was giving some big keynote speech on dinosaurs, Phoebe really wasn't too sure what it was about. She knew she was going with David. They would be spending an entire weekend together and she was certain that she would force herself to fall in love with him and when it turned out that Barbados was apparently in the midst of a monsoon, she thought maybe it might be even more perfect. She would spend the day with David, in their room, getting to know him and she would love him. She would love him the way she loved Duncan and Mike and she would have to do it quickly. When they arrived, Monica informed her that David would be on the advice of Chandler, proposing marriage to her and when Phoebe didn't have the shocked expression Monica was expecting, she pressed further as David and Chandler who were becoming quick friends decided to explore the hotel while Monica, Rachel and Phoebe drank fruity drinks at the hotel bar.

"Do you think Joey will be with Charlie the entire time?" Rachel mused.

A few weeks ago, Rachel suddenly seemed to develop a huge crush on Joey. Joey was dating Charlie and of course, unavailable. The crush seemed to come out of nowhere.

"You can't pursue Joey, Rachel and Phoebe, you cannot say yes to David. I'm really glad we'd done with my problem, by the way," Monica smirked.

"You were said you were adopting...and now, it's our turn again. My turn, why can't I pursue Joey?" Rachel asked.

"'Cause it's weird and he has a girlfriend," Monica said.

"You know it won't last," Rachel said.

"Rachel, you cannot pursue this," Monica said.

"Fine, whatever...I'm gonna go walk around somewhere. I'm bored," Rachel said, as she got her drink and got up.

"Stay away from Joey," Monica said.

"I will," Rachel said as she walked off. Phoebe and Monica watched her as she walked off, disappearing down a hall. Phoebe let out a sigh as she looked at Monica.

"And why can't I say yes to David?"

"Because you're settling. Okay it's not fair to David. You're stringing him along, I know you are. It's ridiculous that he's in Barbados. Pheebs, I know you want someone. I know what happened with Mike hurt but you shouldn't settle."

"You settled."

"What?"

"You settled."

"I did not settle. That's mean. I didn't string Chandler along. It took me about ten years before I felt ready to even look at him like that. I did not settle and don't you dare say that again."

"I'm sorry...I am, I...well, okay, you took ten years...so maybe-"

"But I didn't date Chandler and hope to fall in love with him. When we began dating, I knew I loved him. I didn't want to hurt him or string him along."

"Chandler didn't want kids."

"When he was like twenty five. He's thirty four years old. He's changed. He almost fell off the wagon when he learned we couldn't get pregnant."

"He wants me though. David does. Mike didn't wanna marry me and what if it takes another ten years for me to find someone who will?"

"Give yourself some credit, Pheebs," Monica said.

Phoebe shrugged as David and Chandler approached them. David kissed Phoebe, he was good at that. The kissing. It was tender and sweet. She looked over at Monica and Chandler who seemed in the midst of conversation.

"So...we can't leave the hotel 'cause of the rain. There's booze everywhere and I just passed a pharmaceutical convention in the lobby...and about two weeks ago, found out I'm incapable of getting the love of my life pregnant. I'm gonna go barricade myself in our room. I think I'll be safest there," Chandler said as Monica gave him a smile.

"I'll come with you," Monica said as she gave Phoebe a look. Phoebe nodded and waved as Monica left her drink on the bar and grabbed Chandler's hand. She watched as the two walked off and disappeared down the same hall that Rachel had disappeared down earlier. Phoebe looked at David. He smiled as he began talking about something. Her heart fell a little as Monica's words rung in her head. She was right as always. If Phoebe chose David, she'd be settling.

It was a shock when she saw Mike walk into the hotel restaurant. Phoebe and David had walked in and taken a seat at a table by Monica and Chandler. David was about to propose at least that's what Phoebe thought when Mike appeared, wanting to talk to Phoebe and David got up and let him. She looked at David for a moment when he had done that. It made her angry that he gave up so easily. Why hadn't he fought for her, but it didn't matter. She knew she had strung David along. She knew that Mike was meant for her. She felt horrible about what happened with David. She knew that feeling so well of waiting for someone, holding out hope, only to have it crushed. When he walked out of the hotel restaurant, Phoebe ran after him. She couldn't leave it like that, couldn't let him walk out completely.

"David, wait."

"I-I have to go," David said. "I-I-I need to well...get a plane or something or get money..or go home earlier."

"I'm sorry. I am. I didn't mean to string you along but I thought...why didn't you fight for me back there?"

"What?"

"With Mike...when he asked you to get up so he could talk to me, why didn't you say no?"

"Well...he had a long flight. It would have been rude," David said. Phoebe let out a sigh, that was David, just sweet. Simply sweet and not the guy for her.

"I love you David and it was wrong what I did. I'm so, so sorry."

"It's fine...I get it. I was too late. Give Chandler and Monica my best and good luck," David said as he and Phoebe shared one last hug goodbye. She watched as he disappeared, her heart broke as she watched him. Maybe if things had been different...or maybe not.

"Are you alright?"

Phoebe turned around and looked at Monica who was standing behind her. Phoebe let out a snort and shook her head.

"I hate it when you're right," Phoebe said.

"Most people do."

"He came to Barbados...and he was gonna propose. This could be one of the meanest things I've ever done...it's just, I want someone. I look at you and Chandler and...and I remember when Chandler and I spent Thanksgiving together-"

"And you threw spaghetti at my couch?"

"It was an accident."

"Liar."

"Chandler was there. He backed me up. It was an accident," Phoebe said.

"I think he's lying too," Monica grinned.

"But...I remember Chandler and I talking and he kept saying how he just wasn't ready yet to grow up. You had Kip and Ross and Carol were still together...and he was on his own a lot. But now...I feel so far behind everyone. You two are married and are going to have kids, you will. Rachel has a kid. Ross has two kids and...I even feel like I'm behind Joey," Phoebe said.

"You are definitely not behind Joey. You really think this thing with Charlie will last?" Monica asked.

"No. I want what you have. I never thought I did, but I do. I wanna...be a soccer mom," Phoebe said.

"You will and Mike is here and he does want to marry you...someday. Phoebe, the reason I didn't want you to marry David is because I know who makes you happy and it's not David."

"G-d, Mon..how do you know all this?"

"I'm just that good."

Phoebe let out a laugh, "G-d, Mon...you are gonna be an amazing mom. Chandler's gonna be an awesome dad and I'm sorry about what happened with the whole pregnancy thing...but man, the baby you two adopt will be the luckiest kid ever."

"Thank you," Monica said as the two hugged. "Alright, you ready?"

"Yeah."

The two turned and walked back into the restaurant and towards Monica and Chandler's table where it looked like Chandler and Mike were arguing about something but as they got closer, they both smiled as they overheard the conversation. They both grabbed two chairs and pulled them up to the table.

"No, no...dude, you're wrong. Mrs. Friedman was the one with the hump. That's why we called her, Mrs. Frodo," Chandler said.

"No, you called her that. That's why she hated you," Mike said.

"You called a teacher that to her face?" Monica asked.

"No, behind her back but the hump was so big, I didn't think she could hear me," Chandler said, grinning which made the others laugh.

"'So how was David? Was he upset?" Mike asked.

"I'm sure he's not pleased. But you know what...let's move on. We gotta make the most of this weekend. Let's have dinner and then Mike, we'll go back to the room and have sex," Phoebe grinned.

"I'm good with that," Mike said as Phoebe leaned in to kiss him.

"Mon, you wanna do that too?" Chandler asked.

"Sure, why not?" Monica said, planting a kiss on Chandler's cheek.

"We don't have to worry about getting pregnant," Chandler said.

"Please stop," Monica said.

"What?" Mike asked.

"Oh, yeah...Chandler, no more inappropriate jokes. Monica said she will kill you if you make anymore," Phoebe said.

"Okay, okay...I'm done," Chandler said.

"Thank G-d," Monica said.

"Wait...what?" Mike asked, confused.

"I'll tell you later," Phoebe said.

"Oh," Mike said.

Phoebe looked at Monica who was nodding, staring at Phoebe as she let out a breath.

"Sometimes I wish I was a loner," Monica said as Chandler laughed and put his arm around her, kissing her on the head.

"I love you, Mon," Chandler said.

"Bite me," Monica said.

"Okay, alright, moving on... Chandler...what was Mike like in high school?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, he was a dick," Chandler said, grinning.

"Hey, jackass...didn't you drive Sally into a house?" Mike asked.

"You told?" Chandler asked, looking at Phoebe.

"He asked about her," Phoebe said.

"How did you drive your car into a house?" Mike asked.

"It was a sharp turn...and you know what sucked about that? I was sober when that happened. I had not anything to drink, I had taken nothing...I don't even think I had even eaten yet. We were on our way to get breakfast...so yeah, completely, one hundred percent sober and I drove my car into a house," Chandler mused.

"That sucks," Mike said.

"So wait, did you two live in the same hall?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah, Chandler was popular," Mike said.

"I was not," Chandler said.

"Wait, Chandler was more well licked than he thought? Shocker," Phoebe said.

"I had a Commodore 64, all the games, the television with the VCR and the movies and I drove a Corvette. Of course you guys liked me. I had all the toys," Chandler said.

"No, no...dude...you were funny. He was in charge of the Senior Prank," Mike said.

"I can see that," Phoebe said. "Did it involve covering cars with peanut butter?"

"No...ohhhhh, Mike. Rachel Green. Remember I told you about her. You've met her right? She's best friends with Monica and Phoebe...and she's now one of my best friends too but she was the one who we went to go see at Lincoln High. It was her car I covered with peanut butter," Chandler said.

"Whoa...oh, that was legendary," Mike said.

"Were you there?" Phoebe asked.

"No. I didn't go. I thought it was a stupid idea to go see a hermaphrodite," Mike said, sounding rather dejected.

"She is not a hermaphrodite," Monica said.

"You're friends with her now," Mike said.

"Yep and had you shown up at that Halloween party we went to in Queens after that, you would have met Joey. It was his party. So had you come, you could have met him and years later when Joey decided to take you to meet Phoebe that first time, you could have said you knew him and also knew me. See, this is why you were a dick in high school," Chandler said.

"Yeah, you're right. I should have somehow knew that," Mike grinned.

Phoebe and Monica exchanged a look as they listened to Chandler and Mike banter and relive high school memories. Mike seemed to fit well and Phoebe enjoyed what ended up being a double date. She missed Mike though. It felt right being with him. For as bad as she felt about what happened with David, she knew with Mike she was definitely not settling.

After dinner, she and Mike headed back to Phoebe's room, the one she had been sharing with David. When she walked in, she noticed David's suitcase was gone and she felt bad again, wondering where he had gone. But that thought was shoved out of her mind as Mike kissed her, she kissed back as there passion grew. Phoebe had never been one to lack a number of sexual partners. She counted somewhere close to thirty sexual experiences in her thirty five years. Sure some of them she didn't count as being all that intimate. Those times in Prague with Tomas, the times she was forced to have sex after being captured by that pimp...those she had done to survive. There had been those times with Joey which were just for comfort. The ones she loved, Duncan, David, Gary and Mike...those she considered true intimate experiences where she did let emotion take over and she fell for them, but with Mike it felt different. Even more different than she had felt with Duncan. With Mike, she finally felt normal. She felt home and about about five months later, around Halloween, she felt even more complete when Mike finally proposed marriage and she accepted.


	41. Chapter 41

**2004 Part 1**

Goodbyes. 2004 seemed to all about the hellos and goodbyes, the new beginnings and steps forward. Long gone were the old dramas. Rachel and Joey's attempt at a romantic relationship had fizzled before it even took off and Joey was introduced to someone new, a girl from Chandler's past named, Lizzie. Chandler and Monica found a woman in Ohio named, Erica who decided to give them her child and with that came other news, they would be moving out of the city into a home in Westchester. Rachel and Ross were also slowly finding their way back to each other, after all the break ups and fights and tears and false starts, they were being cautious and were spending time together, a lot of time, just talking. They had issues to sort out, big issues which needed to be resolved before anything old could start again. Things were changing, moving fast and for Phoebe, marriage was the next step in her journey.

Monica had been that girl with the wedding book, planning every single detail. Rachel had also been one of those girls who had dreamt of a perfect wedding although she admitted that after her failed wedding to Barry, that ideal wedding got put on the back burner. Phoebe had never dreamt of a wedding. It seemed every ten to thirteen years of her life always required her to focus on the here and now. She needed to survive. The first fourteen years of her life had been spent in poverty and then from fourteen to about twenty four, she spent homeless and now, she was surrounded by people she had grown to consider more than friends. They were her family and now Mike was part of that family.

Her wedding was in February. It was cold and snowy. She wanted simple, although Monica wanted more. Monica was her wedding planner, something Phoebe regretted as Monica went overboard, but Phoebe tried to ignore it, focusing on her marriage, her wedding. Her first step was to try and get actual members of her family to come but they all declined. Her biological mother, she had not seen in years and when she called to tell Phoebe Senior about the wedding, Phoebe Senior informed her she just was not feeling well enough to make the flight. Next she tried to invite her step father, thinking maybe he could get out of prison to at least walk her down the aisle. Sure, he had not really been much of a father figure to her in over twenty years. He'd gone to prison so long ago, but she thought maybe, just maybe he'd come and see the woman she had become, but that fell through when he stabbed a guard with an ice pick. She had also tried Frank Jr. and Alice. She thought it might be sweet for Frank Jr. Jr. to be a ring bearer and Leslie and little girl Chandler to be flower girls, but Frank Jr. and Alice were traveling to Wisconsin to be with Alice's sister Kitty and taking the triplets with them. The triplets were getting further and further out of control and Frank Jr. and Alice thought Kitty's husband, Red, might be the perfect disciplinarian. Then there was Ursula, her identical twin.

Ursula was still a waitress at Rif's, still working with Sue Ellen. Ursula was Phoebe's last ditch effort to have family at her wedding. She went to the restaurant and Sue Ellen gave her a hug as soon as she walked in.

"Hey there, soon to be Mrs. Hannigan," Sue Ellen said.

"Thank you, is my sister here?" Phoebe asked.

"Over there," Sue Ellen said.

Phoebe nodded as she walked over to Ursula, waiting for her sister to finish taking an order from a blonde woman sitting with a younger brunette girl, who Phoebe took to be her daughter. The woman kept looking at her daughter and calling her Mabel and asking Mabel what she wanted which Ursula took to somehow mean they wanted pancakes. Phoebe was very confused listening to this conversation and soon Ursula seemed to get bored and walk off leaving Mabel and the blonde woman with stunned looks. Phoebe shook her head and continued to follow Ursula.

"Ursula," Phoebe said.

"What?" Ursula asked.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Fine. What?"

Phoebe rolled her eyes at Ursula's abrupt nature and walked over to an empty table. Ursula followed and sat opposite of her.

"I'm getting married."

"Good," Ursula said.

"His name's Mike and he's really nice and sweet and...and a lot of his family is going to be there and I'm trying get one member of our family to be there. So far, I haven't had much luck. I'd like to invite you to my wedding."

"I have a date."

"I didn't tell you the wedding date," Phoebe said.

"I still have a date."

"Oh...okay, Ursula...you know, we're almost thirty six years old. Don't you think it's time to move on? I mean...I've been through a lot and so have you. I know you have."

"Look, Pheebs...it's not gonna happen."

"What's not?"

"A relationship between you and me. You ran away. You left me there to pick up the pieces, to deal with foster care and all that other stuff...you didn't need to run away-"

"It was twenty two years ago."

"Congratulations on getting married, Phoebe," Ursula said as she got up and walked off towards another table to continue working. Phoebe looked over and caught Sue Ellen's eye and shook her head. She got up and walked out of Rif's. Sue Ellen followed her out and the old friends hugged tightly. Phoebe couldn't muster up the strength to cry. She felt she could not mourn something she had never had to begin with and when she left Rif's that day, she knew for sure it would be the last time she would ever see her sister again. She knew she would not have any of her actual family there and maybe it was okay. Her friends had always been her family. Her friends from the street and the friends she had now, they had been the reasons she had lived, survived.

One in particular she felt she owed it all to. Sure their friendship had seen a lot of hard times in the past twelve years. There were times she had been ready to kill him, ready to throw their friendship out the window. He had angered her so many times, but now she was getting married and she felt that there was only one person she wanted walking her down the aisle. Well, one person after her step father and after he was unable to do it, she felt it should be him. Sure there, had been a brief moment of thinking about asking Joey but when Joey offered to officiate the wedding as he had for Monica and Chandler's, the answer seemed so clear, so very crystal clear. She called him and asked him to go for a walk with her in Central Park. It took her awhile, but soon she remembered where that fountain had been. They had sat in the same spot almost twelve years earlier during Thanksgiving.

"Wow," Chandler said as they sat side by side, looking around at the park. "I think it might be too cold for us to swim in the fountain."

"And we're too old to do that now," Phoebe said.

"Man...that was a fun Thanksgiving and you so dropped the spaghetti on our couch on purpose."

"Yep...and thanks for not selling me out."

"Of course not...so why did you wanna come out here?"

"I want-I wanted to talk to you. So you know my step dad bailed on walking me down the aisle."

"Yeah. That sucks."

"It does and Joey's officiating...which is great but I still need someone to walk me down the aisle...to give me away and I think it should be you."

"Seriously?"

"Chandler...nothing that has happened to me in the last twelve years would have happened if you hadn't done what you did. You did so much...way too much and I'm still trying to figure out a way to pay you back and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to, but you gave me a chance to make something of myself, to have friends and...well to find some of my family even though they won't come to the wedding. I tried asking Ursula. She said no. But you still...I owe you everything and I know we haven't been as close as we used to be but I am so proud of you and proud of who you've become. I remember you sitting here and telling me how you weren't ready yet to grow up and now you're married and you're gonna have a baby...and you're gonna be moving into a house."

"I know. I'm a grown up."

"Yeah...and I hope you still don't think I'm a bad investment."

"No...no, you know I was thinking about that. About your education and what I paid for...I mean, technically, yes...I paid for you to get a license and to become a masseuse but metaphorically...I don't think that's what I paid for. I paid for you to get off the streets and to...to hopefully help you have a life, so yeah I think it was probably one of the best investments I've ever made and I would be honored to walk you down the aisle...and you will never have to pay me back. We'll call it even."

"Thanks. Remember when we spent Fourth of July together?"

"We went on jet skis...and we made fun of Rachel."

"Halloween. That was fun. Those first five months, it really was just you and me, wasn't it?" Phoebe asked.

"It was. I miss it sometimes. Especially when I think of everything we've been through since."

"Yeah...I miss it too."

The fountain was in an almost secluded part of the park. She loved sitting there with him, all those memories coming back, hitting her one after the other.

"You know...we're not that old," Chandler said, giving her a look and then nodding towards the fountain.

"What?"

"We're not that old. I won't be thirty five for a couple more months. You have a few more weeks left until thirty six...we're not that old."

"We can't."

"Well, I don't have Kip's boxers, but I am wearing Monica's bathing suit under this," Chandler joked which made Phoebe laugh. She looked at the fountain and then back at Chandler. He was grinning as he slowly and quite methodically stepped into the fountain. He stood, his pants getting wet. "Play with me, Pheebs."

Phoebe got into the fountain and soon the two were playing as they had twelve years earlier, splashing each other and getting soaking wet in the process. They were both laughing. It was their memory, a memory they would forever share. It was just like those first five months, those moments between Chandler and Phoebe were theirs and theirs alone. When they were finished, they both sat side by side, sopping wet and deliriously happy. Chandler put his arm around Phoebe and hugged her.

"That was fun," Chandler said.

"Yeah, but you know what the problem is? You have to go back to Monica. I have to go back to Mike and we have to explain why we're sopping wet," Phoebe said.

"We can invite them."

"No...that's our memory...but we should dry off."

"Yeah...wow, I'm gonna be a father. I never...I'm gonna show them all the movies. That's the one thing my dad did. He would bring me a different comedy and I would watch. My kid has to know who Milton Berle and Jack Benny are and were...and Gilda Radner...Lucille Ball...my kid is going to know that stuff and-and I'll watch with them. I'll never let 'em watch alone and I'll take 'em to the batting cages and mini golf and tennis. I'm gonna teach them the art of the prank. We'll practice on Rachel. I'll teach 'em how to stand up for themselves against bullies and I'll make each one of their birthdays just amazing."

"You're gonna be an amazing dad."

"I hope so."

"You'll think I'll be a good wife?"

"Oh, yeah. Mike needs someone like you. He's like Monica."

"A little, but yeah."

"He's competitive...and I think you'll be a great mom one day," Chandler said.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Of course."

"And I'm keeping those kids...and if I get pregnant and hormonal again, can I call you and just be mean to you like last time?" Phoebe asked.

"Of course...G-d, I'm gonna miss this city. For the first eighteen years of my life, all I wanted to do was get the hell out of the suburbs. I hated that place and moved and never really went back. I've lived here for almost seventeen years and now I'm moving back to the suburbs. It's full circle."

"Yeah, but it'll be different now. You're finally going to have a home."

"Yeah. I got everything I wanted."

"Is it good enough?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler nodded as he smiled at her. Phoebe was freezing and she could tell he was too, but neither wanted to move.

"You know, Joey likes that girl a lot. Lizzie?" Phoebe said.

"I knew he would. Although, I do feel bad. You're getting married t o someone I went to high school with. Joey is dating a girl I used to like. I feel indirectly responsible for ending your Friends with Benefits relationship with Joey."

"Ehhh, it had to happen sometime. Just the same way your Friends with Benefits relationship with Joey had to end," Phoebe grinned.

"Okay, don't make me shove you in there because I will," Chandler said. Phoebe laughed.

"I'm already wet."

"I don't care."

"When you and Monica move...promise you'll still keep in touch with me?" Phoebe asked. "I know Mon will...but you too?"

"Of course. I'll never forget the first girl to ever reject me."

"I didn't reject you, Bing," Phoebe said.

"Ehhh, you see it your way, I'll see it mine," Chandler said. Phoebe let out a snort as she stared at him.

"So, when you and Joey would make out...who was on top?" Phoebe asked. Chandler let a laugh as he placed his arm around Phoebe again, hugging her tightly. Phoebe crinkled her nose as he kissed the top of her head. She turned so she was hugging him as well. She loved the spot they were at now. Loved that despite all the crap, all the arguing, fights and tears, they just couldn't break away from each other. They would always simply be the best of friends.


	42. Chapter 42

**2004 part 2**

More changes began happening as time began speeding forward towards the final goodbye, Phoebe's wedding would be just the start. Phoebe had called New York home for thirty six years. She knew the city like the back of her hand. Spending ten years on the street gave her a perspective on New York life that none of her friends could ever have. She knew what the city was like when its residents slept. So many times during those ten years had she walked along the streets, staring at her reflection in store fronts wondering what it would be like to live in one of those apartments. This was her city and she could never imagine leaving it, but it was soon after they had been married when the idea became very real that she could call another state her home.

Her wedding had been surreal and beautiful. Chandler walked her down the aisle. She relished under the gaze of her friends and Mike. Chandler could not stop gazing at her. He did not make any jokes, any wise cracks at that moment and later when she asked why he had been so quiet, he said he had been too overwhelmed. She stood in front of Mike, Rachel and Monica behind her, Ross standing behind Mike holding Mike's family dog because it would be too cold for the dog to stand in the snow. Joey stood, officiating and she could see Chandler still beaming out of the corner of his eye as he sat next to Joey's new girlfriend, Lizzie, who had once so long ago been Chandler's. Lizzie and Mike, the two newest members of the group and they fit in so well, of course both having connections to Chandler and now Mike would be her's. Her connection, her love, her life. She didn't need Ursula or her biological family. No one knew better than Phoebe that family didn't necessarily mean genetics. Rachel and Monica were her sisters. Ross was like her older brother, Chandler was like a younger brother and Joey...well, he was Joey, a guy that a got a lot more than he let on and now she and Mike would be making their own family and it was soon after their honeymoon when Mike brought up the idea of that home being away from New York.

Rachel had just gotten a job offer in Paris which threw everyone for a loop. If Rachel left, what would that mean for the group and with Chandler and Monica also moving, it seemed little by little the group was moving apart from each other. Phoebe had come home to the apartment she now shared with Mike to tell him about Rachel's news when she saw him staring intently at the computer.

"Are you watching porn?" Phoebe asked as she walked towards him, grinning.

"No, no...Phoebe, have you ever thought about living in another state?"

"What? What are you doing?" Phoebe asked as she walked towards Mike and gently squeezing his shoulder. She noticed the screen. It looked like he was looking at real estate.

"Alright, you're gonna think I'm insane, but...there's a lounge, a bar open in Nashville and I...I think I wanna buy it...with my trust fund, not Chandler's."

"You wanna buy a lounge in Nashville?"

"Yeah...I looking at this place...it's a perfect location...music row? You can play your guitar and I can play the piano..."

"That's in Tennessee though?"

"I know...would you consider leaving New York?"

"But...I love it here."

"I love it here too. We'd still come back for holidays and-"

"Yeah, I have to go to the Bings for Thanksgiving," Phoebe said.

"We can do that and we can raise a family. It's new...and I think this could work."

"But...I'm not licensed to practice massage in Tennessee."

"Pheebs...can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Are you passionate about being a masseuse?"

"I like it."

"I know...it's just...did you become a masseuse to get off the streets?"

"Well, Chandler helped-"

"I know...but isn't music your passion?"

"Yeah...but move out of New York?"

She had never thought of that as she had been a New Yorker forever. She even drove a New York cab. She also thought of the other five: Monica, Chandler, Joey, Ross and Rachel. How could she possibly leave them? Although, if Rachel left maybe it might be easier, but she wasn't so sure.

The changes kept coming though as it seemed she would not be the only thinking of moving out of the state. She wasn't only one thinking of taking a risk as a few weeks after Mike had proposed that idea of moving, Joey had news of his own.

"You're moving to Los Angeles?" Monica asked.

Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Lizzie were sitting in Central Perk, drinking coffee. Phoebe had been discussing the possibility of moving to Tennessee with with Mike when Joey and Lizzie had burst in with news of their own.

"I got a part...on this show. It's unbelievable," Joey said.

"It's called, Seasons...Joey, it is such a funny show," Lizzie said.

"It is. It's about this British couple who has this hit show in England and they bring it to America and they completely fuck it up and I play this guy, this washed up actor known for playing a moron and I'm kind of a douchebag on the show...it's so good," Joey said.

"Really?" Monica asked.

"It is so funny," Lizzie said.

"And the best part...my character has a giant dick," Joey said.

"That is the best part," Lizzie grinned, giving Joey a kiss. Joey was finally settling down it seemed. It was soon after his failed relationship with Rachel when Chandler had introduced Joey to Lizzie and they instantly connected. It was the perfect match.

"So...you and Lizzie are gonna move to L.A.?" Monica asked.

"Yeah...it's gonna be...this show is amazing. This...I even had Liz read it and she said it was awesome and...it's good," Joey said.

That killed Phoebe, Joey leaving. She loved Joey, had such a special place in her heart for him. She could fondly recall all those times when they lay side by side, talking. She really felt she got him better than anyone.

Joey seemed excited, almost like a little boy ready to open up the best Christmas gift ever, but as Phoebe thought of how much she would miss Joey, she knew of one person who most certainly be crushed and he soon ran into Central Perk, overjoyed and weighed down by bags from FAO Schwartz. Monica let out an annoyed sigh as Chandler raced in, ignoring the tensions lingering.

"Chandler, did you go shopping again?" Monica asked.

"But this is necessary. Okay, okay...look how cute this is," Chandler said as he pulled a tiny pink onsie with little cupcakes printed on it out of a bag. "I mean, what if the baby gets cold."

"Oye...Chandler," Monica grinned.

"What?" Phoebe asekd.

"Chandler won't stop buying stuff for the baby. Chandler, we're moving in like three weeks. We discussed this. We'll buy basics and once we're in the new house then we can go nuts and baby stuff. We're gonna have to pack all that," Monica said.

"This was important," Chandler said. "So what did I miss?"

"Well...Joey was telling us-"

"I'll tell him," Joey said, interrupting Monica, "remember when I went to Los Angeles a couple weeks ago for that audition?"

"Yeah," Chandler said.

"I got the part. I'm...I'm gonna be moving to Los Angeles, buddy," Joey said.

Phoebe looked at Chandler's face and for a brief second, she could tell it crushed him. He looked at the bags in his hands and then back at Joey.

"Oh, well congrats man...wow...I'm gonna go put these bags away," Chandler said as he turned and walked out of Central Perk.

"I'll go talk to him," Monica said.

"No...let me," Joey said getting up and walking out of the coffee shop. Phoebe looked at Monica suddenly looked sad. Phoebe placed her arm around her and hugged her.

"Oh G-d...I'm Yoko," Lizzie said.

"What?" Monica asked.

"I'm Yoko. I'm breaking up a bromance," Lizzie said.

"Oh, they're gonna be fine. They will never stop being friends. But will you and Joey come for Thanksgiving?" Monica asked.

"Of course...thank you, Monica," Lizzie said.

"Take care of him in L.A. though...please?" Phoebe asked.

"I will."

"My friends are leaving," Monica said, looking at Phoebe, tears in her eyes. "My sisters. Rachel and you."

"No, I'm part of your life forever. You're my sister. I will at your house for every holiday. You helped me so much, Mon. You gave me a home. You were my first apartment. You took me in...I had no job and hadn't even graduated yet. Chandler gave me the financial boost, but you took me in. You did everything and I love you so much, Mon even though you drive me crazy...and I did drop that spaghetti on your couch on purpose," Phoebe said.

"I knew. I love you, Pheebs. I take risks because of you. I see things more positively...you...you showed me so much. Thank you and I'm gonna miss you so much," Monica said.

"Me too. Every single holiday."

Monica nodded as the tears began falling. The two women hugged tightly as Phoebe could feel herself start to cry as well. She was saying goodbye and closing the chapter on part of her life, a chapter that had been filled with so many ups and downs. She owed so much to Rachel, Monica, Joey, Chandler and Ross. Lowell and Marjorie had taught her to live on the street, Rachel, Monica, Joey, Chandler and Ross had taught her to live and after discussing it with Mike, she had decided maybe the should move to Nashville. They would open a lounge in Nashville together where musicians could come and play. She could sing songs of her own and Mike would play the piano. It was a huge venture, one that could either fail miserably or could end up being a huge success and it was a risk she wanted to take with her husband even if it meant leaving everything she had ever known behind.

Her decision to move to Nashville with Mike had seemingly had an affect on another member of the six, Rachel. Phoebe knew Rachel had been truly wrestling with moving to Paris. Emma was now two and maybe uprooting her would be too much and then there was Ross. Her feelings for Ross. They were so complicated. There were so many problems, so many trust issues. Sure moving to Paris would be amazing, incredible for her career but she knew Ross wouldn't move with her and lately she had been starting to have feelings all over again for Ross.

"Girls, help me," Rachel stressed over one of their many brunches and what would ultimately end up being one of their last.

"Okay, Rachel...we can't make this decision for you," Monica said.

"Look...it's...okay, Monica...I love your stupid ass brother. I do. He is an amazing dad and he's handsome and kind and...good in bed," Rachel said.

"Too much information," Monica said.

"But he is also insanely jealous and he did cheat...we were on a break and...he gets so judgmental and...he's...the thing is, if I go to Paris...I'm giving up my friends, you guys and I'm giving up Ross and I'm leaving my family and I'm taking my child away from her father and...and Ross already rarely sees Ben. But if I stay...my career...I have no career but I have Ross and my family and friends and...and if I stayed and Ross and I got back together, I don't want it to be like how it was with the fighting and the tension and all this stuff...and...I don't know," Rachel said.

"Well, you know I want you to stay. I want you both to stay...but this is up to you," Monica said.

"Monica, you love making decisions for me," Rachel said.

"I know, but um...I think...I think at almost thirty four, you're ready to make your own decisions," Monica said.

"No I'm not," Rachel said.

"Yeah...you both are. I mean, I look at both of you and I think my job is done. You two are both so amazing and...I did a great job," Monica grinned.

"Oh, Mon...your job is never over," Phoebe said.

"Yeah, how 'bout for old times sake, make this decision for me," Rachel said.

"No," Monica said.

"You suck," Rachel said which made Monica laugh. Phoebe's friendships with Rachel and Monica always shocked her. Her friendships with Marjorie and Sue Ellen, those made sense. They had been through so much, all three but this was different. Rachel and Monica had both grown up in a world of privilege, Rachel especially. Rachel had been such a horrible person and Monica was the worst roommate ever, but leaving them, saying goodbye would rank up with one of the hardest things she'd ever have to do.

It was a shock when Ross walked into Central Perk to tell Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Mike, Joey and Lizzie that Rachel needed them to meet her at some boutique near NYU. The group headed over there to find Rachel in a completely deserted store, sitting on a chair with Emma sitting next to her. Rachel was staring around at the wide open space. When they walked in, her eyes widened.

"I may have just lost my mind," Rachel said.

"Why?" Ross asked.

"Phoebe and Mike inspired me and-and I was eating lunch with a couple friends of mine who are designers and they said that if I ever had a store they would sell their designs in my store and...and I thought about that and one of the things I was super good at when I worked at Bloomingdales and even at Ralph Lauren, I was good at cultivating friendships with designers and I'm still friends with those designers and...and I'm insane, I am...but I can't-" Rachel said.

"What are you saying, Rach?" Monica asked.

"I bought a store...this store. I talked to my parents and they helped and I bought a store. I can't...Ross, I can't take Emma away from you and take her to a whole other country. You never see Ben and I know how much that kills you and I can't do that to you but..."

"Rachel...if it's what you want..." Ross said.

"And I want you, Ross," Rachel said which made everyone stop.

"Why are we here?" Mike asked, whispering to Phoebe.

"I don't know. Showtime," Phoebe said.

"Ross, I want us to be together. I can't go and leave...but I can't stay if things are the way they were before. No. You can't get insanely jealous if I work late or if I have to travel. I want this to be right...I wanna take this risk...if Phoebe and Mike are taking a risk, then I will too but-but this relationship needs to be a healthy one...no more craziness and no more...just no more-"

Ross walked over to her and immediately kissed her. She stared at Ross and smiled at him as she kissed him back. The rest of the group stared at each other uncomfortably, not sure what to say or if they should be saying anything at all.

"That's my ex girlfriend," Joey whispered.

"Wow...you're a man whore," Lizzie grinned.

"Yeah, baby," Joey said.

"Why...I don't want to be here right now," Monica said.

"Guys wanna get coffee," Chandler said as the rest of the group left the store, leaving Rachel and Ross to sort things out on their own. Rachel had seemingly made the decision though, she would be staying in New York.

Monica and Chandler's baby was born in the middle of May and it turned out there was a surprise as they were having twins. Chandler's response was that he needed to now go to FAO Schwartz to buy extras of everything. He would have to buy boy stuff and girl stuff now. It was touching to watch them both, to watch little Emma peer in the crib at her brand new cousins. It was a sign things were changing and the once close knit group would never quite be the same again.

The goodbyes were painful and nothing short of it. Phoebe wasn't sure how she would say goodbye to these people who had made her life so amazing for the past twelve years. The tears would not stop as she hugged each one, telling them what she thought of each of them, although she could barely through it. They would meet for Thanksgiving at the Bing's. That was the promise, but now Phoebe would be going off to her new life.

She and Mike landed in Nashville in late August. Phoebe had felt sick the entire plane ride, thinking it was only because of how sad she felt about leaving New York. The home they had gotten in Nashville was a wedding gift from Mike's parents. It was a split level home on a very manicured street. Once they got there, Mike had decided to check out the lounge and Phoebe decided to unpack but she kept feeling sick so she decided to take a trip to the drug store down the street. While looking at the aisles, came across the shelves of pregnancy tests and something inside told her to get one. She got one and went home, took the test and when the results appeared, a smile appeared on her face. She had left good friends in New York, friends that were like family but now, here in Nashville, with Mike...she would actually, finally be starting her own family and it dawned on her that finally, she had everything she had ever wanted. She had a family. She had normal.

_THE END_

_I really wanted to end this now and move onto the Chandler story because I felt it was just getting too long! Thank you to all those who did review and hopefully you will continue to read! I will now work on Chandler's and which "true story" would you like to see next?_


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